Christopher Robin had hoped that his time at college would help him get his mind off of Pooh… but it didn't. As the weeks went by, he saw people on benches making out, socks on doors, people staggering into the dorm at ungodly hours of the morning, laughing loudly and yelling. Every image of affection only reminded him of those fluffy ears, that red shirt, the ever-present jar of honey. Honey was the only drug Pooh needed—well, maybe one more—sweet, sweet loving. But his childhood and adolescence passed him by, and it never happened.
Everyone he knew drove them apart. They had been friends their whole lives, but they had always wanted to go further. However, every time Christopher discussed these feelings with who he thought were his dearest friends, they went like "…You're turned on by a yellow teddy bear? I'm going to run as far away from you as I possibly can, please don't ever talk to me or even look at me again." His parents drove the final nail in the coffin by sending Christopher off to university apart from his beloved.
The four years he spent in college were a downward spiral. Each day passed, and Christopher felt a little angrier. The world didn't understand his love for that yellow bear.
He would make them understand.
The anger festered in Christopher like a seething, boiling pot of macaroni and cheese. The burning bubbles were the disapproving voices of everyone else combined into one harsh, hostile noise. The noodles were Pooh and Christopher's emotions, being relentlessly thrown about by the noise, sometimes breaking the surface of the boiling water gasping for breath only to be thrown back under again. But Christopher would silence those voices. He would throw in Pooh, the delightful, tasty cheese powder, himself, the smooth margarine, and the milk—well, that metaphor would "come" later.
"The only way I can be reunited with my sweet chubby one is to get psycho on all the bitches who don't understand my love," Christopher concluded.
To do this, he decided he needed a more menacing look. There was no way anyone would take him seriously as the innocent young boy he was now. He studied the fashions of one Adolf Hitler, and decided to emulate him. However, he began to develop a crush for him so he wore the clothes in the exact shade of red that Pooh's shirt was, so as to remain totally faithful in spirit. He surrounded himself by fellow weird people, including a half-retarded boxer, a masked gay Spanish man with a claw, and a really tall guy with one eye who always wore the same shorts and nothing else. His posse would be feared throughout campus. The last thing he decided to change was his name.
"What should I be called… something which bears a connection to my sweet, gentle lover. Well, he's a bear… that starts with 'b'… I SHALL BE CALLED BISON. But let's put an M in front of that. Just being Bison would be pretentious. And retarded."
One day, as if by fate, Pooh was called upon to give a lecture at M. Bison's school. He would talk to the campus about safe sex with animals.
Bison was front and center, and once he caught a glimpse of his lover's huge sensual ponch once more, he was all like:
:D
He had that expression through the entire lecture, and afterwards, he decided to pay the ol' sweetheart a visit, and set about consummating the love that had been growing over so many years.
Bison teleported right in front of him.
"Hello Pooh-Pooh Baby," said Bison.
"Christopher, you look… different!" Pooh said.
"Darling… please call me M. Bison. Christopher is the name of a weakling who let the world trample upon his desires. No longer." He teleported right behind Pooh and started the sweet, sweet loving.
Pooh was caught by surprise, but he loved every moment of it. His fluff was being royally, psychotically packed.
M. Bison, meanwhile, was going absolutely psycho all over the place, and Pooh's weird moaning served as mere background noise to his ecstatic exclamations.
"Ooooooooohhhh," moaned Pooh, burying his face in honey.
"WAHAHAHA! WOHOHOHOHO! THIS IS DELICIOUUUUS!" Yelled Bison.
"HHHNNNNGHHH…"
This went on for maybe like three minutes. Since they waited their whole lives. Naturally they couldn't perform for TOO long. The action reached a climax, and Bison had never felt happier.
"YES! …YES!" Screamed Bison, accompanied in his own mind by cheesy 80's synth trumpets.
Bison fired a psycho crusher if you catch my drift.
Oh, and yeah, they totally did that sex scene on stage. In front of the whole student body. Then Bison did psycho shit on them and killed everybody except Pooh. In the whole world.
They totally fucked for the rest of their lives and were happy and junk.
THE END
The Rape Ape