Softly Again

            She's breathing softly again, almost peacefully. It's been a long time since I've heard her breathe like that. It's a good feeling, a good sound. Her eyes are shut. I think she might have fallen asleep. She needs to sleep more often. My eyes are shadowed with purple. I need to sleep more often, too.

            I've

            Lost

            Control

            No, I'm not mental or anything. It's not quite like that, I suppose. It's more like this feeling that comes and won't let go; an utter and complete surrender, the pervading sense of helplessness. Once upon a time, life was good. Hah. Sweet remembrances of things past, then? Once upon a time, life was screwed.

            Once upon a time, I was in love with a brown eyed girl. Once upon a time, she was in love with me too. Once upon a time, there was evil. And once upon a time, people died. Everything's present; nothing has changed.

            No, she's asleep for sure now. I'm positive. I just shook her and her eyes stayed shut. Wouldn't it be nice to fall asleep again? I've forgotten what that feels like. Her head's on my shoulder, the same way it used to be. We don't want to feel the pain, so we block it out. I would kiss her forehead right now, just to remember what it feels like, but that'd bring back the pain all over again.

            The world is green through my window; the sun is bright and warm. Countryside rolls past the sheet of glass and on we go, back again, one more time. She's moving slightly, stretching or something. No, she's awake. She's looking at me now. Those big brown eyes of hers. They're all soft and dewy from sleep. God. God. God. God.

            Maybe it's true that life's too short. Maybe we should just live it. Maybe we shouldn't care.

            She's talking to me, asking me a question. She wants to know if we're almost there. What do I say? Are we? Are we close? Close to where? Never mind, I've already told her yes. Maybe we are close to somewhere. Don't know where, though. Not quite sure I want to find out.

            Her eyes are closed again. My arm's around her. She's got her head rested up against my chest. God. God. God. Make it stop. Make it all stop.

            I don't want to move her. What I want to do is kiss her. Kiss her till her head spins so madly that we both forget everything that's happened. Can't we live for the moment, just this once?

            She's breathing softly again, almost peacefully. I kissed her forehead, but she didn't stir. I've almost forgotten the way she tastes. I don't want to forget that. God, don't let me forget that.

            She's breathing softly again.