I Promise

Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa, RG Veda, or any of their characters, plots, twists, or anything else pertaining to them. All of the above and more belong to CLAMP.

Intro: -Buck Cherry, 'Crazy Bitch'- Okaysies, first off, I'd like you to know I'm anti-Fai on AshuraFai. Fai is E-vile! Seriously. Unfortunately, I have a knack for making Ashura look like an emotionless bastard… (Don't we all?)

Rating: T – Brief Language, Suggestive Themes, Shounen-Ai, MxM, ect.

Pairing: Ashura x Fai – Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE

A/N: -Theme #1: Look Over Here- Set before the series. Seriously clichéd idea, but there was a certain theme I needed to get out of my system… Yeah, I'm having doubts about uploading this...

Was it all a lie? I'd like not to think so. I myself favor the lie that it wasn't a lie. Does that mean I'm admitting that it's truth?

…I don't think it's true.

It's not true.

-O-

'Ashura-O!'

Golden eyes fixated on the subject who was calling his name: blue eyes brighter than the rising sky, skin as pale as snow's first fall, and a smile brighter than anything else this land would ever feel. In other words, Fai. Yes, the magician was rather bubbly and always idiotically happy, but that part about him made his royal majesty smile.

This wasn't love. It couldn't be. Love wasn't sane. They were still kids – immature, stupid, lives not even half-lived. There was so much more out there. It was too early to say it was love. It was too early to tie down. It was too early to hold someone so precious to you…

'Ashura-O! Look at me! Look over here! Look at me, Ashura-O!'

They were still children, still children.

-O-

A lazy sky blue eye slid open. It was early – a new day – yet still dark outside. It was always dark. He wondered how he was still surprised to see a black morning swallow the sky. It was normal, after all. He groaned. Yes, it was early, a little too early for this pain. "…Mm…Ah!"

The flaxen figure shot up from the bed, rolling over in his white sheets as if he was looking for something. He slapped his forehead with a slender palm. Frustration built up again causing him to groan yet another, "Damn it. He left again…"

Propping himself back to where he started, he closed his eyes. He imagined somewhere far away. Somewhere he could wake up to the eyes of the man he had slept with. Somewhere he could smile at someone who would smile right back.

-O-

'Ashura-O!'

It was a wonder how someone could brighten up another's does with a single world. It was like the Sun that was never present. The Sun never rose – that may have been a sign of humanity's guilt and sin. There were never rainbows – those promises that God bestows upon the righteous.

He stared at the boy again, smiling as he lay on the other's body. They weren't completely children anymore. Now they were in the confusing years of life. These were the years that were spent on finding your identity and what works for you. Stroking his finger through the other's golden locks, he smirked. These years were for trial-and-error.

'Ashura-O…? Look over here? Look at me! Look at me, Ashura-O.'

Fai just might be what worked for him, he just might.

-O-

"Ashura-O! Good morning! How are we feeling today? Was I good last night? Was I? Was I? Was I, Ashura-O?"

Somehow lately, he had been having rather absurd fixations on Fai. Sure he was both his right-hand wizard and the man who he had been sleeping with, but he wanted more. He wanted more than just this sensation of pleasure. He wanted more than to see his lover smile. He wanted Fai all to him…and nobody else.

Maybe that wasn't the right note exactly. It was more of an irritation. It was like a scratch you knew where it was but couldn't scratch it enough to go away. The only thing he could link to that was Fai in bed. The more he had, the more he needed.

Ashura snarled at himself. So early in the morning, he should not be fantasizing about the male. He glanced over at the excited one and nodded. In reply, he received a kiss on his lips and an embrace that would have heated the room.

"I'm glad, Ashura-O. I'm so glad I could be of service to you."

That bugged him.

-O-

'Ashura-O.'

He couldn't move his eyes away. He couldn't resist them. He couldn't resist Fai. The man – although he probably didn't know – was a force beyond compare when he was serious like this. He couldn't say no and his body refused when he commanded to run away. It was comfortable to say the least with Fai's hands on his slender cheeks with that unusually serious, hurt expression on his face.

Fai exhaled quickly, quickly changing his expression. It was readable in an unpredictable way. He loved that – when he couldn't tell what Fai was thinking. And then he felt a chilling hand on his thigh. A shiver was sent up his spine. Pleasure rang through.

'Ashura-O. Look over here. Look at me. Look at me, Ashura-O.'

Fai was irresistible, so utterly irresistible.

-O-

"Fai… I want to claim you," he choked out.

Cerulean eyes blinked. His façade crumbled. "I am the best. I am your lover. Why don't you trust me? Didn't you mean everything you told me? Don't you – Don't you…?"

Ashura brought his lips against Fai's pale, moist partings.

"I love you, Fai. I love you so much, I won't let anyone else have you."

-O-

'Ashura-O?'

He frowned, unhappy. He was frustrated. How could Fai smile right now? Why could Fai smile like he was happy? Was this a truly happy moment for the magician? Fai gently kissed the man, changing his expression. Fai knew something was wrong and that scared Ashura. He was frightened by how clearly Fai saw through him.

Fai's breathing pace sped up, his voice moaning in pleasure. Ashura down-right abused him. Still, Fai pasted a smile back on. Fai screamed in pain, his heartbeat racing. Still, he didn't cry or frown. Fai smiled. And he vowed he wouldn't ever stop.

'Ashura-O? Look over here. Look at me. Look at me, Ashura-O?'

He would never stop, never-ever stop…

-O-

"You said you trusted me," Fai laughed. "You think I'll leave you? I won't. I wouldn't ever do that. How many times would you like me to assure you?"

"I love you." Ashura's voice was cold, penetrating, and absolute.

"I-"

Ashura kissed Fai firmly on the lips. "I want you…to be mine."

"Are you going to perform it?" the flaxen inquired. He was already buttered up, coaxed like a little girl attracted to candy. His lower-lip trembled gently.

"Yes." Ashura's lips curled up – just like they did the first time he met Fai. "It won't hurt. I promise."

-O-

'Ashura-O…? Where are you going? Are you leaving me? You're leaving me?'

The dark man twirled his head about. 'I'll be back.'

'Ashura-O…ASHURA-O! Look at me! Look at me, Ashura-O!'

And Ashura left. Without a kiss good-bye, without a silent embrace, without shedding a single tear, without glancing at his lover at all, he left.

Fai just stood there – wrapped inside the sheets of last night and white robes overflowing Ashura's scent – with hurt eyes that didn't reach his smile.

-O-

"A-Ashura-O… It hurts," Fai stuttered under a hushed voice. He was shivering, giving the other unnecessary problems. The hair on his neck rose as he clenched his short hair into his fist. Pale, beautiful hands were practically bleeding out of their own doing.

Ashura grunted, "It's going to."

"You said it wouldn't." A tear slid out of an eye.

"Did I?" His voice was amused.

"Y-You promised…" the mage repeated.

The darker figure slithered down atop Fai. He bent over, his mouth hovering above Fai's ear. "What exactly did I promise?"

"The world. You promised the world, Ashura-O." Fai assured. His expression was weak and hurt – almost human…almost…

"And what did you expect?" the one questioned.

Another tear slid out. "I only expected you to love me."

-O-

'Fai, I'm going to love you. I promise.'

'Fai, I'm never going to leave you. I promise.'

'Fai, I'm going to make you happy. I promise.'

'Fai, I'm going to give you the world. I promise.'

'Fai, I will never force you to kill again. I promise.'

'Fai, I'll always be with you. Always. I promise.'

-O-

Fai sat at one end of the counter, tears silently rolled down a cheerful smile. His pants were already on so he moved on to his overcoat. Ashura slid closer, his breath trailing down Fai's neck. His breath was icy – almost penetrating-like. Fai shivered.

"Are you happy, Ashura-O? Am I still useful? Do you still want me?" a cracked voice asked.

"…I'd like you to step down as my second."

Fai stopped buttoning up his shirt. His eyes widened with the twirling motion of his golden locks. He was facing Ashura-O now. "You want me to…? Why?"

Ashura's raven eyelashes flickered up and down, settling mid-way on his luscious eyes. He slid a finger through one of Fai's stranded hair. The mage's hair was rather tangled after the process. "You are mine now. I will let no one touch you. I will never loose you. You have to stay with me. Wouldn't you like that – no more killing? You said it once."

"I-" Fai's lip trembled up and down.

"I don't like it when you act as if you're obligated to do this, Fai," Ashura cooed. He smirked. "Can't you understand that?"

-O-

'Again? You're leaving me again, Ashura-O?'

He gazed at his lover a last time. 'Why do you act as if this is new? What do you want?'

'I want you to love me.'

'I love you.'

Fai smiled. 'Love is more than a word, Ashura-O.'

-O-

"No, I can't understand that," Fai stubbornly upheld. He retorted, "Can you understand why I can't understand?"

"I can meet you half-way," Ashura stated coldly.

Fai sighed frustrated, contorting a golden lock into his finger. "I'm not that strong. I can't see you half-way."

The taller male sighed. His lover really could be quite the stubborn, little mouse. "Isn't part of a relationship giving a little?"

"If you love me, Ashura-O," Fai affirmed with sharp eyes, "Why can't you go all the way?"

-O-

'Ashura-O…I love you. I love you so much. Do you love me?' Fai slithered closer.

Ashura nuzzled Fai's forehead. 'I love you more than anyone else on this wasteland of a world.'

'Kiss me.' A genuine smile formed.

His lover obeyed. 'I'm not sure if you belong to me or I belong to you at this point.'

'I own you,' Fai giggled, snuggling into place.

-O-

"So this is your answer…" Ashura murmured. The castle halls were encased with bodies of lost men and their spilling blood. The columns that supported the once mighty structure of the flying castle shattered into miniscule, puzzle-like pieces. There they were – practically the only survivors – Fai with ice-cold, broken eyes and Ashura rested in a coffin composed of crystal.

"I can't really understand it myself. It's like the more I suffer, it only shows the more I really care," Fai stuttered, rushing his breath. He bit his lip, glancing at the ground with broken sorrow. His voice was choked, almost non-existent. "I don't know why I'm running away."

A chuckle followed curling lips. "I like that about you, Fai."

Indigo eyes jolted open with disgust. Golden eyebrows bent into a glare as anger was vented. "Then why don't you ever treat me like you love me?" The blond demanded. "Why…don't you ever look at me? Why don't you trust me? Why don't I ever see what you really want? Why…won't you look at me?"

"I love you," stated Ashura stoically.

"Why…do I have to banish myself?" Fai asked in a cracked voice. His eyes welled up with water, something he had never felt.

The encased man repeated himself, smiling at the blond for once. "I love you."

Fai shivered, looking down.

"I detest you, Ashura-O."

-O-

'I promise I won't ever leave you, Ashura-O.'

'I promise I'll only love you my entire life, Ashura-O.'

'I promise that I'll wait for you every morning, Ashura-O.'

'I promise I'll be the one to take you to the top, Ashura-O.'

'I promise you'll be the best king ever, Ashura-O.'

'I promise that you'll have me forever, Ashura-O.'

-O-

"Fai, look at me. Look over here," Ashura cooed. His eyes stared into an identical set. Fai shook his head and the raven-colored strands flared up. "Look at me. Look at me, Fai!"

"No, Ashura-O… I'm never going to look at you again. It hurts too much. The scar on my back is the proof," the blond male whispered softly. Fai's eyes glazed over. He lifted his face to where his bangs barely showed his beautiful blue eyes. "You look at me now, Ashura-O?"

"You're still looking at me," scoffed a hasty voice.

Fai looked up blandly, lost confusion in his eyes. They closed as a tear slid down. "I hate you."

Ashura shook his head, loosing controls of nerves. Slowly he felt his body's reactions leave him. He was still conscious, glaring at Fai – his lover – leaving him out of frustration. Sneering at Fai, he felt something tug in his emotions. It was painful and such a heavy burden. "Hate is more than a word."

"Why was it so much to ask for?" Fai inquired meekly with a sheepish grin. Another tear slid down at the sight of his defeated king.

"It wasn't," Ashura choked out against his will. Conscious was leaving him. Still, he glanced at Fai a final time before closing his eyes. At that moment, he felt something warm trail down his cheek. He took at final breath, hearing the final words given to him:

"At least while you're asleep, have good dreams…"

-O-

'This is…?'

'Ashura-O! I-I-I didn't know you'd be back so soon! I-'

'Who the Hell is this?'

'You were gone!'

'For a single day! Meetings are meetings! They are unavoidable!'

'But you always leave me alone! And you take them numerous days at a time! What am I supposed to do?'

'I don't know! Bake a cake – cook a meal? I don't know! Sleeping around is your answer? Is that why you're always so chummy? Is that why you're always so happy?'

'It's nothing like that!'

'Then what is it like? Didn't you say you loved me – meaning I was your only? You told me you loved me and only me!'

'I do! You are my only!'

'Then tell me why you're sleeping with another man!'

'You never look at me!'

'I'm looking at you right now, aren't I?'

'But you're looking at me out of frustration! You've never…look at me…like…like you love me…'

-O-

I never realized that you were so desperate. I didn't know how to give you what you wanted. Was I wrong? Did my ignorance cause all of this stupidity? You're treading away from me. You're the one sending me away, you do realize? You're not running away. You're allowing me to run away. All this time…I thought I had to protect you. So why are you protecting me? After all is said and done, you still love me?

-O-

'What? No mysterious men this time?'

'I love you. I want to make you happy. Is it so wrong to want to change?'

Ashura smirked. 'Let's meet half-way.'

'Why half-way?'

'Because if we meet half-way, you'll only rid yourself of half your flaws.'

'I don't understand.'

'If you rid yourself of all your flaws I don't suppose you'd ever smile again.'

Fai smiled. 'And I wouldn't get to see you flush up when you get jealous?'

Ashura laughed. 'I love you Fai. When you wake up tomorrow, I'll be there.'

'I promise.'

'You promise?'

'I promise I'll be there for you to kiss me.'

-O-

In the end…was I of any use to you, love? Did I serve a purpose? Do you still love me after all that has happened?

-O-

This fate…I won't accept it.

Please come back.

I want you.

I need you.

I'll kiss you in the morning.

I won't betray you like I have.

I'll stay with you in the mornings.

I'll bake all those cakes you wanted me to.

I'll make you happy.

I'll be good.

I promise.

Afterthoughts: Whoa… I think it turned out alright. I got to add a little bit of Fai's bastard side… (evil grin) Please review. They make me happy. They also let me know that someone out there actually reads AshuraFai… (blinks)