Notes: I'm back with my second D. Gray-man fanfic. This time it's Allen x Lavi. Yeah, I'm a sucker for this pairing. Oh, by the way, this takes place during chapter 64.

Disclaimer: I wish I could own Lavi and Allen and make them have kinky babies in my closet. But I don't. I don't anything relating to D. Gray-man in any way, save for a few fics I have written.

Summary: A Bookman has no need for a heart, but that doesn't mean Lavi doesn't have one. Deep down, he's yearning for it to return.

Warnings: Yaoi, implied sex, maybe some OOC. A bit of angst, too.

There was a beautiful moon out that night.

Lavi took a deep intake of breath as he looked up at it. Thoughts of regret were flitting across his mind. Even now he could recall the words of Bookman.

"I don't care," He said to himself, eye shifting to the waves billowing below him. He knew it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault… It wasn't his fault…

"Shit," the Bookman apprentice muttered. He knelt down to pick up something that had caught his eye.

"Oh, it's… its that," he whispered. The Ace of Spades was staring back up at Lavi; one of the cards that he had just hours ago. He smiled gently to himself, recalling where the card had originated from.

Allen smiled a charming smile of his and accepted the small deck of cards the stranger had given him. "It's the least I can do," he had said as he tossed the white-haired lad the gift. Allen had given the stranger one of the cutest grins in thanks that Lavi had ever seen, personally.

Lavi laughed. That boy sure is a devil with the cards, he thought. I was amazed.

He twirled the card between his fingers, smiling at the fond memory. Sure, at first, the redhead was a little bit shocked and taken aback by the change in his smaller friend, but he learned to laugh and love the little guy for who he was: an S-class card shark.

"I'd have loved to see him play like that again. I could've learned a thing or two from him." He looked back up at the moon. "But… I can't now, can I?"

Lavi smiled in spite of the tears he knew were about to gather at the corners of his eyes. "He's gone, isn't he?"

Yes… Allen is gone. Lavi knew… he wasn't stupid. Having lost him, then found where Timcanpy reported the white-haired exorcist to be only to discover a missing body and a single card… Of course Allen was gone.

"Damn it… Damn it!"

Lavi yelled out to the open air and water around him. Why? Why Allen, of all people? He screamed inside of his mind.

Don't get drawn into any wars.

"Get lost."

You are destined to be a Bookman and a Bookman only.

"I said, get lost!" Lavi shouted despite knowing there was nobody there. He wished the old Panda's voice in his head would just leave him alone.

But he was right.

Panda was right.

"Having a friend… it's just a liability. It'll only hinder me in the future." Lavi sighed again. "A bookman has no need for a heart, after all." Pathetic, wasn't it…? His final destiny to be a Bookman was the one thing holding him back. "Maybe I don't want things to be this way," he said. "But I guess I have no choice… right, Allen?"

He longed for the white-haired boy to stand next to him and lean on him… he wanted to breathe in Allen's scent, feel his warmth and embrace the smaller exorcist. "Allen…" he whispered, a breath on the dying wind. "I… I…" He closed his eyes.

This wasn't fair at all.

They kissed passionately, tongues intertwining and dancing around the other's in a swift, graceful action. Gentle moans could be heard rising from their throats; the clanking of teeth hitting teeth was faint among the fervent actions of the two males. The redhead was first to part, tongue still hanging out of his mouth slightly. The two boys were panting, gazing at each other with such intensity…

Lavi shook his head to clear the thoughts of their rash and lustful actions away. They would only ever be things of the past; simple errors that Lavi had allowed to happen. Lavi was supposed to suppress these feelings. His heart was supposed to be non-existant. And yet…

Lavi couldn't look away. He brought Allen's face back to his own, kissing him with more passion than before. Their bodies were pressed together now for the brief kiss, and when they parted for the second time Allen had immediately moved to unbutton Lavi's shirt. He had barely gotten it off before he began to lick the now-exposed skin. Lavi moaned as Allen trailed his tongue over to the Bookman's nipples…

"Stop it!" Lavi cried out, desperately wanting these images to disappear. He wanted to forget. Allen was gone. He was gone, gone, gone, gone…

It was pure lust now as Lavi pushed back against Allen's now bare chest, their lips locked as they began to grind together…

He regretted having a heart.

It wasn't guilt, he knew. Lavi felt no guilt for what he and Allen had done.

They were lovers.

But… because of his heart, he was now experiencing one of the worst pains a person could feel: loss; loss of a lover, loss of a friend; loss of his Allen Walker.

He felt himself choke up. Allen just couldn't be gone. He'd survived some pretty crazy stuff thus far, something like this couldn't have done him in so easily.

"I know you're out there."

Furious moans escaped the two. Lavi kissed Allen before whispereing sweet nothings into his lover's ear, telling the small boy what he was going to do to him and how much he loved the white-haired boy…

"I know it. You're alive, Allen Walker."

He positioned himself at Allen's opening, leaning down to whisper a final phrase to Allen before he took the other man as his own.

"I love you, Allen Walker. You're mine…"

Lavi fought back tears once more. He recalled the other times they had made love to each other, Lavi being as gentle as possible so as not to push Allen too hard or frighten him, and gradually as they both became more comfortable with it, they had escalated. He could hear the moans of pure ecstasy Allen would utter just before either of them had reached the breaking point…

Then he remembered the sweet, little things he and Allen had shared. Once Lavi had even tried cooking for the boy and even though it didn't really turn out too well, Allen still ate every last bit of the food.

He recalled the small, chaste kisses they would give each other at night before tucking themselves into bed and wrapping their arms around each other to keep warm in the night.

Lavi couldn't take it. Tears began to flow out of his eye at the thoughts that he would probably never again be able to hold Allen in his sleep, keep him warm, or comfort him.

Most of all, he wanted to see Allen's smile.

His tears fell on the card, staining the surface slightly. "Allen… I won't stop looking for you." He kissed the Ace of Spades, slow and long and chaste, then smiling. "I still love…"

But he was cut off, something slicing through his back and blood spilling out of the wound and dripping onto the card.

Smirking, Lavi reached for his trusted weapon.

"This one's for Allen."

Lavi would continue to fight in hopes of finding his small lover.

After all, just because Bookmen had no hearts it didn't mean Lavi would completely give up on his just yet.

A/N: Wow. That wasn't nearly as nice as I imagined it in my head. If you want it to seem a lot more sad or something, listen to 'Forever Love' by X Japan. It's the Background music, I guess.

Review, pretty please?