PART ONE

Preventables: Things to avoid or improve…

-When you describe Spot, NEVER say his eyes are "shockingly blue". Unless his eyes can literally shoot volts from them that can send you to the emergency room, it isn't necessary to say this. Just use figurative language and I'm sure you can create an authentic depiction of Mr. Conlon's irises.

-Most Newsies stories tend to be set in New York. This is great, but after awhile, it gets sickening to read about Manhattan and Brooklyn. If you want to talk about New York, try expanding your locations. There are so many places you can talk about: SoHo, Greenwich Village, Queens, The Bronx, Coney Island, etc. Or, for more brownie points, just get away from New York. There are plenty of great cities out there where stories can take place.

-No Mary Sues.

-If you're doing a romantic story, NEVER say that so and so's lips brushed. Brushed? Who came up with that? Whenever I read that line, it always reminds me of those brushes with tan bristles people use to spread steak sauce over slabs of meat while grilling. Although, maybe that's just me. Still. Don't say brushed. It's an over used word.

-Don't make Sarah a complete air-head. It shows that you're letting your jealously taint your writing talent. Be mature, get over the fact that she kissed Jack, and give her some personality. And yes, I know she wasn't given much character in the movie, but that's the whole reasons we write newsies fanfics, right? To expand the personas of people in the movie and extend storylines, correct?

-Just because Crutchy is a cripple doesn't mean he is more prone to illnesses. The poor boy always has some kind of Bird Flu when he's used in stories. Think about it, if you had a bad leg, would you be more likely to have bronchitis or tonsillitis or SARS? Probably not. His leg isn't like oozing or anything. It's not an open wound; it's an internal bone-like injury. That means he doesn't have a higher possibility of getting an infection than anyone else.

-If you plan on making a story with a lot of chapters, humor is the best way to go. Although drama is great, things can start to feel fake if the plot is too complicated. I like to call this "The Soap Opera Phenomenon". Notice how nobody actually watches soap operas. And using the simple formula that…uh…TV equals Written Material, we can conclude that NO ONE WILL READ A STORY THAT IS TOO DRAMATIC. But, if you inject jokes into each chapter, the readers will keep reading to get a laugh out of your work. Notice how long Seinfield and The Simpsons have been on television.

-Try and mention movies or TV shows that the newsies actors did in your story. Or their names, even. Readers will catch on to this and find it sort of humorous. In all of my modern day stories, I try to include the name of a Christian Bale movie within the dialogue.

Slash: Not just a quick knife-intended movement anymore…

A majority of newsies stories are slash. Now what the hell is slash? Slash, in this sense, is when you hook up when newsboy with another. Some people are offended by it, and some love reading it. The truth is, most of the newsies were tough. They probably would have never surrendered their sexuality so easily like they do in most stories. However, that doesn't mean you can't write them. The only thing that bothers me about slash is how the actors in newsies (or Kenny Ortega) would react if they read them. Yipes.

Now. For the most common types:

Javid:
Jack/David

Blush:
Kid Blink/Mush

Spacetrack or Sprace:
Spot/Racetrack

Snittery
Snitch/Skittery

Sputchy:
Specs/Dutchy

Spittery:
Specs/Skittery

Jacktrack:
Jack/Racetrack

Black:
Kid Blink/Jack

Unknown
Spot/Jack
(Has anyone come up for a name for this? Is it Jot? Or Spack? Or Jack Conlon or Spot Kelly? I don't know, and it is rather irritating. If you're going to leave a review, please leave a suggestion for what to call this. I'm sick of calling it "Santa Fe Slingshot Slash")

And so on and so forth…

Mary Sue: The average girl-next-door…

As much as I hate to say this, most new writers will use a "Mary Sue" in their stories. What/Who is Mary Sue? It is what the writing world calls a female character that has perfect qualities or is very similar to many other females. So what is your typical newsies Mary Sue like?

-She is short. Mary Sues are unfortunately plagued by dwarfism and never reach a height they are satisfied with. This means that even the tallest MS will only be about five foot three.

-She has been abused. Mary Sues all share common problems. Their fathers beat them. The rest of their family is dead. They have been raped. You would think that because of all these poor Mary Sues, New York would have tackled the crime in the city. But they haven't, because beaten-orphan-rape victims are still wandering around. For shame, Big Apple. For shame.

-She is resilient. Because of her harsh past, Mary Sue is a gal of steel (the perfect Superman or Terminator companion). But, not only is she tough, she will sometimes go through great lengths to prove it. This includes fighting and acting/dressing like a boy. Tsk tsk tsk. When will she learn that if she keeps acting like that, the only thing she'll get is the lead role in North Country?

-She is a prostitute. This contradicts the last quality, though. If she does not drench herself in Axe, she is roaming the streets looking for kicks. I feel bad for the girl. There were plenty of other opportunities out there. There was the popular factory job, for example. It provided just as many things as being a whore…Okay, so not really. But still. Come on, chica. Where are your morals?

-She falls in love with Jack or Spot. That's right. This mistress from hell falls in love with one of our newsies (usually Spot or Jack, but sometimes others). And our boys love her right back. The solution to this? Simple. Gather your grenades, everyone. It's time for the 3rd Annual Mary Sue Massacre. Featuring a puppet show for the kiddies (The Slaughter Of Sue), free lemonade, a raffle, and the famous cake-walk!

Songs: To sing or not to sing?

Unless you have forgotten, Newsies is a musical. If you make songs for your story, it will work out really well. The songs can take the place of words spoken between characters and highlight emotion. Your readers will love the creativity, too. The rhyme scheme is totally up to you. If you want to write music for the lyrics, too, go right ahead. As for the dancing, that is probably best left out.

Modern Day: Welcome to the future…

Modern day stories are easier to understand. The dialogue is often fast paced and hilarious. Most take place at a New York high school. Most are slash. Or, at least, that is what I expect when I see modern in the summary. Modern day stories are so much simpler and require almost no research, so if you are just starting to write newsies fanfics, this is probably the best choice.

1899: The turn of the century…

Writing true newsies stories are quite difficult. A true story is one that takes place in 1899. Some neglect to include important details when writing true style. If you choose to try this style, make sure you do a lot of research. Look up information about the way people talked, dressed, and lived. Adding these details will not only make you seem smarter, but will educate your readers.

That is all for now, kiddies. Part two of TUG will be coming up...sometime...