"Hey you."

Zane turned around and shot one of his world famous smiles at me.

"Hey Riley." He got up from the shady picnic table where his calculus homework was strewn. He took the step over to me and gave me a quick kiss. His lips were so soft and sweet, I never got used to the way my heart picked up when he kissed me. I also wasn't too used to being able to kiss him at school. We both sat down on the bench.

"Have plans Saturday night?" I asked.

"Who else would I have plans with?" Another smile.

"Come over at 7. My mom won't be home." I hated having to sneak around, but I wasn't really ready just yet to crush my mom's dreams of having grandkids. Everyone at Degrassi was just getting over the fact that I'm gay; home was my only place where it was a secret. I saw Zane's face drop a fraction of an inch.

"So I guess the coming out isn't going to happen any time soon?"

"Sorry Zane, I'm just not ready." I hoped he understood. Zane had been out since grade 9, and I'd only dropped the bomb three weeks ago.

"No worries. I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow." He gave me another small kiss, and I watched him grab his books and go. God he was great, if only I could freely date him like I wanted. I saw Zane hop on his bike and head down the street. I sighed. I wanted him so bad.

I straightened my pack on my back and turned to go home. My phone rang. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. MarcoD.

"Hey Marco! I haven't heard from you in awhile." Marco was an old family friend. He was three years older than me, but still a really awesome. He was also one of the few people outside of school I could to about Zane. Marco was gay too. A few years ago, before I'd accepted I was gay, I'd had a crush on him. But that was the past.

"Yeah, I've been really busy with school and stuff. But that's why I called."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm coming down for a week to visit!"

"No way! That's awesome!" Like I'd said, I hadn't seen Marco in a while. Since he was 4 and a half hours away in college, we didn't meet much.

"Yeah, I just talked to your mom. I'll be there tomorrow."

Shit. That was Zane day…I guess I could just have him over anyway; just to meet my friend. Although, Zane and I were both looking forward to it…

"Oh, cool." There was a pause.

"You sound a little less excited."

"Well…It's just that Zane and I sort of had plans."

"Ohhh. Well I get that. We can hang out during the day, and you can have all evening with your boy. I'll even make up an excuse if your mom asks."

"Seriously, aw thanks man."

"No problem. I'll see you then. Bye Riley."

"Bye!" Now you see why Marco is awesome? It's a wonder he doesn't have a boyfriend. If I didn't have Zane, I would probably still like him. I put my phone away, and started the 2 mile jog to my house. I didn't mind though, I needed the practice for football. It also gave me time to think.

Why couldn't I just tell my mom? It wouldn't be hard. I just had to go up to my mom and say, "Hey mom, I'm gay, and I'm dating Zane." It was just eight simple words. I guess I was scared. Scared of what my mom would think. I think I knew deep down that she would love me anyway; I just couldn't bring myself to say it.

The jog only took me 20 minutes, and then I was walking through my front door.

"Hey ma!" I called out. I didn't hear any response. She must still be at work. My mom was working a lot lately; trying to earn extra for the soon-to-be college expenses. She was going on her first conference in that job tomorrow. I guess her boss had noticed how much she'd upped the effort.

I walked into the kitchen and dropped my bad on the table. I opened the pantry, and sighed. One problem with my mom working long hours, she doesn't have as much time for grocery shopping. I went to the refrigerator and grabbed the second to last apple. I took a bit and chewed as I walked up the stairs.

The jog had left a thin coat of sweat on my skin, so I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. When I got in, I immediately relaxed. The steam seemed to fill me and just wash away my stress. I spent about 20 minutes relaxing and washing, and then turned off the water and grabbed my towel. On my way out the door I stopped for a second. I grabbed a hand towel from the counter and wiped the condensation off of the mirror.

I looked at myself. Same light brown, curly hair. Same greenish blue eyes. Same body. I looked identical to how I had been last year, when I was so confused. Now I knew I was gay, and even though my appearance was the same, I was so different. It hardly made sense. How such a big internal change could have absolutely no affect on the external part of me. I sighed. It would almost be easier if you could see it from the outside. Then I wouldn't have to worry about telling people, or not telling people. It would be so much simpler.

I walked across the hall to my room, and shut the door. Just by looking around there was no evidence I was hiding anything. There was laundry on the floor, trophies covering my shelves, and posters hanging on all four walls. It looked like the average high school jock's room. I opened my dresser and pulled on an old t-shirt and some sweat pants. The towel was added to the pile of clothes at my feet. It also sucked not having someone to continuously bug you into doing laundry.

I sauntered back into the kitchen where I grabbed my stuff. I brought it into the family room and spread out my books on the coffee table. Leaning back on the couch, I picked up my copy of The Great Gatsby. We were reading it English, and there was a test on the next five chapters on Monday. I assumed I would have no time to read tomorrow with Marco and Zane, so I thought it would be a good idea to start. Normally I would just look it up on Spark Notes, but our teacher specifically writes the questions so that the information can't be found online. So I started reading a school novel on Friday afternoon. What a life. At least my weekend would be more exciting…