"Lizzie, dear, hurry up," Tonks called up the stairs to her eldest daughter, Elizabeth. "You're going to miss the train."
"I'm coming, Mum," Lizzie called exasperatedly down the stairs. "I've just got to pack a few more things."
"Well, that should've been done last night," Tonks replied, rolling her eyes, realising yet again how very much like herself Lizzie was. She walked over to her four-year-old twin daughters' room and knocked lightly on the door. Stepping inside, she found Riley lying asleep, and Reagan playing quietly in a corner- with Remus' wand.
Oh no, Tonks thought to herself. "Sweetheart, what are you doing?" she asked.
"Magic," Reagan answered. "I'm going with Lizzie and Nicholas to Hogwarts," she added defiantly, looking her mother square in the eye.
Tonks laughed and walked forward, scooping her daughter up. "Reagan, hasn't Daddy told you not to play with his wand before?" she asked, ruffling her daughter's bright orange hair; Reagan was one of two of Remus and Tonks' children who had inherited Tonks' Metamorphmagus abilities; the other was Teddy, who was out front helping Remus and Nicholas, who was starting his first year at Hogwarts, load his stuff into the expanded car.
Tonks took the wand from Reagan, kissed her cheek and set her back on the floor. Then, she sat down on Riley's bed, shaking her lightly. "Riley, it's time to get up," she whispered.
Her daughter's eyes, the precise shade of Remus', fluttered open. Riley rubbed them sleepily, sitting up. "Hi Mummy," she said, hugging Tonks, who stroked her hair. "Where's Daddy at?" she asked suddenly.
"He's out front with Nick and Teddy," Tonks answered. "Could you give him his wand, sweetie?" She held the wand out to Riley, who took it and ran outside to her daddy, whom she was extremely close to. Tonks understood, though. When Riley was a couple of weeks old, Remus' worst nightmares (and the reason he had been terrified of fathering children) had been confirmed. His sweet baby girl had inherited his werewolf genes.
The day after his transformation, he had come back home to find Tonks in tears, holding Riley in her arms. Fearing the worst, he had run and taken both the child and Tonks into his arms, stroking Tonks' back and kissing his baby girl's soft skin, now marred by a few scars. That morning, Remus and Tonks had dropped the other four children off at Andromeda's house, then taken Riley to Saint Mungo's, where they were told to leave her for a couple of days, just so that they could make sure there was no permanent damage to the baby. It turned out, to both Remus and Tonks' relief, that she would be fine, as long as she had a small dosage of the Wolfsbane potion each month before her transformation.
Now, four years later, the child still had to deal with it; but, Tonks was glad that she had her daddy for her, and that those nights, she could at least be with someone when she transformed.
Checking her watch, Tonks saw that it was nine-fifteen. She walked out to the front, where her husband and most of her children were.
"Remus," she called to her husband. "Are you almost done down there?"
"Mum," Teddy said. "Where's Lizzie at? I swear, she's becoming slower and slower at packing every year."
"Why don't you go get her from her room?" Tonks asked, smirking. Teddy came walking up the drive and Tonks stopped him. "Don't think I don't know the real reason you wish your sister would hurry up."
"What're you talking about?" Teddy asked, forcing an innocent look on his face, though he knew he was blushing.
"I'm talking about Victoire Weasley," Tonks said, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. "Now, hurry up and go get your sister."
Teddy nodded, kissing his mum on the cheek, then walking into the house. Tonks walked down the drive to where Remus, Nicholas and Riley now stood. Nick and Remus seemed to be having a discussion, and Riley seemed to be trying to make Nick feel better as well.
"What's going on?" Tonks asked, walking over and putting her arm around Nick, who was shaking. "Sweetie, what's the matter?"
"He's scared," Remus answered. Tonks nodded, kissing her husband lightly. "He's been terrified ever since, well, a few minutes ago, once he, Teddy and I began packing his trunk into the car."
I thought that you were excited to be going to Hogwarts," Tonks said, looking her son in the eyes.
"I am," Nick answered shakily. "But, what if people don't like me?"
"They're gonna like you," Riley answered, hugging her brother around the thighs. "Everyone likes you. Besides, they like Lizzie, and I think they must've liked Teddy."
"And, if they like Lizzie and Teddy, they're bound to most certainly like you," Tonks answered, squeezing his shoulder.
"Okay, but what if I'm not in the same house as Lizzie?" Nick asked, a tear falling down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly.
"It doesn't matter," Tonks answered. "Teddy was in Hufflepuff, and Lizzie is in Ravenclaw. Odds are, you'll be in one of those two houses, or Gryffindor, like your dad. And, if you're not, then you'll still be fine. You'll make plenty of friends."
"You will, son," Remus said, kneeling down in front of Nick; Tonks heard his knee crack quite loudly; his age was really catching up with him, now, and that worried her. "Look, I never even had a hard time making friends," Remus continued, a sad look appearing in his eyes. "At the feast, I was already making friends, though I wasn't exactly sure of it at the time. Really, you're going to be fine, and plenty of people will want to get to know you." Nick nodded. Remus patted his shoulder, and stood up again. Tonks reached out her arms to help, but Remus waved them off. "Dora, I'm only in my fifties; I'm not eighty yet," he said, smiling at her.
"I know," she answered. "But, just… it scares me, sometimes, because being a werewolf doesn't exactly-"
"Not now," Remus whispered, cutting her off. "Not while Riley's over here; I don't want to scare her."
Tonks nodded, thankful for Remus' sensibleness. She didn't want to scare her baby, either, but if she had continued talking, she would've frightened her beyond possibility, because she understood things very well for a four-year-old.
"Come on," Remus said, picking Riley up; she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He took Tonks' hand in his other one, and Tonks wrapped her arm around Nick's shoulders again.
"Son," Tonks said, looking down at him. "If you hear of Lizzie and any boyfriend, feel free to write us."
"Or," Remus said. "You can always just give her a hard time about it."
Nick smiled, warming up to this idea; he always enjoyed picking on Lizzie, no matter how much he loved her.
"Don't be too harsh on her though," Tonks called, as he broke from her grip and ran up to the house. She sighed, looking at Remus. "If Lizzie ends up hating him and us more than she does now, I blame all of it on you."
Remus squeezed her hand. "Lizzie doesn't hate us," he said. "She just… well-"
"Has the same exact problems that every single teenager has?" Tonks asked.
"Yes, that," Remus answered, smiling. "And, she's got your genes as well, so-"
"What are you saying?" Tonks asked, laughing.
"Oh, just that you are very hard-headed and will stop at no end to get what you want," Remus answered.
"And, aren't you glad of that?" Tonks asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Yes, I am," Remus answered, kissing her on the cheek. Riley began struggling to get down, so Remus placed her on the ground. "Do you want to help your sister pack, please?" he asked her.
"Do I have to?" Riley asked, looking up at Remus, whom melted in her gaze all the time; Tonks feared she would be a very spoiled girl from her daddy for the rest of her life.
"No, of course you don't," Remus answered. "Go on."
"And get dressed," Tonks called as she ran into the house. She turned to Remus. "You have got to stop spoiling her so much."
"I don't spoil her," Remus replied. "I just love her very much."
"And you feel sorry for her," Tonks said quietly. "Don't worry, I do too. I think we all do." She hugged him close to her, stopping outside the door. "What's it like, those nights when you are out in the shed with her?"
"It's," Remus began, struggling to find the right words. "It's very hard and very complicated as well. She usually starts her transformation seconds before I do, and it's the hardest thing not being able to comfort her, knowing that I'll transform in the next few seconds as well." He hung his head; Tonks lifted his chin up, and kissed him.
"I just wish that she didn't have to go through that," Remus said, looking into Tonks' eyes.
"As do I," Tonks said. "But, she does, so I'm just glad that you're there for her, so she isn't alone and scared." She rubbed his arm, opening the door and stepping inside. Upon doing this, she heard shouts coming from upstairs.
"Oh, dear," she said, looking at Remus and biting her lip. He nudged her gently out of the doorway, so that he could step inside. Closing the door behind him, he followed Tonks up the stairs to Lizzie's room, where the shouts were becoming more pronounced with every step. Tonks looked back at him, then shoved the door open.
"What the hell are you two going on about?" she asked, seeing Teddy and Lizzie shouting loudly at each other from across different sides of the room. Immediately, the two of them began very heated explanations.
"He just barges in my room, telling me to hurry up, not even knocking on my door to warn me; I'm in the middle of getting dressed, and he just won't leave. I'm trying to get packed, and he's still here, and he won't shut up about having to 'get to the train station for some unattended business,'" Lizzie yelled, quoting Teddy in the air.
At the same time, Teddy shouted, "She's been taking forever, we're never going to make it, she was going on about me walking in whenever she wasn't fully dressed; she had a tank on, at least… and then, she keeps going on about Victoire, as if it's her business-"
"Enough!" Remus and Tonks said together, Tonks shouting and Remus raising his voice just slightly. Tonks looked back to Remus, who put his hands forward, telling her to go on. "Ted Remus and Elizabeth Rose Lupin," she said, glaring fiercely at them. "I am so sick of the two of you fighting. It is getting out of hand, and it is for the silliest reasons. Now, I don't exactly blame Lizzie on the changing thing; Teddy, you should've known to go back out until she was fully dressed."
"It's not like I saw anything," Teddy interrupted. "I used to help change her diapers for crying out loud!"
"Ugh!" Lizzie gasped, grabbing her hair and turning away from everything. "Do you think I need that reminder? And, that doesn't matter-"
"Enough!" Tonks and Remus said again, now both shouting. "Teddy, I don't care if you didn't see anything; it's not right for you to just stay in the room. Lizzie, you need to stop being so dramatic about absolutely everything-"
"But Mum," Lizzie began.
"I don't want to hear it," Tonks said. "And, I also don't want to be yelling at you, especially when you only have about an hour left at home. Listen, you two need to learn to live with one another. I know it's hard, especially since you two are the eldest and you are both at very… shall I say, 'unstable' ages. Teddy is an adult, legally, but he is so young; and you, Lizzie, you're becoming a woman-"
"Don't say that Mum," Lizzie groaned. "Please, don't say it."
"But your mother is right," Remus said, walking into the room, standing by Tonks. "You are becoming a young woman, whether you or I want you to or not, not withstanding, it's going to happen. Now, let's get your trunk into the car, and you go get something to eat quickly, alright?"
Lizzie nodded, hugging Remus and then Tonks, wiping her eyes. "Let me just put a few more things in; I'll be right down after that."
"Okay, just hurry, all right?" Tonks said, grabbing Remus' hand and turning towards the door; he followed her out.
"Do we have a few extra galleons we can give them?" Tonks asked suddenly, out of nowhere, as they descended the staircase.
"Don't you think that we already gave them enough money?" Remus asked, a smile twitching at his lips; Tonks got like this every year in the last few hours before their children's departure.
"Well, I mean, the train ride, they'll surely be hungry," Tonks said, now wringing the hand in Remus' with her other one. "And, Lizzie's going to want money for Hogsmeade, when the time comes…"
"Remember, Lizzie's birthday is in a few weeks, before the first trip to Hogsmeade; we'll send her money for her birthday, more then likely," Remus said, prying Tonks hand from the one in his grip, so that she wouldn't wring them any longer. "Love, it will be fine," he said, kissing her forehead. "Don't get so worked up about it."
"I'm mainly worried about Nick," Tonks said, pressing her head into his shoulder. "He's my baby boy, and I know that he is terrified."
Remus stroked her back. "Lizzie will take care of him," he said. "You know that she loves him so much, and that she used to baby him to death."
"Yes, I know," Tonks said. "But, I'm still worried. I mean, I don't even know why I'm so worked up over this; Lizzie was at Hogwarts by herself for two years. Maybe it's just getting to me that they are all growing up so fast, and that soon, even Riley and Reagan will be gone."
"Dora," Remus said soothingly. "Don't worry about that; you've still got years with them, as you do me." He felt Tonks shudder against him, obviously at his last remark. "Okay, I shouldn't have brought that up, but it's the truth. Don't worry anymore, Love. Everything is going to be fine. I promise."
"How can you make that promise and not know?" Tonks asked into his shirt.
"Because, you are a strong woman, filled with so much love and passion, and I know, that even if something does happen, you'll be fine; I've got proof of that from the year before I allowed myself happiness."
"Yes, but during that year, I was so close to cracking," Tonks mumbled.
"But, you didn't," Remus replied. "Because you knew you had something to live for, and you were determined." He felt Tonks nod into his chest, and he rubbed her back consolingly one last time, before pulling her from him, saying, "All right, Love, we need to get breakfast for the children, now, so that they can still make it to Hogwarts."
"All right," Tonks said, and she moved into the kitchen, frying up some eggs and bacon, while Remus went to check that all of their children were dressed and ready. In fifteen minutes time, all of the kids were in the kitchen, standing against counters, and, in Riley and Reagan's case, being held by Teddy and Remus. Lizzie grabbed some plates from the cupboard above the sink and handed one to each individual. Tonks served the food onto them, and they sat eating in silence, though Tonks wished that they could be talking about at least something.
Ten minutes later, everyone was finished with breakfast, the plates were in the sink, and it was nine-fifty.
"All right, everyone," Tonks said. "Make sure that you've got everything Lizzie and Nick; we've got to leave now." She swallowed, gulping back a lump that was threatening to form in her throat because she knew her kids were gone for a half-year from her in an hour and ten minutes' time.
She walked up to her room, throwing on a pair of Converse that she'd owned since she was twenty, and checking her reflection in the mirror. She changed her hair to a dark brown, wavy style half-way down her back, feeling that this would look more natural since they would be amongst many Muggles today.
Finally, everyone was ready, and Tonks grabbed the keys out of a drawer and went downstairs. She tossed the keys to Remus, who held a sleeping Riley in his arms; he caught them and walked out to the car, placing Riley in her seat and buckling her in. Reagan came skipping down the drive a few moments later, her hair strawberry blonde today, dragging Nick by the hand with her. Remus lifted the little girl into his arms and kissed her, placing her by Riley as Nick climbed in. Then, he sat in the driver's seat as Tonks came down with a fidgety looking Teddy and a very chatty Lizzie, each holding an animal in their cage. They all settled into the car, Tonks in front with Remus, a green-looking Nick with Riley and Reagen in the middle and Teddy and Lizzie in the back with the trunks and pets.
"Have you got everything, Lizzie, Nick?" Remus asked as he started the engine.
Nick nodded silently and Lizzie said, "As far as I know. Will you send anything if we do forget it?"
"Of course we will," Remus answered, and he began driving down the dirt road that led to the highway from their bit of land.
The first half of the drive was silent. Reagan slipped off to sleep, while Lizzie sat bursting with excitement and Nick, the worried look on his face even more pronounced than before, clutched his stomach, staring out the window as they came to the outskirts of London. Tonks chewed the edge of her nails, glancing back at Nick every so often, while Teddy drummed his fingers in an impatient manner on the side of Lizzie's trunk.
Finally, at ten forty-five, they reached King's Cross Station. Remus went to the back and helped Lizzie and Nick get their trunks, while Teddy went to get two trolleys and Tonks shook Reagan and Riley gently awake.
Once they had loaded the trunks onto the carts, along with Lizzie's cat, Darby, and Nick's pygmy owl, Nym, the Lupins set off at a quick pace, through throngs of Muggles and wizards alike, to the barrier between platforms nine and ten; the entrance to Platform 9¾; Tonks lifted Reagan into her arms and took the edge of Nick's cart, and the two ran through the barrier, appearing a second later in front of a large scarlet steam engine. Seconds later, Teddy came with Lizzie and Remus with Riley.
Teddy slipped away from the others as they all walked down towards the end of the train, where they had spotted the Weasleys, Hermione and Ron, Rose and Hugo, and the Potters, Ginny and Harry, James, Albus and Lily. When he saw them, Nick's face brightened up a bit, as he remembered it was Albus and Rose's first year at Hogwarts as well. Tonks noticed and smiled, as together she and Remus heaved Nick's trunk into compartment where Albus and Rose's belongings already were. Then, they went back to get Lizzie's trunk, though they just set it on the steps of the train, as they knew she'd just drag it off to go find her friends anyway.
While they were on the train, Lizzie had already walked off, and apparently James had snuck away, because he was in the middle of telling his parents that he had spotted Teddy and Victoire snogging behind a pillar.
"And you honestly asked him what it is he was doing?" Ginny asked exasperatedly, rolling her eyes. "Mister, I think it's time you get on the train."
Remus glanced at Tonks, who shrugged her shoulders. The two took their twins' hands and walked over to where Nick was talking with Rose, Lily, Albus and Hugo. Seeing his parents, Nick turned and wrapped his arms tightly around both of them, sniffling.
Remus and Tonks rubbed his back consolingly. "Nicholas John," Tonks said. "You'll be fine sweetheart; don't cry. You'll get on the train with Rose and Albus and you'll be perfectly fine." She kissed the top of his head, smoothing his hair back.
"And, if you want, we can write you everyday," Remus said. He hugged his son tightly and stepped back, smiling.
"You don't have to write everyday," Nick said. "Maybe just twice a week is all, three if you'd like."
"All right, then," Remus said. Nick ran forward and hugged them again.
"I love you Mum and Dad," he said. "I guess I'll see you at Christmas."
"We love you, too, Nick," Tonks said. "Now, get on that train and have a great term at Hogwarts." She smiled, ruffling his hair one last time as both Riley and Reagan ran forward, squeezing Nick tightly around the waist. He kneeled down and wrapped an arm around each of them.
"We want to go with you!" Riley said, rubbing her eyes.
Nick felt Reagan nod her head against him, as she agreed with her twin. He pulled back and smiled at them.
"Don't worry," he said. "In seven years time, you'll be at Hogwarts."
"But that's so long," Riley moaned.
"I know," Nick said. "But, for now, I'm sure Teddy, Mum and Dad will help you to write letters to me and Lizzie while we're away."
"Okay," the two girls said, and Nick kissed their foreheads and boarded the train with Rose and Albus.
Tonks and Remus took each of the two girls by the hand and rushed down the platform to find Lizzie. Just as they spotted her, they saw Teddy standing behind a pillar to their left, Victoire Weasley wrapped in his arms, snogging.
"Teddy!" Tonks gasped. "I do hope that you realise that your brother just boarded the train and your sister is about to as well! And, I'm sure Bill and Fleur would like to say good-bye to their eldest child as well." She saw Victoire blush furiously. She kissed Teddy one last time, then hurried off to find her parents.
Tonks looked pointedly at Teddy, and he walked over to Lizzie, who appeared to be gossiping about some boy or other with her friends.
"Hey sis," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Have a great term at Hogwarts. O.W.L. year is a pain, but if you need help, just write me, okay."
"All right Ted," she answered, kissing his cheek. "See you in four months." Teddy nodded and then walked the opposite way to where Nick was.
Lizzie turned to Riley, holding Remus' hand, taking the little girl into her arms.
"I'll see you soon, sweetie," she said, tickling her and kissing her cheek. "Be good, okay?"
"Okay, Lizard," Riley answered, squeezing Lizzie. "I love you, and I'll write. I'm going to miss you."
"I love you, too," Lizzie said, kissing Riley, then setting her down and picking up Reagan.
"I love you, Mousey," she said, rubbing her cheeks, as if to draw whiskers. "You be good for Mummy and Daddy, and make sure you don't use Daddy's wand; he needs that."
"All right, Tigger," Reagan answered. "But, I can't promise about the wand."
"You really should," Lizzie said, laughing. "I'll see you soon; stay out of trouble." She kissed her cheek.
"I love you, Tigger," Reagan said, growling. "I'm going to write, too."
"Good," Lizzie replied, setting her down and turning to her parents.
"Bye, Mum, Dad," she said, hugging each of them tightly. "I guess I'll see you in four months time. And, even if it doesn't seem like it, I'll really miss you." She kissed both of them on the cheek. "Please write."
"We will," Remus answered, kissing her forehead. "And, we know you'll miss us, don't worry; we'll miss you as well, sweetie. I love you."
"Yes," Tonks said, swallowing another lump in her throat. "I love you, Elizabeth. Make sure you don't get into too much trouble, and please look after Nick. It would help if you go down the train a few times to check on him, please."
"All right, I will," Lizzie said. "But, first I have to go to the Prefects' compartment, and get changed. I have to 'set an example'," she said, rolling her eyes.
Tonks smothered a laugh. "Yes, you do. Well, I suppose you'd better get on the train, then. I love you."
"I love you too, Mum and Dad," Lizzie said, smiling, stepping onto the train. "Oh! Where's my trunk?" she asked, turning back. Remus was about to go back and get it, but he found Teddy floating it in front of him with his wand.
"Didn't think you'd want to forget this," he said, smirking.
"Thanks, Teddy Bear," Lizzie replied, sticking her tongue out. She and Teddy loaded it onto the train, then she leaned out the window as it began to move, waving to her parents. As her compartment turned the corner, Nick's came into view, and he, Rose and Albus were hanging out the window, waving enthusiastically to Remus, Tonks, Teddy, Reagan and Riley.
Tonks saw Nick mouth 'I love you' to them, and she smiled, waving with the others until the train had disappeared. Once it was out of sight, all the other parents began walking back through the barrier to the other side, or Disapparating to their homes. Teddy picked up Reagan, and Remus took Riley, holding Tonks' hand with the one that wasn't holding his daughter. She lay her head on his shoulder, as they walked back to the barrier with the crowd of parents stepping back through to the Muggle world.
Teddy walked behind his parents, pointing out senseless things to Reagan, allowing his parents to talk, with just Riley listening, though she was getting tired again, so she was probably incoherent to what they were saying anyway. Occasionally, he saw Tonks shudder slightly, and Remus would rub her hand consolingly as they walked back to the car, and he realised she was crying. Once they were all in the car, however, the mood changed.
"So," Remus said, looking in the mirror to Teddy, a bit of a boyish gleam in his eye. "What is it with you and Victoire Weasley? Snogging each other behind a pillar minutes before she has to depart for Hogwarts? You do realise that she is Head Girl, and it wouldn't be very good if someone saw that."
"Dad," Teddy groaned from where he sat next to Riley. "Do you have to bring that up; and, in front of Riley and Reagan?"
"Son, it isn't my fault that James came running up and telling Ginny-"
"He did what?!" Teddy said, snapping his head up. "Ouch; anyway, he honest to God went and reported it to Ginny and everyone else standing around there? What is wrong with that little boy? I swear, when he comes home and I see him at Christmas, I'm gonna give that little knuckle head a… well, I've got plenty of time to figure that out."
"Teddy," Tonks said. "Calm down. Realise that he is Harry's son; and, Ron's nephew. He's bound to have inherited some form of nosiness and what-not from them." She smirked, looking back at him. "I would still like to know what shock it would be to Bill and Fleur if they caught Victoire with you, however."
"It wouldn't be too much of a shock, actually," Teddy answered smugly. "They know we're together. We've been for nearly three-and-a-half years-" He cut short, sinking as far as he could into his seat as a flush began creeping up his cheeks.
"Teddy's getting red!" Riley exclaimed, giggling.
"How long, son?" Remus asked, peeking at Teddy through the rearview mirror. "I've only ever heard of six months; three-and-a-half years is news to me."
"Um, well, um," Teddy stammered, going redder by the second. He tried to use his Metamorphmagus powers, but they didn't seem to be working in his moment of stress. "I just never exactly mentioned the other three years," he mumbled, tugging at his ear.
"Teddy's got a girlfriend!" Riley and Reagan chorused as Remus reached the highway. Tonks laughed from the front seat, and Remus smiled at his two youngest.
"Be quiet, you two!" Teddy said, glaring slightly at them. "It's none of your business, anyway. Besides, I'm sure that Lizzie has had a fair share of boyfriends; I'm sure Nick will start soon, as well."
"He'd better not," Tonks said, her forehead creasing. "He's only eleven. He doesn't need a girlfriend yet; he's still my little boy… who just happens to be grown up enough to go to Hogwarts now."
"And, what's this about Lizzie?" Remus asked, sounding a bit more overprotective than he ought to really be. "How many boyfriends, did you say?" Teddy noticed his hands were gripping the steering wheel tighter than before, and sniggered.
"Well, I don't know honestly," Teddy said, sighing. "I'm just sure she's had one, at least. I mean, I heard boys in my year saying she was very pretty two years ago."
This caused Remus to slam on the breaks. "What?!" he gasped. "That's utterly insane! In our next letter, I'm going to tell her she can't hang out with guys anymore. At least, not the ones that try to flirt with her."
"Remus," Tonks said soothingly. "Don't worry, she'll be fine. They're just being boys." She smiled at him, rubbing his arm.
"That's exactly my point," Remus replied, beginning to drive again. "I know what my friends were like, just to get a girl. It was awful, now that I look back. Teenage boys are the absolute stupidest creatures on earth."
"That's 'cause boys have got cooties!" Riley said. Reagan began laughing, and so did everyone else.
"Thank God at least my babies still think that!" Remus said from the front seat. "But, you don't mean Daddy, do you?"
"No," Reagan said, "Because daddies aren't supposed to have cooties." The little girls lapsed into giggles together.
"Does that mean brothers are?" Teddy asked, putting his head in the front seat and rolling his eyes. "Otherwise, I have to put up with cootie talk for the next forty-five minutes, more than likely."
"Don't worry," Tonks said, smiling. "I'm sure the little girls will be asleep in the next few minutes. They're still tired."
Remus looked over to Tonks. "Is there any way I can speed this car up to get us home faster?" he asked.
"Not unless you want to get a ticket," she said, laughing. "Boy. That would be news to put into our first letter to our children."
Teddy smirked at his parents, then sat back in his seat. Surprisingly, Riley and Reagan were already asleep. Teddy leaned his head back and closed his eyes, thinking a nap would be a good thing for him as well. Plus, then he didn't have to deal with his parents questioning him any further about Victoire.
Tonks and Remus continued their conversation in the front. Tonks smirked at him. "Do you still want to get home faster, now that we have time to just talk, for once?" She looked back at Teddy, Riley and Reagan, all of them now asleep.
"No," Remus said, smiling at his wife. "I'd rather talk. Once we get home, it will more than likely be back to talking very little throughout the day, especially with Riley and Reagan; Teddy's got to work, some days, so…" He let his voice trail off.
"Do you ever think about the days when you wouldn't allow me to be involved with you?" Tonks asked cautiously. He was silent. She turned to look at him; his jaw was clenched.
"Yes, I still do, sometimes," he finally answered. "And, even though it was twenty years ago, it still scares me to think what could've happened to both you and me if I hadn't finally just accepted that I love you and you love me, and there was nothing I could do to change that fact, no matter how much it disturbed me." He paused for a second. "I mean, if I had honestly been stupid enough to continue denying it, I fear I would've lost you… and myself."
"I do too," Tonks said quietly. "And, then, we wouldn't have Teddy, Lizzie, Nick, Riley and Reagan. That's probably one of the scariest thoughts, right there."
Remus nodded solemnly. "It is. That and the fact that we wouldn't have each other; we wouldn't have been able to live without one another."
He saw Tonks nod out of the corner of his eye. "You don't know how close I was to cracking so badly that entire year. The only thing that kept me alive was knowing that you cared; even if it was just an infinitesimal bit, you still cared."
"Was it really that hard?" Remus asked quietly, concerned. "Did I seriously hurt you that much, Nymphadora?"
"Yes," Tonks answered. "It truly was. I know it must've looked awful from an outside view, but inside, it was a thousand times worse, if you can honestly believe it. I just felt… so alone, so unwanted, like I was at the bottom of a hole and screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one could even hear me, no one seemed to care. Except for you, perhaps." She paused, looking down. "I'm really amazed that I didn't die that year."
"Tonks," Remus said, looking over to his wife. "Why didn't you ever explain this so fully before now? You've told me how I made you feel, but never like this before, to this degree." He looked over to her, longing to pull her into his arms, to hold her. Tonks saw it in the strangled look on his face.
"Keep your attention on the road, Remus," she said quietly, taking his left hand into hers. She rubbed circles into the back of it with her thumb. "Don't worry about it. It was over twenty years ago, or at least almost. I've forgiven you long ago; I think I forgave you even as you were denying me everything. It wasn't your fault; it was your state of mind's fault. Don't worry, Remus, please, and don't blame yourself. It's all in the past. We have each other now, and our family. That's all that matters to me."
Remus nodded and squeezed her hand in his. "I know," he replied, keeping his eyes on the road this time. "I just still… I don't know. I still blame myself, and the thought that we might've possibly never been together because of me still terrifies me at night, especially when it gets to be the full moon. Usually, that's what I spend the night thinking about while Riley is curled up beside me, though she is sleeping peacefully, usually."
Tonks looked at him with wide eyes, as he stared ahead. "So you torture yourself even more than need be when you're a werewolf? Why, Remus? Just think; we're together now, and that's all that matters. Sure, we've had our rough patches, but other than that, everything has been good. We have our family. Don't think on everything else, Remus, please."
"You don't think about that at night?" he asked quietly. "When you're alone once a month, you don't ever think about that?" He glanced over at her imploringly.
"I try not to," she whispered in response as they turned onto the little road that led to their land. "I don't like thinking about it, because it was like Hell overtook my life. But, I'll admit, sometimes it does cross my mind, though I try not to stir on it. I try to let it go, especially when I have Reagan with me. If she wasn't in their almost all the time, I would probably be reduced to tears half the time."
"You see?" Remus said. "It's not just me. It haunts you too." He turned the steering wheel sharply and parked the car at the top of the drive. Shutting off the ignition, he looked over to Tonks. "Love, it's the hardest thing to not think about it sometimes. You have to agree with that, even if you don't want to. Especially during the nights when we're alone, because it sharpens in our minds what our lives could be like at this point, if we weren't together."
"You're right," Tonks said quietly, looking into his eyes. "It is hard not to think about it; I just hate the fact that it tortures you, because I know that it does."
"Like it doesn't torture you as well," Remus said, unbuckling his seat belt and opening his door. "I worry more about it being in your mind than mine." He brushed her cheek with his fingertips then stepped out and walked around to Tonks' side, opening her door and grabbing Riley gently from her seat. "Come on, Love," he said, kissing Tonks on the cheek before walking to the house.
Tonks stepped out of the car, her and Remus' conversation still on her mind enormously, and shook Teddy awake gently, then walked to the other side to grab Reagan into her arms. She walked into the house behind Teddy, who flopped onto the couch and grabbed a book that he was reading. She took Reagan to her room, where she found Remus tucking Riley into her bed. Tonks lay Reagan gently on the pillows and pulled the sheet over her small figure, kissing her on the forehead. She walked over to Riley and kissed her as well, smoothing her hair back from where it lay across her forehead. She turned to Remus, who took her hand in his and walked with her into their room down the hall.
He opened the door and sat on the bed. Tonks sat next to him, leaning her head into his shoulder. He stroked her hair, still the same brown it was at the train station. He kissed the top of her head lightly. "You know, I still wonder what it would be like if I never got to do that," he said, smiling down at her. "And, I'm very glad I don't know what it would be like, for that matter."
"I don't ever want to know," Tonks said. "I want it to be like this forever; just us and the kids."
"What about if they have children?" Remus asked. "And, I want it to be forever as well, but we can't have that."
"That would only be better if they have children, wouldn't it?" Tonks replied. "And don't remind me that we don't have forever. I already have certain fears about that." She lifted her head and looked up into his eyes. "Like I said earlier; you're getting older everyday, and I'm scared that the time I have with you is becoming limited, because I know those nights when you transform aren't helping you." A tear fell from her eye. Remus caught it with his thumb and brushed it down her cheek.
"Don't think like that, Dora," he said, hugging her close to him. "We've got years. You're right, of course it isn't helping. But, it is my life, and I live with it. I've lived with it for almost my entire life. I can live with it for the rest of it as well. It hasn't killed me yet, after all." He felt Tonks flinch. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll be fine. And, you'll be fine as well. All of our children will be too. Just realise that you have me and them for your life. You always will." He lifted her chin and kissed her. "And," he continued after a second. "Even when you don't have all of us, you'll still go on and be fine; you'll be strong. Just know that I love you, as does your entire family. We always will."
"I know," Tonks said. "And know that I will always love you, for the rest of our lives, and then into eternity. No matter what you do, or what any of the children do, my love will never waver."
"Yes," Remus said to her. "But, now I think that we need to go continue life outside the four walls around us. I'm sure Riley and Reagan will be waking up soon, and I don't believe that Teddy will want to deal with them for too long."
Tonks nodded, laughing quietly, kissing him again. "I think you're right," she said, standing up and pulling him from the bed. They walked out from their room to the rest of their life together, whatever problems would be thrown at them for the rest of their time of forever.