A/N: Set a month after S3 finale! Not entirely important but Gizzie didn't happen. Anything else from that season did =D
'Callie, I know this is a lot to ask but I need you to do this for me, get the Chief, Bailey, Mark, Derek, and the interns come residents in the conference room and read this to them, there's a few things I should have said before I left, I love you Cal, missing you already, Addison x'
Callie stared at the note attached to the envelope that she found in her locker on her return to Seattle Grace after the 2 weeks break, she set straight to getting the group gathered in the conference room.
"So, Dr Torres, what's this about?" asked the Chief as they all settled around the table, Callie at the head of it.
"This was left in my locker" she said holding out the envelope "It's from Addison, it says there are a few things she should have said to everyone before she left, so uh, I'm gonna read it" everyone watched as she opened the letter, both sides of the paper full of writing.
"Just like Addie to write us a freakin' essay" Mark smirked.
Callie rolled her eyes and began to read.
"Hey guys, thanks for coming, and thank you Cal for getting them there, I know I left pretty suddenly and I didn't really say goodbye but well, I guess I just wanted to get out and not look back, sorry.
Chief, no hard feelings, you know I love you like you're my father, actually I love you more than my father but lets not go there, you've been there for me when he hasn't been, and because of that you are more of a father than him. You weren't ready to retire, that's not the Richard I know but don't let the job effect your marriage, it already is, fix it before it's too late, I love you Richard and when you get back with Adele -which you will- send her my love. I'll be keeping in touch, and if you ever need me for a case, just call me. You know I'll be there.
Bailey, don't ever lose your spark. You've been a fantastic friend to me, you've watched me drunkenly ramble about panties and getting fat, helped me grow up when the Mc'eamys came face to face, twice, and you are a fantastic mother to that gorgeous little boy, and something to you all about the legend that is Miranda Bailey, she's always right, don't even try and tell her otherwise"
"Damn straight" Bailey smirked, everyone let out a laugh.
"Callie, I know you probably feel weird saying this out loud but tough shit. You have been the best friend a girl could ask for, from the first time we worked together I've valued your friendship and support. We're alike in more ways than just our money Cal, we pretend we're happy, we pretend we're strong, it doesn't help Callie, it never helps, just tell them, the haters, tell them exactly how you feel, you better call me bitch! And you ever need some fun in the sun, get your ass out here to LA because as Thelma once said to Louise "You said you 'n' me was gonna get out of town and for once just really let our hair down. Well darlin', look out 'cause my hair is comin' down!" I'm missing you already, my Seattle best friend, love you.
Mark, god Mark where do I start? We tried, we tried and we failed but, I don't regret it, maybe we could have been something, but maybe just isn't enough. Oh and don't give me that crap about not making the 60 days, you were lying, lying through your teeth, I've always known when you're lying Mark, you made it, I didn't and I think you maybe knew that, I'm sorry that's how it ended. I do love you Mark, you got me through the worst 2 years of my life, you were there for me when he wasn't and in the end I treated you like crap, when we did what we did, when we gave in and did what we did and he found us and, I stayed with you, I treated you like shit, I almost blamed you and I'm sorry, I'm sorry I did that. And I'm sorry about the thing, you know what I'm talking about, I don't regret it, you know I don't but I am sorry, I'm sorry that it hurt you, and I hope one day you can forgive me. And I just have to say this one last thing, just because we didn't work out, doesn't mean you won't find that with someone, be the change Mark, you're one of my best friends, always have been, always will be, call me soon.
Derek. I don't regret coming after you, trying to make it work. I don't regret it. Yes we were over before Mark, yes I should have told you how I was feeling instead of lashing out and sleeping with him. I should have done a lot of things. So should you. We made mistakes, we made a lot of them but I hope you know that there has never been a day, no matter what has happened, that I haven't loved you. I'm not in love with you, I haven't been for a long time, a really long time but there is no way I am throwing away every good memory we made in almost 12 years of marriage. And I hope you won't either. And you better get your act together and make it work with Meredith, she is the love of your life, don't let her go. See, I've grown! And forgive Mark, you've been best friends since kindergarten Derek, don't let one mistake ruin everything you have. And I will be checking up on you. I have my spies. I will always love you Derek Christopher Shepard, and don't ever forget it.
Izzie. You're going to be a fantastic doctor. You've made mistakes but god, who hasn't? You ever need any advice, references, anything, call me. And give Callie a chance, she makes him happy. And she can say the alphabet backwards when she's drunk, I think that's a good enough reason to be her friend"
"Can you really say the alphabet backwards when you're drunk?" Izzie exclaimed.
"Wanna go to Joe's tonight and I'll prove it?" Callie asked hesitantly.
"Hell yes!" Izzie grinned.
"Wait? Did that just happen?" asked George.
"Shut up George" Izzie and Callie groaned.
"Bambi, you do realize your life is going to be hell from now on right?" Cristina laughed.
"Yeah yeah" he muttered "Go on Callie"
"George. I find out you're not making Callie happy and I'll kick your ass so hard you won't be waking up for a very long time. I know you're disappointed about the intern test but stick to it, keep studying, you are a great doctor O'Malley, you've had a bad year, we've all had bad years. I'm serious. Keep her happy.
Cristina. If I ever see that moron again and I'll kick his ass. You didn't deserve that. And don't let it define who you are. You are one of the best interns, residents now, I have ever seen, bedside manner could probably be improved on a little but you have talent, real talent. Keep at it, be strong, and again, you ever need a reference you've got one from me. That goes for all of you, Bailey really got a great bunch. You're all a little crazy but great none the less.
Meredith, I've never hated you. I told you this during the appendicitis issue but you were pretty high -you're pretty entertaining on morphine y'know- but anyway, I don't hate you. You're just the woman unfortunate enough to get in the middle of the mess me and Derek had created for ourselves. You're scared, you're scared of the forever he wants, you want it too but you're scared. Who can blame you, you have Mommy, Daddy and abandonment issues to rival mine, and I'm not exactly the epitome of normal, but you can move past it, it's going to be hard, and you're going to want to quit and Derek, don't let her. He never loved me the way he loves you, I used to resent that but, you make him happy, that's all I want. Keep safe Meredith, good luck with everything.
Karev. Alex. You. I meant what I said in the church, you do suck and I do hate you, except that really, I don't. And I hate that. I want to hate you, I've tried to hate you but I can't. And it's all your damn fault because the Alex I know, the Alex I thought I knew, I can't help but maybe, love that Alex a little bit but you screwed up, you did, not me and I know now, I know that maybe it's because I was just a stepping stone, something you had to get past before finding what you really want.
You want Ava Alex, I'm going to say, write, whatever, what I said to you at the wedding, you don't want me, you want Ava, and we do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want, and this, I know, nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life. And no matter what her name is, she'll always be Ava to you. I'm not over you, and I don't think I will be for a long time, and I don't mean to put this on you, I don't want to make you feel guilty or something, this isn't about you, this is about me, this is about me telling everyone what I really feel so I'm telling you now Alex, you broke my heart, you broke my heart and I didn't even realize you meant that much to me before you did it, that is why I'm not over you, because I still have every little piece and all I want is to put it back together.
You're an incredible doctor Alex, have some confidence for gods sake, and if I find out you've given up on neonatal you will be next on my list of people's asses I need to kick. I'm going to miss that Alex, the Alex I thought I knew, the Alex who made me feel wanted, made me feel like me but I won't miss Karev, because I believe it was Karev who kissed me back and then told me he didn't want me, I believe it was Karev who only hours after we, we did what we did, told me I wasn't his girlfriend, well I mean, I know I wasn't but I thought, I thought that maybe I could have been, because despite telling me you didn't want me you'd done all of those Alex things, the 'because he was rude to you' things and the 'I'd notice' things and I thought that maybe, maybe you did want me but, that doesn't matter anymore, I'm starting again so, this is goodbye, to all of you, to Seattle but mostly, to you Alex, to whatever we were and whatever we could have been, just be happy, all my love, Dr Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery, or just plain Addie"
As Callie stopped reading, placing the letter on the table, everyone turned their heads to look at Alex. His whole body had tensed up, fists clenched, jaw clenched, eyes locked on the piece of paper settled in front of Callie.
"Damn it" he whispered "Give it here"
"Wha…." Callie started.
"The letter, give it here" he said firmly, the letter was passed along the table, Alex scanned his eyes of her words, taking in everything "Where is she?"
"Um, LA" Callie stuttered.
"Well yes I know that! I mean, an address, something, the practice, her house, anything!" he exclaimed standing up and slamming his hands down on the table.
"Alex what…." Callie started.
"I do want her, I do, I pushed her away, I got scared so I pushed her away and, and I love her, I'm so in love with her and, I can't, I can't let her do this, she doesn't get to do this, she can't say all that and, just please, please tell me where she is" he begged.
"Get your ass on a flight Karev, I'll text you the address" Callie said with a small smile "You go get her"
"Sorry Chief, you can suspend me, fire me, whatever but, I have to go" Alex said quickly running from the room.
"Did that actually just happen?" Derek exclaimed.
"That's just, Addison and Alex, Addison and Alex!" said Meredith.
"I knew it, I just knew he wouldn't let her get away" Callie smiled "He just needed a push"
"This is, unbelievable" Mark sighed "She loves him, she actually loves him"
"We don't know she loves him" said Derek.
"Oh my god" everyone groaned.
"What?" he laughed.
"You so damn stupid" Bailey muttered.
"God Shepard, even I get that she loves him" said Cristina.
"Do you think she'll come back?" asked George.
"I hope so" Callie said softly "But maybe he'll move out there"
"He wouldn't do that, would he?" asked Izzie.
"I think it's possible" Callie nodded.
"Chief, could you, would you be able to, get him transfered?" asked Meredith "If that's what he wanted"
"If he wasn't going out there for Addison, no, I wouldn't but, if he makes her happy, if she wants him there, I'll sort something out" he said softly "God what is it with you 5, always going for your superiors"
"Hey, I haven't!" Izzie exclaimed.
"Y'know, I could help with that" Mark smirked.
"Sexual harassment" Izzie coughed.
"You do that Sloan and I will hurt you" Bailey said firmly.
"Yeah, yeah" he muttered.
"So…." George started "What happens now?"
"We wait" Callie smiled.
-x-
Alex stepped out of the elevator at Oceanside Wellness that evening, he had no idea what he was going to say, he just, he had to see her.
"Hey dude, sorry, we're done for the night" a man said approaching Alex.
"Oh uh, I'm not a patient, I'm an old friend, sort of, of Addison's, is she still here?" Alex stuttered.
"Sure, you from Seattle?"
"Yeah" Alex nodded "Alex Karev" he said holding out his hand, the man shook it.
"Cooper Freedman, follow me, everyone's in the kitchen" he said leading him through the hallway "Addison, someone to see you" Cooper smiled walking into the kitchen and over to where Violet stood, Addison looked up and froze.
"Karev, uh, Alex, wha...wh...uh...I...uh" she stuttered.
"Use your words Addison" Sam said slowly.
"Alex what the hell are you doing here?" Addison exclaimed.
"I'd like an explanation if that's ok with you" Alex sighed.
"An explanation?" she said with a raised eyebrow.
"An explanation as to why this" he said pulling the letter from his pocket "Was your idea of a goodbye"
"Alex, why don't we go to my office" Addison said almost desperately, aware of the eyes of her friends switching between the pair.
"Oh so you feel more comfortable?" he said with a smirk "I just had this, this, whatever this is" he said waving the letter a little "read out to me by your best friend in front of my boss, my old resident, your ex-husband, your ex….whatever Sloan was to you, my ex-girlfriend and 3 of my other friends so no, no we're not going to your office, this, is payback" he smirked.
"See, this, this is why I hate you" she hissed.
"Oh, I beg to differ" he said with a laugh "Because you can't help but maybe love me, according to this" he said with a slight smirk.
"Actually, what that says is, I can't help but maybe love the Alex I thought I knew, but you are not that Alex, you are Karev, the whiny, arrogant, egotistical asshole intern! You are not that Alex, you are not the guy who bought Mark a vanilla latte because he was rude to me or, the guy who'd notice if I were missing your, your the ass who kissed me back and then told me you weren't interested, who told me that you didn't want to be another intern sleeping with an attending, your the guy who had sex with me and then hours later made me feel like a piece of shit, broke my fucking heart, you are that guy so don't you dare, don't you even dare!" she spat.
"Dare what Addison? Dare to come after you? Dare to tell you that I did that, I said those things because I was scared, petrified of letting you in because I'm no good for you, because if I didn't break your heart then, when we weren't in so deep, you wouldn't get hurt as much, because I hurt people Addison, it's what I do, I let people in, I let them get close and then I hurt them, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I broke your heart because Addison, I love you, I'm in love with you, I don't know when it happened, or how it happened but I. Love. You."
"You're in love with Ava" she whispered, wiping stray tears from her cheek.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I think I've ever heard" he said with a laugh "I don't love Ava, I don't, there is nothing between me and Ava, ok so she has a thing for me, she asked me to give her a reason to stay but I couldn't give her one, I can't, because I don't love her, I feel nothing for her, but I feel everything for you"
"I told you to go after her and you went Alex! What is this? You got there and she didn't want you? You thought you'd come here and settle for second best"
"For gods sake Addison will you just LISTEN TO ME!" he shouted "I. Love. You. You. Not Ava. Not Izzie. You. I went to the hospital that day because you told me to go, you told me you hated me so yeah, I went, I went to go and settle for second best, and she wasn't there, and I didn't even flinch, I didn't give a crap that she was gone but you, when I couldn't find you, and then find out you're here, that killed me and hearing all this, in this letter, that made me realize what an idiot I'd been and that I needed to see you, that I needed to be with you, whether it's here or Seattle or New York or or anywhere! I need to be with you Addison because I love you, so can you just stop trying to make excuses, stop avoiding this, and just try, try and forgive me, and try and love me back, because I'm not going anywhere"
The room dropped into silence, Alex staring at Addison, Addison staring back, everyone else looking between them both.
"What, what do you expect me to say Alex?" she cried, the tears were falling quickly, Alex took slow steps towards her "You think you can just, just come here, and, and tell me you, you love me and, what? What am I supposed to say to that? What, what, what are you doing?" she stuttered as he stood directly in front of her, reaching out and wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"Addison, shut up" he smirked before leaning forward and kissing her softly "You don't have to say you love me, you don't have to say anything, just know that I love you, that I'm here for you, and I'm not leaving you, ever"
"You're an ass" she muttered.
"Well, yeah" he said with a laugh "An ass who loves you"
"Suck up" she said with a small smile.
"Got you to smile didn't it?" he grinned.
"I hate you"
"No you don't" he smirked.
"I hate, I hate, I hate that I love you" she mumbled.
"Just a chance Addison" he whispered into her ear "All I have to do is ask the Chief for a transfer and then I'm here, I'm here for you, for us"
"Woah, woah, woah" she said taking a step back "You can't leave Seattle Alex, it's, everything is there, all your friends and, and your job and…."
"And not you" he said softly "I'm not making you move back there Addie, you want a fresh start, so we'll have one, here"
"You won't be able to transfer just like that y'know" she sighed "Your like, 2 weeks into your residency"
"Well lets see shall we" he said pulling out his cell and dialing the number for the hospital "Hi Patricia it's Alex Karev, sorry it's so late but is the Chief still there?….Yes I'm in LA, how did you….Cristina Yang, why does that not surprise me?" he said with a laugh "Sure, thank you….Chief hi it's Alex Karev….yeah, I'm with her now….can you get me transferred?….you've already started putting the paperwork through" he said with a raised eyebrow "Thank you sir, I'll be back in a few days to get all my stuff so I'll come in and say goodbye….thank you for everything….I will….Bye Chief" he said shutting his phone "Done" he smiled.
"That's, why did you do that?" Addison whispered.
"Do I really have to say it again?" he smirked "I am in love with you Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery, or just plain Addie. And if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life making you feel the same way, now can you get your ass over here and kiss me again?"
Addison smiled a little before wrapping herself around Alex, kissing him hard on the lips, he held her tightly into himself, he kissed along her jawline to her neck "I love you" he mumbled into her skin.
"I love you too, I love you" she whispered.
"Oh god, are you crying?" Cooper groaned looking over at Violet and Naomi.
"That was just…." Violet started.
"Beautiful" Naomi finished.
Addison pulled away from Alex with a laugh, she turned around in his embrace so her back pressed against his chest "Guys, this is Alex Karev, Alex this is my other best friend Naomi who is our fertility specialist, my, our, next door neighbor Sam, he deals with internal and sports medicine, Cooper our pediatrician, Violet our physiatrist, Pete, alternative medicine and Dell our receptionist and trainee midwife" she smiled.
"I won't remember any of that" Alex laughed.
"You will" Addison smiled "But you can worry about that tomorrow, for now, you're taking me home"
"My pleasure" he grinned "It was great to meet you all, I guess I'll be seeing you soon"
"You hurt her again and I will kick your ass" Naomi said firmly.
"Believe me, that's not happening" Alex smiled "Come on Addie"
"Coming, bye guys"
"Bye" everyone smiled.
"Looks like you've missed your shot Pete" Violet smirked.
"She's happy" Pete said quietly "She wanted more but, I think she wanted more from him"
"I haven't seen her smile that much since she got here" said Dell "Or cry but y'know"
"I think I might sleep on your sofa tonight Nae" said Sam.
"Why?" Naomi laughed.
"Do you not remember med school? I shared a wall with Derek" he shuddered.
"She lives in a whole other house Sam, she can't be that loud" Violet laughed.
"Oh trust me, she is"
-x-
"I love you" Addison whispered as she sat on Alex's lap, her legs wrapped around his back as they sat on the beach.
"I love you too" he smiled leaning in to kiss her "I'm so sorry Addison, for breaking your heart, I'm sorry I did that"
"Let's just, move on, your here now, your here and that's all that matters"
"Do you think you would have stayed, if I'd have told you this before, if I hadn't have blown you off"
"Honestly? I don't know Alex, I guess I probably would have but I need this, the change, Seattle it, it kind of, ran it's course I guess"
"Yeah, for me too" he said softly.
"That letter really wasn't a ploy to get you here y'know" Addison said honestly "I just, thought you should know, so you could, move on"
"I didn't want to move on" Alex smiled "Not from you"
"Good, I'm glad" she said softly.
"Sorry" he mumbled when his cell phone rang, he shifted a little and pulled it from his pocket "Meredith, I'll call her back"
"No, no answer it, it's fine"
"Ok" he said flipping it open "Meredith, hey"
"So…." Meredith said impatiently.
"So…." he mocked.
"ALEX!" several voices shouted.
"Jeez Meredith, how many of you are there?"
"Oh just me and Izzie, and Cristina and George, and Callie, and Mark and Derek"
"So pretty much everyone then" he smirked.
"Pretty much" Meredith laughed.
"So are you going to tell us what's going on Alex?" asked Izzie "Where the hell are you?"
"I'm on the beach, you can probably hear the waves" he smiled.
"You wouldn't happen to be on the beach with a red-head, would you?" asked Callie.
"Possibly" he smirked again.
"ALEX!" everyone shouted again.
"Ok ok, so I may have a red-head sitting on my lap….ah! Addie! What was that for?" he exclaimed when Addison smacked him on the head.
"They didn't need to know that" she hissed "Give me the phone"
"Addison I…."
"Give me the phone" she said snatching it from him "Hey guys" she smiled.
"Hey Addison" Callie smiled "So, are we going to get a straight answer from you?"
"Depends on the question" Addison smirked.
"Seattle or LA?"
"LA" Addison said quietly "Sorry but, I need this, the change, I need it"
"I know" Callie said softly "And Alex?"
"I uh, he's, he's staying here, well he's going back to Seattle tomorrow but, he's packing his stuff and coming back out here"
"Tell him this doesn't mean we can't kick his ass if he screws up" said Mark.
"I'll tell him" Addison laughed.
"Addie" Alex whispered running his hands down her spine "Hang up now"
"Guys uh, I have to go, I'll call soon" Addison stuttered.
"He's feeling you up isn't he" Callie smirked.
"Bye guys" Addison laughed hanging up the phone and kissing Alex softly "Take me home Alex" she whispered.
"Home" Alex smiled.
-x--x--x-