Am I Like That?
Title: Am I Like That?
Author: MYBIGBLUEBEOX
Series: Doctor Who
Rating:
Genre: Romantic/Angst
Spoilers: None
Characters: Doctor (Tenth) and Rose
Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters or the story line this fanfic is based on. They belong to our lord and master 'The BBC' ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Summary: Rose and The Doctor have just visited a space station which has brought up some painful memories for the Doctor. Rose comfort.
Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.
Warnings: None
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The Tardis was quieter than usual. Rose sat at the base of the control panel, thinking. The more she thought about it the more depressed she became.
They had only just left Kwelog 2, a space station way out in one of Saturn 4's solar systems. It had been a normal trip by their standards. Just a crazed alien threatening the human race...again. Nothing too serious, 'home in time for tea', as he liked to say.
She smiled fondly at the thought of the Doctor. God what wouldn't she do for him? She'd left a life behind for him not so long ago, and now? Now all she wanted was to talk. He always got it wrong, thinking she didn't want to hear about his problems, when she desperately wanted to help. He'd always preferred to hide behind closed doors than talk about any emotions, unless it was hers of course. Today was a shining example.
Once again they'd fought against the odds and won, but. There was always a big, huge BUT these days. When faced with his past, he always ran. He ran from everyone, the people who had reminded him, the time lords calling to him from memory, and herself. He always, ALWAYS ran from her! Why? why did he need to run from her? He should know how much it hurt. She wanted to help him, to see him in pain nearly broke her heart. It shattered it completely when he shut the door on her.
She was brought tumbling out of her thoughts by something warm and wet landing on her hand, tears. She sighed, it was no good carrying on like this, what good was it going to do to have each of them sitting in separate rooms mulling over years of pent up emotion. Someone had to take the first stand, the first leap, and Rose was not someone to sidle away from a challenge. She stood up with more determination than she felt and roughly scrubbed the tears form her cheeks with the back of her hand. There was no backing out of it now, she'd used all that energy standing up. With that she strode with purpose towards the Doctor's bedroom door.
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She gently tapped on the retro style blue door. No answer of course, he never did answer the door. She felt for the door knob in the ever growing darkness, and grasp it tightly. She didn't like invading people's privacy but sometimes it was necessary. With that in mind she gently pushed the door open slightly. It gave an ominous little creak as it opened as if warning her not to go inside, she ignored it. She could barley see the end of the room. She stuck her head in a little further trying to make out the figure slumped on the bed. She saw no vital signs of life so, just to be on the safe side she assured herself, she called his name.
'Doctor?' She whispered it so quietly she barley heard herself speak. This is ridiculous she thought to herself, she didn't need top be afraid of him. Somehow she managed to work up the courage to walk right into his room and came to a stop right by the bed. She could see that he was shaking, suddenly all she wanted to do was comfort him. The urge to lay down next to him, stroke his tousled, dark brown hair and take all his pain away was so strong. She shook her head and pushed the those thoughts to the back of her mind.
'Doctor?' She called again, with more force this time. She held back slightly before laying a hand on his shoulder. 'Let me help'
She withdrew her hand sharply as he tensed under her touch. Sighing she mad her way to the door giving him a fleeting glance as she reached the door something stopped her.
'Rose' He sounded so lost, so young... so desperate. Within seconds she was at his side. Tears where brimming in his eyes almost overflowing. She took his face in her hands and stared into his eyes trying to read something in them.
'Oh Doctor tell me what's wrong?' She was so desperate to help him, he just had to let her in.
He wouldn't look at her, just stared with deep, sorowful eyes at his fingers that twisted the corner of his blanket around and around. She would have laughed at the sight of a nine hundred year old Time Lord reduced to the mentality of a six year old if she hadn't been so worrid. She didn't know what to do, he was never like this, he'd said it himslef: 'I'm always alright'. She knew in her heart what she had to do to bring him back form the edge.
Somehow she managed to find the courage to sit next to him, grasp his chin in a death grip and made him look at her.
'How arewe supposed to travel together if we can't talk to each other?' Fear suddenly filed his dark, hazel eyes at the meaning of her words.
'If you can't trust me anymore... I'm going to have to leave'.
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'Don't leave me'. He whisperd it so quietley she barely heard him.
'Then talk to me, Ionly want to help you. Trust me'.
'I do', He searched her eyes for a moment before he answerd her.
'You didn't see it did you?' A small frown of confussion crossed her face. It was all confirmation he needed.
'He showed it to me, The Controller. I saw it, I saw him'. Worry and concern began to take over her, she had never seen him like this. It frightened her.
'Doctor'. She called him firmly and grasped his upper arms and held him firmly 'What are you talking about?'
'A video' He whispered 'C.C.T.V footage of a cell he had down in the base of Kwelog 2. He knew I'm a Time Lord, he thought he'd shown me that I'm not the last'.
Rose tensed. Another Tome Lord? He'd always been so sure he was the last, this was impossible wasn't it?
'He was so alone, so lonely. Driven mad by his solitude. Am I like that Rose? Am I lonely and mad?'
This little speach took Rose by surprise. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she couldn't seem to think of anything, the words sticking in her throat. He looked up at her with beseaching eyes, she had to answer him.
'No sweetheart you're not like him'.
He didn't look convinced and to be honest she wouldn't be satisfied with an answer like that. All she could give him was what was in her heart.
'If you are so lonely then why am I here? O.k. maybe you do daft things sometimes but I know you're not mad. You said you trusted me, a little blind faith, that's all I ask.' He laughed out loud at that Rose grinned, she always knew how to make him laugh.
'The last time I put my faith in you Rose Tyler,' The Doctor said with again 'I ended up running for my life from a crazed shop assistannt, when you decieded marathon shopping was the best therapy after chasing down Cyber Men! You could have told me that you hadn't paid for the shoes!'
Rose was doubled over laughing. He smiled fondly at her, he loved to see her so happy. What would he do without her?
When she stopped laughing she stood and looked down on him smiling.
' I'll go make us a cup of tea. O.k.?'
She kissed his hair and ruffled it before setting of for the kitchen. Just as she placed her hand on the door handle, she turned around as he called her name.
'Thank you'
She smiled back at him.
'No problem Doctor'.
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