All right just screwing around here, trying to get my writing back up to scratch, criticise positively or lavish me with praise, anyone else PISS OFF!
Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff
A rising cacophony of the most unholy and hellishly annoying sounds to have ever graced the ears of Humanity, it drowned the cries of the wounded, the whistling of the shells and the roars of bolters, flamers and las weapons. The most cursed of all sounds continued unabated, still rising in pitch and volume, to everyone it was horrifying, many had already gone insane and promptly executed by the commissar, others still fled either away only to be shot or possessed by animal anger to silence the 'Yiffing'.
Madness had obviously descended on this ordinary, faithful, loyal Imperial world, Emperor protect them, they would need everything and everyone to stop the tide of shambling, corrupted, mutated fiends who continued to bleat their profane chanting.
"I can't take it anymore" cried a Guardsmen, he charged off into the mutant rabble, beating them down or as many as he could with his Lasgun, still another was trembling on the ground covering her ears, screaming "Emperor protect me" repeatedly, three more Imperial Guards were either in a foetal position or pacing like the insane, this was unacceptable to the commissar, who punctually shot the four for cowardice, madness and dereliction of duty. The heads exploded in showers of gore and bone, covering several others within the vicinity but also landing upon his recently spit polished commissarial issued boots, simply unacceptable. The Guards all froze briefly at the execution, some with horror, others twitching with annoyance or rage at the damned 'Yiffing' of the mutants.
"No one will surrender themselves to despair, all of you are the Imperial Guard, protectors of the Imperium and the hammer of the Emperor, steel yourselves and drive these mutant heretics back to the depths of the warp as they belong, For the Emperor, for the Imperium" roared the commissar, before charging into the rabble of filth, his bellowing was barely outdoing the 'Yiffing', but with his blessed power fist he silenced more of them. The men and women were stunned but for a moment, crying out with all their might "For the Emperor", they charged forward, firing hundreds of thousands of bullets, bolts, lasers and curses at the enemy. Fierce fighting ensued with the mutants continuing to 'Yiff' incessantly, but slowly being drowned in righteous fury of the Imperial Guard.
Magnanimous shells rained from the sky, felling hundreds in purifying explosives and divine promethium, tanks rolled forward on bloodied treads gunning all before them, corrupted limbs and organs were thrown about as a child would a toy but even with the artillery deafening in their rhyming shelling, the tanks roaring ever onwards and the Guard screaming their hatred of the enemy, nothing seemed to stop the mutants persistent squawking of 'Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff, Yiff'
Hours soon passed as the melee grew protracted, the Guard growing tired, but the mutants still pressing their assault and desecration of the natural world. However from the depths of the shambling horde rose up those that had seemingly stirred the uprising, dark marines clad in twisted versions of righteous power armour, soaked in blood, decorated with skulls and spikes trudged forward, firing…into the mutants.
Many had heard of the Space Marines or the Adeptus Astartes legendry skill in war, but none had ever seen a fallen one in combat. In movements that could only be a paradox to describe the Chaos marines artfully yet mechanically, gunned or tore into the rabble, a single swing of a blade and dozens fell; a single bolt and a dozen others died. Their unholy chainswords, bolters and other weapons shredded and felled even more in a few moments, such was the ferocity, strength and fluidness that it appeared to the Guard that the killing was as easy, simple and automatic as it is breathing. Abruptly a single Chaos marine bellowed, gaining the attention of his comrades, directing them to a single monstrosity, an exceptionally large one that through our crumbling intelligence due to the 'Yiffing' had past unnoticed. It was the leader of the mutant uprising and as one the Marines charged further into the throng, each attempting to claim the kill, hundreds died in their implacable advance, the leader mutant screamed and cried attempting to flee the dark wrath of Chaos. In moments the Marines where atop the foul beast and silenced its wails with a roar of a chain sword, every mutant broke, fleeing, retreating back into the wilderness, but the marines stayed.
The Commissar approached them cautiously, unsure of his duty for the first time, the heretics after all had just saved billions in the hive city, so in a strange twist of duty he marched to the heretics seeking the leader of the squad. The marines seemed unconcerned, muttering, cursing, furiously tapping their comm links (at least what the commissar suspects to be their communications link in their helmets) and harshly talking amongst one another. All of them had cigarettes or cigars wedged in their helmet grills, they reeked of an indescribable alcohol that even an ork would upturn their noses to drink, each of them frantic or panicked about something and wearing odd coverings over their armour that was now slightly bloodstained. With a cough the commissar began to introduce and hopefully thank them.
"I on behalf of the glorious Imperial Guard, in service to the righteous Imperium and the almighty holy Emper-"
"Silence worm, we did not come out here to save your misbegotten kind, we did it to shut that infernal 'Yiffing' up and stop the battle which had interrupted our card game and cut off our feed to the GALACTIC TOURNAMENT OF BLOODBALL, OUR TEAM WAS PLAYING YOU INSIGNIFICANT LAPDOGMAGGOTARSEFAGGOTMORON. GET THE DAMNED POWER BACK ONLINE NOW" screamed the lead Chaos Warrior waiting for the commissar to obey.
"SIR YES SIR" replied the shocked commissar, seemingly horrified at the fact he responded as he would of if he were a recruit, rushing off to fulfil the order.
Everyone else was silent, unsure whether to laugh or to be in fear of the commissar, fortunately, the dressed down disciplinarian shouted out dozens of orders to fix the power lest the already depleted guards face eradication by the strange warriors of Chaos. Within minutes the power was back on and the marines literally galloped back to whatever place in the hive they had claimed to watch their game. Every Guard immediately made a note on that very day (and the following three days to be sure) not to fight, make loud annoying noises, or cut the power lest a Marine of Chaos kill them all for interrupting their game.
All was well until the Inquisition came.