First Impressions

By: happiness101

Disclaimer: Crazy as it is, I don't own Naruto. I know, it's outrageous, isn't it? We should all have a little slice of our own! Sadly, this is not pie we're talking about.

Me: What? Pie?? WHERE??

Me: I was speaking metaphorically.

Me: Oh… T-T

Yes, I talk to myself. I'M WEIRD, OKAY?

"Don't worry so much, man! It'll be no problem!" Choji reassured, patting his best friend on the back.

"I know that!" Shikamaru snapped back. To tell the truth, his stomach was in knots just thinking about what he was going to do.

"Then stop sweating bullets!"

He wiped away the sweat that had formed on his brow. He was sweating bullets. "I don't know why I'm doing this, Choji."

"Can't turn back now, there she is!" Choji pointed at the blonde kunoichi a few feet away, talking to his other teammate, Ino.

"This was a bad idea. Let's just run now, before—"

"SHIKAMARU, CHOJI!"

Shikamaru groaned. I've been spotted…

"Come and join us!" Ino excitedly waved them down, "We were just talking about you!"

"Hey Ino; Temari," Choji greeted. Shikamaru reluctantly trudged behind him. He grunted, unable to think of anything else.

"Have you forgotten how to speak correctly?" Temari taunted.

"Actually, he has something to ask you, right Shikamaru?" Choji gently nudged Shikamaru in the ribs.

"Really?" Temari crossed her legs, her eyes flashing mischievously.

"Well—" Shikamaru started.

Ino, immediately getting what was happening, shoved her reproachful teammate forward. "Come on, don't be shy!"

He fell forward, landing on the other half of the bench. In the process, his hand settled on Temari's bare leg. He quickly drew his hand back, his face turning red. He turned to scold Ino, but both his teammates had already disappeared.

"Can I help you?" Temari drawled.

Shikamaru opened his mouth to speak, willing that something cool and witty would come out. "Um… yeah." Smooth, he thought.

Temari smirked. "And what might I do for you?"

"You could accompany me to dinner sometime." He suggested, not really thinking about it.

The sand shinobi was a little taken aback by this sudden request. "Are you asking me out?"

"Um… yes…?"

"Aren't you sure?" Temari asked incredulously.

Shikamaru ignored her question. "Well, how about it?"

Temari seemed at a loss for words, but then the smirk returned to her face. "Hmph, alright then. But it has to be at my home village."

"Why does it have to be your village?" Shikamaru complained.

"Because it would be an honor," she grabbed his ear and tugged, "boyfriend o' mine!" She released him, and Shikamaru rubbed his throbbing ear. "Meet me at the Kazekage Tower next Tuesday. I'm leaving tomorrow, but you can't come with me." She paused, thinking about what else he needed to know. "…Make sure you wear something nice, preferably a tuxedo… but it has to be black, not one of those ghastly colored ones! Got all that?"

"Kazekage Tower, Tuesday, tuxedo—"

"A BLACK tuxedo!" Temari corrected.

"A BLACK TUXEDO!" Shikamaru parroted.

"Good! See you then! Or else…" Temari let the sentence dangle as she walked away, leaving Shikamaru to dream up the horrible consequences of not living up to his new girlfriend's expectations.

That Tuesday, Shikamaru arrived at the Kazekage Tower in a black suit, exactly as instructed. In fact, he had double-checked that the suit was black and not some really dark navy blue color. He walked up to the huge double doors, hesitating before raising his fist to knock on the door. His knuckles never met the wood though, because someone from the inside abruptly opened it.

"Oh!" Shikamaru stepped back in surprise. He was face-to-face with a boy that had dark rings around his eyes, which seemed to pierce right through him. "Sorry about that…"

The figure in the doorway looked him up and down. "You're Temari's date?"

"Uh… yep, that's me!" Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably. "My name's Shikamaru. And you are…?"

"Gaara of the Sand." Gaara explained. He stepped to the side, allowing Shikamaru entrance. Shikamaru considered just turning and running, but he knew things far worse would happen to him if he did that. So with great reluctance, he followed Gaara to the main room and took a seat. He removed his coat and stared at his surroundings, not wanting to meet eye-to-eye with Gaara. The walls were mainly bare, except for a few paintings and shelves of books here and there. Realizing there was nothing to stare at, Shikamaru risked a glance at Gaara. He didn't seem to have moved an inch.

Doesn't this guy even blink?

"Who's he, Gaara?" Shikamaru jumped at another voice.

"Temari's new boyfriend." Gaara said stonily to the person who had suddenly appeared next to Shikamaru.

"Yeah, I'm Shikamaru…" Shikamaru was starting to get really creeped out. He would've never agreed to this if he had known that this was going to happen.

"Kankuro." Kankuro came around to the front of the couch, to get a better look at Shikamaru. He scrutinized him in a similar way to Gaara, and then frowned. "You're not that good-looking…"

Before Shikamaru could object, Temari suddenly bustled down the hall. "Oh, you're here already? I didn't expect you so early! Oh no, I still haven't even picked out my dress!"

"You don't have to dress up at all. It's not like I care, or anything." Shikamaru reassured.

"No way! I made you get in a tuxedo for a reason, you know!"

"Don't worry Temari, we can keep him busy for a few minutes, right Gaara?" Kankuro looked at his brother with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Yes… we can… get to know each other…" Gaara agreed, turning his gaze back to Shikamaru. He was starting to sweat bullets again…

"Thanks guys!" Temari ran back down the hall.

Once Kankuro and Gaara were sure she was out of earshot, they faced Shikamaru with a clearly ulterior motive than just 'getting to know each other'.

Oh snap, Shikamaru thought.

"So, let's get down to business, shall we?" Kankuro started. "As you've probably figured out by now, we're Temari's brothers, and of course we care deeply for our sister's well-being." Shikamaru nodded his head warily, not really seeing where Kankuro was taking this. "So—"

"Kankuro, you talk too much." Gaara cut in, scaring Shikamaru a little. "Are you aware of the number of people Temari has successfully dated?"

Knowing the brutal nature of Temari, Shikamaru took a wild guess. "I'd say not many; maybe two?"

"…Yes, actually. How did you know that?"

"Lucky guess."

"…Right." Gaara murmured, clearly not believing him. "Anyway, let's just say Temari's date didn't go so well, and they… disappeared.

"Disappeared? Like how?"

Gaara and Kankuro just chuckled darkly. Shikamaru decided not to pursue the subject.

"Um… okay… So, what happened to the unsuccessful ones?" He wondered, instantly regretting it.

"You want to know why Temari has so many failures in dating?" Kankuro smirked. "…It's because of us."

"Y-You?"

"We take it as our responsibility to weed out the weak ones first. Saves our sister the trouble, right?" Kankuro explained casually.

Shikamaru winced, wanting to avoid the question that hung in the air like bad air freshener. He glanced at Gaara, who had gone back to glaring at him. "So… what do you think of me?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Have you ever been in jail?" Kankuro asked, leaning towards him.

"I—!"

"Stolen something more valuable than usual?" Gaara interjected.

"No—"

"Dropped your pants in public?"

"Tried smoking?"

"Killed someone?"

"Killed someone for personal enjoyment?"

"Um—" Shikamaru tried to butt in, but the brothers were on a roll.

"What's your favorite color?"

"It's not green, is it?"

"It better not be!"

"Do you have a dog?"

"Cat?"

"Goldfish?"

"Chinchilla?"

"Anything?"

"What's your favorite food?"

"Do you like seafood?"

"How about Thai?"

"Ever dated someone?"

"Kissed a girl unrelated to you?"

"Kissed a boy unrelated to you?"

"WHOA, WHOA! Hold up there! I am not like that!" Shikamaru stood up indignantly. He saw the two grin in success, and knew that he had to stay cool to win this game. He sighed, and tried to remember what they had asked:

"Okay, let's see… No, no, no, once because of a dare, no, and no but I've been tempted. I won't say green, so red will do. I have a cat, and my favorite food is mackerel, meaning that I do like seafood. I have no idea what Thai food is. I've never dated or kissed anyone unrelated. Happy now?"

"Hmph. Impressive…" Gaara and Kankuro stepped back, giving Shikamaru space to sit back down.

"But that doesn't mean we like you." Gaara pointed out.

"So you should be worried."

"Very worried."

"Terrified." Shikamaru retorted. Kankuro and Gaara leered at him, but didn't move from their spots.

At that moment, Temari came down the hallway and saw Shikamaru and her brothers having what seemed like a very intense staring contest.

"Everything okay, guys?" Temari asked warily.

"Everything's great, right Shikamaru?" Kankuro winked significantly at Shikamaru.

"Right, Kankuro!" He winked back, just as extravagantly as Kankuro. To his pleasure, this seemed to set the Sand ninja off a bit.

Temari arched an eyebrow, but didn't press on it. "Well, glad to hear it. Ready to go, Shikamaru?"

"Definitely." He jumped from the couch, running to Temari's side.

"Glad to see you so excited!" Temari looped her arm through Shikamaru's and smiled the same smile she gave him after killing Tayuya. "You are now officially under my control!"

What have I gotten myself into?

"You forgot your coat." Shikamaru jumped at Gaara's voice, putting a small sneer on his face. He took his jacket from Gaara's out-stretched hand. He let out a mumbled thanks. How do they do that?

"See you guys later!" Temari pulled Shikamaru through the doorway, exposing him to the darkening sky. Shikamaru breathed in deeply, welcoming a change of scenery. He put his hand in his pocket, and frowned. I don't remember having a piece of paper in here… When Temari turned to remind her brothers to make their own dinner, he drew it out, and read the smeared scrawl on the paper:

Look to your left.

"My left…?" Shikamaru peered in the direction the note indicated, and made out what seemed to be a small flame and a cat's ears on top of a wall. He paled, and read the last line of the memo:

We'll be watching you…

"Are you okay?" Temari asked, concern on her face. "What's that you're reading?"

"Um…!" Shikamaru's head snapped up, crumpling the paper up and stuffing it in his pocket. "A receipt for the tuxedo!" He smiled weakly. "I'm fine."

Temari rolled her eyes, exhaling deeply. "Can't you even afford to rent a simple tuxedo?"

"N-No, it's not that! I'm fine, really! Let's go!" Shikamaru raked over the wall again. The flame and cat ears were still there, if not moving slightly.

"…Right." Temari led the way, still a bit concerned. Shikamaru quickly followed, stealing another glance at the wall.

This is going to be a really long night…

Tada! Okay, so this turned out worse yet better than expected. I didn't write about the date itself, because it seemed like overkill. BUT… my brother says that I should continue. So if you share his opinion, please say so in the reviews! If I get enough, then I'll try my best to make a good follow-up!

So, review if you can, but overall I hope you enjoyed reading something shorter for once!