Word count: 1688
show me mercy
Riley doesn't really remember how she leaves the mountain. She doesn't know how she finds the strength to get up and get back to the ambulance she and Will had escaped with, or how she drove them back to her house, but she supposes that the fact that she does is all that matters.
All that she knows is that for the first time in what feels like forever, she's alone in her own mind, and it's far more frightening than she remembers it being.
She never thought she'd say this, but over the past few - what, days? Weeks? It felt like more but it couldn't have been much longer since she first glimpsed a face not her own in her mirror – she'd gotten used to this constant static in the back of her mind, to this feeling of companionship, like someone was constantly laying a comforting hand on your shoulder, only not quite.
It's the warmth of a fire on a freezing winter's day, it's the cool air on a warm summer night, it's knowing you're not alone when you're feeling down – it's everything that reminded her why life was worth living when she needed it, all wrapped in one feeling she can't describe, there at the back of her mind.
To not have it now hurts so much she barely think of anything other than the pain, but Will is there, and he's alive – not like the ghosts that surrounds her here, the ghosts she can't quite bring herself to let go of because they're all she has left – and maybe, just maybe, she can actually do it right this time.
She lost one family, one life, already on this mountain, and she knows she wouldn't survive losing another one.
She can still hear the echo of Will's words when she gets back inside the vehicle, still feel the warmth of his hands when she starts driving, still see the love in his eyes when she adjusts his position so that he no longer looks quite so drugged and only like he's sleeping.
That, more than anything else, is what keeps her going the rest of the way, even though her heart beats so fast she swears it's trying to get out of her chest, and the blood rushing to her head makes so much noise she's perpetually afraid she'll never hear it if their pursuers find them.
They never show though, and the only sound in the car with her all the way to Sven's house is the sound of Will's breathing (she never thought it could be so reassuring).
She misses Capheus' easy smile, and she wishes he could be the one to drive them away from here – only no, she doesn't, not really. This is her life, and even if she shares it with seven other people now, she has to make her own decisions.
She can do this. She can save Will and save herself, rescue him like he just rescued her, because she owes him this at least.
She misses Nomi and the way her voice was telling them what to look out for, Sun and her quiet strength, as well as everyone else from the cluster.
She misses Will the most though, misses the way he was always so sure they could do everything together, even now that his body is closer to hers than it's ever been before.
It takes all she has not to start crying, because she knows that the moment she does, she won't stop or she'll crash. She can't do that now, not when someone else is relying on her. Not again.
She wonders if the fact that for once in her life she's focused on doing this for herself before doing it for others is what keeps everyone else from showing up, or if the drugs they put her under are still affecting her somehow.
She doesn't know which option would be best, but she's lived the first twenty-something years of her life alone in her head, she can handle another few hours, even if she would give anything for anyone to be there beside her right now.
She doesn't stop in front of her father's house – she doesn't even know if he's there and yet her heart still constricts painfully in front of the familiar place – because even if she doesn't know what to expect now that they're out of Whispers' clutches, she knows that her father will be watched. He probably already is being watched right now.
She wants nothing more than to tell him everything and have him reassure her that everything would be alright, but she doesn't need to be a genius to know exactly why it isn't a good idea.
And so she passes right in front of his house and doesn't stop, and she hopes he'll forgive her when she finally gets around to explaining what's been happening with her.
In the end she parks the car right in front of Sven's house because the man isn't immediate family and so wouldn't be targeted the way her father probably is, and because she knows the man would do anything for her the same way her father would.
The vehicle being an ambulance probably means that Whispers and whoever else is on their trail won't take long to find it and Sven and thus deduce her course of action, but it was that or park it a few blocks away and leave Will alone there, and there's no way she'd ever do that.
"Riley?" The man asks when he opens the door. "Are you alright? Your father's been worried sick – did the hospital release you? They said you'd been transferred somewhere else…"
Riley's not alright – she doesn't think she can be right now, and probably not for a while either, but things could have been worse. They could have been so much worse, and that's why she forces a smile out.
It's perhaps the worst travesty of a smile she's made since Magnus and Luna, and she kind of hates that Sven knows her well enough to see through it but still understands enough not to ask her about it.
"I'm fine," she lies, and then corrects herself, because he deserves this at least, "I'll be fine."
She takes a deep breath because she doesn't know what else to say – her story sounds crazy enough to her, and she's the one living it. What will it look like to anyone else, even someone like Sven who's known her forever?
She doesn't need to say anything else in the end, because Sven spots Will passed out in the passenger seat, the ambulance that's clearly stolen and the way she's wearing clothes that aren't hers. He sees the tiredness written on every line of her body and the fire in her eyes, and that must tell him everything he wishes to know.
(still, one day she'll explain properly – when she herself knows what to explain)
They carry Will inside and put him on the sofa, and then Sven goes to park the ambulance a few streets over, promising her he'll take it further away as soon as he can, while Riley changes into clothes that actually fit her.
She feels better almost better immediately, and of course that's when Nomi shows up.
The other woman takes one look at her and sweeps her into a ribs-breaking hug.
"God, I thought you were dead," she whispers in Riley's hair, and yes, this is why Riley wanted to escape, wanted to live – she wanted to see these people, her other selves (and how crazy was that?) again.
For the first time in what feels like forever, Riley laughs. It's a broken thing, but it's unmistakably a laugh, at least until it breaks down into sobs.
She tells Nomi everything she missed – how she run out of the car because she panicked, how Will pulled her out of that trance-like state, and then put himself under so Whispers couldn't use him, and finally how she drove them to Sven's house because she didn't know where else to go.
Nomi is quiet but supportive through it all, and she can feel their other consciousness lingering at the edges of her mind as she talks, no doubt listening in.
They don't intrude though, and she can't help but be unbelievably grateful for that, for those people who know her as well as she knows herself, if not better.
"Want me to take over?" Nomi asks hesitantly at the end, and Riley almost nods, because she yearns for the distance this action would give her.
They need Nomi to do her tech-wizard thing though, to make sure that they're still under the radar or Whispers and his organization, and Riley tells her that. "Besides", she adds with something that's not-quite a smile dancing on her lips, "the worst part is over – if I survived through that, I can finish this too."
Nomi looks proud for an instant before she fades back to her own place, and Riley feels proud too – proud of herself and what she's just managed to accomplish.
She feels like she can do anything now, and the feeling is so unfamiliar that she almost expects it to be Will's; only Will's still passed out on Sven's sofa, and she doesn't know if – no, when – she'll get another chance to feel the things this man she loves feels.
"We'll find a way to get you back," she swears to Will like a prayer, on her knees in front of Sven's sofa, and she hears it echo in the back of her mind, a promise shared by seven people all over the world.
She laces her fingers with Will's and puts her head on his chest, listens to his heart and waits – waits for an idea of what to do next, waits for Sven to come back, waits for the call she knows her father will make as soon as he hears she's here.
She waits, and she hopes that they'll all get through this storm she can feel is coming unscathed.