This is the saddest fanfic I've ever written:( I'm feeling sad even as I write it. Poor Makiko!!! WAAA, why did I have to make her life so sad??? Why am I so cruel???
--
Again I have to say, please please review! It's the finals now, and the summer holidays next week, so I'll have far more time to write fanfics, but I can only write if there's reviews.
--
---
--
As we all know Hana Yori Dango doesn't belong to me
--
---
--
Why? Why? Why Tsukushi? How could you betray me?
Did you know that you ruined me? Did you know I loved Doumyouji, I loved him more than you could ever imagine! But you, when you gave me Doumyouji's gift to you, you ruined my life. And what a pity of a life I was living.
Did you ever know that I was poor Tsukushi? Have you ever thought that I could be even more desperate for money than you? I was born in a hut in the middle of the forest, my mother and father couldn't even look after themselves, never mind me. But I learned to take care of myself, I knew that I had to get out of this situation by myself. I was teased and chased by my classmates in primary school. They laughed at me for my patched clothes, my messy hair, my dirty face. They would throw dirt and twigs at me at every chance they could. Nobody cared about me except my parents, and what good did that do? They couldn't do anything, they couldn't protect me at all. So I learned to hide, I would hide away as soon as the bell rings, I would hide away from their mocking. And I also hid my feelings away, although my heart was longing for a friend, a person to help me, I hid my loneliness away. It was pathetic, Tsukushi, I was pathetic, I would cry myself to sleep every night. I hated everyone, and I promised that I would take my revenge one day. Even on my parents, for their inability to protect me from harm, for them being so poor. Why couldn't they be rich or just ordinary? Why couldn't they offer me things that ordinary kids have? Why must I eat wild berries everyday? Why must I take baths in the freezing river even in winter?
It was when they informed me that they were going to marry me off to some beggar that I decided that it was the last straw. I decided that I couldn't endure any longer; so on the day before my wedding, I took all my clothes and sneaked onto a train. I wasn't going to be poor any longer; I was going to make big money in the city.
But I soon found that making money was not easy, especially for a fourteen- year-old girl who barely finished primary school. All the jobs that paid a juicy salary wanted employees with university graduation certificates. But I made barely enough money working night and day to rent a 30 meters squared apartment. Where could I get that much money to attend high school?
Do you know what I did Tsukushi? Tsukushi if I told you what I did, you would know that you have been living in heaven compared to me. I sold my pride, I sold my virginity. I lost my purity, just to get into the most eligible high school. Tsukushi, I could just imagine your expression now, your innocent eyes widened in shock, you would say that I shouldn't have. But what do you know Tsukushi? You have never really experienced being on your own before, with no help from anybody. No you had your parents, no matter how much you complained about them, they could provide for you to go to school. Do you know how much I envy you when you complain about them? To have parents who have hopes upon you, to have parents who wish a better life for you. Not trying to marry you off to some blind beggar. Your parents protected you from the big bad world Tsukushi. That's why you never lost your innocence, that's why you never learned bowing your head to anybody. That's why you could stand so proud. Because you don't even know about the world, you don't know what some people would do for money. I envy you Tsukushi, because you still had what I lost long ago. I wish I could've met Doumyouji earlier, when I was still like you. Then he might have liked me, even loved me. But I couldn't have right? I had to sell my innocence to even get to high school and meet him. The irony and unfairness of life.
Doumyouji, I love him so. Do you know why, Tsukushi? I love him because of his arrogance, his able to control people. For all my life I had being thrown around, learning to observe my superior's mood. I couldn't do anything to change anything, to the world, I was so small, like one grain of sand, and I could only be swept here or there by people. And nobody cared that I was. I loved him from the first time we saw our teacher bump into him, and I loved the way he could make the teacher scramble and beg at his feet. I wanted to have that power, and I knew just the way to get it. That was to be Doumyouji's girlfriend.
Do you know, Tsukushi. That you were my first friend? You surprised me when you smiled and said 'hi' to me. Even I was warmed by your pure soul, your endless chattering, your ever-happy twinkle, and your two long pigtails that bounced in rhythm to your skipping. You said once when we were still friends that you felt that the only one like you in the whole school was I. I laughed while you looked at me puzzled. Did you know why I laughed Tsukushi? Because you couldn't be possibly more wrong, you and I are from different worlds. You were simple-minded; you had your pride, your belief and would do anything to protect them. Whilst I was already broken, I would do anything for money. And most of all you had courage to stand up for yourself; you were still a little girl, in your fantasy of what the world should be like. And you dared to change the world for better, you didn't think of the price you have to pay. And you loved truly and deeply, you believed the goodness in humans. I supposed that was what made the cold Hanazawa Rui warm towards you, which was what made the hot-tempered Doumyouji Tsukasa change for you, that was what made me hate you so much. Because of this quality people act differently around you, like they want to protect you, because you owned what we have all lost. And we saw ourselves in you, the ones that we threw away when we were growing up, but you kept in that impossibly big heart of yours.
Our difference also judged our destiny. You were the one who stood up for me thus earning Doumyouji's love. I have wished many times to go back to that time, when I had tripped and fallen down the stairs and had thrown the box on Doumyouji's head, I wished I could change history, that I was the one who stood up for myself and got the red note. Then maybe, just maybe my dream would have come true.
I now laugh when I look back to my past actions. When I would thank god that you were the one the whole student body would hide away from and tease. I avoided you too, like you had a plague. I still remember that day when you met me and called my name, but I turned away refusing to talk to you. I knew I have hurt you, I thought you would hate me forever. But when I turned around and looked you in your eyes, I saw understanding and forgiveness in your dark round eyes. I felt sorry for you then, because I was doing this to you, my first and only friend. But it still wasn't enough for me to stand up for you, and let me endure the punishment that rightfully should have being mine. I gave you a teddy bear instead, recording my voice saying sorry. I knew I was a sucker, choosing the easy way out, but if I get kicked out, I would lose too much. But you, you had many friends, Tsukushi. You had many people who loved you. And I knew Hanazawa Rui would never let Doumyouji kick you out.
I guess you don't know that the first one to intrude Hanazawa's emergency stairs wasn't you, but me. I was thrilled in finding his hideout, thinking that maybe it would give me a chance to make him fall in love with me. I would go there every once in a while, bringing bentos and talking to him about my day. I use talking to him, not with him because he never talked back and he never accepted my bentos. In fact maybe he never even noticed me at all. Then one day, out of the blue he said something that shocked me, "You're just like the others." That was when I knew that I could never make him fall in love with me, because he was too observant, he could see too much. It doesn't matter if I talk a million years to him, as long as my intention wasn't pure, he would never accept me, or make conversation with me. But I still didn't give up, I still go and see him once in a while although those times occurred much fewer than before. Then one day, when I was on my way to the emergency stairs, I heard him talking to you, Makino Tsukushi. His voice wasn't icy cold like when he talked that one time to me, but kind, almost tender, and he was willing to talk to you. You were special Tsukushi, so no matter where you went, people warm up towards you, they reach to you for help, they open up to you. But I'm just ordinary, maybe even ugly, not as beautiful in heart as you. And I saw the way he looked at you, and I knew that he'd be by your side from then on, helping you when you get heartbroken. How I long for someone to look at me like that! How I long for somebody to find me special, and take me in their arms. But hopes were unreal, in reality I had to protect and help myself.
Tsukushi, you may not see it. But you own so much, you have so many friends faithful to you. Yuki, Kazuya, F4, even Tsubaki admits you. But I, what do I have? Only my ambition, nothing else. No one except you have smiled towards me. But now you have hurt me so, that's why I hate you. I hate you and envy you from the bottom of my heart. If only I could be in your shoes for one day, just one day, and see everyone smiling at me, and me smiling back at them, I would die happy.
I remembered that one time I had Doumyouji in my arms, hew as drunk that day, dead drunk. I had found him on the street, pounded into a pulp, and crying on the top of his voice. I took him to a hotel and took care of him. That was the only time when I felt contented, blissful even, to be able to look after the man I love without having him glaring at me and throwing hurtful insults at me. I had lain there in his arms all night, unable to sleep, because I want to remember this moment forever, I wanted time to freeze then and there, and let me be by Doumyouji forever, I didn't want the sun to rise, because I knew, I knew, that as soon as daylight creaked through the blinds, Doumyouji would wake up, Doumyouji would go back to your side. That night, I laid in his arms my head propped on his chest, feeling the even raise and fall of his chest as his took each breath, listening to his heart beat, feeling safe and warm in his muscular arms. In the middle of the night Doumyouji seemed to wake for a moment, he began stroking me and crying again. I was too scared to breathe, too scared to do anything, so I stayed still and listened to his loving words for you. He loves you Tsukushi, as much as I love him, his heart beats for you, just as my heart beats for him. The morning came and Doumyouji woke, I saw his disgusted expression again as he looked at me and pushed me off him. He warned me not to say anything about this to you, or he'd kill me. That was the last thing he said to me, my love, that he would kill me, then he left me crying in the hotel room. Was I so wrong? Tsukushi? Was I wrong to love him, to want him? I I'm not, then why does he hate me so much? Why?
His hate for me is painful, unbearable, so I turn that hate towards you. I took your pictures when you were drunk and pasted them on the notice boards to let everyone think that you were a two-timing, scheming bitch. To let Doumyouji hate you. But it was far from enough to break you two apart, it even made you two stronger, the bond of understanding formed, strengthening both of you. My plan failed miserably, and to add to that, Doumyouji found out that it was me who took the pictures, and led you barging into my apartment. You did something unforgivable then Tsukushi, you could have cursed me, kicked me, do anything to me, but you didn't. You forgave me. Once again, you forgave me, and understood me. Why are you so perfect Tsukushi, why does god loves you so much, as to give you so much?
Tonight as I wade into the sea, walking to end my pitiful life. I think of you, and about the different paths we took. In my mind, the picture of us, two terrified girls at the staircase, with the glaring Doumyouji flashed again. One stood up to him, while the other shrank away and surrendered to his ignorance. That was the day we took different paths, and look how our paths will end. Look how the girl who shrank away from Doumyouji will end. Look how I will end.
I took another step, the freezing water finally closing over the top of my head. But I don't feel cold any longer, I smiled, content with the warmth of death. You can do anything Tsukushi, when they find my lifeless body on the beach, but please, please, please don't forgive me, Tsukushi......
=
==
=
A/N And so it ends, such an angst story, I think I'll write a more cheerful one next time to make up for the sadness I've brought to this world.
In this story I think Makiko's more like the Taiwanese TV version her, Li Zhen. I really felt pity for her when I watched the Taiwanese TV Show, Meteor Garden, have anyone here watched it? What do you guys think of it? I was really touched by Li Zhen when she dragged Dao Ming Si into a hotel and looked after him, when they woke up the next day, she said that she could walk and talk and act like Shancai only if he could love her. I wonder if anyone else feels the same for her?
Please review, and tell me you opinion about Makiko/Li Zhen!
--
Again I have to say, please please review! It's the finals now, and the summer holidays next week, so I'll have far more time to write fanfics, but I can only write if there's reviews.
--
---
--
As we all know Hana Yori Dango doesn't belong to me
--
---
--
Why? Why? Why Tsukushi? How could you betray me?
Did you know that you ruined me? Did you know I loved Doumyouji, I loved him more than you could ever imagine! But you, when you gave me Doumyouji's gift to you, you ruined my life. And what a pity of a life I was living.
Did you ever know that I was poor Tsukushi? Have you ever thought that I could be even more desperate for money than you? I was born in a hut in the middle of the forest, my mother and father couldn't even look after themselves, never mind me. But I learned to take care of myself, I knew that I had to get out of this situation by myself. I was teased and chased by my classmates in primary school. They laughed at me for my patched clothes, my messy hair, my dirty face. They would throw dirt and twigs at me at every chance they could. Nobody cared about me except my parents, and what good did that do? They couldn't do anything, they couldn't protect me at all. So I learned to hide, I would hide away as soon as the bell rings, I would hide away from their mocking. And I also hid my feelings away, although my heart was longing for a friend, a person to help me, I hid my loneliness away. It was pathetic, Tsukushi, I was pathetic, I would cry myself to sleep every night. I hated everyone, and I promised that I would take my revenge one day. Even on my parents, for their inability to protect me from harm, for them being so poor. Why couldn't they be rich or just ordinary? Why couldn't they offer me things that ordinary kids have? Why must I eat wild berries everyday? Why must I take baths in the freezing river even in winter?
It was when they informed me that they were going to marry me off to some beggar that I decided that it was the last straw. I decided that I couldn't endure any longer; so on the day before my wedding, I took all my clothes and sneaked onto a train. I wasn't going to be poor any longer; I was going to make big money in the city.
But I soon found that making money was not easy, especially for a fourteen- year-old girl who barely finished primary school. All the jobs that paid a juicy salary wanted employees with university graduation certificates. But I made barely enough money working night and day to rent a 30 meters squared apartment. Where could I get that much money to attend high school?
Do you know what I did Tsukushi? Tsukushi if I told you what I did, you would know that you have been living in heaven compared to me. I sold my pride, I sold my virginity. I lost my purity, just to get into the most eligible high school. Tsukushi, I could just imagine your expression now, your innocent eyes widened in shock, you would say that I shouldn't have. But what do you know Tsukushi? You have never really experienced being on your own before, with no help from anybody. No you had your parents, no matter how much you complained about them, they could provide for you to go to school. Do you know how much I envy you when you complain about them? To have parents who have hopes upon you, to have parents who wish a better life for you. Not trying to marry you off to some blind beggar. Your parents protected you from the big bad world Tsukushi. That's why you never lost your innocence, that's why you never learned bowing your head to anybody. That's why you could stand so proud. Because you don't even know about the world, you don't know what some people would do for money. I envy you Tsukushi, because you still had what I lost long ago. I wish I could've met Doumyouji earlier, when I was still like you. Then he might have liked me, even loved me. But I couldn't have right? I had to sell my innocence to even get to high school and meet him. The irony and unfairness of life.
Doumyouji, I love him so. Do you know why, Tsukushi? I love him because of his arrogance, his able to control people. For all my life I had being thrown around, learning to observe my superior's mood. I couldn't do anything to change anything, to the world, I was so small, like one grain of sand, and I could only be swept here or there by people. And nobody cared that I was. I loved him from the first time we saw our teacher bump into him, and I loved the way he could make the teacher scramble and beg at his feet. I wanted to have that power, and I knew just the way to get it. That was to be Doumyouji's girlfriend.
Do you know, Tsukushi. That you were my first friend? You surprised me when you smiled and said 'hi' to me. Even I was warmed by your pure soul, your endless chattering, your ever-happy twinkle, and your two long pigtails that bounced in rhythm to your skipping. You said once when we were still friends that you felt that the only one like you in the whole school was I. I laughed while you looked at me puzzled. Did you know why I laughed Tsukushi? Because you couldn't be possibly more wrong, you and I are from different worlds. You were simple-minded; you had your pride, your belief and would do anything to protect them. Whilst I was already broken, I would do anything for money. And most of all you had courage to stand up for yourself; you were still a little girl, in your fantasy of what the world should be like. And you dared to change the world for better, you didn't think of the price you have to pay. And you loved truly and deeply, you believed the goodness in humans. I supposed that was what made the cold Hanazawa Rui warm towards you, which was what made the hot-tempered Doumyouji Tsukasa change for you, that was what made me hate you so much. Because of this quality people act differently around you, like they want to protect you, because you owned what we have all lost. And we saw ourselves in you, the ones that we threw away when we were growing up, but you kept in that impossibly big heart of yours.
Our difference also judged our destiny. You were the one who stood up for me thus earning Doumyouji's love. I have wished many times to go back to that time, when I had tripped and fallen down the stairs and had thrown the box on Doumyouji's head, I wished I could change history, that I was the one who stood up for myself and got the red note. Then maybe, just maybe my dream would have come true.
I now laugh when I look back to my past actions. When I would thank god that you were the one the whole student body would hide away from and tease. I avoided you too, like you had a plague. I still remember that day when you met me and called my name, but I turned away refusing to talk to you. I knew I have hurt you, I thought you would hate me forever. But when I turned around and looked you in your eyes, I saw understanding and forgiveness in your dark round eyes. I felt sorry for you then, because I was doing this to you, my first and only friend. But it still wasn't enough for me to stand up for you, and let me endure the punishment that rightfully should have being mine. I gave you a teddy bear instead, recording my voice saying sorry. I knew I was a sucker, choosing the easy way out, but if I get kicked out, I would lose too much. But you, you had many friends, Tsukushi. You had many people who loved you. And I knew Hanazawa Rui would never let Doumyouji kick you out.
I guess you don't know that the first one to intrude Hanazawa's emergency stairs wasn't you, but me. I was thrilled in finding his hideout, thinking that maybe it would give me a chance to make him fall in love with me. I would go there every once in a while, bringing bentos and talking to him about my day. I use talking to him, not with him because he never talked back and he never accepted my bentos. In fact maybe he never even noticed me at all. Then one day, out of the blue he said something that shocked me, "You're just like the others." That was when I knew that I could never make him fall in love with me, because he was too observant, he could see too much. It doesn't matter if I talk a million years to him, as long as my intention wasn't pure, he would never accept me, or make conversation with me. But I still didn't give up, I still go and see him once in a while although those times occurred much fewer than before. Then one day, when I was on my way to the emergency stairs, I heard him talking to you, Makino Tsukushi. His voice wasn't icy cold like when he talked that one time to me, but kind, almost tender, and he was willing to talk to you. You were special Tsukushi, so no matter where you went, people warm up towards you, they reach to you for help, they open up to you. But I'm just ordinary, maybe even ugly, not as beautiful in heart as you. And I saw the way he looked at you, and I knew that he'd be by your side from then on, helping you when you get heartbroken. How I long for someone to look at me like that! How I long for somebody to find me special, and take me in their arms. But hopes were unreal, in reality I had to protect and help myself.
Tsukushi, you may not see it. But you own so much, you have so many friends faithful to you. Yuki, Kazuya, F4, even Tsubaki admits you. But I, what do I have? Only my ambition, nothing else. No one except you have smiled towards me. But now you have hurt me so, that's why I hate you. I hate you and envy you from the bottom of my heart. If only I could be in your shoes for one day, just one day, and see everyone smiling at me, and me smiling back at them, I would die happy.
I remembered that one time I had Doumyouji in my arms, hew as drunk that day, dead drunk. I had found him on the street, pounded into a pulp, and crying on the top of his voice. I took him to a hotel and took care of him. That was the only time when I felt contented, blissful even, to be able to look after the man I love without having him glaring at me and throwing hurtful insults at me. I had lain there in his arms all night, unable to sleep, because I want to remember this moment forever, I wanted time to freeze then and there, and let me be by Doumyouji forever, I didn't want the sun to rise, because I knew, I knew, that as soon as daylight creaked through the blinds, Doumyouji would wake up, Doumyouji would go back to your side. That night, I laid in his arms my head propped on his chest, feeling the even raise and fall of his chest as his took each breath, listening to his heart beat, feeling safe and warm in his muscular arms. In the middle of the night Doumyouji seemed to wake for a moment, he began stroking me and crying again. I was too scared to breathe, too scared to do anything, so I stayed still and listened to his loving words for you. He loves you Tsukushi, as much as I love him, his heart beats for you, just as my heart beats for him. The morning came and Doumyouji woke, I saw his disgusted expression again as he looked at me and pushed me off him. He warned me not to say anything about this to you, or he'd kill me. That was the last thing he said to me, my love, that he would kill me, then he left me crying in the hotel room. Was I so wrong? Tsukushi? Was I wrong to love him, to want him? I I'm not, then why does he hate me so much? Why?
His hate for me is painful, unbearable, so I turn that hate towards you. I took your pictures when you were drunk and pasted them on the notice boards to let everyone think that you were a two-timing, scheming bitch. To let Doumyouji hate you. But it was far from enough to break you two apart, it even made you two stronger, the bond of understanding formed, strengthening both of you. My plan failed miserably, and to add to that, Doumyouji found out that it was me who took the pictures, and led you barging into my apartment. You did something unforgivable then Tsukushi, you could have cursed me, kicked me, do anything to me, but you didn't. You forgave me. Once again, you forgave me, and understood me. Why are you so perfect Tsukushi, why does god loves you so much, as to give you so much?
Tonight as I wade into the sea, walking to end my pitiful life. I think of you, and about the different paths we took. In my mind, the picture of us, two terrified girls at the staircase, with the glaring Doumyouji flashed again. One stood up to him, while the other shrank away and surrendered to his ignorance. That was the day we took different paths, and look how our paths will end. Look how the girl who shrank away from Doumyouji will end. Look how I will end.
I took another step, the freezing water finally closing over the top of my head. But I don't feel cold any longer, I smiled, content with the warmth of death. You can do anything Tsukushi, when they find my lifeless body on the beach, but please, please, please don't forgive me, Tsukushi......
=
==
=
A/N And so it ends, such an angst story, I think I'll write a more cheerful one next time to make up for the sadness I've brought to this world.
In this story I think Makiko's more like the Taiwanese TV version her, Li Zhen. I really felt pity for her when I watched the Taiwanese TV Show, Meteor Garden, have anyone here watched it? What do you guys think of it? I was really touched by Li Zhen when she dragged Dao Ming Si into a hotel and looked after him, when they woke up the next day, she said that she could walk and talk and act like Shancai only if he could love her. I wonder if anyone else feels the same for her?
Please review, and tell me you opinion about Makiko/Li Zhen!