Angstfest ahead. At least to begin with. It's fanfic so it's allowed :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Timeless. Please, if I did jokes made by boys outside bathrooms would be at least a little bit funny...

This one is for the lovely Gracielinn. Not because she requested or prompted a fic but because she is one of those generous, beautiful people who not only write great Timeless fic but also takes the time to read & review what others write. The Timeless ff-community would not be what it is without Gracielinn. So if you only have time to read one fic today, please skip this one and go read one of Gracielinn's. And make sure you leave her a comment, no essay necessary, a smiley or a thank you will be just as appreciated, I'm sure.

They slept together 77 years ago. Seven years after their first kiss.

If you take time travel into account.

In real time, theirs is a romantic relationship measured in hours rather than years.

Or did it begin with a half-drunk master sergeant a history professor walk into a room?

Regardless of when they began, a wife returning from death stops it. Them.

She is true to the person she wants to be. She has to be even when she hears the hesitation between his words when he calls. The pause, opening up a space for her to say, what? She tells him what he needs to hear.

This is what you do when you love someone.

Would he be the person she loves if he had simply signed the divorce papers? Would he have been able to let go of Jessica if she had let her walk away in the hospital parking lot?

She tries her hardest. She avoids and pretends. Avoids looking at him, avoids the kitchen and any other place when he is there. She pretends he is just a team member.

The problem is he was never just a team member to her.

Irritating, yes. Reckless, yes. But always making her feel. And the truth is you can't unkiss a person any more than you can unread a book.

So as hard as she tries, it doesn't get any easier. It is especially hard when she tries to avoid him and he doesn't seem to get it. When he wants to talk about time jumps they did not go on together, as if everything is as it used to be, as if their lives have not turned into the stuff of a bad reality show with all of them stuck together in a bunker.

At times like this she is one breath away from telling him to leave her alone. To stop being an idiot. But perhaps it doesn't matter, because it's impossible to let go and forget someone when you live under the same roof.

"Sorry, I didn't realize someone was in the shower."

"My bad, I forgot the chair."

"You always do."

Maybe it's the hangover from the vodka or an aching back from her stubborn persistence to sleep on the couch even when Flynn offered her his room. Whatever it is, it makes her drop the avoidance and pretense and instead of leaving she simply unhooks his towel and walks over and hands it to him. "Nothing I haven't seen before" at the tip of her tongue at his look.

But before any of them has said anything her memory betrays her for letting her guard down.

Another bathroom on another morning many miles and 77 years away from this one. That time it was he handing her a towel.

Her back to him pretending to look for something on a shelf by the sink her voice is almost steady.

"Are you just about finished? I need to wash my hair."

For good measure she calls after him when the door has almost closed behind him. "Maybe you could try and remember the chair next time. For Jiya's sake."

Sometimes the memory of his arms around her is so strong their weight and warmth almost feel real.

She knows there was something he wanted, or needed, to tell her when he asked about the jump to Texas. But she needs to unlearn how to read him. To not notice when his tone is too light to match the shadows on his face or the way he stretches his back to avoid slouching when he is tired.

She also do not need to watch 'Citizen Kane'. Who left that to play when you switch on the TV? Instead she curls up, stretching out on the couch is out of the question, and tries and to sleep.

He is tenacious, she'll give him that. She almost drops the bottle when he says "Too late, I already finished that."

"Don't sneak up on people!"

"I'm sitting at the table."

"In the dark."

"Didn't want the light from the kitchen to wake you."

"Do you mind switching it on now. I'm looking for another bottle."

"No need, I've got one here."

She takes a glass from the draining board , grabs the bottle from the kitchen table and starts for the lounge area.

"I almost shot your mother today. But in the end I couldn't."

She stops in her tracks and sinks on a kitchen chair. So that's what he needed to tell her. She opens the bottle and pours herself a double measure of bourbon and tops up his glass when he slides it towards her.

"That's the second time you've hesitated and let someone from Rittenhouse get away."

It's too dark to see his face but she hears his soft gasp.

She relents.

"I guess you could say she had it coming."

"Lucy, She's your mom."

"You were right about her. She accused me of being a witch in Salem."

She stands up to grab the bottle again. "And on that note I think I'll go to bed. Goodnight, Wyatt."

Sometimes she longs so much for his hand in hers she can almost feel it there. She can't sit across him at a table in a dark kitchen at midnight when that happens.

If she were more dramatic she would have said that having a barbecue is almost as fun as Pennsylvania in 1754. It started at breakfast.

"So Jiya and I were thinking we could have a barbecue. We could rebuild one of the old oil drums. Could be fun."

Yes, excellent idea, Rufus. Can't think of anything I'd rather do, possibly a mother-daughter spa day. Good thing Agent Christopher won't allow it.

"Just make sure it's daytime. Don't want to draw any attention people."

Thanks a lot, Denise.

"So tomorrow good for everyone? If Emma doesn't decide to jump."

I'm counting on you, Emma.

Emma doesn't come through so here she is getting smoke in one of the few outfits she has that is not three sizes too big and or from a menswear department. (She doesn't count the dress she stole the on the second morning in Hollywood. That stays hidden away until she can either throw it away or wear it. Both equally impossible at the moment.)

She hands Christopher a fresh beer and sits down next to her on the makeshift bench. Her gaze drifts over to Wyatt who says something about being from Texas so he has to stop them and literally forces Rufus and Jiya to step aside from where they seem perfectly capable of burning the food without her help.

"I don't know how long it will be, but the minute you can leave the bunker you will."

Either the agent is clueless to what has happened or she knows everything. It's difficult to tell with her.

"I had guards outside my room twenty-four seven the last six weeks I stayed with my mother."

"Still, this can't be easy for you."

Lucy's gaze moves to Jessica. Whatever she and Flynn is laughing about Wyatt is not amused if his frown is anything to go by. But then Wyatt frowns whenever Flynn is around.

Christopher follows Lucy's gaze.

"Any of it."

This is a different kind of missing him from when they were apart for six weeks after the explosion at Mason's. Then she didn't know if her missing him was grieving or longing.

Now she misses him when he is seven feet away from her preparing her dinner.

It would be so easy to allow herself to walk over to him now or lean back into him when he puts his hands on her shoulders. To walk down to him where he is standing at the bottom of the steps at the Lifeboat waiting for her as if Jessica was not waiting behind him.

Why is she the one who keeps remembering that he has a wife again?

"I'm not hungry," she says to Christopher and ignores Jiyas's "Where are you going Lucy? There's cheesecake for dessert."

She is halfway to her old room when she remembers she doesn't have a room anymore. The bathroom will do. Tough luck if anyone needs to use it.

She gets eight minutes of peace and quiet.

"Lucy, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Or I was until you barged in."

"What do you need?"

"I need for you to leave."

"Look, I know things are weird."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"What?"

"I need for you to leave me alone."

"That might be a little difficult as we live and work together."

"I know, but can you try? No barbecues, no midnight drinking, no catch-ups after time jumps."

"I know things are awkward between us. But I'm trying. What do you need from me? Tell me."

"I need for you to stay away. To give me a chance to fall out of love with you."

TBC