well I've been in a full metal alchemist mood! Honestly when it comes to these stories I have I'll write in a story depending on my mood. Right now it is in a FMA mood! That said I hope you guys will like the first chapter of 'are you kidding me?' And will tell me what you thought of it.

There's nothing wrong or evil about having a bad day. There's everything wrong with making others have to have it... with you.-Neil Cavuto

You ever get that that feeling like your being watched? Yeah well sometimes it's true. I probably should have listened to my 'sixth sense' when I felt something sneaking behind. Wait I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me introduce myself.

My name is Joanne but most of the time people call me joe. I'm 15 but stress affects the body in weird ways so I look older. Now despite that I'm shorter then most people. I mean I'm really short as I stand at a whopping 5'3 I got teased about my height at home which I don't mind but when people I don't know or people at school start commenting about my height I go, as my little brother put it, 'Edward Elric' on them. Yeah I forgot to mention everyone in my family loves to watch anime or read manga. To tell you the truth even my parents watch the stuff so we made certain days where everyone in the family, which means my mom, dad, and brother, watch some anime together. My favorite though by far has to fullmetal alchemist. Anyway I'm getting off topic aren't i? So let me just begin my story.

I was walking towards school with pretty much no purpose as I was to smart of the school apparently but I didn't want to move away from my single friend so I made sure I got lower scores then needed. Currently though I was naming off elements of the periodic table as we had a test for it today in my chemistry class.

"Let's see... Hydrogen, helium, lithium, Beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen oxygen, fluorine, and neon. Did I get the first ten right?" I asked my friend who was standing next to me.

My friend named Louis was an old friend and he was my only friend though sometimes I hear him complaining quietly about being friend-zoned. I usually laughed at him with that as I wasn't interested in 'love' at the moment though I did comment as to why he didn't have a girlfriend already. He had short chocolate brown hair and eyes of the same color with Hispanic tan skin. He had a Spanish accent and he even knew Spanish which was in my opinion cheating as he took Spanish for a language. I have no room I guess. I took German when I already knew it. Anyway I'm off topic again.

Louis laughed a bit and said "Dios mío(1) joe. You have an incredible memory, but yes you got them right."

I sighed in relief and said "Gott sei Dank(2)! I was afraid I wouldn't remember them! I'm a little absent minded you know."

He chuckled a bit and said "if I didn't know any better I would swear you have photographic memory."

I gave him a weird look and I imitated my best ghetto voice "Fool for all you know I could have photographic memory."

We both paused for a second before we burst out laughing. We both loved to screw around with each other but we had to go different ways as my first couple classes were different then his. Unfortunately for me that also meant that I alone. Being alone meant that I was surrounded by people who don't like me. I smiled sheepishly at the people glaring at me before I stared down at my desk uncomfortably and tried to listen to the teacher. The second that bell rang for class though I burst out of the room and got to my next class almost the same time that Louis entered.

I smiled to him softly at first that is until I heard "Joanne stinger please report to the high school office."

I was confused and I furrowed my eyebrows. When Louis raised an eyebrow I shrugged and just walked up to the office. When I reached the office I had a nagging feeling that I was being watched but I let it go in favor of looking at the office lady who told me that I had to see the principle. I nodded to her and walked into the principles office and sat down. It was quiet for a few seconds before the principle broke the silence by saying "Joanne stinger. Do you know why I called you up here?"

I thought for a second and said "Honestly no. I see no reason why I would be called to the office. The last time I was in here was when I defended myself when some bullies tried hurting my."

Another fun fact. My parents taught me some tai chi for self defense so wouldn't be defenseless no matter what. I have to say that I was Glad because I was ambushed by some kids at one point and it was thanks to the tai chi that I didn't get hurt as much as I would have if I didn't know tai chi. The worst they got was temporarily paralyzed limbs while I had a bleeding skull and a broken rib. I got called up to the office the next day and I was given a couple days OSS while the others who attacked me didn't receive any punishment.

The principle growled at me with anger and said "Quit lying! You know good and well what I. Talking about! Some of the students you beat up awhile ago showed me a graffitied school wall! You did it didn't you?!"

My eyes widened in shock then in anger. I stood up and yelled "I didn't do that and back then it was self defense! They made my head bleed and I had a broken rib because of them! It was obvious I was worse off then them yet they got treated and I didn't! All they had was temporary paralyzed limbs! What did I have? A bleeding head and a brown rib!"

The principle stood up and towered over me as he was 6'2 and he said "Your lying again! I can see it in your eyes. You weren't treated back then because you almost killed those kids! Hitting a pressure point deals more damage then what you had! Now tell me the truth! You graffitied the wall didn't you?!"

I growled again and said "It can't be me! I don't have the skill to graffiti! I can barely draw a stick figure!"

The principle glared at me once again and said "Fine. I have more of a reason then. Joanne you are expelled! I've had enough of you! You lie! You cheat on your tests!" That one was knew. "And now you vandalize school property! Get out of this school!"

I didn't even look at him as I walked out and slammed the door behind me. He had gotten on my nerves. This was bullshit! He was unreasonable before but this just goes beyond unreasonable. I stomped out of the room and went to my locker ignoring the feeling of being watched again as I stomped out of the school. I didn't have anywhere I had in mind to go but I eventually found myself in a dead end of an alleyway. Sighing and cursing my lack of focus I turned around only to feel a sharp pain in my right shoulder. Before I could say anything there was a cold feeling on my neck and a hand on my mouth. I was scared out of my mind when a voice said "Now. Girly. We wouldn't want you to scream so stay nice and quiet."

Instead of listening to him the second he let his had leave my mouth I screamed at the top of my longs only for it to did in my throat as he sliced my neck. I felt warm in my neck and no matter what I did I couldn't breath. The last thing I heard before everything went black was "Aw Louis. I thought you said she was smart."

When I woke up I didn't open my eyes. I felt cold yet the cold was comforting. It wasn't uncomfortable but more like a comfortable cold you try to get when it's really really warm outside. I was comfortable until the memories of what happened to me rushed back. All at once I sat straight up and looked around to see I was in a completely lay white area. Confused I looked around until I saw a door. It was huge and look familiar but I couldn't place my finger on it.

"Ah a visitor. This is rare." A voice behind me said.

I turned around fairly quickly only for my eyes to widen. In front of me was a blank figure that was black and outlined in white. After staring a bit I slowly asked "Is you name... Truth? Also...where am I?"

The figure laughed in a voice eerily similar to mine and it said "No I'm the opposite of truth yet I am the same as well. You can call me lies. Now as for where you are that should be obvious. Oh. Your also dead."

I froze. I'm dead? Then that meant that what I remembered wasn't a dream. My mom, dad, and brother were left behind. The whole thing made me sad enough to cry but I didn't as I looked towards lies with a determined look and said "What am I hear for? If I'm dead I shouldn't be here of all places."

Lies grinned and said "that's simple. You were never meant to be in that world. Your family belongs in that world but you didn't. Things mess up sometimes so I'm here to send you to the world you belong to. After all dying in a place your not meant to is a rip off. Oh and I'll count your death in this world as the payment for crossing the gate. Anything else you want will be extra."

Think for a second I nodded and said "I want my phone with my beats and an unlimited charge in exchange for my way back to this world if that's even possible. Next I would like control over lightning and weather kinda like a demigod from a fan fiction I read along with the same sword she had with training for the weather thing. In exchange you can take the memories of my family. Finally I would like an automail right arm and left leg that won't need to be gotten used to along with sword training in exchange for all my memories except for how to use my phone. Does that sound fair? I can give more if need be. After all... I can't go back..."

Lies grinned at me and said "No that's plenty. You know going through the gate will give you alchemy abilities. Will you want to remember about that as well?"

I shook my head and said "If I can clap and use alchemy like Edward Elric then I will be fine without remembering how I got it."

Lies nodded and said "I'm going to leave you near the area that the brothers are near the first chapter. I'll give you a map as well so you at the least will know where you are. Good luck by the way."

I nodded and walked towards the gate. Right when it opened I felt my right arm and left leg flair up in pain before they became metal and my clothes shifted as well into a black coat with a black undershirt. I also had black pants and boots. On my hands were black gloves as well raising an eyebrow at all the black I groaned when my head began to have a pressure in it before it stopped and I forgot everything except my name age how to use the little box thing in my pocket and the sword on my waist, and my apparent ability to control weather. With a final crushing feeling I found myself on the ground face first groaning about how I was hungry.

(1)Dios mío: my god

(2)Gott sei dank: thank god