Usual disclaimer applies, I know this is JE's sandbox, I hope she doesn't find out I'm playing in it.
First and probably last attempt if it's as bad as I think it is.
Ranger's POV
Home
When did this unlovely city become that? It was once just a place to hang my proverbial hat.
It doesn't seem that long ago that I had decided to let Tank run Trenton and take off for the sunnier climes of Miami. Geography didn't matter, only my ambition to make Rangeman the best at what it does mattered to me.
Then a phone call changed my life. A favour for Connie turns out to have been the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. It introduced me to a blue eyed, curly haired brunette and I can safely say that my life has never been quite the same since.
She blew into my life with the force of a tornado and leaves the same damage path in her wake. To call her a force of nature is an understatement and I find that I look forward to knowing every twist and turn she makes. I would rather share the eye of her storm than shelter in safety away from her.
At the start I tried to keep my distance emotionally from this amazing woman. She's smart, funny and her smile lights up the whole room. All the people I've worked closely with for the last 10 years have all perfected the blank face and the politic silence. She's never had to and it's a dream to watch the expressions flit across her beautiful face, for someone like me who has been trained to read nuances, it's almost like being able to read her mind. The old cliché says that the eyes are the window to the soul, for her that's true, she has the soul of an angel. She doesn't know her own worth, her mother keeps trying to make her into something she doesn't want to be, she wants to clip her wings, make her the same as she is, finding comfort in uniformity and obscurity. But this one was meant to fly and with me to catch her if she falls, we could ride those highs and lows together. But something keeps me silent, there is a wrinkle in the fabric of my fantasy world. If she is known to be mine, then those that want to hurt me find a vehicle to do so. And I won't put her through that. A life of always looking over her shoulder. It wouldn't be fair and I decide not to tell her how I feel and feed her some line about not doing relationships.
But then something happens and I see her strength and determination and I think, she's no quitter,she's smart and brave and would be able to handle the truth and would take the precautions I feel are necessary for her safety . Then it's all so clear, I make the decision to talk to her and to tell her how I feel and it starts with the dawn.
Tomorrow, always tomorrow is the day when I will declare my intentions towards her and hope that what she feels for me is enough to keep us together for a lifetime. But I know deep in mine that her pure heart belongs to another, one who is also unworthy of her, but he is at least more worthy than I am.
He works on the right side of the law, he keeps the peace, he lives his life in the light whereas my soul is black and cold from what I've seen and what I've done.
I've been away for 8 weeks and I found that I yearned for this place. And by this place I mean the chair in the corner of her bedroom, shrouded in shadow, just being able to watch her sleep. The only thing better would to have her gorgeous naked body curled around mine, safe and warm in the comfort of my arms, my bed and my life. She should never have to struggle and I would willingly take that burden from her, if she would consent to wake every morning in my love and sleep every night in the security I can give her.
Silently I will her to wake and to invite me in and I would show her how I feel in actions, not words, but I tried that once and I screwed it up, in the cold light of day my inner demons won and I sent her back to the other man. I te nearly killed me,hurting her like that and Tank nearly killed me when he found out. He took me down to the gym and we worked out our anger and pain on one another for over an hour before we called it quits and the things he called me, the tone of his voice, killed me all over again. As every word was deserved, every utterance truth.
This woman has turned my life upside down, she's gotten me shot, she's totalled every car I've ever given her, she attracts crazies like no-one else I've ever known, she's damaged my men and my property, she's exhausted my resources trying to extract her from yet another life or death situation she's managed to fall into, but for better or worse, she's my Babe and she's the woman I love.
Speak to me Babe, give me a sign if there's any hope for us. I'll be here waiting in the dark.
Steph's POV
Say what you like about my skills as a Bounty Hunter, there is one thing that I am always sure of. I can tell when Batman is in my bedroom. It's a two part process, first there is that tell tale tingle on the back of my neck and the second is the zing straight to my doodah.
There was part of me that used to wonder why he likes to sit in the dark and watch me, but now I don't care, now I know that the only thing that he is focused on is me and that is enough. He's here and for the first time in 2 months I feel safe.
Even now a war is taking place between my heart and my hormones . My hormones are screaming at me to just throw back the blankets, invite him in and show him in no uncertain terms how I feel about him. My heart however is being the voice of reason and reminding my hormones of the last time he sated them he hurt me, he dismissed me as he would any employee whose usefulness was over.
It's a struggle every time I see him, not to jump his gorgeous body and ride him till my bones melt from the heat.
He gave me a glimpse of what it would be like to be his, I've witnessed first hand the Cuban Sex God in action and I can safely say that very promise he ever made to me was delivered. He threatened to ruin me for all other men and he's done just that.
But I know next to nothing about him. I'm sure that I know more than almost anyone else, but for me that still isn't enough. Do you know I've never seen him laugh, laugh so hard that he couldn't stop or cry or bang his hand off the table in frustration. His control is legendary and it scares me. That blank mask that he wears cuts him off from me completely, that cool stare in those dark eyes sends a shiver through me.
Yet still there is an attraction there, one that makes gravity obsolete when he's around. The man makes me feel like I am floating on air, like the only thing that tethers me to the planet is my desire to be close to him.
He turns up whenever I have a disaster, he rarely lectures or raises his voice to me. He makes sure I'm safe, offers me whatever he thinks I need and goes on with his day. Let me tell you, there are times I only know I'm through it and out the other side when that warm hand lands on my shoulder or I'm pulled into his arms.
If I was his, really his, then there would be a price I'm sure. My life would be prescribed by his rules to keep me safe from whatever dangers he perceives me to be in. Could I live with such restraints on my actions and movements? Would being closer to him, mean a loss of self as it would be with Joe? He's a good man, but what he wants from me is something I'm not sure I'll ever want or maybe that's not the truth, maybe I don't want it with him. Could being Mrs Stephanie Manoso be what I want instead of being Mrs Stephanie Morelli typical Burg wife and mother?
Is that something that Ranger would want? I doubt it, if he doesn't do relationships, then he certainly won't do marriage and children. But sometimes I think about a miniature Ranger with laughing dark eyes and a smile that could light up a city block and my heart melts.
I suspect that Ranger has given me all that he is capable of giving to any woman. He wants me around, that much is certain and he makes all kinds of offers, ones that would up with us both naked, sweaty and sated. But I couldn't be his f**k buddy, I would need more. And I'm frightened to ask for it. Scared that he'll finally say no or that he'll say Yes before I'm ready, before I'm sure that is what I want and either way I may lose what I have of him already and I just can't risk that.
Joe and I split just after he left, another argument about my job, my friends, my life. I told myself that I would use this time to decide which one I really wanted and just go for it. But I talk myself in to and out of each of them a dozen times a day.
So here I am alone in the dark with a man I love and want and I don't know if he feels the same or if I am just a pleasure to be enjoyed while it lasts or a passion that could last till the end of our days.
Doubt I'll ever find out, I don't think he'll ever lower that mask for me.
The inner struggle between heart and hormones goes on. Another night of waiting , wanting and wondering.
Break the silence Ranger, tell me something, anything, your darkest fear, your most precious dream. Anything, I'll be here waiting in the dark