A/N: A little darker than what I normally write and there are some mature themes but I don't feel like it crosses the line from "T" to "M," but I'm definitely pushing the envelope. Thanks to everyone that reviewed the Paige/Johnny fic I posted yesterday, wasn't sure if people would be interested. But today it's back to Pike...angsty Pike, then something light for tomorrow. 5 days!
The last place Paige needed to be was here.
She should still be at Sulla's. She could take it. If Mike had left her there like she asked, she knew he would have done everything in his power to get her out of there as quickly as possible. She wouldn't have put it past Mike to rob a bank to get the money to buy her, if he couldn't shut it down or get the money approved. She didn't even know how he got ahold of the money used today. Holding onto the certainty that he would get her out, would've gotten her through whatever fate awaited her. It was what got her through the past few days.
But she wasn't there anymore. She was here.
The last place she wanted to be. Nervously standing outside Mike's room, too timid to knock on his door. She was furious with Mike for getting her out and leaving Lina in there. Leaving that hellhole open. Leaving her girls at the mercy of a monster. The hope she felt when she saw him, the relief in knowing it would all be over soon, her girls wouldn't feel that. She had no idea what tomorrow held for them. No idea when they would get out of there. Even though Mike wasn't responsible for bringing them there, he was responsible for keeping them in there as far as she was concerned. He could've ended this today, but he didn't. She wanted to strangle him for making them stay longer. As much as she wanted to fight with Mike or ignore him or figure out some way to work around him, she couldn't. Not tonight.
She needed him.
Just as Paige was gathering the courage to knock on Mike's door, it suddenly opened and they were standing face to face. Mike's eyes were slightly widened and she could tell he was surprised that she was seeking him out, especially with how they ended things earlier. After they argued outside of the motel, they drove home in silence, the tension between them palpable. The silence uncomfortable. A far cry from how things were usually so easy between them.
Once they got home, Mike hung back as everyone else, except for Jakes, welcomed her home. Then he disappeared. She didn't know where he went. If he went for a run or to the gym to work off some frustration. Or to headquarters to work on something. Or maybe he went to The Drop to get away from her. Or worse, to Jessica.
But he was home now and she needed him. She could see the questions forming in his eyes, but he was patiently waiting for her to speak. He was probably afraid of pissing her off again. But even though they were fighting, she knew Mike. Knew that even if he was afraid of pissing her off, the main reason for his silence was that he was waiting to see what she needed and what she needed was him.
Without saying a word, she grabbed Mike and kissed him roughly. Her anxiety lessened as the familiarity of his kiss washed over her and she felt safe for the first time in days. Pushing Mike back in his room, she kicked the door closed behind them, eager to get lost in him. Mike pulled back slightly and she placed her hand on the back of his neck, guiding his mouth back to hers. Lightly digging her nails in the back of his neck, she bit his lip and he groaned in response, making her heart race faster.
Mike gently placed his hands on her shoulders, pushing her away and she looked up at him, confused. Why was he stopping? "Don't," Paige breathlessly whispered, trying to pull him back to her but he stubbornly kept his distance, lightly rubbing circles onto her shoulders with his thumbs.
"Paige, we need - "
"I don't want to talk Mike. Just don't - don't push me away. I need you," she tearfully confessed. It scared her how much she needed him right now. Wanting him was a familiar feeling. She always wanted him. Wanted to be near him. Whisper something dirty in his ear knowing he couldn't react. Steal a kiss when no one was looking. Spend her nights wrapped up in him. But needing him to make her feel safe and loved and to wash away the fear and pain? She wanted him to own her. This was unfamiliar territory.
Mike stepped forward slightly and she wrapped her arms around his neck, relieved he was giving in. Grateful he wasn't going to make her explain. She closed her eyes and parted her lips, expectantly waiting for his kiss, but instead of his lips meeting hers, Mike gently touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Do - do you need to go to the hospital?"
His words were hesitant. Careful. She could tell he was afraid to ask. Afraid what her answer would be.
"No," she honestly answered. "I need you." This wasn't her. She wasn't some pathetic woman that needed a man to feel safe. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. But not tonight. Just about the only thing she was certain of right now was that she needed him. Needed him to chase away her fears. Needed to feel his touch so that when she closed her eyes, his was the only face she would see. She started pulling at his clothes and when she started unbuttoning his shirt, she knew he had given in. A sense of relief washed over her, grateful he wasn't going to make her explain. But as her hands fumbled with his belt, he stopped her.
Mike held her wrists for a few seconds before gently framing her face in his hands, "Were you raped?" Mike asked, looking her in the eyes.
"No," she honestly answered, meeting his gaze.
Mike let go of her face and pulled her into his arms, tightly hugging her. "Thank God," Mike murmured, kissing her near her ear over and over again as he rubbed her back. "Tell me what happened."
Paige closed her eyes as she started crying, grateful that Mike's arms were tightly wrapped around her because it stopped her from shaking. She buried her face in his chest, wishing she could hide like this forever. Wishing she didn't need him so desperately because otherwise she wouldn't be having this conversation. Mike was just as stubborn as she was, and as much as he cared about her, he would never hurt her, but he wouldn't stop pushing for answers unless she walked out of his room. And she couldn't.
Paige smoothed her hands over his chest, distracted by the string on one the buttons of his shirt coming loose. "They stripped me down and made me change my clothes and they waited. It was Sulla and some woman. They were waiting for the bags of heroin and there were only nine. Because..." her voice trailed off, trying to repress the memories of Anika dying in the bathroom at the bus station. She could only deal with one horror at a time.
"You're safe," Mike soothingly whispered, kissing the top of her head and slowly leading her across the room. He sat down on the bed, resting his back against the headboard, his arms extended in an open invitation and as much as she wanted him to comfort her, she was seriously debating running and finding comfort in the bottom of a bottle.
Paige climbed in bed next to him, drawing her knees to her chest. "Sulla slapped me and blamed me for losing a balloon. He insisted I hid it somewhere." She squeezed her eyes shut and she was transported back to that dark, dirty room, filled with the silent screams of the horrors endured there. "He stripped me again and searched me, trying to see if I had hidden it somewhere," Paige whispered, humiliated at having to admit what happened to her. She turned her head away from Mike, holding her head, resting her elbow on her knee, not needing to see the horror and pity she knew was in his eyes. "Sulla - he touched me."
"Paige..."
She turned her head back to face him and her heart nearly broke at the look on his face. Instead of disgust in his eyes, she saw fear. He was reaching out to comfort her, but was hesitating because he was afraid of how she would react. Afraid she would freak out. Afraid his touch would make her think of Sulla. But the opposite was true. Paige reached for his hand, drawing strength from his touch.
"He groped me, poking and prodding as he searched for the bag. It wasn't sexual," Paige said, the bile rising in her throat. "Not that that makes it okay." Nothing was okay about anything that happened. "But, it wasn't even like I was there, I wasn't even a person. I was just some vessel that contained a missing heroin bag and he was free to touch me. Free to search me. I couldn't do anything to stop him." She had been alone. Afraid. Powerless. It wasn't until Mike showed up two days later that she realized how alone she had truly been. She didn't have her badge. Or her gun. No phone to call for help. No backup. No tracking device. The transmitter she had in her hair when she first got in the van got lost somewhere been Sylmar and Sulla's. Everything she had been wearing had been taken from her and she didn't know where her clothes or the transmitter went. Not that it mattered, it didn't have GPS, it only transmitted sound.
"He had no right. I promise you, I'm going to make him pay," Mike vowed, struggling to keep his voice even. "We're going to get your girls out and he's gonna pay."
"When I close my eyes, that's what I feel. Him. I want to forget. I want..." Paige's voice trailed off and she shakily continued, not really wanting to admit this out loud, but unless she told him everything, Mike wouldn't do what she needed. "I want it to be your touch that I feel. I want to erase those images from my mind and bury them down so deep they'll be a distant memory. I want you to take control and use me, so that when I look at the bruises on my body, I'll know they came from you."
"I don't think - "
Paige moved so she was straddling his lap, prepared to convince him that she could do this. That she wasn't going to break if he touched her. "I need you," Paige whispered against his lips.
"I don't want to hurt you. I won't hurt you."
"You won't," Paige assured him. "I trust you. I know you won't." Things were complicated between them right now. They had their own issues to work through, but right now that could wait. She needed him to erase every image and touch from the past few days and replace them with his.
Mike searched her eyes, and she could see the questions in his. She nodded slightly and he kissed her slowly as he lightly skimmed his hands over her thighs. Paige sighed, relaxing under his touch. He was being careful. So very careful. Gentle. Loving. He lightly brushed his fingers over her body, covering her with featherlight kisses and while that felt amazing, she needed more. She needed him to take her. To take control. She pulled off her shirt and grabbed his hands, placing them where she wanted them. Placing her hands over his, she gripped his hands, letting him know she needed more, but still his touch was tentative and he was watching her carefully, looking for any sign that he should stop. She could tell he was overthinking. He was being careful and cautious and concerned. Wonderful. But that wasn't what she needed. She needed him to be rough and demanding. She wanted her body to tingle from his touch. Wanted her body to feel deliciously sore like it did after a night of really good sex, not sore because she had been slapped around and hit with a bat.
There were nights when Mike would kiss her so maddeningly slow, she thought she would lose her mind. That even the gentlest touch would make her go out of her mind with pleasure. But this wasn't one of those nights. She wanted him to fuck her so hard that the only thing she could remember was his name.
If she thought Mike would agree to slapping her, she'd ask. That way when she looked in the mirror and saw the bruise on her face, she'd know it came from Mike and that she wanted it. But that would be pushing him too far. Him leaving bruises on her hips or a hickey on her neck was one thing. This wouldn't be him slapping her ass when they were in the heat of the moment, like he sometimes did. This would be her asking him to intentionally hit her and he would never do that. And she would never ask him to cross that line, because she wasn't sure he could and she couldn't handle him saying no.
Paige tightly grabbed his hair, hungrily kissing him.
This wasn't the first time she had been touched on a case. She had never been raped and she refused to use the word assaulted, because until this case, she always had some level of control. She could've spoken up or left or blown her cover or called for backup if things had gotten out of hand. But sometimes she put her cases above her own personal safety. She used sex as a weapon to placate. Getting someone off with her hands or mouth, letting them touch her, but never letting them fuck her. That was all just part of the job as far as she was concerned. Her own lines that she had drawn. There had been a few times where she had used sex to seduce someone and she wasn't ashamed to admit she had taken things further than she originally intended, getting caught up in the moment and having sex with someone she found attractive. But she had never been the victim in any of those situations. She had always been in control. The past few days had been different. She had been scared. Alone. Helpless.
She bit Mike's lip again and this time he didn't stop her, not even when she tasted his blood in her mouth. Releasing his tortured lip, she kissed it gently as a silent apology. The plan was for him to mark her, not the other way around.
He fisted his hand in her hair and tugged it hard, exposing her neck to him. "Mark me. Tie me up. Whatever you want. You own me," Mike groaned in her ear.
A thrill ran through her body at the thought of owning him. This was exactly what she needed. She needed to take control. To be in control. She was tempted to handcuff him, but she wanted his hands free. Needed him touching her.
She kissed him again and the next few minutes were a blur of frantic kisses as their clothes found their way to the floor. She rode him, hard and fast, slamming her hips repeatedly against his, desperate to feel a connection with Mike. Lost in pleasure, Paige shut off her brain and tuned everything out but Mike. His fingers tightly gripped her hips, desperately trying to move her faster. Her name fell from his lips as if it was a mantra, a constant reminder to keep her in the present and not get lost in the memories she was pushing further and further away with each passing second.
Leaning forward, she brushed her lips over his before giving him a bruising kiss as he bucked his hips faster. She cried out his name, collapsing in his arms. Overwhelmed with emotion, Paige started crying, trying to figure out how she turned into this needy thing. Embarrassed by her reaction, she climbed off him and started to turn away, but Mike wouldn't let her. He lightly stroked her face, brushing away her tears and she gladly welcomed the tenderness in his touch.
"You're safe," Mike promised, covering her face with gentle kisses. He pulled Paige closer, doing his best to comfort her. "I'm sorry." He wasn't even sure what he was apologizing for. Not finding her sooner. Leaving Sulla's open. Leaving Lina in there. Having sex with her tonight. Everything. Nothing. Everything in between. He lightly stroked her back, reaching down to grab the blanket that had been kicked to the floor earlier to cover them up. "Tell me what you need. It's yours. I'm yours."
He would gladly promise anything. Do anything. Anything to make Paige whole again.
It made his stomach turn to think about everything she had been through over the past few days and at the same time he was well aware of the fact that things could be much worse.
He wasn't used to seeing her like this. Fragile. Overcome with emotions. Not that she wasn't emotional. She just didn't usually let her guard down this much. He still wasn't sure they should've slept together tonight, but he saw the desperation in her eyes. Saw the fear and he would do anything to make it go away.
Paige rested her head on his chest, absentmindedly tracing her fingers along his abdomen. The mindless action seemed to calm her.
"Paige, I promise you, we're gonna get your girls out. We're gonna make Sulla and Solano pay."
"Thank you," Paige whispered, pressing her lips to his chest as she tightened her hold on him.
"Don't thank me." He had gotten her out of there as quickly as he could, but it should've been quicker. He crossed lines he didn't think he was capable of crossing, but he would cross them again. He knew she had taken a risk that she shouldn't have, but he felt responsible. He hadn't been able to get her another team after hers got pulled. He should've known she wouldn't give up on her girls. He should've been there. Should've found a way to get her a team.
Mike rolled them over so he was leaning over her. Paige was looking up at him, her eyes shimmering with tears. The bruise from Sulla on her face was starting to turn a bright shade of purple, she turned away from him, uncomfortable with his scrutiny. "You're beautiful." He leaned over her, brushing his lips over hers in a chaste kiss. Carefully, he kissed the bruise on her face. He lightly kissed the marks on her neck that he left. Pushing aside the blanket that covered them, he pressed a gentle kiss on every mark that marred her golden skin. The scar on her hand from when Lil Top stabbed her. The fading hickey on her breast from earlier in the week. The bruises on her hips from when he gripped her too tightly not too long ago. The bruise on her leg where Sulla hit her with a bat for trying to escape. The scar on her knee from when she fell off her bike when she was eight. His lips followed the same path up her body, stopping to place a kiss on her heart. Paige reached for him, threading her fingers through his hair as his lips sought out hers in a sweet kiss. Mike reached for the blanket again to cover them. "So beautiful," Mike whispered, continuing to cover her face in gentle kisses as he kissed away her tears.
"Don't go."
Leaving was the last thing on his mind right now. He wanted to make love to her. He wanted to worship her the way she deserved to be treated. He wanted to take his time and go slow. Lightly brush his lips over every inch of her body. Reassure her that she wasn't damaged or broken, that what happened with her over the past few days didn't change how he felt about her. If anything, it made him respect her more.
He kissed her again, before cradling her body against his. Even though they were still in bed together and Paige hadn't shown any signs of wanting to hide from him, he wouldn't push her to have sex with him again tonight. He wasn't sure what kind of headspace she was in right now. He wanted to ask how she was feeling, if there was anything she needed, but she wasn't ready to talk. He wasn't sure if she would ever want to talk, and he knew he couldn't push her. She trusted him enough to be with him, at least for tonight, he wasn't going to do anything that might send her running. On some level, Mike knew he shouldn't be treating her like some broken doll, Paige was anything but broken, but he couldn't help feeling protective over her after feeling helpless for the past few days.
Paige snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his chest. Mike sighed, lazily running his hand up and down her back before he started twisting loose strands of her hair as he dropped affectionate kisses onto her hair. After a while, Paige's breathing slowed down and he peered down, smiling softly when he noted her parted lips and felt her breath tickling his skin. He stopped playing with her hair, content to watch her sleep. Relieved to know she was safe. Grateful she turned to him. Thankful to see the peaceful expression on her face.
Exhausted from the past few days, his eyes drifted shut but he stubbornly kept them open, wanting to watch Paige sleep. Wanting to be awake in case she needed anything. His stomach growled, reminding him that he had barely eaten once he found out she was missing. Paige was fast asleep, he could probably sneak downstairs and grab a snack for the both of them. Mike carefully lifted her hand, waiting to see if she stirred. He eased out from underneath her and Paige inched closer, tightening her hold on him.
"Where are you going?" Paige sleepily murmured, her eyes still closed.
Mike kissed her forehead, "When's the last time you ate?"
Propping herself up on her elbow, she shrugged, content to run her fingers through his hair. She traced her fingers over his face, smiling when he kissed her fingertips. "I'm not sure."
"Is there anything you want? I can go get one of those artichoke white pizzas you like." He wasn't sure what possessed someone to put artichoke on a pizza, but for some reason Paige liked it. "Or I can make you something. Whatever you want."
"Can you make me some tea? I'm not really hungry. But it's okay if you want to get something to eat. I'll be okay."
"Are you sure? I can order whatever you want. Send Johnny out for takeout if they won't deliver." Paige shook her head and he watched her carefully for a few moments, debating if she'd be okay alone. But there was also the possibility that she needed some space. Mike kissed her forehead, "I'll be right back."
Mike grabbed his boxers from the floor and pulled them on, wandering into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and wash his hands, not even bothering to turn on the light. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and threw on a tank top before heading downstairs.
"What the hell happened to you?" Johnny asked as he walked into the kitchen.
"Nothing." Mike walked past him, grabbed the teakettle from the stove and filled it up, and turned on the stove. He rummaged around in the cupboard for Paige's favorite tea and grabbed it, along with the giant mug she liked.
"You didn't have those scratches on your neck when we were surfing the other day," Johnny commented. "Is that a hickey?"
"Drop it," Mike warned.
"Is your lip bleeding?"
Resisting the urge to check and see if his lip started bleeding again, Mike ignored Johnny and started rummaging through the fridge, grabbing a yogurt from Paige's shelf in the fridge. He also pulled out a bottle of water and grabbed some grapes, before rifling through the utensil drawer in search of a spoon. He pulled out a tray and started placing everything on it while he waited for water to boil. The longer he stood here, he was seriously questioning his judgment to use the teakettle instead of microwaving a cup of water. But Paige always insisted she could taste the difference. Something to do with the water temperature. If the only thing she wanted was a cup of tea, he could awkwardly stand here for a few minutes and deal with Johnny and Jakes. It was nothing compared to what she had been through.
"Sure that's a good idea?" Jakes asked, his voice filled with disdain. "Paige just went through hell and the second she gets home you fuck her? Are you stupid or just that insensitive?"
"You don't know what you're talking about." He knew how it looked. It looked bad. Looked like he didn't care what she went through. But he and Paige knew the truth, that was all he cared about. He didn't care what everyone else thought.
"Paige went under as a tinker bell, they're sex slaves! She could've been raped and your reaction is to sleep with her? You think because you bought her today that you own her? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"You don't get to judge me. You weren't there for her when she needed you. You left her all alone!" Mike loudly said, before he remembered to keep his voice down. The last thing he wanted was for Paige to hear them arguing and have her come downstairs to face everyone or feel the need to defend him.
"I got arrested! She should've had a team, but - "
"Hey, hey - now's not the time for this," Johnny intervened as he tried to smooth things over. "Paige is home now. She's safe."
"Paige gets to decide how to deal with this, not you. Whatever opinion or criticism you have on how she's handling this, either keep it to yourself or you take it out on me, not her," Mike protectively said, deciding not to share what Paige told him earlier. It was up to her if she wanted to tell the others. She trusted him enough to tell him. Trusted him with her. He wasn't going to violate that trust. The last thing Paige needed was for anyone to make her feel bad or ashamed for dealing with this the wrong way. He wasn't sure he agreed with her decision to bury it down, but it was her choice. He would gladly deal with everyone thinking he was an asshole, if it meant she didn't have to explain anything she didn't want to explain.
"If you hurt her," Jakes began, his voice low as he stepped towards him. "You'll answer to me."
He considered taking a step forward to challenge Jakes. But this wasn't some pissing contest. He knew how much Jakes cared about Paige. Knew leaving her alone wasn't intentional. But that didn't mean he wasn't angry about it. Angry at himself for not securing her team. "Duly noted."
The tea kettle whistled and he poured the water into a teapot. He grabbed an apple and placed it on the tray before heading back upstairs.
Mike quietly nudged his door open, her eyes were closed and he wasn't sure if she was sleeping or not. Paige was strong. What happened could've easily broken someone. But not Paige. He was thankful she turned to him. That she wasn't dealing with this all on her own. He set the tray down next to the bed and the noise startled her awake. "It's just me," Mike soothingly said. Mike poured the water into the mug, placing the teabag in the water, letting it steep as he swirled it around.
Paige sat up, holding the blanket to her chest as he handed her the mug. She blew on the tea a few times before taking a few sips. "Thank you."
"I can get you something to sleep in."
Paige set the mug down on the nightstand. "Do you - do you not want to see me?" Paige asked, her voice uncharacteristically filled with insecurity.
Mike silently chastised himself for being so thoughtless. She thought her bruises disgusted him. That he couldn't bear to look at her. That he saw her as damaged. Knowing she was hurt, made his blood boil. But it wasn't her he was disgusted with. "I always want to see you, Paige. You're gorgeous. Always. You know, sometimes I can't think straight because you distract me. In a good way. I just want you to be comfortable. You can change into something or not, it's completely up to you." Mike reached over for the basket of clean laundry and set the first tshirt he found on the edge of the bed, leaving it within her reach but the decision to wear it up to her. He walked over to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to her. "You know..." his voice trailed off, making sure to choose his words carefully. "You know how much I like it when you're wearing my clothes." There was just a certain possessiveness that overcame him when she was wearing his shirt. Wearing his shirt, made her look even sexier if that was even possible. But even though they just had sex, he was well aware of the fact how much that wasn't about sex as much as it was. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or think he was expecting her to act a certain way because they slept together earlier. He knew whatever happened next between them was going to happen on her timetable.
Paige slipped on the tshirt and looked down and groaned, "You just had to grab the FBI one, didn't you?"
Mike laughed softly, "It was on top. We can trade if you want."
"It's fine." Paige curled up next to him and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. "How can people be so evil?"
"I don't know. But we're gonna make them pay." They were either going to rot in a jail cell or if that wasn't possible, he would slit their throats. He would gladly carry that burden the rest of his life if the trade off was knowing that Paige felt safe. But right now, none of that mattered. He was here with Paige, right where he needed to be.
THE END