Title: Frodo's Worst Nightmare
Written By: Drakena Spy Dragoness
Genre: Humour/General
Rating: PG for insanity and language
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Rings characters belong to Tolkien.
Author's Note: This is going to be a little weird, but it might be an interest to Frodo fans. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt Frodo, I'm just going to yank his chain! Frodo will look just like Elijah Wood from the new movie, so I find it cute when he is scared to death. Some of this story will be making fun of a part of Shrek ((c) DreamWorks), and I'm not telling which part! Enjoy! ~_0
It was October six in the Shire, and one hobbit was having a bad day. Frodo Baggins was feeling the side effects from the night he got stabbed at Weathertop years ago. His face was all pale and his blue eyes were staring far off, he even shivered when he was in the warmth of his hobbit hole. As Sam suggested, Frodo went to his room to get some rest.
'A little bit of shut eye should work,' Frodo thought to himself. He closed the door behind him when he entered and he took off his trousers and his over vest, he wore only his tunic. He slipped under the sheets on the mattress, closed his eyes and snoozed off. As he slept, he began to dream very deeply.
Frodo stood in a dark place that seemed to be Moria. He was all alone, where were Sam, Merry and Pippin along with the rest of the fellowship? The dark halls stank of rotting dead, there was no light to be seen. Frodo looked at himself to see he was fully dressed and Sting in its sheath on his belt.
"What the hell?" Frodo asked out loud. No answer came to him.
"This has to be crazy, the War of the Ring has ended for crying out loud!" He felt for a chain and a Ring around his neck, but nothing was there. "Why am I here? WHY AM I HERE?! I FINISHED THE DAMN QUEST ALREADY! I DON'T NEED TO BE HERE!" Frodo's shouts echoed around, then he heard a large growl.
Yards away from him, Frodo could see a tall, dark beast charging out of the shadows toward him. The beast had a flaring mane, large, dark wings, glowing eyes, and it held a sword of fire and a long whip, just like the Balrog Gandalf fought on the bridge. One look at the Balrog, Frodo decided to run for his life as fast as he could go. When Frodo ran away, the Balrog chased him.
"I am going to die!" Frodo screamed to himself. He ran down the passage until he found a door that could take him to safety. Desperate to escape, he pulled the handle, pushed against and even kicked the door, but no luck. Frodo had to be a strong man like Aragorn to open the heavy door, but he wasn't.
'Looks like I have to face the Balrog,' the hobbit thought sadly. Frodo turned around to see the Balrog towering over him. His blue eyes widened as he stared up at the demon that stood before him. 'Think you fool!' he told himself. 'Use your head to get out of this!'
The Balrog snarled and Frodo saw the gleam of white fangs. "Those are nice teeth you got there!" Frodo yelled with a nervous grin from ear to ear. The Balrog stopped growling and stared when it heard Frodo speak.
"You might hear this from your victims, but you got a great smile that brings out your eyes!" Frodo continued. "I think you have good hygiene too!" The Balrog smiled, sheathed its sword and bent over, face very close to Frodo.
Frodo noticed that the Balrog had a curvy shape and long eyelashes as it came close to him, the Balrog was a Balrogess! "Oh, you're a lady Balrog!" Frodo chuckled. "Of course you're a lady! You just have a fair beauty like all the other ladies I have seen!" The Balrogess blinked several times, eyes glowing a soft yellow.
"What are you staring at?" Frodo asked. The Balrogess blew a smoke ring at the hobbit like a woman blowing a kiss. Frodo coughed when the smoke was around him, "I guess you want to blow smoke rings, but I forgot my pipe. So we can't have a smoking contest." Then he saw the Balrogess reach for him. "Hey, what are you doing?!" The next thing was that he was being snatched off the ground and the Balrogess carried him away. Her fingers pinched Frodo's entire cloak and the hobbit just hanged in mid air from the Balrogess' hand.
'I'm so dead,' Frodo thought. 'What is she planning to do to me? Eat me? Burn me to crisp?' He questioned himself until the Balrogess brought him into a large chamber of stone. The Balrogess set Frodo down softly on a pile of debris and then she lit up the torches that were in a row on the stone wall. Frodo sat still and watched the female demon's every move with his blue eyes. He became even more pale when he saw the Balrogess tower over him.
The Balrogess purred at Frodo and smiled. She took her whip and wrapped it around the hobbit. Frodo squirmed, but stopped, he did not want to make the Balrogess angry. He saw the Balrogess' face up close to his.
"Lady," Frodo said, "'tis not that I don't like you, but I'm really not your type." The Balrogess nuzzled him, he felt the warmth of her skin. "Now what are you trying to do?" Hot saliva from a big, red tongue sizzled on Frodo's skin and soaked his clothes and dark curls. "Ouch, damn your spit is hot!" The Balrogess ignored him and continued licking.
"Please knock it off," the hobbit pleaded. "I'm not a sex object for you Balrogs!" Then the Balrogess was lightly nibbling on the fur of his feet. "Stop that! You're going to burn off my foot fur!" The Balrogess puckered her red lips.
'Will the Gods have mercy on me?' Frodo asked himself. The Balrogess had her lips close to Frodo's head...
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" He shouted out and snapped out of his deep sleep. Frodo's breathing was harsh, a cold sweat broke out of his pale face, his blue eyes were wider than ever [as if his eyes would pop out of their sockets]. He found himself back in his room, safe and sound.
"Mr. Frodo, what's wrong?!" Sam burst the door open to see what was going on. The gardener's face full of worry.
Frodo, realizing his tunic was open, pulled the blankets up to his chin. "Nothing, dear Sam. I just had a bad dream, no need to worry about me!"
Sam nodded and closed the door. Frodo was left alone with his thoughts.
'This wound is driving me to hell. I definitely need a vacation.' Frodo fell back asleep again, but the dream he had was more worst than the last.
He stood in a room that was all white, there were no other objects within. Frodo walked around a little bit until he learned that there was no exit. Then, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see a human girl. She had to be fifteen years of age, her eyes were like dark forests, her hair was dark brown and dropped to her shoulders. The girl was clad in a black shirt and pants, she walked up to Frodo, a cruel smile upon her face.
"Who are you?" Frodo asked.
The girl laughed, "You silly hobbit! I am the author of this story, and I'm going to drive you insane! My name is Drakena, also known as the Dragoness of Doom!"
"Dragoness of Doom? What do you mean by story?"
"I was called that for a joke, but now I use the name when I'm in a bad mood. What I mean by story, is that I'm writing about you going crazy."
"Uh... You don't look like a Dragoness, so are you in a good mood? Why are you trying to torture me?"
Drakena laughed again. "Dragoness of Doom is a name I'm called by when I'm angry, and I love it when you go nuts!" She grinned.
"Nuts?"
"You really make me laugh! I'm using modern slang that is making you lose your mind! Just wait and see what I got in mind for you, I'm going to make you mad!"
"You're evil!" Frodo ran to one of the white walls and started pounding and screaming. "I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE! I DON'T DESERVE THIS!"
Drakena walked in fluid motion toward Frodo. "You are so cute when you panic." She cackled a few times.
Frodo turned around to see the teenager come at him and all went black...
He gasped out for air as he sat up straight. Frodo's wide, blue eyes moved from side to side. He was out of his second dream and back in reality. The hobbit got out of bed and stood in front of his mirror. All what he saw was himself, the nest of dark curls on his head, his light skin, elfin features, skinny frame and the sapphire blue eyes that were windows to his soul.
"I think I should sail over the sea," he said to himself. He got dressed and walked out of his room to get some fresh air.
~Fin
End Note: Yes, I did some self insertion and I am kinda cruel to poor Frodo, but I love it when guys panic. What? Elijah Wood looks cute when he's freaked out, and that makes writing fics about Frodo going crazy fun!
Written By: Drakena Spy Dragoness
Genre: Humour/General
Rating: PG for insanity and language
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Rings characters belong to Tolkien.
Author's Note: This is going to be a little weird, but it might be an interest to Frodo fans. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt Frodo, I'm just going to yank his chain! Frodo will look just like Elijah Wood from the new movie, so I find it cute when he is scared to death. Some of this story will be making fun of a part of Shrek ((c) DreamWorks), and I'm not telling which part! Enjoy! ~_0
It was October six in the Shire, and one hobbit was having a bad day. Frodo Baggins was feeling the side effects from the night he got stabbed at Weathertop years ago. His face was all pale and his blue eyes were staring far off, he even shivered when he was in the warmth of his hobbit hole. As Sam suggested, Frodo went to his room to get some rest.
'A little bit of shut eye should work,' Frodo thought to himself. He closed the door behind him when he entered and he took off his trousers and his over vest, he wore only his tunic. He slipped under the sheets on the mattress, closed his eyes and snoozed off. As he slept, he began to dream very deeply.
Frodo stood in a dark place that seemed to be Moria. He was all alone, where were Sam, Merry and Pippin along with the rest of the fellowship? The dark halls stank of rotting dead, there was no light to be seen. Frodo looked at himself to see he was fully dressed and Sting in its sheath on his belt.
"What the hell?" Frodo asked out loud. No answer came to him.
"This has to be crazy, the War of the Ring has ended for crying out loud!" He felt for a chain and a Ring around his neck, but nothing was there. "Why am I here? WHY AM I HERE?! I FINISHED THE DAMN QUEST ALREADY! I DON'T NEED TO BE HERE!" Frodo's shouts echoed around, then he heard a large growl.
Yards away from him, Frodo could see a tall, dark beast charging out of the shadows toward him. The beast had a flaring mane, large, dark wings, glowing eyes, and it held a sword of fire and a long whip, just like the Balrog Gandalf fought on the bridge. One look at the Balrog, Frodo decided to run for his life as fast as he could go. When Frodo ran away, the Balrog chased him.
"I am going to die!" Frodo screamed to himself. He ran down the passage until he found a door that could take him to safety. Desperate to escape, he pulled the handle, pushed against and even kicked the door, but no luck. Frodo had to be a strong man like Aragorn to open the heavy door, but he wasn't.
'Looks like I have to face the Balrog,' the hobbit thought sadly. Frodo turned around to see the Balrog towering over him. His blue eyes widened as he stared up at the demon that stood before him. 'Think you fool!' he told himself. 'Use your head to get out of this!'
The Balrog snarled and Frodo saw the gleam of white fangs. "Those are nice teeth you got there!" Frodo yelled with a nervous grin from ear to ear. The Balrog stopped growling and stared when it heard Frodo speak.
"You might hear this from your victims, but you got a great smile that brings out your eyes!" Frodo continued. "I think you have good hygiene too!" The Balrog smiled, sheathed its sword and bent over, face very close to Frodo.
Frodo noticed that the Balrog had a curvy shape and long eyelashes as it came close to him, the Balrog was a Balrogess! "Oh, you're a lady Balrog!" Frodo chuckled. "Of course you're a lady! You just have a fair beauty like all the other ladies I have seen!" The Balrogess blinked several times, eyes glowing a soft yellow.
"What are you staring at?" Frodo asked. The Balrogess blew a smoke ring at the hobbit like a woman blowing a kiss. Frodo coughed when the smoke was around him, "I guess you want to blow smoke rings, but I forgot my pipe. So we can't have a smoking contest." Then he saw the Balrogess reach for him. "Hey, what are you doing?!" The next thing was that he was being snatched off the ground and the Balrogess carried him away. Her fingers pinched Frodo's entire cloak and the hobbit just hanged in mid air from the Balrogess' hand.
'I'm so dead,' Frodo thought. 'What is she planning to do to me? Eat me? Burn me to crisp?' He questioned himself until the Balrogess brought him into a large chamber of stone. The Balrogess set Frodo down softly on a pile of debris and then she lit up the torches that were in a row on the stone wall. Frodo sat still and watched the female demon's every move with his blue eyes. He became even more pale when he saw the Balrogess tower over him.
The Balrogess purred at Frodo and smiled. She took her whip and wrapped it around the hobbit. Frodo squirmed, but stopped, he did not want to make the Balrogess angry. He saw the Balrogess' face up close to his.
"Lady," Frodo said, "'tis not that I don't like you, but I'm really not your type." The Balrogess nuzzled him, he felt the warmth of her skin. "Now what are you trying to do?" Hot saliva from a big, red tongue sizzled on Frodo's skin and soaked his clothes and dark curls. "Ouch, damn your spit is hot!" The Balrogess ignored him and continued licking.
"Please knock it off," the hobbit pleaded. "I'm not a sex object for you Balrogs!" Then the Balrogess was lightly nibbling on the fur of his feet. "Stop that! You're going to burn off my foot fur!" The Balrogess puckered her red lips.
'Will the Gods have mercy on me?' Frodo asked himself. The Balrogess had her lips close to Frodo's head...
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" He shouted out and snapped out of his deep sleep. Frodo's breathing was harsh, a cold sweat broke out of his pale face, his blue eyes were wider than ever [as if his eyes would pop out of their sockets]. He found himself back in his room, safe and sound.
"Mr. Frodo, what's wrong?!" Sam burst the door open to see what was going on. The gardener's face full of worry.
Frodo, realizing his tunic was open, pulled the blankets up to his chin. "Nothing, dear Sam. I just had a bad dream, no need to worry about me!"
Sam nodded and closed the door. Frodo was left alone with his thoughts.
'This wound is driving me to hell. I definitely need a vacation.' Frodo fell back asleep again, but the dream he had was more worst than the last.
He stood in a room that was all white, there were no other objects within. Frodo walked around a little bit until he learned that there was no exit. Then, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see a human girl. She had to be fifteen years of age, her eyes were like dark forests, her hair was dark brown and dropped to her shoulders. The girl was clad in a black shirt and pants, she walked up to Frodo, a cruel smile upon her face.
"Who are you?" Frodo asked.
The girl laughed, "You silly hobbit! I am the author of this story, and I'm going to drive you insane! My name is Drakena, also known as the Dragoness of Doom!"
"Dragoness of Doom? What do you mean by story?"
"I was called that for a joke, but now I use the name when I'm in a bad mood. What I mean by story, is that I'm writing about you going crazy."
"Uh... You don't look like a Dragoness, so are you in a good mood? Why are you trying to torture me?"
Drakena laughed again. "Dragoness of Doom is a name I'm called by when I'm angry, and I love it when you go nuts!" She grinned.
"Nuts?"
"You really make me laugh! I'm using modern slang that is making you lose your mind! Just wait and see what I got in mind for you, I'm going to make you mad!"
"You're evil!" Frodo ran to one of the white walls and started pounding and screaming. "I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE! I DON'T DESERVE THIS!"
Drakena walked in fluid motion toward Frodo. "You are so cute when you panic." She cackled a few times.
Frodo turned around to see the teenager come at him and all went black...
He gasped out for air as he sat up straight. Frodo's wide, blue eyes moved from side to side. He was out of his second dream and back in reality. The hobbit got out of bed and stood in front of his mirror. All what he saw was himself, the nest of dark curls on his head, his light skin, elfin features, skinny frame and the sapphire blue eyes that were windows to his soul.
"I think I should sail over the sea," he said to himself. He got dressed and walked out of his room to get some fresh air.
~Fin
End Note: Yes, I did some self insertion and I am kinda cruel to poor Frodo, but I love it when guys panic. What? Elijah Wood looks cute when he's freaked out, and that makes writing fics about Frodo going crazy fun!