Not really sure where this one shot idea came from, but it takes place in season 2 when Callie is having her panic attacks. They kind of skipped over the moms finding out and I just wanted to take an opportunity to do it. Of course my Stef/Callie heart went wild. I hope you enjoy!
"Thanks for dinner, Mama," Brandon said, wiping his face with a napkin.
"You're welcome. Can everyone put their dishes in the sink? Mariana, Jude, it's your turn for dish duty," Lena remarked as she stood up and grabbed her plate.
"I wash, you dry?" Mariana offered Jude, who nodded in agreement.
The kitchen seemed so small when so many people were trying to move to the same area at once. The sound of shuffling on the floor and several mumbling voices was interrupted with a loud crash. Jesus looked down to see his plate shattered on the floor.
"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up," Jesus apologized immediately, bending down to reach for the larger shards of glass.
"It's okay, just wait a second. There's tons of little pieces of glass. Let me grab the broom," Lena instructed, pushing each of her children away from the mess.
Callie stood frozen. Her breath seemed to catch in her throat everything she took a breath in, and her eyes stared straight in front of her. It wasn't until she felt Lena's gentle hand on her shoulder that she finally moved. Her neck turned sharply to look at Lena's hand before quickly leaving the room. Stef and Lena looked at each other with the same nervous glance. They heard the front door shut. Jude looked up with wide eyes.
"What's wrong with her?" he asked, posing the question they all had.
"I'll talk to her. You keep them here and clean up," Stef said, giving Jude a look of assurance.
Mariana wrapped her arms around Jude while Lena rubbed his arm.
Stef opened the front door, expecting to be chasing the girl down the street. Instead, she found her sitting on the porch step, her knees at her chest with her arms around them, securing them in place. Stef sighed in relief and took a seat on Callie's right, leaving a comfortable space between them.
"Hey, love," Stef cooed gently, not wanting to scare the girl if she wasn't all there.
"I'm sorry for running out. I can go back and help clean up. I just…need a minute," Callie said without breaking her glance from the tree across the street.
Stef sighed again. It was so like Callie to downplay her emotions.
"Don't worry about that, Mama's got it. Plus, there's 4 other pairs of hands to help her, I think she'll be fine," Stef replied.
Callie didn't answer. Her head hurt. She hated when she got like this, and she hated that things still got to her so easily. Stef watched her daughter during their brief but comfortable silence. She watched as Callie took a deep breath and swallowed in an effort to appear put together in front of her.
"What happened back there, Cal?" Stef tried. It took everything in her to not reach her hand out and comfort the girl.
"It's stupid," Callie shook her head.
Stef hated when Callie would say that. She hated how she had grown to think that her feelings were invalid, worthless.
Callie continued to kick herself for reacting the way she did. The incident was years ago, she shouldn't be acting like such a baby.
"It's not stupid. Nothing you feel is stupid, Callie," Stef said, walking the line between being stern and being gentle.
Callie sniffled and averted her gave up. She could feel her eyes burning and hot tears beginning to form, but she couldn't let them fall.
Stef's heart broke at the girl next to her.
"Please talk to me, baby," she pleaded, not taking her eyes off of her daughter.
Callie argued with herself, but found herself opening her mouth despite half of her telling her not to.
"A few years ago we were in a home with this couple. Middle aged probably," Callie began, wiping under her eye, still not looking in Stef's direction.
Stef slowly scooted closer to the girl, still worried she would scare her. She urged her to continue.
"They would drink all the time, mostly rum. They had forgotten that they told Jude and me that we could make some of the pasta in the pantry for dinner. They came home after going out while I was cooking and started screaming at me. Jude was upstairs," Callie continued.
Callie licked her lips as she thought back on that day. Stef didn't like where the story was headed, but she didn't say anything. She wanted Callie to feel comfortable.
Callie took a deep breath, letting it out as she spoke. "They were screaming that I was an idiot. They said that- that the food was for them, and they could barely afford to feed themselves let alone us. The next thing I knew he was grabbing the plate off the table and smashing it on my head."
It took all of Stef's self-control to not let her anger get the best of her in situations like this.
"Oh, baby," was all she could muster out.
Stef couldn't help herself. She quickly scooted as close to Callie as possible, finally closing the gap between the two. She wrapped her arm around the girl's shoulder, pulling her in to her side. Luckily, Callie was okay with it, letting the woman hold her close.
"I know it was a long time ago, it's just when I heard the glass break I-" Callie began stammering before Stef cut her off.
"Shh. It was a traumatic experience for you, it's okay that this freaked you out, no matter how much time has gone by."
"It was just so loud," Callie said, a defeated tone in her voice.
"I know, baby, I know. But, you're okay. No one is going to hurt you," Stef comforted, squeezing the girl tighter into her embrace.
Callie hesitated, but eventually wrapped her arms tightly around the blonde's waist. Stef adjusted her body to hold the girl more comfortably, something Callie appreciated so much. She placed her head on her mother's shoulder, fitting perfectly between her shoulder and neck.
"You know, a lot of awful things have happened to you, and I hate that I wasn't there for you all those years. I know that it's not my fault, and that there's nothing I can do to change the pasts of my children, but that's something I always have to work on," Stef began, taking a deep breath before continuing, "And while I work on that, I want you to work on allowing yourself to process these things that have happened to you and let yourself feel emotions without being shameful. I want you to work on realizing that you don't have to push all these horrible memories down to deal with alone. If you keep doing that, they're going to eat you alive, my love."
Callie sniffled as she listened to the older woman speak. She knew she was right, but growing up, she had to move on from things quickly in order to survive. There was never time to process anything the way Stef is suggesting she do now.
"I love being your mother and I love that I get to learn something new about you every single day. I love learning your favorite food and your favorite color. I love learning your hidden talents and the way you put your finger on your nose when you're tired. I love all of those things, because they make you who you are. I'm not saying I love hearing about all these painful experiences, but learning about them shows me that you're even more remarkable and amazing than I thought," Stef said.
Callie looked up with confusion. Never once had she used those words to describe herself. Stef caught this confusion and explained.
"Despite everything that has happened to you, you still have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. You're like Mama in that way, the way you love others so fiercely and unapologetically. I love watching you harness you pain into something much more positive. You took those experiences and didn't let them bring you down."
"But they do bring me down," Callie doubted.
"How?" Stef asked, trying to get into the girl's mindset.
"When I get like this. So scared, I mean," Callie admitted.
"Does this happen often?" Stef questioned, turning her head to the side.
Callie shrugged. "Kind of. I try to stop it, but sometimes I'm not strong enough."
"No, no, no. I don't want to hear any of that 'not strong enough', you hear me? Triggers are real and they are scary and cause reactions that we don't expect, but being able to stop them doesn't make you strong. It does not make you weak to be afraid," Stef interjected.
"I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to be like this," Callie said, looking up at Stef with her big, pleading eyes.
The way she said it tore Stef apart. She sounded so broken and small.
"Oh, baby," Stef said, pulling Callie in closer and rocking her back and forth, "Mama and I are going to help you. You don't have to live in fear."
"I don't know how not to," Callie confessed.
Stef let out a breath, not knowing how she would take her next suggestion.
"I know you're not big on group, and I know you feel like it's not your thing, but maybe if we could get you into individual therapy-" Stef began before Callie cut her off.
"I'll do it. I really don't want to be like this anymore," Callie nodded as she pulled away for a minute to look at Stef.
Stef smiled.
"I love you so much, my Callie girl. I'm so proud of you. Me and Mama will be here every step of the way. You won't be alone in this," Stef said.
"I know. I love you too," Callie stated simply.
Thank you so much for reading! I'm still working on the next chapter of full circle, so hopefully it will be up soon.