Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series, and I never will.
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CHANGE
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Becoming a vampire
The room was dark, just barely lit up with a soft grey light coming from small torches along the walls. No windows, and no furniture, except a large bed in the middle of the room.
It was soundproof, I had been told.
Suddenly a rush of panic ran through me. Would I really scream that much? I hadn't really given the pain much thought, my mind had been on so many other things, and the thought of actually changing had seemed fairly unreal.
It seemed very real now though, and I had a sudden urge to just turn around and run, when I felt a hand squeezing mine. I looked up to meet those brilliant topaz eyes, like liquid gold, now holding a worried expression.
Of course. This was my reason to stay, the only reason I would ever need. I squeezed his hand back, and gave him small smile. It was supposed to be reassuring, but he still seemed to sense my sudden panic, and as he smiled back I could see the worry, doubt and guilt deep in his eyes. Suddenly, all the need to run disappeared, and all I wanted was to make him understand what I really felt, to remove that expression from his face.
I brought his hand up to my face, and let my lips briefly brush against it. "I am ready. I will not back out, and I will not regret it later." I let my fingers caress the smooth ring on his finger. "I'm already bound to you for all of this life. Now, let me be bound to you for the rest of eternity."
He smiled again, more real now. The emotions were still there, but his eyes had softened and they held a fairly determined look. "Then I am ready too, and I will not back out either. I cannot promise that I will not regret it though…For the last time, are you sure? What if I won't be able to stop?" He was suddenly very serious, all trace of the smile gone. Again I wondered how he always knew what I needed, though not always intentionally gave it to me. It was exactly him asking that made me even more determined.
"Yes, I am. Always will be. And you will be able stop, I know!" I held his gaze, putting all the effort I could in removing all doubt from my eyes. "And if anything at all goes wrong, Carlisle and the others will be here to help."
"Then maybe I won't regret it too…" He smiled at me, a complete, full, smile that seemed to light up the room. My heart razed in my chest, and his face bent into my favorite crooked smile. "I will certainly miss this though," he said, and put his hands on my chest. I felt a blush creeping to my face. "And that too." His smile widened.
I was so lost in his eyes that I started, and nearly fell, when Alice came up behind me and put hand on my shoulder. Edward quickly caught me, and let his arms just stay around me, holding me to him.
"I wonder if you would still fall so much when you have changed," Alice mused, "I know Emmet would be glad if you kept on to that little quality, he thinks you're highly amusing." My blush deepened considerably at this, and both vampires started to laugh. Carlisle, Esme, Emmet and Jasper walked in the room just at that moment, and they all smiled at the obviously light mood, considering the situation.
"And here was I, worrying whether or not to calm you down till you were slurring happily," Jasper said jokingly. They all knew Jasper couldn't be there for the actual biting, it would be too much for him, but he still wanted to do his best, so the statement was sort of half true.
"I'm sure you were, but I don't think it would work anyway. Carlisle has already said that drugs probably won't work. " I talked about it like I believed he would be there, to show him I wasn't mad at him or anything. Also, I wouldn't have let him do it even if he could. I would face the pain, as all the other Cullen's had. It was the prize. "Plus, do you have any idea of how frustrating it is when you do that thing? It's absolutely impossible to think straight!" I added with half a smile. My new family all smiled at me. Jasper stepped forward and gave me a quick hug, before leaving again.
"Ready?" Carlisle eyed me with mild, concerned eyes.
I was about to nod, when I noticed someone missing. Like on command from my thoughts, Rosalie gracefully slid inside the room, stopping to a halt right before me. Edward loosened his grip around me, and I turned to face her.
"Rosalie, I-" She stopped me with a long finger to my lips.
"Bella, I told you I would only share my view on things once, and I already have. This is your choice to take, and you have taken it. You don't have to apologize!" I blushed again as she stopped me even before I could speak. "I don't say that I agree with you, but I don't completely disagree either. I will try my best to treat you like any of my other siblings´, and to say it as it really is, I am happy that you will be joining us. I truly am." She smiled her angelic smile at me, and I could see no lie in her face.
"Oh, Rosalie!" I threw my arms around her as I felt tears gathering in my eyes. At first she just stiffened, but then she softly put her stone arms around me, and patted me on the back. When she pulled back, tears where streaming freely down my cheeks. She brushed them away quickly, and then stepped back as Esme approached. She put her arms around me, and I felt new tears flowing over. I tried to wipe them of, but was stopped by Esme's hand.
"Bella, Bella, just cry. This is the last time you will be doing it, and even if you don't think so now, you will miss it. So just cry out now, and you can smile all you want later." I smiled at her through my tears, and hugged her close. "Or you could just do both right away," she commented. I actually managed to laugh a bit at this, and Esme smiled as he pulled back. The next second Emmet was there, crushing me against his big body.
"I…Can't…Breathe!" I managed to squeeze out. He loosened his grip a little, but didn't let go. He looked down at me with laughing eyes.
"I really hope you don't change too much, it would be a real letdown if you turned out just as graceful and boring like all the other vampire chicks!" This earned him a smack in the head by Rosalie, and everyone laughed. "I mean it!" he said defensively, glaring at Rosalie "it's never boring with her around. If she loses both the blushing and the falling, she'll be no fun anymore!"
I chuckled, and hugged him tight for a second before letting go. "Thanks, Emmet. It's good to know I'd be missed." He gave a chuckle back, and put his arms around Rosalie's waist instead.
"Okay, my turn to say goodbye to the human!" Alice stated in a clear voice. I felt myself sadden considerably at her words.
"It's not goodbye, Alice." I was about to say more, but she interrupted me.
"Yes it is," she said calmly, "Goodbye to the human Bella." She stepped forward and took both my hands. "And I will be here to welcome the vampire Bella in three days." I smiled at that thought, and Alice jumped up and started swinging our arms."There you are, the Bella we all know and love! Smile at me for the last time, so I can memorize it. I can't wait to see how it will look when you're changed!" Although the prospect of not having a beating heart had me slightly sickened, I couldn't help but laugh at her childish eagerness. Also, I was secretly looking forward to see what I would look like myself.
"I will be looking forward to greeting you in three days then," I said, smiling widely. Alice suddenly let go of my arms, and put her hands around my face instead. She bent her face forward, and let her forehead rest against mine.
"I will miss this though; you're so warm and soft. I'm a little scared of how you will feel like." She murmured softly, with her eyes closed.
"I am to," I whispered as I put my hands over hers. Her eyes flew open, and I stared deeply into them.
It was like having a conversation without words. Don't be, her eyes seemed to say. I still am, I answered back. She seemed to search my eyes for something, then she calmed. I think it will be okay. I'm not scared anymore. It was my turn to search her gaze. I found no doubt. Then I'm not, either.
We smiled at each other, and hugged tightly. Alice leaned close and repeated herself, though out loud this time;
"It will be okay."
She then stepped back, and turned to Carlisle, who had stepped up to me. He didn't say anything, just gave me a quick nod. I knew what he meant though. He would be there all the time, and watch over me.
"You ready?" This came from behind, and I spun around to face the person from my personal fairytale. My eyes locked with Edward's, and we stood like that for a long time, searching each other. I saw concern, guilt and sorrow those eyes, but also a faint hint of desire. I remembered him telling me he really wanted me to a vampire too, but that he felt guilty for feeling so. I didn't want him to feel guilty, but it was enough for me now, to know that he wanted it too.
I slowly nodded, and felt my heart raze in my chest. This was it. Edward stroked a hand across my collarbone, without doubt hearing the sudden wild beating. He looked at me questioningly. I didn't want to say it, but I did it anyway. His eyes always had that effect on me.
"I'm scared," I whispered.
"I thought you were sure", he said, actually sounding a bit glad. Finally a normal reaction he must have thought.
"I am!" I said defensively, "It's just…I still remember…" I let my fingers touch the crescent moon on my palm. Suddenly Edward's hands were around mine. He held it to his mouth and gently kissed the silver scar, staring deeply into my eyes. I brushed my thumb against his bottom lip, and let it continue along his jaw and cheek. He leaned into the touch, putting his hand over mine, closing his eyes. A small smile crept to his face, and as he opened his eyes again I could see joy mixed in with the other feelings.
With one hand he held tightly onto my hand, and with the other he reached out to cup my cheek. I slipped my fingers behind his head and let them twine into his hair, pulling him lightly down against me. Our lips met in a deep and passionate kiss, both sweet and sour. It was a feeling that this could be the last kiss ever that put the edge to it, and made it almost a bit desperate.
Edward pulled back slightly, and looked deeply into my eyes, just inches from his. His breath hit me, sweet and intoxicating, and my head swirled. I unconsciously leaned against him, our lips meeting again.
It was soft this time, Edward holding my face in his hands, my arms around his waist. He slowly planted kisses along my jaw, then down my neck. I rested my head on his shoulder, and let myself melt underneath his touch. First I felt soft lips pressing against the base of my throat, then something hard and cold, before his teeth pierced my skin and sunk in. I unwillingly flinched, but stayed calm against his shoulder. I felt his body tighten, and squeezed my hands harder around him. With what I knew was more effort than even imaginable, he suddenly pulled back with a gasp.
He breathed heavily for a few seconds, before tucking my head underneath his chin, and slipping his arms around my back. He held me tightly, and I tried to focus only on his touch. The smell of the blood made me dizzy, and the wound had slowly started to burn. If felt like someone was holding a lit torch against it, and I knew it would get much worse very soon. I also knew if I wanted to say anything more, it would have to say it now.
"Edward," I whispered. "If I forget anything, please remind me." The last came out as merely a breath. I had to tense all my muscles in order to stay still.
"Of course, my love. Always." Edward held me even tighter as I started to shake. I opened my mouth to thank him, but all that came out was a heavy moan. Suddenly, it felt like my blood was on fire. It spread from my neck and out to my shoulders and chest, and it was like it was going to explode. I started shaking uncontrollably, and digging my hands into his back, fighting all I could to stay silent.
Then it was like a wave of heat flowed through my body, and I lost all thought as I screamed into Edwards shoulder, my muscles doing spastic movements, shaking out of their grip on him. Somewhere far outside my consciousness, I could feel that I was being carried to the bed, and Edward whispering in my ear I'm sorry´, before another wave of pain surged through me, and I was lost completely in a world of fire.
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Sometimes, the pain seemed to ease, if only barely, and I would notice Edward lying next to me in the bed, holding his arms around me. He would repeat over and over again ´I'm sorry´. Somewhere at the back of my mind I wanted to comfort him, to reassure him, but I couldn't seem to find out how to speak before another wave of pain hit me, and all I could think of was it. I ravaged through my body, not giving me a seconds rest. Every time I started to drift off to blackness because of pure exhaustion, it pulled me back being worse than ever. It was like being in hell, and all I wanted was to die, to have an end to it all.
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A/N: My first try at Twilight fanfiction and at longer fanfics what so ever, so please be nice! I would highly appreciate any criticism or tips you might have!
Also, I probably will not continue this! Just wanted to say it so everybody knows. (I'll maybe continue if I get any positive comments though. Maybe.)