Okay, so while I should be studying for my upcoming exams and writing my upcoming papers I wrote this. And it's almost thanksgiving break! And I'm excited about that because I need to sleep. Anyway, enjoy this and make sure to leave a review.
She sat on his couch waiting for him to get home. He said he was going to go to Molly's with Ruzek, that he'd be back around 9. Time was creeping towards 11. The pizza she had ordered for them had been long gone. The movie she put on to pass the time was long over. So she sat, staring at the walls surrounding her. At that moment, it made her realize how impersonal his apartment is there was no photos on the walls, no pictures of his family or friends, there were no decorations. Furniture was the only thing that occupied this place. Only the necessities. She was pulled from her thoughts at the opening of his apartment door. She heard him take his boots off at the front door and continue towards her.
"Hey, how was the bar?" She asked calmly as she approached him. She wasn't angry that he was late. But he could've call to tell her.
"Don't hound me now Erin. I'm tired," he yawned as he slid his coat off his shoulders and hung it up in the closet. He dropped his keys in the bowl next to the closet.
"I was just asking how the bar was. I wasn't hounding you Jay," Erin spoke softly. Obviously something was wrong. "How's Ruzek and Kim?" She tried a different approach.
"I'm going to go to bed," Jay walked by her and brushed her shoulder.
"What is your problem?" Erin asked annoyed. This was enough. She hadn't done anything to make him this angry. He didn't seem extremely intoxicated. It was almost as though he was completely sober.
"My problem? What's your problem?" Jay countered as he turned around to face her. His face was unreadable, yet a little angry.
"I don't have a problem. I thought I'd come over and we could watch a movie when you got back from the bar. But obviously I'm wrong. Maybe I should've just gone back to my apartment after work," she shot back as she dropped a hip and crossed her arms.
"Maybe you should've Erin," Jay raised his voice slightly.
"Did I do something?" Erin took a step back, not quite sure if she should actually pick up her coat and go.
"That's an understatement," Jay laughed dryly.
Erin tried to look back onto the past couple of days. She hadn't done anything she could recall. "You were fine at work Jay," she stalled while she thought.
"I didn't want to air our dirty laundry at work Erin," he stated. She had never heard his voice so cold. His expression matched his voice. It was only as if the anger he was experiencing was directly towards her mistakes. The ones she had made years ago. Falling off the bandwagon and ignoring him for a couple of weeks, the mistakes he said he was over and past.
"Oh so you'd go to Molly's and air out our dirty laundry there with Ruzek instead of coming home and talking to me about why you're so angry?" She yelled back. "That's real mature Jay," her anger now elevating.
"I can't talk to you about anything Erin. Every time I bring it up you walk away," he countered.
"This about my sabbatical? The one that happened a year ago, the one that I have told you countless times that I was sorry? I am sorry. But I'm done talking about it. Reliving my mistakes isn't something I like to do everyday," she took a breath. "And you know you were the reason I came back. That if it wasn't for you I would still be back there," her eyes welled up with tears. She didn't know this was their dirty laundry anymore. She thought they'd moved passed this.
"This isn't about your sabbatical last year Erin," she could almost feel the tension wipe away from his body. Gone was the coldness he presented with when he walked in the door. She felt the almost soften. He was regretting his mood, she could tell.
"Then it's about the guy, Landon," she let a tear fall. "How many times to I have to apologize for that? I'm sorry Jay. I didn't know what I was doing. I pushed you away, and every day since then I wish I held onto you so tight instead," a few more tears fell. "I wish you were the one I fell to, everyday I think about that."
"It's not about that either Erin," he stepped closer to her and she stepped back again.
"Than what is it Jay? Because I thought things were good. I thought we were good, that we were in good place. I can't raise this baby by myself Jay," she cried. And she couldn't raise this baby alone. She'd be the worse mother in the world. If this child didn't have a father like Jay in it's life, the poor baby would be screwed.
"Baby?" Jay's eyes widened. "You're pregnant?"
"I went to the doctor's this morning to confirm, but yeah I'm pregnant. And I was excited; I thought you would be excited. We've been together for 2 and almost a year. But if you want to end this, us, then that's fine. I'll just do it by myself," she cried again as she walked towards the door. Grabbing a boot to put on her left foot.
"That's where you went this morning before I woke up? I thought you just left. You're really pregnant?" Jay smiled slightly.
"That's what this is about? The fact that I left early this morning?" She questioned. "You're angry you didn't get any this morning?"
"No, I'm not angry I didn't get any," he sighed. "I thought you left to grab a fix before work," he admitted.
"You thought I was using again?" Her eyes widened.
"Yeah, you've been throwing up almost every day, I assumed you were hung over. You've been out late almost all week and you come back smelling like booze. You were late to work this morning, I just assumed…" he sighed.
"I just went to the doctor to confirm it today. Voight's been having some trouble with things and asked me to help him out after work. I haven't had a drink since I suspected I might be pregnant," She laughed.
"You didn't invite me to the doctor?" He questioned sadly.
"Here we go again. No Jay I didn't invite you," she sighed. "I just got some blood work. I'm only 6 weeks along, there's no heartbeat yet. I have an ultrasound in two weeks. That's why I came over tonight. I was going to tell you," another tear fell down her face.
"There's no heartbeat?" Jay's eyes welled up. He only picked up on that one little detail. The small detail that hadn't meant what he thought it meant.
"You can't hear the heart beat until at least 8 weeks Jay," she watched as he approached her. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back slightly.
"You feeling okay?" He whispered into her ear and he grabbed the boot from her hand and dropped it next to its twin.
"I'm better now than I was the past couple of weeks. The doctor gave me something for the nausea," she allowed.
"I thought you just left because you didn't want to wake up next to me, because you're back to your old ways," Jay explained. It all made sense to Erin now. Why he was angry, they'd been in such a good place lately, she could see where he got annoyed at her.
"You thought I fell off the bandwagon again?" She asked as he nodded his head. "But Jay, if were going to do this you have to trust me that I'm never going to make that mistake again," she encouraged.
"I know that, and I wanted to think of a different reason for your actions. I just couldn't find one until now, you were throwing up because of the baby, and that's a much better alternative than I thought," he smiled and kissed her lips. "Much better."
"Really?" She smiled up at him. "You're happy about this? Because I know this wasn't planned. And we're not married. And Voight's probably going to kill you."
"Really, you're going to be the best mom. I can handle Voight," he pulled her closer and pressed his lips against hers again.
"You think so?" She questioned. She didn't exactly have the greatest role model.
"I know so," he smiled up at her. "Should we get some sleep?" He pulled her closer to the bedroom.
"Sleep? My hormones are in overdrive. I haven't seen you outside of work unless it was just to sleep. Jay, the last thing I want to do tonight is sleep," she winked and unbuckled his belt.
"Your hormones huh?" He laughed.
"Doctor said to expect increased libdo," She pulled his shirt off. "And increased cravings," she leaned in to kiss him. "And increased mood swings," she laughed. "Also an increase in weight gain," she pulled him closer to the bed. "And I think you might like this one, she said to expect an increase in breast size," she smiled and lifted her shirt.
"You're right, I do like that one, and all those things. Although I don't know how I feel about the mood swings," he laughed as she rid his pants. She pulled down her sweats and lay back on the bed. "You're too much sometimes," he laughed as he approached her. "But I love you," he smiled.