A/N - Hands up all those who did a double take at the name and got all disappointed when you realised it *wasn't* a new fic from IJKS?

I had seen the latest spoilers (you know the ones i mean!) and while listening to Joy Division (which isn't conducive to happy fic) had this idea - just how much would Angelo be excused? IJKS was not happy with my intended outcome and insisted that i change it...so we ended up collaborating :)

ijustkeepwaving sounds so much more cheerful than ijustkeepdrowning or drowningnotswimming, don't you think?

Hope you enjoy our efforts

DnW & IJKS

Chapter 1

"I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through,

I'm ashamed of the person I am"

Joy Division - Isolation

How did I get here? Charlie had asked herself that question so many times and was still to find an answer. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them to try and keep the chill wind out. Charlie was sitting at the waters edge, gazing out to sea, watching the light fade from the water; the sun had just sunk below the horizon and a cool breeze was whipping in from over the sea.

Is it really only a year since you left? It feels like forever. It feels like it was yesterday. I'm so lonely without you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I can't move on yet I can't be alone. Why couldn't I let myself love you? Why did I care what people thought? I hate myself. I hate myself for being so weak. So weak that I wouldn't hold your hand in public. So weak that I couldn't openly admit how much I loved you. And I lost you. I don't deserve to be happy. I didn't deserve you. I will never forget you. I will never stop torturing myself over what could have been. Wherever you are, I still love you Joey Collins.

Charlie sat in a corner of the diner nursing a coffee, lost in her thoughts. She was vaguely aware that she was being watched. Glancing up briefly, she saw Angelo gazing adoringly at her from across the diner. She sighed.

Why can't I love him? He says he loves me. He follows me around like a lovesick puppy. Yet I don't love him. I can't love him. I'm sure he'd spend the rest of his life trying to make me happy. Is that fair to him when I will never love him back? Is a life of pretence better than a life spent alone? I don't think I can be the person he wants me to be. I don't want to share my every thought with him. I opened up to him before, about Ruby, and he told her. I told him about Grant and he doubted me. Can I really trust him?

"Charlie? Charlie?"

She looked up, awakened from her musings to find Angelo hovering next to her. "Can I join you?" Not waiting for a response, he slid into the booth opposite Charlie.

"I've missed you so much Charlie. I don't want to be just friends with you. I love you." Angelo reached over the table and took Charlie's hand. "Please Charlie, give me a second chance?

Second chance? More like fifth chance!

She removed her hand from his. "I don't know Angelo. I really don't know." She sat back and looked at him. He looked so earnest, so eager to please. She wanted to say yes, so that she wouldn't be alone. He blinked at her imploringly.

He'd do anything for me. Maybe I could learn to love him?

"Why don't you buy me dinner and we'll hang out for a while?" she suggested.

Angelo looked like all his birthday's had come at once.

Over at the counter, Leah smiled to herself pleased to see Charlie and Angelo getting along so well. They make a great couple, she thought.

Charlie smiled politely at Angelo's attempted jokes. She replied to his questions but just couldn't fully engage in conversation with him. It all felt too strained and her heart really wasn't in it. She pretended to listen while he wittered on about something at work. Charlie realised that work and the fact that they were both lonely were the only things they had in common. Is that really enough to base a relationship on? He hasn't even noticed that I'm not listening.

Angelo was almost beside himself. She's hanging on my every word he thought smugly. I'll have her in no time. I've missed her so much. I can't wait to show her just how much I've missed her.

He continued chattering away, full of his own importance, not noticing that Charlie was there only in body, her mind having drifted off.

Leah smiled at her housemate as she cleared the plates from the table. Her smile faltered as she saw the sad and distant look in Charlie's eyes. She glanced at Angelo who was grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"How was the food guys? Leah asked, looking directly at Charlie. Charlie smiled weakly.

"The food was delicious, and the company exquisite!" enthused Angelo. Charlie excused herself to go the toilet, as Angelo continued to rave to Leah about what a lovely evening they'd had, and how they were back together. Looking up she saw Charlie heading back to the table - she didn't look happy.

Is this really what I want? I'm being railroaded again. Do I really want a relationship with Angelo? Charlie mused as she headed back to the table. She heard Angelo telling Leah they were back together. Charlie caught Leah's eye. A look that said more than words ever could. In that moment, Leah knew that Charlie was not back with Angelo and never would be.

Charlie fled from the diner.

"Hey Charlie! Wait up!" Angelo sprinted to catch up with Charlie. He grinned as he pulled along side her. "Playing hard to get eh?" he smirked.

"I'm heading home Angelo, it's been a long day. Thanks for dinner."

"But its so early!" Angelo said disappointedly. "I thought we could go and have a few drinks at the surf club. Celebrate getting back together."

Charlie took a deep breath. "Angelo, we are not back together."

"What? But, but what about dinner? We were having a great time? What changed?" Angelo was bemused. "I don't understand. You were flirting with me all evening. And I've told Colleen we're back together, so half the town will know by now."

"I wasn't flirting," was I? "It was just dinner. As friends. Thanks again." Charlie carried on walking.

"Well let me at least walk you home.' Angelo stated, not so much a question as an instruction. Without waiting for an answer he fell into step beside Charlie and put his arm around her shoulders. She shrugged it off.

"Why are you being like this Charlie?" he pleaded. "I thought we were having a good time. Don't you love me?"

They had reached Charlie's house. She turned to face Angelo. "No, I don't love you." Her voice was filled with sadness. She wished she could love him. Or at least keep up a pretence that she did.

Angelo's face fell. "But I love you Charlie! I've missed you so much these last few weeks. I can't live without you. Please, let me show you how much I love you." He grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall of the house, kissing her hard.

Charlie squirmed to get out of his embrace, but he held her too tightly. Angelo kissed her harder, and pushed his body up against hers. Charlie struggled against him.

Angelo felt the blood pump hard through his veins as he kissed her passionately. He smiled into the kiss as he felt her writhe beneath him. He pushed harder against.

"Angelo no. Please don't!" Charlie cried, still struggling. She managed to get one hand free and struck Angelo across the face, raking her nails down his cheek and drawing blood.

"Playing rough?" Angelo smirked as he kissed her again, grabbing Charlie's arms and holding them above her head, pinning her to the wall. "Let me show you how much I love you Charlie. Then you'll see. Then you'll want me," he panted.

He released himself from his trousers, and tugged roughly at Charlie's underwear. She screamed.

"NO! Angelo. No! Don't!" Tears were running down her face, she continued struggling against him.

"I love you Charlie!" Angelo thrust into her.

Trying to shut out what was happening, Charlie stopped struggling.