Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and its characters do not belong to me. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: This story was written as part of Elorie's wetfic challenge for VAMB's 10th anniversary. There is an NC-17 version of the story available at , but due to FFN's guidelines, this version is rated R. Many thanks to Mizvoy and Vestal Virgin for the editing and the encouragement.
Fire and Water
By KJaneway115
It was the song. That damn song. It had been so long since she had heard it. So long since she had even thought of it. She had never imagined it would affect her this way. But the instant its opening melody had begun, she had dissolved in a flood of tears. What the hell is wrong with me? she wondered. I'm over this. I'm over him. I've been over him for years. But the song brought back feelings she'd forgotten, buried or misplaced somewhere along the journey homeward.
She had asked the computer to play random selections from her music database while she soaked in vanilla scented bathing bubbles and relaxed in her tub. She had been lying back, her head against the tub's headrest, feeling the day's tension evaporate from her muscles as she hummed along to the music. And then the song had started playing. Strange that in seven years, in all the times she had asked the computer for random music selections, that song had never come on until today.
Without warning, she felt her gut clench and her heart constrict. Before she could rein in her emotions, she was sobbing, doubled over in the bath, warm tears pouring down her cheeks to mingle with the warm water in the tub. There were a thousand thoughts running through her mind. Why am I reacting this way? I thought I was over this, past it, but I guess it's still part of me somewhere, deep down. Has the pain been there all along, and I've just been pushing it away? Why am I crying?
As soon as the song was over, the tears stopped, and the emotional deluge abated as suddenly as it had begun. Kathryn drained the tub and wrapped herself in a towel, confused by her own extreme reaction. Maybe it's just the stress of the past few weeks, she thought, but deep down, she knew that wasn't the case.
The song had been one that she and Mark had shared. Their song, they had called it. They had first heard it early on in their relationship, at a sidewalk cafe. Impulsively, he had asked her to dance and had pulled her to her feet in the middle of a busy San Francisco sidewalk. She had been laughing, half-heartedly protesting but enjoying herself nonetheless. It had been at the end of that dance when she and Mark had shared their first kiss, and their relationship had transcended friendship for the first time. Over the course of their years together, they had heard the song many more times. He had played it for her the night he had proposed; they had danced to it the night before she had left to take command of Voyager. But she hadn't heard or thought about the song in years.
Now, she was deeply confused by her emotional reaction to hearing it. She knew that it wasn't about Mark. She loved him and always would, but she no longer had any expectation of or desire for a romantic relationship with him. He had moved on and so had she. No, her reaction to the song was about something else.
When its opening strain had played, she had immediately felt... what? Not sadness, exactly, but a sense of profound loss, and it wasn't the loss of her former fiance. She had lost a part of herself. Something about hearing the wistful melody had brought her back to a moment when she had been completely happy, completely free to be herself, totally open to her feelings and a hundred percent safe in sharing them with someone else. For a moment, she had glimpsed her current self through the eyes of that Kathryn from long ago - as if she were looking at her past self in a mirror. And she simultaneously thought, How could I have ever been that person?
and Who have I become now?
Although she recognized that she had gained wisdom and experience over the years, in that instant, all she wanted was to be able to find again the person she had been before Voyager's journey had ever started. She wanted the freedom, the innocence, the trust, the unquestioning loyalty to principles - characteristics she had believed were an unshakeable part of who she was. She wanted to be able to share herself freely in love with another. But seven years was a long time to go without those things. Seven years had changed her. Yes, she had gained wisdom and experience. She had learned more than she ever thought she would know, and explored places, and met races she had never even dreamed of.
But she had also learned to live with daily disappointment. She had learned to constantly carry the burden of 150 lives on her shoulders. She had learned to set aside her own desires for the greater good, and put her own well-being second to the well-being of her crew. She had learned not to expect tomorrow, because anything could happen. Anything and anyone she cared for could be lost at any moment. That woman she had seen in the mirror of her mind for a few minutes - the woman who was laughing and dancing with a man she loved on a San Francisco sidewalk despite dubious glances from onlookers - Kathryn Janeway would never be that woman again.
She ran the towel through her hair, wringing out the wetness that lingered there. Two weeks after Voyager's return to Earth, it was time to say goodbye to the last remaining crew members still aboard - her senior staff. She dressed in uniform and applied her makeup. As captain, she would be the last to leave the ship, something she was grateful for. Over the years, Voyager had become her true companion; in the end, the ship had never betrayed her or let her down. She needed time alone to say her final goodbyes. But first, there were other goodbyes to say.
...
As she walked to the transporter room, she did not permit herself to feel. This was a skill she had perfected over the past seven years. She could face any situation with full confidence that her emotions would not interfere. Any situation. Even this one.
Harry Kim was operating the transporter as Tuvok prepared to disembark. Janeway hugged her old friend and told him to contact her soon to let her know how his treatment was proceeding. The Doctor had been in contact with Vulcan over subspace, and he seemed confident that Tuvok would soon be fully healed. Tom, B'Elanna, and Miral were the next to leave. Even the Doctor, with his mobile emitter, had decided to spend some time on Earth. After all, Voyager was to be analyzed and examined, all the alien technology and modifications that had been added over the years to be carefully catalogued.
When only two crew members were left on board besides herself and Harry, Janeway turned to Kim. "You're dismissed, Ensign. I'll take it from here. I'm sure your parents are anxious to see you." She preferred to say her final goodbyes in private, without the ensign looking on.
"Thank you, Captain." Harry stepped down from the transporter and stood in front of her. "I'd like you to know that serving under you has been the greatest honor of my life, Captain. I wouldn't be the man I am today if it weren't for your support and guidance over the years." Harry's voice cracked as his eyes filled with tears. "I'll never be able to thank you enough."
"Oh, Harry." Janeway felt her own emotions rise up through her stomach and into her chest, but she did not cry. Instead, she enfolded Kim in a warm hug - one which he gratefully returned. They hugged each other tightly for a moment. When she pulled back, she held him at arm's length. "It's been my honor to serve with you, Harry. I'm proud of you."
Kim nodded, having a hard time finding his voice as he brushed tears from his eyes. "I'll see you soon, right?"
She nodded at him and smiled reassuringly. "I imagine there will be a promotion ceremony happening for a certain ensign who has deserved to be a lieutenant for a long time. I wouldn't miss it."
The comment eked a smile from the younger officer. "Thank you, Captain."
"Give my regards to your parents. I look forward to meeting them in person soon."
"I will." Harry stepped up onto the transporter pad and Janeway took her place behind the controls.
"Energizing," she said as she watched Kim disappear from the room. Then, she was alone, with several moments to anticipate the goodbye she was about to face. She leaned against the transporter console, her arms crossed over her chest, her mind tens of thousands of lightyears away.
"Commander Chakotay, my name is Captain Kathryn Janeway." "How do you know my name?"
"Who is she to make decisions for all of us?" "She's the captain."
"The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first. And in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace."
"Is that really an ancient legend?" "No, but that made it easier to say."
"You're not alone, Kathryn."
"Three years ago, I didn't know your name. Now I can't imagine a day without you."
"To my way of thinking, there's still plenty of time."
"Seven of Nine is going to die. She'll make it back to Voyager and die in the arms of her husband. Chakotay."
"We do not want to be what you are. Return us to the Collective!"
"Your attempts to assimilate this drone will fail. We will betray you. We are Borg."
"If I could change what happened, erase what you did to me, would I? No."
"Janeway beams aboard the Delta Flyer. She reminds Seven of the bond that's grown between them. Seven lowers the force field, and she decides to come home..."
"Seven of Nine is going to die. She'll make it back to Voyager and die in the arms of her husband. Chakotay."
The images flooded Janeway's mind, one after the other, each memory replaying itself over and over again. The angry man that first appeared on her bridge, phaser at the ready. The frightened Borg drone, severed from the Collective for the first time since childhood. The patient warrior, standing by her side, her right arm in battle, her conscience in a conflict, her friend in private. The confident young woman asserting herself, making her own choices, coming into her own humanity, rediscovering compassion, friendship, and even love.
"Seven of Nine is going to die. She'll make it back to Voyager and die in the arms of her husband. Chakotay."
Well, at least that will never happen, the captain thought. And as if on cue, the two people she had been thinking about entered the transporter room. She had barely spoken to Chakotay in the two weeks since Voyager's return. Seven, on the other hand, had been to see her almost daily. It had been the young woman who had told her captain and mentor of her new relationship - spoken of it with girlish excitement and feminine shyness. Because of the admiral's interference, Kathryn had not been shocked, and there was a part of her that was joyful along with the young woman whom she had come to think of as a surrogate daughter. The other part of her, well, that was best left unacknowledged.
"Captain," Seven acknowledged her as they entered the transporter room.
"Seven, Chakotay."
"We are ready to disembark," Seven continued. "We'll be going to Sweden first, where I will meet my aunt in person. Then we plan to go to Ohio to see Chakotay's cousin."
"That sounds wonderful, Seven. I hope you have a great time with your aunt. I know she'll be very happy to see you."
"Thank you, Captain."
"And remember, Seven, if you need anything, I'm just a comm call away."
"Thank you. I have grown to rely on your advice, and I hope we can communicate regularly."
"Of course." Janeway gave Seven a motherly hug, and the young woman stepped onto the transporter pad, tactfully averting her gaze as Janeway turned to Chakotay.
"Kathryn." He seemed uncomfortable, and an awkward silence stretched between them. It wasn't like him not to know what to say, and her heart went out to him.
She attempted to ease the tension and said softly, "Chakotay, to say 'thank you,' hardly seems like enough after the past seven years. But there are no other words, so thank you. You've been the best first officer I could have ever asked for. And you've been a good friend. I will miss you." If Chakotay had seemed uncomfortable before, now his unease was palpable.
He spoke haltingly and without emotion. "It's been an honor, Kathryn. I'll miss you, too."
Janeway mustered all her emotional control as she looked at Chakotay and Seven. "I'm very happy for both of you," she said. "You're both incredible people, and you both deserve the best. I'm glad you found it in each other." It had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to say, but she had to say it; she had to let them know.
Now, she could see tears threatening behind Chakotay's eyes and was glad that her own were well under control. She nodded at him, and he stepped up onto the transporter pad. "Energizing," she said, her fingers on the console. Her eyes met Chakotay's, and their gaze remained locked until both people on the transporter pad disappeared in a shimmer of blue light.
Then, Voyager was silent, and Janeway was alone. Exhausted, she slumped against the console, exhaling slowly, feeling utterly empty.
THREE MONTHS LATER
Kathryn had settled into life back in the Alpha Quadrant quickly. After the debriefings had concluded, Admiral Paris had asked her to become an integral part of the Pathfinder Project, captaining short missions, usually to try out experimental technology. It was a position that appealed to her both as a scientist and as a leader. She had thrown herself into her work with a new vigor and rarely took a full weekend off. Her free time was spent visiting her mother in Indiana, or Phoebe and her partner, who had a large, beautiful house in Brazil. She kept up with her former crew, as well, and often visited those who had remained on Earth.
Although they were not as regular as they had once been, her talks with Seven had continued. About six weeks after their return, Seven had informed her that she and Chakotay had decided to "terminate their romantic association" by mutual decision. Seven had decided to join Starfleet formally, and Starfleet had agreed to count her time aboard Voyager as field training. However, they had insisted that she take a few courses at the Academy. It seemed that she had caught the eye of a young astrophysics professor, and that she had developed an interest in him, too. She realized that, with her lack of experience in romance, she didn't want to limit herself to only one partner so soon. According to Seven, Chakotay had been understanding and had agreed that their relationship might have functioned well aboard Voyager, but now that they were back in the Alpha Quadrant, they should keep their minds open to other options.
Kathryn had been surprised by this, but she knew that Seven was unlikely to have exaggerated Chakotay's words. In fact, she had probably related them verbatim. Kathryn had attempted to contact her friend more than once with no response from him, so she had simply left a message stating that Seven had told him of their breakup, and that she hoped he was all right. Tom and B'Elanna insisted that Chakotay was fine, so she figured he would contact her when he was ready. In the meantime, she barely had time to think about it.
As she headed in to the Pathfinder office that day, she felt an unusual sense of anticipation. She knew that Admiral Paris was going to assign her to a new project today, and that there would be a new staff member joining her team. She was anxious to find out about the project and who this mysterious officer might be. She walked in the door and froze in her tracks. Admiral Paris was facing her, orienting the new team member. She didn't need for the officer to turn around to know who it was; she would know that bearing, that stance, and the back of that head anywhere. Approaching the two men from behind, she cleared her throat.
Chakotay turned and faced her, an uncertain smile creeping onto his face. "Captain."
"Commander," she replied, perhaps a little too coolly. "I take it you're the one who's joining my team."
"That is, if you approve, Captain Janeway," said Admiral Paris. "But I didn't think you'd have any objection."
"No, sir. No objection."
"Good," said the admiral. "Then let me get the two of you briefed."
The admiral updated them on their newest mission, and they went to work, side by side, slipping back into the command structure that had held them in place for so many years. At first, an awkward tension stretched between them, but as the days went on, it thawed, and their easy camaraderie returned.
...
"Chakotay, look at these calculations for me, will you?" He came over to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder. His fingers brushed against hers on the console as he keyed in a sequence, and the contact sent an electric shock up her spine.
"Looks good to me," he said, and she could feel his breath against her neck.
"Yeah," she replied, still reeling from his closeness. "Me, too."
Moments like this began to happen more and more often as time went on. Yet in the eight weeks that they had been working together, Chakotay had not once suggested that they spend time together outside of work. Finally, craving the deeper connection they had once shared, and wanting more than stolen moments to talk about something besides plasma inductors and warp vectors, Janeway extended an invitation for dinner. He begged off, claiming to be tired. The next week, she tried again, inviting him to accompany her to the theatre. Again, he refused, coming up with an excuse about needing to visit his cousin that night.
Kathryn was confused. At work, he flirted with her constantly - brushing his fingers over hers, standing just a little closer than necessary when she showed him a diagram on the view screen, turning meaningless comments into sexual innuendo. He was attentive to her needs, both as a commanding officer and as a friend. But his attentions seemed to stop the minute that they walked out of the office, and every night, she went home to her apartment, alone.
It was late one night and they were alone in the lab, mulling over a particularly difficult problem. Kathryn was tired and fed up with the mixed signals she was getting from Chakotay. He leaned over her to place his hand over hers on the console, and she pulled her hand away from his abruptly. He looked at her in confusion. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." She scooted her chair a few inches away from him.
He stood, crossing his arms over his chest. "That's not true, and you know it. You've been acting standoffish all day. Did I do something to upset you?"
"I don't know, Chakotay. You tell me."
"Well, obviously I've done something that's made you angry. I can't read your mind, Kathryn. Do you want to tell me what it is, or not?"
She crossed her arms, exhaling a long breath. "Frankly, I'm confused. What do you expect from me? What do you expect from us?"
Chakotay stared at her blankly. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Really? All day, you flirt with me at work. You touch me whenever you can manage it. You turn innocent comments into some sort of sexual innuendo. But then I invite you to spend time with me outside of work and you turn me down."
"What are you talking about? Do you mean that your dinner invitations were intended as more than simple friendship? We're still in a command structure, Kathryn. Or haven't you noticed?"
All the blood drained from her face, and her lips drew together in a tight, thin line. "This is different," she grated.
"What do you mean? Spell it out for me, Kathryn."
"Stop acting like you're clueless. What the hell is going on with you?"
"Nothing is going on, Kathryn. Just like nothing went on between us for seven years in the Delta Quadrant."
"What are you saying? That this is some kind of revenge? That you're toying with me on purpose?"
"Turnabout is fair play. Isn't that what they say?"
Before she could think about her actions, Janeway had raised her right hand and slapped him across the face. The crack rang out through the empty room; then, a deafening silence engulfed them. Kathryn was shaking, full of hurt and anger, and she backed away from Chakotay, unable to look him in the eye. Turning, she ran from the room before she could do or say something else she might regret. Behind her, a stunned Chakotay stood silently, rubbing his stinging cheek.
When Kathryn got home, she called her sister. "I can't believe I did that, Phoebs," she said, "but I was just so angry. I couldn't believe he said those things to me. I can't believe Chakotay would even think that."
"It sounds like he's just hurting and angry, Kath. It might not even have anything to do with you. Maybe he's angry about something else, like that Borg."
"No. It's me. He's angry at me. 'Turnabout is fair play.' That's what he said. It's payback for all the times I led him on when we were in the Delta Quadrant."
"Led him on?" Phoebe leaned into her computer. "That doesn't sound like my big sis."
"Maybe that's not the right way of putting it. But things between us could only go so far. And I'll admit, there were times that I pushed the boundaries because... well, because I wanted to. I needed a deeper connection with someone, and he was the only one out there I could have that with. I guess I can see how he might think that I was leading him on, letting him think something more could happen between us, only to push him away when he got too close." Kathryn paused, her eyes downcast. "I thought he understood my reasons, but I guess he didn't."
"Kath, you need a break. You worked nonstop for seven years on Voyager, and you've been working nonstop since you came back to Earth. You're exhausted and overworked, and you're not thinking straight. Neither is Chakotay, in my opinion. I think you could both use a few days away from each other. A long weekend is coming up, with the First Contact Day holiday, and Cody and I are going to visit her parents on Mars. Why don't you come and stay at our house for the weekend?"
"Oh, I don't know. I have a lot of work to do."
"Kath," her sister said firmly, "you're not going to work this weekend. You're going to relax." She giggled. "Now, that's an order, Captain."
Rolling her eyes, Janeway acquiesced. "Okay, Phoebe. I'll come."
"Great! I'll have fresh sheets on the bed, I'll stock the kitchen with fresh fruit and plenty of coffee, and I'll make sure that no one disturbs you all weekend."
For the first time since the conversation began, Kathryn managed a genuine smile. "Thanks, sis. I think you're right. A mini vacation is just what I need."
"Good. And Kath, don't forget to bring your swimsuit. It's perfect pool weather."
...
Three days later, Kathryn was lounging by her sister's private pool, soaking up the Brazilian sunshine with a cup of coffee and a good book. It was the third day of her mini vacation, and she was enjoying every minute. While she hadn't been able to completely stop herself from thinking about her harsh words and actions towards Chakotay, the change of pace and the change of scenery had gone a long way towards clearing her head and soothing her anger. With a little time to reflect, she was no longer sure whether she was really angry at Chakotay or at herself.
She thought back to the day he and Seven had left Voyager together, and to her breakdown in the bathtub. She thought about the longing she had felt to recapture the feelings of freedom and happiness she had felt long ago - how much she wanted to be able to share her heart freely and openly with someone she trusted. When she and Chakotay had been assigned together at Pathfinder, she realized that there had been a part of her that had hoped they might rekindle the flame that had once burned so hot between them. She had spent the better part of the weekend trying to come to terms with the fact that that was never going to happen.
The Brazilian sun was hot today; there was not a cloud in the sky, and she was beginning to sweat under its rays. Removing the hat she wore to keep the sun out of her eyes, and placing it and her sunglasses on the table beside her pool chair, she slipped into the swimming pool and began to swim laps back and forth, enjoying the feel of the cool water caressing her hot skin. She was so absorbed in the pleasure of the soothing water that she didn't notice her intruder until he had been watching her for several moments.
Chakotay stood a few feet away from the edge of the pool, watching Janeway swim back and forth, admiring the toned shoulders and muscular legs that her bathing suit left visible. He had used his Starfleet clearance to beam directly to her location, having spent the past three days thinking about their conversation in the lab. He still felt the sting of Kathryn's slap - not physically, but in his heart. Upon reflection, he realized how much he deserved that slap. She was right, he had been toying with her emotions.
It hadn't been a conscious decision on his part. He hadn't wanted to hurt her. He had just reacted, and he had reacted badly. He had been angry that after so much time, he still responded so strongly to her presence, angry to find himself flirting with her day in and day out. So he had told himself that he would not let himself get involved, that he would not be the one to put his heart at risk this time. But in trying to protect himself, he had hurt her, and now he regretted it deeply. He had decided that he couldn't wait until Monday to apologize; that was when he had asked the Starfleet computer for Captain Janeway's whereabouts, and how he had ended up standing on the patio of Phoebe's house in Brazil. He took a step towards the pool, trying to alert Kathryn to his presence without startling her.
When Janeway realized that someone was standing at the edge of the pool, she stopped swimming abruptly. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"That's quite a greeting for a friend."
Angrily, Kathryn climbed up the ladder and out of the pool. "A friend? I don't think friends are in the habit of toying with friends' emotions."
"Look, Kathryn, I'm sorry for what I said the other day."
"Don't be sorry if it was the truth, Chakotay."
"Okay, fine. I'm not sorry." Chakotay felt his anger flare up again; at the same time, he could not keep his eyes from roaming over her body. Her black swimsuit dipped down to show her cleavage, and the scooped back plunged low, exposing her toned, muscled back. The suit left little to the imagination, and Chakotay could feel his body responding to the sight of her even as his anger simmered.
"Why did you come here?" she asked, furious, advancing towards him.
"I wanted to apologize to you, but obviously you're not interested in anything I have to say." He backed up, trying to keep his distance from her. This conversation was not getting off to a good start.
"That's not true." She took another step towards him; he took another step away.
"Isn't it? You just want to have things your way. Things can only go so far between us, right, Kathryn? And you're the one who gets to choose those boundaries. Well, not anymore. How does it feel for the tables to be turned?"
"Fuck you, Chakotay. It was never about what I wanted. Never. Can't you see that? I did what I thought was right for the ship and the crew. If I had done what I wanted..." She stopped, leaving the sentence hanging in the air.
"If you had done what you wanted, what? What, Kathryn? What were you going to say?" Now he stepped towards her, grabbing her arms with his hands.
"Nothing. There's nothing to say."
"Oh, I don't think that's true. Finish your sentence." She looked up at him stubbornly, her lips firmly pressed together. "Damn you," he said through gritted teeth. "Damn you, Kathryn Janeway."
A new burst of anger surged through her, and Kathryn pushed him, hard. "Leave me alone!" she screamed, shoving him back, towards the pool. Chakotay stumbled backwards and flailed, his arms reaching out to grab anything in range. He latched onto Kathryn's arm and pulled her with him as he fell backwards into the water.
It took Chakotay a moment to realize what had happened as he was met with the slap of water on his skin as he landed in the pool and the unpleasant sensation of water up his nose. He rose to the surface, sputtering, and realized that Kathryn was endeavoring to regain her buoyancy, struggling for breath. Concerned for her safety, he caught her in his arms and pulled her to the shallower end of the pool.
As she coughed up the remaining water from her lungs, Kathryn realized that she was pressed against a warm body - Chakotay's warm body to be exact - and her face was only inches from his. Her cheeks were still flushed with anger, but as she looked into his eyes, she saw their brown depths lose their rage and burn with a different kind of fire. And then, before she had time to think or to protest, his lips were on hers - hot and demanding. Her body responded to him of its own accord as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him roughly towards her. She ran her tongue over his bottom lip and felt him shudder in response. He opened his mouth to her, and their tongues tangled in an elaborate dance, exploring and tasting each other voraciously.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and felt his arousal press against her. She tightened her hold on him, and he moaned into her mouth, moving them towards the end of the pool. Then her back was pressed up against hard tile, and she dropped her legs from around his waist to find the rough bottom of the pool with her feet. Chakotay was grinding against her, and her hands were running through his hair. He grazed her lip with his teeth and nipped his way down her neck, causing her to gasp, tilting her head back to grant him greater access to the sensitive flesh below her ear.
His hungry kisses made their way down her neck and traced her collar bone. One of his hands slid up her waist to cup her breast through the material of her swimsuit. He pinched her nipple through the black nylon and growled in frustration at the barrier between his hand and her creamy skin. Unceremoniously, he yanked at the suit until the strap broke, exposing her flesh. Then his mouth was on her breast, nibbling, kissing and licking. "Oh, God," she moaned, extricating her other arm from her suit to grant him access to both breasts. While his mouth lavished attention on one taut nipple, his fingers tweaked the other until it was equally aroused.
Her hands sought the hem of his shirt under the water, and she tugged at it fervently until he lifted his mouth from her breast, allowing her to pull the shirt over his head. He quickly divested her of her swim suit, letting it float away in the water. Her mouth was on his chest, pressing kisses against him, teasing his nipples with her teeth. Her hands found the fastening of his pants, and she undid them swiftly, pushing them down along with his boxers. "Fuck," Chakotay breathed. Awkwardly, he tried to step out of his pants under the water, and finally had to break contact with Kathryn to remove the remainder of his clothing.
He pushed her back against the pool wall. His mouth devoured hers and one hand cupped her breast while the other found its way between her legs. "Yes," she hissed. "Oh, God."
"I need to be inside you, Kathryn. I need you." He paused for a moment to look at her and found her clear blue eyes looking up into his. Her eyes were alive with passion, pupils dilated with arousal. In that moment, a spark flew between them, and all hesitation left him.
He plunged himself into her depths in one swift movement, and she cried out. Her body was on fire, pain and pleasure consuming her simultaneously as he pounded into her, stroke after stroke. "Ahhhhhh!" Her scream of passion echoed across the courtyard.
Something in her voice penetrated the haze of Chakotay's fervor as he realized that in surrendering to his need so completely, he might be hurting her. He stopped, finding her eyes again. There was a single tear rolling down her cheek, and he kissed the spot where it fell, using his tongue to lick up the salty liquid. She pulled his lips down to hers, and they shared a passionate kiss. Then he began to trail his tongue down her neck, remembering the spots that had made her gasp in pleasure earlier. Her hands dropped to her sides, falling into the water. He held her leg around his waist with one hand while his other hand supported behind her head while he kissed and licked the base of her neck.
She reached up again, running her nails up his back and bringing his face to hers again. As their tongues dueled, and she moaned into his mouth, he began to move within her again. "Yes," she breathed against him. "Oh, Chakotay."
His name on her lips ignited the fire in him once again. "Come on, Kathryn," he urged. "Come on, baby. That's it. Oh, yeah." He was on the edge; he could feel it.
Kathryn was completely lost in sensation. "Oh my god. Oh. Yes. Oh!" And then she was falling, her muscles clenching in a frenzy, her whole body spasming as she held tight to him. "Oh, god. Chakotay!"
His name on her lips was his undoing, and he grasped her hips with both hands as the fire of his orgasm burned through his loins. "Kathryn!"
They clung to each other, breathing hard, as they recovered from their mutual ecstasy. Afraid to look her in the eye, he buried his face in her shoulder as she stroked his hair gently. They were both breathing hard, and the fervor of the moment dissipated as he softened inside of her.
Chakotay finally found the courage to look into her eyes. "I'm sorry," he started, but she cut him off.
"I'm not."
"You're... You're not?" he asked in astonishment.
"Well," she began, "that depends. Are you still angry with me?"
"Oh, god, no." He pulled her into him and then placed a tender kiss on her lips. "I love you, Kathryn."
She smiled up at him, her eyes clear and blue as the sky. "I love you, too." Then she looked around behind them at the various items of clothing floating in the pool. "We should clean up," she said.
"Yeah." Reluctantly, he separated from her, and they collected their clothes from the pool in silence. Chakotay suddenly felt self-conscious as he climbed out of the water, his flaccid penis hanging between his legs. He tried to hold the pile of wet clothes in front of himself, until he heard Kathryn's golden laughter ringing out. "What's so funny?" he demanded.
"It's not like you have to hide from me," she said. "I mean, I hope I'm going to see... all of you... a lot more often." She winked at him and sauntered into the house, waving her hips and her naked behind at him. He followed her and stashed his soaked clothes in the recycler with her ripped swim suit. She found white, terry robes for both of them and handed him one. Then they stood, staring at each other across the guest bedroom at Phoebe's house.
"Kathryn, I'm sorry."
"You already said that."
"No, not about... the sex. I'm sorry about the things I said to you. It was unfair of me and I know it. You sacrificed your own desires on Voyager; I know that. I did understand it. I'm not sure what's gotten into me lately. I guess... I just wanted to push you. It wasn't very nice of me, and I'm sorry."
She moved towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He responded, holding her against him. "You sacrificed, too, Chakotay. I could never tell you, out there, how much I wanted you. How much I wanted this." She broke apart from him and made a vague gesture that seemed to encompass both of them.
"What is this, Kathryn?"
"What do you think it is?"
He shook his head. "I need to hear you say it."
"Us. Together. As lovers. As a couple. As... partners. I love you. I don't want to hide my feelings. I don't want to censor myself. I don't want to hold back. I want to be able to be completely myself - one hundred percent Kathryn Janeway - when I am with you. And I want you to be yourself, not to hold anything back from me, to be completely and totally honest. I want to share my heart with you, and my soul, and my body, completely and openly." She paused and looked up at him, with a shy vulnerability that was unfamiliar to him. "How does that sound?"
He broke into a wide grin. "That sounds perfect. I can't imagine anyone I'd rather share my heart..." He kissed her cheek. "My soul..." He kissed her neck. "And my body with." He pressed his lips to hers. "Only one hundred percent Kathryn Janeway will do."