Me: Well, well, well. What do we have here? This is my first time ever writing a Gintama fanfic, let alone with a character that I'm not too familiar with (I tried though). For those who don't know me, you can just call me Uchiha (or Usaha if you hate the series Naruto, lol). This is a secret Santa present for hisaru on deviantArt but I thought I'd post it on here too. Let's get on with the reading then… but pause for a brief second as I say the disclaimer. (Tries too hard to sound fancy /shot).
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Gintama or Takasugi (kept writing his name as Tasugi, lol). I do own all of the medical staff and the other patients in this story though, so no stealing those (who would though?).
Warning: May contain strong OOCness as it IS a crackfic. I tried to keep Takasugi in check but it was hard not to keep him in check (because he is a bad guy, lol).
SSGINTAMAPRESENT
Medical Checkup, a Gintama crackfic.
by Usagi Uchiha aka (Assassin-chan-Saku)
rated T because of some mention of words and violence.
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Takasugi cursed his luck as he arrived at a no-name hospital for humans. He had hoped that being a main antagonist for a shonen manga excused him from a yearly checkup, well according to his intellect anyway. Why oh why did he listen to that Amanto scum Kamui, who had managed to single handily provoked Takasugi by a simple but annoying ultimatum.
'If by chance you keel over by not going this year, who would destroy the world? Not you anyway. Even I'm not that stupid to not check on my health once in a while' It wasn't just the way he said that statement that got Takasugi angry, it was also the way Kamui gave an condescending smile, just like he always did. So now that Takasugi was in this mess, he was damn sure that he was going to show that pasty Yato and anyone else, including a certain lazy idiot that this MAIN villain was in prefect health and wasn't going to hit the tombstone anytime soon.
He marched up to the giant automatic double doors of the clinic before spotting a no smoking sign. Oh yeah, hospitals apparently didn't like their patients smoking in the building cause it would cause this imaginary illness, well it was only imaginary in his vocabulary. Takasugi believed in using brute force instead of sneaky cowardly acts like poison or giving people illnesses. So in response, he kindly threw the smoking pipe that was in a hand a moment ago like a dart at the rule enforcing sign. The sound of ceramic hitting ceramic rang out as the image of both objects violently smashed to the concrete. It was then that Takasugi slowly strode into the hospital. A sudden unexplainable wind blew into the waiting room, making his appearance known. 'Hmm. Make sure I buy a new smoking pipe at the gift shop' he thought before glaring at a nameless receptionist. Takasugi slammed his fist on the counter. "I'm here for an appointment. Takasugi Shinsuke" he stated gruffly, leaving no room for argument. He left the now freaked out of her mind receptionist and took a seat in the somewhat comfy lobby.
There was one good thing about having a somewhat irritated mood is that no one, well those who had some brain cells, wouldn't scoot way far away from you. Takasugi sat by himself, as the other patients had all huddled in a corner of the room. He was already in a really pissed off mood, so he was glad that no annoying or sickly people were talking to him. Or worse, they could actually invade HIS personal space. Yes, he knew Japan was crowded but that didn't stop him about worrying about personal space. If they ever stepped even 3 feet to him, he would be so inclined to decimate this place in an instant.
What was happening? It had already been three frickin' hours! An audible tick of annoyance could be heard from Takasugi as he continued to wait. Where was that quack of a doctor at? Few more seconds ticked away on the white-washed clock above his row of seats before a bland looking nurse monotonously called him back to one of the rooms. The nurse told him to take a seat, the tone suspiciously sounding like he had to wait AGAIN. The thought of decimating this place came back in his mind since the targetable anger outlet, aka the nurse, had swiftly left the room, not wanting to deal with the super villain. Takasugi muttered angrily before plopping down into one of the medical-looking chairs. There was no way he was going to sit on the metal examination table. It gave him a sinking feeling. Of course it LOOKED harmless. It could be a robot in disguise….okay Takasugi watched way too much Transformers…. Back to reality or lack of, Takasugi plotted that he was just going to 'persuade' whoever this cardboard cutout phony doctor was, get a clean slate of health, and then would get back on track terrorizing the masses. Simple, right? Mulling over the cynical thoughts in his head, the doctor suddenly rolled, 'rolled?' furiously into the somewhat small room and smashed right into a wall. Takasugi, bewildered with confusion quickly stopped his devious thoughts and said to himself, "Now that was weird" As he noticed that dr. quackvarkian wasn't moving, he decided that this was a perfect time to write on his record that he, TAKASUGI SHINSUKE, the best villain EVER, was alive and kicking! 'Heh, I sure do like to kick stuff' he added darkly. Before he could search the dumb-assed doc, a hand grabbed Takasugi's ankle. He let out a MANRY scream, about 5 times the decimal charts, as he quickly got out of the vice-like grip that the quack apparently had. So much luck for the guy not to be dead. Takasugi didn't like this one bit. Picking himself up, the doctor spoke very fast.
'Hi there', 'tests', and 'insurance companies' were all that Takasugi could make out as the doctor continued to babble on.
Thoughts of wanting to kick something menacingly filled Takasugi's already impatient mind. He had no time dealing with this nuisance. "I don't think so doc" he threatened dangerously before finishing his sentence. "As much as I like insurance companies getting taken advantage of (that he stole the current card from some unlucky person), there will be NO TESTS" A round house kick later, okay stop watching Western shows Takasugi…., dr. very fast was now very unconscious. Takasugi violently shook the man for the medical chart, which fell out and onto the ground with a sharp clack that echoed around the room. Takasugi picked up the papers and wrote with a black sharpie. Where he got it from was a complete mystery. The message that he wrote down in large letters said: 'Takasugi is F-I-N-E! Ahahahahahahahaha…' Takasugi then walked out of the room coolly and then casually glared at the poor unfortunate souls that were in his looking range. He then entered the gift shop, rummaging through the fancy smoking pipes located on the shelves.
At the same time, a certain silver haired hero was telling another annoying doctor to: "GO TO HELL!"
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-end-
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Omake: Takasugi had a strange notion to get rid of his upper clothing. "Come and try to examine this…. Ladies!" –smirks- -fangirls and author is now dead with blood loss-
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-true end- -laughs-
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Me: Wow! Um, yeah. I hope hisaru liked this. This is my first ever GINTAMA fic so those who review please be considerate of that. As for doctor visits, I usually have to wait for 3 hours before even getting into a small room because we only have one doctor in the whole town. And I can't even understand him. Sucks right? Anywho, that's all I have so bye. :3