Cartman's Failed Plan

By: thecrazierone

South Park doesn't belong to me. Duh

Cartman had finally come up with, his master plan to ruin Kyle's life. It was fool proof, Cartman figured out every possible thing that could happen and made sure it worked in his favor. The plan was perfect in every way. What was Cartman's plan you ask? Well, wait a god damn minute and I'll tell you! Cartman's plan had multiple steps, but it was all pretty simple. Cartman would get Kyle's phone, then pretend to be Kyle and text Stan. Cartman would text Stan that he was in deep love with Stan. Coming from Kyle's phone Stan would think it's Kyle and would react in two ways. One, he would not return the feelings "Kyle" had and their friendship would be destroyed. Two, Stan would share "Kyle's" feelings and Cartman would tell him to meet at school and kiss him in front of everyone, Kyle would freak out and their friendship would be destroyed. The hardest part was the first step, getting the Jew's phone. But even that was pretty easy, it took five Mexicans, a confused Butters, two pounds of glitter glue, and bacon lots and lots of bacon. But, that story is for another day. The important part is that Cartman is currently sitting comfortably on his bed, Kyle's phone in hand. Cartman rubbed his pudgy hands together, how would he start? He couldn't just text Stan saying "I love you" it would be too, Stan may think somethings up. Cartman scrolled through Stan and Kyle's previous texts to see how the Jew texts Stan, he had to make sure it sounded believable. Cartman hummed to him self trying to think, he snapped his fingers and started a new text to Stan.

hey dude u there?

Once Cartman finished he checked for accuracy, it was just like Kyle's texts to Stan. So, Cartman clicked "send". Cartman evilly grinned a few minutes later when Stan's response came.

yea dude whats up :)

What to say next? Cartman knew if this was going to work he had to make his way to saying those three words. But, what topic should he bring up? Cartman shrugged and began to type into the phone.

i dont know im just board wats up with you?

Cartman did a quick check and sent the text. It took less then a minute for Stan to respond to the text.

just doing homework u?

Cartman tapped the screen, then smiled. This was the perfect way to say what he needed to say. Cartman began his response.

not much i already finished my homework but wasnt butters acting really gay in class today?

Cartman couldn't remember exactly what happened today, he was too busy thinking up his plan. Cartman sent the text and almost instantly came Stan's response.

i know dude!

Now came the big text, Cartman thought for a few seconds on how to say exactly what he was going to text. He eventually typed up his text.

dude this may sound weird but wats ur thoughts on that

Cartman crossed his fingers that this would work. The screen of Kyle's phone lit up few minutes later with a new text from Stan. Cartman opened the text and read it carefully.

i dont know dude i guess its ok i mean i really dont care y

Cartman smiled and began to type out his response, the final text that would sink their friendship.

well dude i kinda like guys mainly y-

Just as Cartman was about to type to type the last word, the phone went black.

"What the fuck?" Cartman shouted. He clicked the on button, only to get a power low screen.

"God damn it!" Cartman screamed throwing the power-less phone across the room. The phone hit the wall with a load crash, the phone it's self was cracked right down the middle. Cartman's plan had failed and he was so close. to fucking over the Jew. So. Fucking. Close.

If you guys liked this I can write more. Just let me know by sending a review.