Normally I'm not one to accept challanges, but this became stuck in my head so I decided what the heck. The song is apparently one of Dr. Dementos, but I found it listed as a Flogging Molly song; who knows, maybe they did a cover. Anyway, I could just picture Beetlejuice singing it, so here's what came of it.

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I bang on the door but she won't let me in

"Come on, Babes, ya know I didn't mean it! I love your mother like my own!"

'Cause you're sick and tired of me reeking of gin

"Whoa! Watch what you're throwing. Hey! That's my favourite magic eight ball you just threw."

You lock all the doors from the front to the back

"Aw, come on, Lyds, did you have to change the locks?"

And left me a note telling me I should pack

"What the hell, Lydia, babes, hear me out. Well, fine. Fuck you too. Me and my eight ball are outta here."

I walk in the bar and the fellas all cheer

"Nice to know somebody loves me, even if they are a bunch of losers."

Order me up a whiskey and beer

"'Allo, Beatle-juize, why do you 'ave a peech pit in your shirt collar?"

"Shut up, Jacques."

If you ask me why I'm writing this poem

"Because I'm emotionally distressed, that's why! Can't a guy drink in peace?"

Some call it a tavern but I call it home

"Who the hell does she think she is, Jacques? Kicking me out like that."

"Beatle-juize, zis is ze third time zis week!"

"Yeah, but at least this time she didn't put her ring back in my pocket."

"She took it back ze last time?"

"Damn."

Fuck you I'm drunk, Fuck you I'm drunk

"Here's to being shit-faced, Jacques."

Pour my beer down the sink, I've got more in the trunk

"But Beatle, I thought zat was ze problem to begin wiz?"

"If the wench would stop locking me out there wouldn't be a problem!"

Fuck you I'm drunk, Fuck you I'm drunk

"'Ow do you expect to geet back in Lydia's good graces if she sees you like zis?"

"Sit and rotate, Jacques."

And I'm gonna be drunk 'till the next time I'm drunk

"She knows I love her, Jacques, so why are things so fucking difficult with her?"

"Meebe she doesn't like 'aving to remove all ze sunflower seeds and gum wrappers you leave in your poockets."

"Naw, she refused to do my laundry after she found the dead rat in my coat."

You've given me an option, you said I must choose

"And get this, she wasn't mad about the rat at all and started going on some rant about how I don't help around the house etc, etc."

"Do you?"

'Tween you and the liquor, then I'll take the booze

"All she does is bitch, bitch, bitch, Jacques, it drives me crazy."

"'Ave you tried leestening to her complaints?"

I'm jumpin' on the Western down to the southside

"Listen? Forget it. When she starts turning into bitch-zilla, I take for the hills."

"Oh, Beatle-juice, Ah am afraid you are helpless."

Where I'll sit down and exercise my Irish pride

"You really know how to kill a good buzz, you know that, Jacques?"

"Ah thought you loved her."

"Yeah, on top."

Fuck you I'm drunk, Fuck you I'm drunk

"Zat eez no way to treat ze lady!"

Pour my beer down the sink, I've got more in the trunk

"Contrary to popular belief, that witch ain't no lady."

Fuck you I'm drunk, Fuck you I'm drunk

"Beetlejuice!"

"If Lyds sent you Ginger, I don't wanna hear it!"

"But Beatle-juize!"

"I reiterate my earlier statement, Jacques. I'd say the same for you Ginger, but I don't even want to think about that."

And I'm going to be drunk 'till the next time I'm drunk

"I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out why she's willing to put up with you."

"Makes two of us, Ginger, but God knows I love her for it."