All I can do to keep you safe is hold you close
Hold you close till you can breathe on your own
It was a simple training exercise. There wasn't any real danger, nothing permanently life threatening in any sort, all the built-in safety and overrides in place. Just enough pressure to simulate real life, that tiny bit of danger where one misstep was the difference between life and death.
Like a bomb.
Izuku froze, just staring at the ominous clock ticking down.
"No time to disable it," Todoroki said, equally shocked. They were partners for this training exercise. Their opponents were smaller versions of the battle robots from the entrance exam, crawling all over the city battleground. Climbing all the way up to the fifth floor was supposed to have given them breathing room, the ability to regroup and spy on the robots' movement, not stumble across a bomb of all things.
Ten seconds left.
The clamor of heavy footsteps from downstairs shook the building; a robot had found them.
Todoroki frowned. Trapped on all sides, they were running out of options. To forfeit now, was to sacrifice their grades and all their hard work from this morning. He glanced outside, calculating how far down from the ground they were. It would be hard, but with his abilities he could get both him and Izuku down to the ground safely enough.
The steady beat of three seconds left made the decision for him.
"I guess it's time for a leap of faith," Todoroki said, scooping Izuku up and jumping out of the window. The bomb exploded behind them as Todoroki summoned his fire for extra thrust before switching over to form an ice slide to the ground.
With a grunt, he landed, knees bent and on full alert for other robots. There wasn't any sign of them. Hopefully the bomb caught the one that had been following them.
That was when Todoroki noticed Izuku had yet to let go for him. "Midoriya?" Todoroki asked.
Izuku trembled, pupils blown wide. His breathing was ragged and short and his grip on Todoroki's sleeve was so tight, his knuckles were white. He blanched, turning deathly white before turning to the side to vomit on the ground.
"Aizawa-sensei!" Todoroki called out, knowing somewhere their teacher was listening. "Something is wrong with Midoriya." His heart pounded, unsure of what to do, panic bubbling under the surface of his skin. He tried to place a calming hand on Izuku's shoulder only for Izuku to tense, violently flinching and beginning to hyperventilate.
Not even a minute later, Aizawa appeared. He frowned, crouching down next to Izuku.
"Breathe Midoriya," he murmured softly. "You're safe. Breathe in, and out, slowly. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."
Slowly Izuku let go of Todoroki's sleeve, some color returning to his skin, but he remained out of it. His gaze was distant and glassy, his mind miles away. That spark that made him so vibrant and full of life, gone and missing.
"Go back to class, Todoroki," Aizawa instructed. "I got Midoriya."
Todoroki frowned. "Will he be alright?"
Aizawa gave him a faint smile. "It's Midoriya."
Todoroki frowned harder, but conceded. He didn't want to exactly leave Izuku alone. But it was their teacher. "Take care of him, sensei."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
A leap of faith!
The smell of ash and heat of a fire far too close for comfort. The roar of an explosion and the sensation of uncontrolled falling.
A leap of faith!
The sharp barbed words that cut deeper than any blade. The constant battering, beating down like a hammer over and over again. The stares full of pity and mocking laughter. Cruel smirks and taunts.
A leap of faith!
The feeling of Kacchan's hand around his neck, the struggle to breath as his classmates laughed in the background, as the teacher watched but didn't intervene. Tighter and tighter and tighter!
"There is a method that can be really effective if you want to be a hero so much. Making a leap of faith from the roof… believe with all your might that you will have a quirk in the other world!"
Izuku choked, sobbing. Tears falling from his eyes, hot like the shame that burned in his heart.
"Here." A handkerchief was handed to him.
Izuku took it, wiping down his face. "Aizawa-sensei," he said. "What…" He looked around. Gone was the city battleground they had been training on. Instead they were in a small room, a supply closet from the looks of it, judging by boxes stacked in the corner. Izuku was sitting on small cot, Aizawa-sensei's yellow sleeping bag covering him.
Outside the sky was just beginning to turn orange as the sun headed towards the horizon. Izuku gaped, remembering it had been close to midday during their training exercise. Right before lunch, in fact.
"This is one of my hiding spots to take naps. Don't tell Present Mic," Aizawa said. "I would have taken you to the infirmary, but all your classmates would have been there and you would have - don't do that Midoriya."
Izuku looked at him confused. Don't do what? All he had done was smile and gotten ready to protest that he was fine, he didn't need the infirmary.
"You're not fine," Aizawa said sternly. "You had a panic attack."
Izuku flinched. Kacchan's words still rang in the back of his head. "It's nothing," Izuku said, staring down at his hands, refusing to look Aizawa in the eye.
Aizawa sighed. "It's not," he said. This time his words were softer, gentler. "Panic attacks are not uncommon, especially in our line of work. I get them, Yagi gets them, one day your classmates will as well. They can be dangerous if they trigger during a dangerous situation, so you have to be aware of them. You may not want to talk about it right now and it's fine, but you will have to before your next field assignment."
Izuku's shoulders slumped. He didn't want to talk about, much less think about it.
"I can get Yagi or any other teacher if you rather talk to them," Aizawa said. "Or Recovery Girl."
Izuku shook his head frantically. No! He didn't want anyone, especially All Might to know about this.
"I didn't know," Izuku blurted out. His words choked in his throat, lodging deep. "Todoroki just said- the fire and explosion- a leap of faith!"
He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing ragged. Aizawa leaned closer, murmuring softly and counting again, helping Izuku regulate his breathing.
Shame burned under his skin, overwhelming like he was drowning. It was humiliating, frustrating. He thought he had moved pass this, moved pass this weakness. It was the past, nothing could be done about it. Maybe Kacchan was right, he was a useless, weak -
-Poke-
Izuku blinked, touching his forehead where Aizawa had just poked him. "Sensei?"
"Izuku," Aizawa said, calmly. "We don't have to talk about this now if you don't want to. We will eventually, but if you want to go back to the dorms, we can."
He jolted at his name. That… He furrowed his brows together in deep thought as something within him settled. It was nice, to have the option. His fingers fluttered over the yellow seams.
"Someone once told me to make a leap of faith off a roof," Izuku whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see Aizawa's expression. Tears began to build again behind his eyelids. The words felt heavy in his mouth, unmoving. He never explained it before, never had to. No one had wanted to hear it and Izuku never liked to dwell on it.
"It's… I knew it was a stupid idea, just something to rile me up, but-" Izuku faltered. He had never… truly given any real thought to killing himself. If only for his mother's sake, for his own dream, he wouldn't have even dared to consider it. But like Kacchan's words that sometimes still rang in the back of his head, it crept in when his thoughts were too dark, late at night. The wonder, the self-doubt.
If he hadn't met All Might, hadn't been reaffirmed and given this blessed chance to fulfill his dream, where would have he ended up? What would have been the final blow that would have cast him down? Could he have really soldiered on in life, facing the insults, jokes and threats that had been thrown at his face every day?
Did he even deserve this chance? It was still a lie technically. Even with One for All, he was still that Quirkless, useless, weak, shy boy.
"Izuku," Aizawa said gently.
"I'm Quirkless." Izuku let that shameful word fall from his lips. It… had been a long time since he had voiced that. It was always something that everyone knew. A label they threw back at his face with a mocking laughter. "The… stuff I can do now, is because of All Might."
"I know," Aizawa said. "A Quirk doesn't make a hero, Izuku. It doesn't add or subtract anything, just simply gives you the means to do so. It's your heart that makes you a good person. I, for one, am very happy you never gave any consideration to jumping off the roof. You're one of my best students."
"Oh," Izuku said, heart squeezing so tight with joy. Oh. It was… different to hear that from Aizawa. The first couple days of the school year had felt like Aizawa had hated him and Izuku resigned himself to another year with another teacher who hated him for simply existing. He learned differently later, knew it objectively that Aizawa cared for him, for all his students in his own gruff way. But it was different to actually hear it voiced aloud.
"Are you facing any bullying here in Yuuei?" Aizawa asked.
Izuku shook his head. Yuuei was a dream to him, some days. It was so vastly different from middle school. He was valued here, had friends, was fitting in and no longer an outcast. Guilt welled up in the pit of his stomach at the thought that he was lying about having a Quirk, lying about his relationship with All Might. He pushed it aside.
"One last question," Aizawa said. "You mentioned explosions with the words. Was Bakugou the one who told you to jump off the roof?"
Izuku froze as if someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water over him. He clenched his fists, knuckles going white. "It's not his fault," Izuku protested weakly. "He's changed."
Kacchan had. Ever since their fight, Izuku understood his childhood friend a little bit better. But still, it was such a difference from middle school until now. In fact, Kacchan was practically tolerating him. There hadn't been any real insults towards Izuku in weeks, months even.
"He needs to be aware that it's unacceptable," Aizawa said. "It's normally grounds for expulsion in Yuuei."
"No, please. It's in the past," Izuku pleaded. He didn't want to confront it, wanted those words to remain behind. They were moving past it.
Aizawa pursed his lips in disagreement but said nothing.
Izuku would take it.
The rumbling of Izuku's stomach broke the silence. Aizawa sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Let's get you back to the dorms then. Your classmates probably have dinner ready and are worried sick about you."
Izuku scrambled to his feet. He was sure this conversation wasn't really over, but he would take the gift of a break. "I'm sorry for crying all over your sleeping bag, Aizawa-sensei."
Aizawa waved it off. "Easy enough to wash."
The walk back to the dorms was relatively quick. Izuku trailed behind, lagging as his thoughts wandered off in all different directions. His emotions felt scrambled, turbulent like a choppy ocean. Now, in the comfortable silence between them, Izuku was aware of how exhausted he truly felt.
"Alright, go inside, eat, shower and sleep," Aizawa instructed Izuku as they stood in front of the entrance of the dorms. "You're worn out."
Izuku nodded.
Aizawa reached out, gently placing a hand on Izuku's shoulder. Izuku blinked up at him.
"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me your story," Aizawa said.
Izuku ducked his head, face growing red. As emotionally drained as he was, Izuku felt lighter. The heavy memories of the past felt a little more bearable.
"Thank you for listening," Izuku whispered back.
Aizawa grinned. "Anytime."
-waves hands- I wanted more fics that dealt with the impacts of the bullying Izuku suffered as a child. Anything from acknowledgement, private realization or in this case, someone finding out. I wasn't finding enough to satisfy my craving so ta da new fic.
Please leave a review on your way out.