Undo
Chapter One
The Trek Home
Kate's POV set immediately after, 'Left Behind,' can she right things between her and Jack or is too late now. Please kindly read and review.
When he speaks to me now, when he has to, he avoids my eyes. He does not lock his to mine and hold my gaze as he did before. There is no meaning there, no longing glinting below the surface, there is nothing now except icy detachment and perhaps even disgust. Yes. It's that look of disgust that kills me, I would rather have him not look at me then have him look at me like that and he does his best not to.
I want to tell him everything, all of it, the many foolish things I have done and am ashamed of - all the wrongs I have committed, never to be made right. How do I say it? How do I tell this man that I love him and have him believe me when I say it?
Juliet turns back to me for a second and then looks away. There is a certain triumph in her slanted cat eyes, a small line in her mask like expression.
I stop myself from once again punching her in the face. I breathe and keep walking. Jack walks ahead with her while Sayid and myself take up the rear. Both he and Juliet speak in low tones, hushed whispers, once in awhile she lets out a small chuckle as if he has told her a particularly amusing story, every time, each and every, my heart pangs a little.
Sayid is quiet and I know that he observing Juliet and Jack, curious about them both and not trusting either. I don't trust Juliet myself because her intentions are vague and unclear. Jack's motives are plainly so - he means to wound me, break my heart as I did his. He grazes Juliet's hand ever so often as he use to do mine. It was a sweet, playful gesture of his and now he plays these flirtatious games with someone else. One of them.
It is nearing dusk when Sayid stops us all and tells us that we should stop and make camp. Jack nods and Juliet stands quiet off to the side as we lower are bags.
"I'll grab firewood," I say quickly and look to Jack, hoping he offers to join me, he doesn't he just looks away.
"Good idea," he says.
"I'll help," Juliet says, those blue eyes of her trained on my face like search lights.
I meet them and tell her, "No thanks."
"Really, let me help…"
"Fine," I say.
She follows me out into the jungle, I bend down gather dry twigs, she is behind me doing the same.
"Talk to him," she says.
I turn around, look at her.
"About?"
My tone is bitchy and annoyed.
"He still loves you," she says and her tone is quiet.
"You like him, don't you?"
I stare her down and to give her credit, she doesn't back down or look away. She is tough alright. But, then again so am I? I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of one tear, even though I can feel them coming…
"Yes," she tells me, "he's a good man," she adds.
"So, why do you want…"
"Kate, I am not stupid, I have lived before this place and as good as Jack is, he is using me to get to you, hurt you - for you and -"
"Don't!" I tell her somewhat roughly. I know what I did and with who and I don't need her to remind me once again.
"Just stop it okay, its for the best, okay?"
"You love him," she says it plainly, matter of fact.
The tears whelm up and I choke down a sob.
"I don't…"
"Okay," she says.
She turns her back on me and sets about gathering more twigs, with a armful of wood, I make my way back to the others.
Jack and Sayid are in the midst of a heated discussion when I come back. They stop talking and turn to me.
"Where's Juliet?" he barks.
I can feel myself grow red, anger fills me.
I toss the wood in my arms to the ground and give him a scathing look.
"You're the one joined to her hip, you would know better then me."
There is a second, just one, were I see once again something other then hate for me in his eyes, but the moment is gone as Juliet comes out behind from the brush and announces her arrival.
Jack steps past me and goes to her and takes the firewood from her arms.
"I got it," he tells her.
"I'm fine," she says.
I move over to Sayid who is watching them with those intense, probing eyes of his. He is on guard I can tell.
"What was that about?" I whisper to him.
He throws a quick glance and then back to them.
"Later," he says.
Night has fallen, it's late and I lie there with a shirt under my head and a sweater thrown over me for warmth and try to rest. I can't.
My mind is filled - thoughts, feelings, wants, regrets.
I am a bad person. I don't deserve him. I never did.
I hurt everyone I care about - My mother, Tom, my husband, Sawyer, Jack.
But, I love Jack. I don't want to hurt him. I just want him. I do. I do.
I feel someone shake me awake. I roll over thinking it Sayid. It is Jack. Jack notices the silent tears staining my cheeks and there is a soft sigh.
He sits back, looks upset.
I sit up, hug the sweater to myself.
"Everything okay," I ask.
"No, no it's not," he says.