The Last Goodnight
Cephied Variable
They stumbled in through the window and Ritsuka didn't even care enough to be quiet. The world had gone dark, then light, then dizzy and he had blood on his hands. They fell in a messy pile by the bed, a knot of limbs and desperation and bitter laughter. Soubi put his arms around Ritsuka's waist like he was a life line and Ritsuka ran his bloody hands through Soubi's pretty, pretty blonde hair. He was giddy- he felt like he was flying. He felt like he was falling apart, a wobbly bundle of nerves and vital organs with nothing to keep him together except Soubi's fingers trailing along his hips.
"What have we done?" he muttered into Soubi's hair, "Soubi, what have we done?"
"We ended it." Soubi answered calmly, but Ritsuka could feel the way his body was shaking, rattling like there were pieces loose inside of him. As long as they were both falling apart, maybe it would be okay.
"That's right," Ritsuka repeated, his words lost in a satisfied sigh, "We ended it all." Seven Moons, Fighters, Sacrifices, Seimei, Seimei, Seimei- it was all over. They'd left it all in pieces and ashes at their feet. Loveless and Beloved- the names meant nothing anymore. Nothing tied them down, tied them together except...
"You're free." Ritsuka whispered experimentally, sliding his fingers under Soubi's chin and tipping the man's face up to meet his gaze, "You don't belong to anyone anymore."
Soubi looked a little lost for a moment; younger without his glasses, which was strange because usually Soubi looked sharp without them, every feature in his face hard and wrought like the edge of a blade. He'd probably never looked so soft in his life. Trembling, Ritsuka took his hands away from Soubi's face and leaned back into the edge of his bed. There wasn't enough space between them for this.
"Y-you're not a fighter anymore, Soubi." he clarified, voice suddenly thick with hesitation, "You don't have to see me anymore. I-I'm no longer your obligation."
Soubi pulled back- movements caged and stiff- and stared at Ritsuka blankly. Ritsuka knew the look- the cold, mathematical expression Soubi aquired when he was thinking like a damn machine waiting for someone to input a command. Ritsuka was blindly terrified for a moment- terrified that Soubi would stand up and walk away. He was even more terrified that Soubi would slip back into his typical placated calm and say something like: "whatever Ritsuka wants" and nothing would change. As much as Ritsuka wanted Soubi with him, warm and solid and real and holding him forever, what he wanted more was for Soubi to be happy. Even if he was happy without him. That's definitely what he wanted, even if it meant... even if...
... Ritsuka wasn't very good at lying to himself.
Soubi moved and Ritsuka inhaled sharply and winced. He felt his heart stop beating as Soubi reached towards him, slowly (too slowly!) and cupped his face in his hands. "Ritsuka," Soubi said, lips going crooked in a refreshingly sincere smile, "Ritsuka," he repeated, "You're all I see."
He kissed Ritsuka. Not gently and without grace. It took a moment for Ritsuka to recover and read the heart-breaking honesty in Soubi's actions. He kissed back, hard and clumsy and digging his nails into Soubi's shoulders because this was their first real kiss and Soubi had chosen him, so Ritsuka chose to kiss back. And he chose to let Soubi press him back into the matress and chose to let Soubi's hands glide beneath his shirt, long, cool fingers tracing a zig zag path between the knobby ridges of his spine. Ritsuka arched into the touch and gasped a little- surprising himself at how willingly he could be touched. Whatever destiny denied them was theirs now.
Soubi didn't say "I love you." Not even once.
fin.