We do not own Harry Potter. Although we would like to be able to claim Books 1-6 and make money off of them, we would like it to be indisputably known that we would never wish our names to be in any way related to, tied to, or associated with the illogical farce that is entited "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."
This drabble is a part of the R.U.I.N.S: Can't Stand Deathly Hallows drabble project over on FictionAlley. To read more drabbles or for more information on the drabble project, please visit our author's profile page.
Plot Puppet
"The true master of the Elder Wand was Draco Malfoy."
Blank shock showed in Voldemort's face for a moment, but then it was gone.
"But what does it matter?" he said softly. Even if you are right, Potter, it makes no different to you and me. You no longer have the phoenix wand: we duel on skill alone ... and after I have killed you, I can attend to Draco Malfoy .."
"But you're too late," said Harry. "You've missed your chance. I got there first. I overpowered Draco weeks ago. I took this wand from him."
"What?!" came an outraged squawk from the crowd. Harry, secure in his complete and utter victory, had no problem taking his attention off of the Dark Lord so he could glare at the pale blond boy for interrupting his dramatic speech. "Potter, if there's so much as a scratch on my wand after this is over, I swear I'll - "
"Your wand?" Harry completely turned his back to Voldemort so he could aim a full glare at Draco, "I just told you - I disarmed you weeks ago! The Elder Wand belongs to me now!"
Malfoy shook his head, "I didn't even have the Elder Wand then! How could you have taken the Elder Wand from me when we were at the Manor and the wand was at Hogwarts?!"
Harry was just about to inform Malfoy that Jo just wanted it that way when Hermione jumped in instead, "Ownership of the Elder Wand simply has to be transferred through other wands, you see, because the Elder Wand can't be beaten..."
"Er, Hermione," Ron piped up, "Didn't Dumbledore beat Grindelwald to get the wand?"
An astonished look crossed over Hermione's face. It was impossible to tell if she was more flabbergasted at the fact that Jo had created such an obvious contradiction or at the fact that Ron had realized it before she had. Hundreds of eyes were glued to her waiting for an answer, but she simply had none to give them - these wand rules weren't in any of the books she'd ever read!
"Now hold on just a minute!" Harry turned at the voice, only just remembering that Voldemort was there. "I killed you, Potter! So it's mine!"
"I wasn't really dead, you see," Harry explained patiently, basking in the glory Jo had afforded him, "I was only almost dead!"
A gasp escaped Ron and he spun to face Hermione for confirmation of his latest revelation, "The vessel has to be completely destroyed for the Horcrux to be destroyed!"
"Ronald!" he took the horrified expression she was giving him as proof that he was correct. "Shut u - "
...but it was too late, Ron couldn't stop the words from spilling out, "The Horcrux inside Harry is still there!"
Voldemort's shocked expression was almost comical, "What Horcrux?!"
"The one you accidentally put in his - " Ron fell to the ground in a dead faint before he could finish his statement, Hermione's wand brandished in his direction.
There was dead silence for several seconds, before Draco spoke up in confusion, "So is the wand mine or not?"
"I though we already went over this," Harry was losing his patience at the stupidity of the people around him, "Jo wanted me to have the wand so she bent the rules of the universe to allow me to take it from you by taking your other wand."
Voldemort was easily distracted from his Horcrux problem at the mention of the Super Wand, "It doesn't matter because I stole the wand after everything else happened! It should belong to me!"
"Nuh uh!" Harry scoffed at the Dark Lord's blatant stupidity, "Obviously you can't get the wand just from simply stealing it. That would just be stupid!"
The frown lines around Hermione's mouth deepened, "...but, Harry, didn't Grindelwald get the wand from Gregorovitch by stealing it?"
"There, you see, it's mine!!" the Dark Lord cackled victoriously as he raised the wand once again, "AVADA KEDAV - "
"Wait!!" Harry pleaded, waiting desperately for Jo to save him through an incredible stroke of luck once again. His gut instinct told him that it might be profitable to try giving Voldemort all of the information he needed once more, "You can't kill me! I'm your last Horcrux and if you kill me anyone could kill you!"
Voldemort stopped his curse mid-syllable as he contemplated this new information. "Why, you're right!"
Harry had only a moment to breathe a sigh of relief before the world started to get larger and larger around him. There were gasps from all around the Great Hall, but everything suddenly went silent and then dark for Harry.
Everyone stared at the pile in the middle of the floor where the Boy-Who-Lived had once stood. Silence prevailed, until finally Voldemort walked over and picked up his latest prize.
"HA!" It was Draco who finally broke the silence, guffawing with laughter, "A puppet! You turned him into a puppet!!"
Indeed, Draco's eyes deceived him not. For Voldemort had picked up a perfectly formed Harry Potter puppet, "I thought it was appropriate."
Written by kmh8. For more drabbles check out the profile page, and keep checking back since we post new drabbles regularly.
This story is based on a real-life plot hole from "Deathly Hallows." If you would like more information on this plot hole, or any other plot holes or related problems, please feel free to peruse our "Can't Stand Deathly Hallows" thread (more details of which are on our author's profile page). Be forewarned that you must be willing to dedicate untold amounts of time to reading through our posts, since there are so many problems in "Deathly Hallows" that we are still finding new ones each and every day. We will not be held responsible for eyestrain, carpal tunnel syndrome, headaches, tears, or any cases of severe depression you might have after reading our thread.