BOYFRIEND

Not knowing what it was

I will not give you up this time

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own

And in your eyes, you're holding mine

-Perfect by ED SHEERAN-

Alec stood outside of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane's loft apartment. The old wood groaning as he moved his stance. He was standing in front of his door and had been for the last ten minutes; he wasn't sure what he should do. Magnus had always left his door unlocked with the hopes Alec would show up, and wouldn't have to worry about getting in. He didn't know why he wasn't going in other than he was nervous, usually during the day he would knock on the door or Magnus would just know he was there and came to the door without his knocking. The only times he came in unannounced was during the early morning hours when he did not want to disturb Magnus in case he was sleeping; however, this only happened a few times. Today, however, it was only 6 o'clock and Alec did not know what to do. Should he knock or just walk in? Finally, he gained his courage and put his hand on the doorknob, turning it and walking in the apartment. He didn't know it, but he let out a sigh at the sight of Magnus Bane sitting on his couch with some sort of book between his fingers. Alec just stared at him, Magnus did not look up from his book but Alec thought for just a second he saw a smile crack across his face. It was gone just as fast as it appeared, almost as if it never appeared at all.

Alec spends a few minutes just staring at Magnus, his jet-black hair up in spikes with bright pink tips and extra glitter. His left leg was crossed over his right knee, moving just slightly in tune with whatever rhythm Magnus had going on in his head. Slowly he turned a page, moving his head just enough to readjust his focus on the new words before him. His fingers had a fresh coat of paint with his typical black; Alec could see the hint of glitter on a few nails. He wasn't surprised since glitter was Magnus' favorite color, which made Alec smile. The glitter was bright and flashy whereas Alec's black clothing allowed him to hide in the shadows.

Magnus finally looked over the top of his book, his green-gold cat eyes locked on his opposite brilliant blue ones. "Are you coming in?"

Alec nodded but didn't move yet; it took him another minute to get in the mindset that he was actually seeing Magnus without the cover of darkness. He kicked himself into gear and removed his boots, leaving them by the door; the same door it took him ten minutes to go through.

Magnus put his book on the coffee table, glancing at the antique walk clock, "It's earlier than our normal."

Alec took a few steps forward, bringing him within reach of the coffee table. "I got the night off at the last minute." He didn't expand; he knew that was enough for them.

Magnus stood up then, walking around his coffee table to be able to face him. Alec turned to get a better look at him. He was unsure what they were other than friends; he wished he knew, but he was too afraid to ask it seemed. He liked what he had with the warlock and did not want that to change by asking a question that could change their relationship.

Magnus had to move closer to Alec to do what he wanted with him, moving his hands up to Alec's shoulders, slipping them under his leather jacket and pushing down, successful pushing the jacket down his Shadowhunter's arms. He caught the jacket in both hands before it hit the floor, tossing it to his ornate, oversized armchair. "Stay awhile." He placed a quick kiss on the corner of Alec's lip then pulled back; his hands back on Alec's shoulders.

Alec cleared his throat, shivering at the light touches. Magnus always had that effect on him, the light touches which Alec was beginning to crave more and more of.

"Come, sit with him." Magnus trailed his hands down Alec's arms, gripping his hands tightly in his, pulling him along the coffee table to the couch. He took a seat in the middle and pulled Alec to sit down next to him.

Alec removed his hand from Magnus with a feeling of significant loss; he lifted his hips off the couch to retrieve his phone from his back pocket. He turned it over, placing it on the coffee table face down. The Institute promised no calls on his night off since this was his first night off in over a month. He had to keep the volume on with great sadness because who knew if they would keep their promise or not and he still needed to be able to hear it if they did have to call him in. His plans were to stay the whole night which rarely happened at the moment, he always came to Magnus early in the morning and had to leave a few hours later. He regretted that he could not stay longer, but he loved the feeling of having somewhere else to go; someone else to turn to. The Institute was revolving around Clary and Jace lately which meant he needed peace. Magnus always gave him that peace, whether they talked or not. Alec was never surprised anymore that Magnus seemed to always know what he needed before he did. There were nights they spent doing nothing but lying in bed together, always clothes on or nights where they talked all night. These nights meant no sleep, but Alec loved them. They would talk about everything from the Shadow world or pop culture. A few times Magnus even tried to convince Alec to venture out of his typical black fashion but that never worked, yet Magnus never gave up hope.

Alec leaned his head back on the couch, closing his eyes letting the calm take over. His nerves were coming back to normal after his ten minutes building them up to enter the apartment. He heard Magnus shuffle and the book sliding across the coffee table to the warlock's hands. The pages shifting with Magnus finding the place he left off on. Alec sighed, in pleasure or pain he wasn't sure anymore. He kept thinking of whether he should ask Magnus if they were beyond the friend stage or not. They had made out a few times, a kiss here or there. Against a wall or in bed. Magnus would sometimes mark his skin around his neck but always conscious enough to magically remove them before Alec had to return to the Institute. No one besides Izzy and Clary knew he was gay; however, they didn't even know about Magnus at least he didn't think they did. Part of him thought they did, but he wasn't willing to ask how or when they found out. He sighed again, settling deeper into the couch. He felt Magnus move, but he was slowly falling into sleep, trying to hold on. He wanted to spend time with Magnus, longer than a quick cup of coffee and running in their mornings together. He never had the time to stay longer and it was killing him to not able to stay. Yet. Here he was and he couldn't keep his eyes open.

Magnus was going to read, but the sighing and settling of his Shadowhunter was keeping his mind of focusing on the words before him. He put the book down again, turning his body slightly to look at Alec. His shoulders were relaxed and his head back exposing his neck; Magnus would have loved to bend forward and kiss that neck, but he knew better. Alec always flinched when Magnus did something in a flash; he knew it wasn't because Alec did not want it but he was still so new to relationships that he didn't know what to expect. It felt like a jolt to his senses every time he did that, flinching then relaxing into what it was that he did. Holding his hand, kissing him, pulling him in close; whatever the move was Alec always relaxed into him. It gave him a sense of pride in knowing he could be that person for Alec and that he was the first person to teach him.

However, it was Alec's third sigh that caused the frown on his face. It was officially beyond the settling into sleep sigh. Magnus made his move then, leaning in for a kiss but not on Alec's lip, he went for Alec's jaw. To his surprise, Alec didn't flinch, but he sighed and opened his eyes. Before Magnus could get another kiss to his jaw, Alec turned to face him. Magnus' kiss landed on Alec's lips, who on instinct returned the kiss. Magnus felt himself smile into their kiss as Alec put his hand on the back of Magnus' neck, affectively holding him close. Magnus pulled back when he felt another sigh coming from Alec; his Shadowhunter had closed his eyes again, just leaning on the couch. He held another frown, this time about himself twice he had thought of Alec as his Shadowhunter. He was aware that he had been thinking that lately, more and more as the time they spent together. Alec was not his, at least not yet. Magnus wanted him to be but never brought it up.

"Alec." He whispered, "Open those blues for me." He smiled when he was rewarded with Alec finally opening his eyes again since closing them as they kissed again. Alec removed his hand as Magnus added his own, trailing a finger from his forehead to Alec's jaw and over to his lips. Magnus was close enough to touch his hand from his lips. "What are you thinking about?"

Alec shook his head, "Nothing." He closed his eyes again, settling further on the couch. He twisted slightly to his side to get a better angle on Magnus.

"Tell me," Magnus added more of his fingers to be able to cup Alec's jaw. He was obviously thinking about something, and Magnus wanted to know what. It was keeping Alec from fulling relaxing, and so he needed to know, he had to know.

Alec opened his eyes again; he was greeted by Magnus being slightly closer than before. "I'm exhausted from all the missions as of late. Can I stay here?"

"You are always welcome to stay. No matter the time or the location." They were both aware of what that meant. Alec always slept on the couch whenever he came over in the middle of the night. It wasn't that he didn't want to share a bed with Magnus, he just didn't want to wake him up if he came in too late. Alec did not understand the proper protocol on relationships, so he always waited for Magnus to take the lead, to set the tone of them.

"Thank you." Alec closed his eyes again, drifting in and out with the feeling of Magnus' thumb moving along his bottom lip.

Magnus laughed slightly at that. No one had ever thanked him before, at least not in a situation like this. He knew Alec was exhausted, but Magnus wasn't ready for him to sleep on him yet. "Let's move to the bedroom." Alec's eyes popped open which caused Magnus' smile to widen, "To lay down, Shadowhunter. To sleep."

"Wait," Alec pulled on Magnus' hand as the warlock went to stand up. "Wait." The sleepiness seemed to vanish in a moment from his voice. He was suddenly awake.

"You going to tell me what's keeping you awake?" Magnus slouched down, resting his head the same as Alec. They were eye to eye now, azure blue of Alec's meeting the green-gold cat eyes of his. When nothing came, he edged him on, "Tell me."

Alec moved in for a light kiss, simple and sweet. The kiss did not progress beyond the soft touching of lips. Magnus wasn't going to make it deeper until Alec talked to him and Alec was content with the lite pressure he had created. "I-" Alec pulled back, just enough, "-I don't-"

"It's okay." Magnus brought his hand up once again to cup Alec's jaw. "Whatever it is, it's okay."

"I don't know what I'm doing." Alec finally spoke out loud.

The words didn't sit well with Magnus and his insides began to tighten like rocks had formed in his stomach. "With what?"

"With you." Alec searched Magnus' face for an answer to a question he had not asked yet. "I don't know how to be with you."

"Be?" Magnus sighed, "Be however you want. I won't ever turn you away." Alec leaned in for another kiss, but Magnus pulled back, he wanted answers before they kissed again, he felt the air began to cloud over.

"I know I keep using the excuse of being new to relationships, but how do you learn to be with a person? Jace and Izzy, they just know it. It's so natural for them, and me, I spent ten minutes in front of your door not knowing if I should come in or not." Alec sat up then; the words were choking him. He couldn't look at Magnus, terrified that he would see the disappointment in those eyes. He was always the overlooked Lightwood sibling, the one in the shadows focusing on defense while Jace and Izzy took charge. They appeared to keep the same stance in their relationships as well. Izzy and Jace stepped up and were front and center whereas Alec was still hiding in the shadows. It went beyond not telling anyone about Magnus, that would take time but here he was alone with him and he still was hiding, just in plain sight this time.

Magnus suddenly understood, the cloud moving from his eyes. Alec was scared. Alec didn't know how relationships worked and he was scared of doing the wrong thing because he didn't know what the right thing was. "It's not the same for everyone or every relationship. You learn as you go." Magnus was still leaning back on the couch but his arms were just long enough to pull Alec by the shoulders to his chest. It was a little awkward on how their legs were side by side but Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's upper chest to keep him in place. He brought his month to Alec's ear, it was intimate and just what he wanted. "Listen to me, you will learn it. It just takes time."

Alec sighed, again, tipping his head back to Magnus' shoulder. "How much time?"

"That's different for each relationship."

"Are we?" Alec was glad he couldn't see him. He didn't know what he would do if Magnus didn't give him the answer he wanted. "Are we in a relationship? Beyond friends?"

Magnus smiled, he knew not answering right away was going to drive Alec nuts but Magnus was not sure how he was going to respond. It was apparently too much for Alec because he used his hands to pull Magnus off of him, he was up in a second. Damn him and his Shadowhunter speed. Alec didn't go far, just a few steps away from the couch, still not looking at him. "Alexander." Magnus was up with him using his own speed. He pushed his arms around Alec's waist, but Alec was fast again, moving his hands over Magnus' but that's where he stopped. Either to hold onto him or force him to let go, Magnus wasn't sure which but he knew which he wanted Alec to pick. "Alexander." He whispered again pulling himself up close. "What do you want?" That got Alec to go perfectly still in his arms.

"I want-" Alec had gripped Magnus' hands now, intertwining their fingers together, his palms to the top of Magnus'. "I want you." Their kissing in the past always had the hint of moving too fast, too soon. Alec thought about them a lot, lately. There was never any surprise that he wanted the warlock.

Magnus huffed at him, "That is not the same thing." He was ready to pull away from Alec. He had asked him before if he liked him, Alec had said yes but liking him beyond a purely sexual way was something else. He felt more for the Shadowhunter than that and he had hoped Alec felt the same.

"I know."

"Do you?" Magnus pulled on his hands; Alec wouldn't let him go. His strength allowed him to keep his grip, even pulling more so Magnus was forced to wrap his arms tighter and pulling them closer. Alec felt him, all of him; from head to toe.

"I want to call you my mine, but I don't know how." Alec had to close his eyes; they were beginning to sting. "I can't come out yet, not in my world. The Shadow world won't allow it. How can I keep you if I have to hide you?"

Magnus was reminded of Alec's scared nature again. He had secretly been in love with his parabatai which also have to be held as a secret for more than one reason. Alec was still that scared boy who was told he could never have what he truly wanted.

"How is that fair to you?"

"It's okay to be scared of this. You're right; this is new, it's not an excuse but a fact." Magnus kissed the side of his neck, the very center of his rune. "It will take time, and in time you will know when it's right."

"What if it's never right?"

"Not possible."

Alec sighed, dropping Magnus's hands and turning to face him. "How do you know?" He was demanding answers now. They were unfair questions that much he knew, but he needed answers to them just the same. This wasn't black or white, he knew that, but that didn't stop him from thinking of them.

"I've been around long enough to know this." Magnus framed Alec's face, "Alexander, there is no for sure answers to any of the questions you have and I feel bad about that. Trust me. The answers will come to you in time. To us."

Alec frowned then, what did Magnus mean by 'to us,' shouldn't he already have the answers.

Magnus answered as if he could read his mind. "You are new to me too. You are not the only one who isn't sure where we stand. I've never been with a Shadowhunter before. I always had a strict 'no Shadowhunter' policy until now."

"Why? Why me?" Alec wanted Magnus to drop his hand from his face but also wanted him to stay where they were.

"Shadowhunters' always seemed to be more trouble than they're worth. I looked in your eyes and knew that you weren't the same as the others." Magnus finally wanted to do what he had been thinking of since framing Alec's face. He kissed him; this wasn't like any of their light kissed from the couch. He used his hands to force Alec's head back, and to a side angle, he was controlling this kiss in his own way. Biting down on Alec's bottom lip got the moan he wanted, he was starving for like a man stranded in the desert. He pulled back after a few minutes of paying all his attention to his bottom lip. "Ask me the question you really want to know the answer to?"

Alec held a brilliant smile up for Magnus, he always knew. "No, I know the answer now." It was the question that plagued him all day and didn't leave his mind even after stepping foot into the apartment.

Magnus smiled at him; he couldn't help it when Alec's eyes lit up the entire room, the sun was beginning to set, but it didn't matter anymore. "When you stood up, were you trying to get away from me? Would you have left with your questions unanswered?"

"I don't know. I just knew I couldn't look at you; I couldn't feel you next to me if you told me 'no.'" Alec once again looked down, "I feel foolish now."

"Never feel that way around me. We are in a relationship if we can't bring up matters of importance to each other, then who can we?"

"Magnus?" Alec had no choice but to look at him now, he felt the importance of his next statement, it wouldn't be much to Magnus, but it was going to be new for him. "I'm exhausted from everything. Can we go lay down now? Sleeping in my boyfriend's arms sounds like heaven right now."

Magnus nodded, involuntarily licking the corner of his bottom lip with the response. He would be lying if he say that those words didn't elicited a positive response from him. "I think I can make that happen. However, I am the High Warlock of Brooklyn and I do require payment for services reddened."

"Oh yeah, and what payment would you like?" Alec rolled his eyes at Magnus' playful smirk like they both knew where this was headed.

Magnus just pulled Alec with him. "I think we can figure something out."

Alec finally relaxed enough to laugh, the mood had shifted and he felt at ease with himself again being with Magnus. The questions that had plagued him all day had answers even if they were answers he didn't understand yet; he finally had the feeling that he would understand them in time and Magnus was going to be the one to help him. It wasn't that late, but he was exhausted, and he honestly did want to sleep wrapped up in Magnus. His room was the only room in the apartment that genuinely smelled like Magnus, he could breathe deep anywhere in the bedroom, and it was all Magnus. He had spent time in the room, lying in bed laughing but he never spent the night even if it was going to be tame for Magnus, it was just what Alec needed and Magnus always gave him what he needed.

"Alexander, I need you to remember something." Magnus walked backward holding Alec's hands in his; they were intertwined as to keep him as close as possible. "My door is always open for you. I don't want you standing outside for ten minutes deciding if I want you to come in. Just know that I do want you to come in. No matter the time, you will never bother me."

He dropped his face again; Alec knew he was turning bright red.

"And another thing, stop sleeping on my couch. I don't care what time you show up if you're here to stay the night, stay with me."

Alec's blush deepened around his neck and on his cheeks. He just invited himself to sleep in bed with his boyfriend but hearing Magnus talk about it turned him into a shy sheep. "I didn't want to disturb you."

"I love that you think of me that way. It's been a long time since I had someone think of my feelings but I'm telling you I want you to sleep in my bed, not on my couch." They finally made it to Magnus' room. The door was already open, so Magnus pulled Alec in and shut the door behind him. There were others who thought they had access to his house at all times and he didn't want anyone to find Alec in there since Alec wasn't ready for that step. Magnus stripped his light jacket off and threw into the corner of the room. Then he reached for each foot, removing each sock.

"What are you waiting for? You can't tell me you sleep like that." Magnus pointed to his gear belt then to his socks.

Alec followed his eyes down his own body, he then got the hint and took his hip holster off putting it on the chair along with his socks on the floor. To be honest, with himself, he slept without a shirt on as well, it got too hot, and so that came off next, and he put it on the chair and turned to face Magnus. Alec just stared at him, Magnus was staring back at him, but he wasn't looking him in the eye, he was focused down, "What never seen abs before?" Alec joked it was one of the few times he actually joked about that stuff. Alec was the shy one, Magnus was the joking one.

"I've seen you without a shirt a few times. I like what I see." Magnus turned then, he went to his side of the bed, throwing the covers back. He made it past the awkward moment of getting Alec to open up to him about what has obviously been bothering him for a long time, and now he moved one to the lighthearted point of the evening. It was too early for sleeping, but he was happy to lay around if it meant Alec was content. "Get in."

Alec did what he was told and climbed in, almost at an awkward pace, he still felt shy being there. "One of these days I'm not going to blush so much." Alec went bright red again when Magnus stripped his shirt over his head and threw it across the room, landing on the same pile as his jacket and socks.

Magnus crawled into the bed, pulling the covers up, "Why? Red is such a good color on you."

Alec flopped back on the pillow on his side of the bed and rolled over to face Magnus; he had a broad smile making his cat eyes even more pronounced. Alec felt himself being drawn to them, "Magnus?"

"Huh?" He was still moving into a comfortable spot which included sliding closer to Alec. He stopped when he felt Alec's hand on his chest.

"Kiss me."

Magnus slid further into the bed, getting close as he could. "Payment accepted." He swallowed Alec's laugh with his kiss.

The End.