Rebecca's Register
Good morning, my daisy, do you fancy a drink after work?
It was a message from Luke. Rebecca didn't have time to respond to his text. She had just clocked in at work. She waltzed into the classroom with the register tucked under her arm. All optimism she had for the new term faded when she caught a whiff of body odour and heard giggling in the classroom.
Looking at them was an eyesore, but she hoped that at the end of the year they would leave as mature well-behaved students ready for whatever the world would throw at them.
"Settle down please," she requested. To her surprise, they listened. She opened the register and grabbed a pen from the pocket of her skirt. "Answer your names please."
Before she could begin the register, she saw several of the students with their phones. "PHONES AWAY! Thank you." She took a deep breathe when she saw some of the names and thought to herself, you poor unfortunate souls. "Chris P. Bacon!"
"Yes Miss!" said the boy in the front row with pink spikey hair.
"Paddington Bear?"
"Yes Miss!" The student in the red hat was scoffing a marmalade sandwich.
"No eating in the classrooms please," Rebecca requested. "Lesley Bienne?"
A girl on the back row raised her hand. "Yes Miss."
"Violet Bondage?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Fanny Bru?"
"Yes Miss!"
The class erupted with laughter. Rebecca puffed her cheeks and sighed. "If we get through the register without being silly, what chance have you got concentrating in class? Right, Takako Cuddles?"
"Yes Miss!"
Takako Cuddles' face gave her memories that Rebecca would rather forget. On top of the questionable names on the register. And she knew it was only going to get worse from there. "Zelda Dick?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Dill Doe?"
Rebecca browsed through her students when nobody answered. "Has anyone seen Dill Doe? No: Absent. And Les Bienne stop looking at Fanny Bru's bottom. We're not even half way through this register and you'll all be late for your first class if we don't hurry up. Now, Daffy Duck?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Donald Duck?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Yolanda Gangbang?"
"Yes Miss!"
The class let out an eccentric cheer. Rebecca responded by yelling, "Oh do grow up!" She carried on. "Rose Herpes?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Ima Homo?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Dick Hunter?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Anita Joint?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Sorry I'm late," a tall boy cried as he ran through the door.
"Ah Dill Doe," Rebecca said, editing her register. "You finally came. Take a seat next to Yolanda Gangbang, please. Ash Ketchum Junior?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Ash Ketchum Senior?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Lavender Knickers?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Buster Naked?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Harry Nuts?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Dixie Normous?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Victoria Pollard?"
"Yeah, but, no, but, yeah, but, I ain't even done nothing or nothing so SHUT UP!"
Rebecca peered down at Victoria who made her think of a sumo wrestler cosplaying as Baby Spice. "Held back again for another year I see. All you had say was: yes Miss. "
"This is well unfair because Les Bienne and Fanny Bru have well been trying to gay me up. Cause what it was this whole thing just happened that I didn't even know nothing about."
"That is quite a serious accusation there Victoria, perhaps you'd like to explain yourself at breaktime."
"Oh my god is you like giving me detention?"
"Yes."
"You can't do that miss because I've already got detention anyway."
"How can you have detention already?" Rebecca asked. "The terms only just started. Oh, just go outside."
Vicky groaned, but she sat up and the table and chair went with her. She tiptoed towards the door and then whispered to Rebecca. "Miss Gales, you're just jealous because I'm pretty and you're not."
If Rebecca could, she would have loved to have thrown the book at Victoria's face. Only problem is that she's a student and no matter how Victoria Pollard's dreadful grammar and attitude irritated her, she had to remain calm for the sake of keeping her job. "Does any of you want to join Miss Pollard outside?"
It was the first time she heard pure silence: it was like music to her ears.
"Good. Not let's continue with this. Nelly Probe?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Ruben Redcock?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Whatever you're doing under that desk, could you kindly not do it," Rebecca asked Ruben. She did not like the fact he had his hands in his pants. "Mia Seaman?"
"Yes Miss!" Mia's voice was muffled – she had something in her mouth.
"What are you sucking on Mia?" Rebecca asked.
"Just a lollipop, Miss."
"You can suck your lollipops at breaktime not now."
"Eric Shun?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Christian Strippers?"
"Yes Miss!"
Before Rebecca could wrap up the register. She gasped at the sight of Yolanda applying make-up and shoving things inside her top. Rebecca raised her voice and pointed to the door. "Yolanda Gangbang outside please."
Two of the male students began laughing and they whistled when Rebecca turned her head. She moved her head quickly and found Ruben and Eric with their lips together like they were blowing kisses – that's how she knew it was them.
"Ruben Redcock and Eric Shun, you can both join Yolanda Gangbang and Victoria Pollard outside and in detention." Rebecca looked down at them. "You can tuck your shirts in and pull your trousers up while you're at it." Rebecca didn't want to see anymore fluorescent boxers. She slammed the door behind them. "Let's crack on with this, we're nearly finished. We're going to finish this register and we're going to be sensible. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Miss Gales."
"Jenny Tal?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Christian Strippers do you want detention on your first day back at school?"
"No miss."
"Then stop laughing at things that aren't funny!" Rebecca roared.
"Arthur Teacake?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Sandy Thong?"
"Yes Miss!"
"Carrie Top?"
"Yes Miss!"
"And finally, Custard Winning?"
"Yes Miss!"
Rebecca breathed a sigh of relief. She looked at the door and marched over to it. "Now let's see if your classmates outside are going to behave themselves if we invite them back in." Like a trooper she stormed outside. "Now you four, if I invite back inside, promise me that you're not going to disruptive for the rest of the day?"
They all nodded.
"Good, now get back in."
Rebecca was dreading the rest of the year. This was her tutor group, and she was sure that her schedule was going to be filled with detentions. It also meant that her friends won't be able to see her during her break. Isabella would have sad about that.
"Now, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Principle Prick has been weeping over the numerous incidents that occurred during the summer holidays involving students of this school." Rebecca steered her face towards Yolanda Gangbang's side of the room. "There's been sex parties." Then she steered towards Victoria. "Urinating and excreting in public places." Her eyes gazed at Chris P. Bacon when she said, "And smoking. Of course, I'm not saying it was any of you guys, but as you know this is a school with a highly established reputation and I've been to remind you that we have a zero tolerance on any illegal and underage activities. Anyone caught doing any of these in the school shall be having words with Principle Prick. I can guarantee that you'll either be suspended or expelled. And the police will be contacted if necessary."
The class bounced off their seats at the sound of the bell. "Did I say you could stand up?" Rebecca asked. They sat back down. "Now you can go. I hope you make a better first impression to your other teachers."
As soon as Les Bienne closed the door behind him. She got her phone out. She was going to decline Luke's offer, but registration was a disaster as far as she was concerned the day was likely to get worse. It wouldn't take long; the other class could wait for a few seconds.
Sure, see you at 5.30!