Fix this broken heart
Tommy´s in love with Adam, but Adam just won´t belive him, that he´s serious about it, until
Tommy goes crazy and makes sure Adam will believe it.
Disclaimer : As usually I don´t own the boys, but if that changes, I´ll let you know, immeditately. ;)
It's saturday night and Tommy's sitting all alone in his hotel room. He´s sitting at the edge of the
bed.
Everyone's out to party, but he's all alone. Again. Drinking down the pain he has to go through for
months now.
Months yes, since he was sure Adam's way more than just a crush, which would be over soon. A
crush he had on him since the moment they locked eyes for the first time. But if he's completely
honest, he fell for Adam the moment he saw him on Idol.
This good looking man, with the jetblack hair, black nail polish and eyeliner. Like he stood on this
stage in his tight pants, looking sexier than anyone Tommy's had ever seen. Making him feel
uncomfortable in his pants with his erection (yes, he got him hard the moment he saw him) now
begging to be freed, but Tommy just kept looking and listend to his voice.
His voice hitting notes that made Tommy shiver.
After Adam was done with his performance Tommy just sat there, all stunned and in awe and with a
crush on this fabulous singer.
What was his name?
Tommy looked at the screen - Adam Lambert.
If he's gay - this question suddenly was running through his mind. Some weeks later he knew
he was, which made Tommy grin from ear to ear. His male crush was gay - perfect, he thought and
went some months later to an audition for Adam's band.
Not to get a chance with him but he wanted to play in this band. Ok, truthfully that he could have a
chance to hit on him would be a nice side effect, he couldn´t deny that. So, he went to the audition.
He didn´t dare to believe in it, but but he got the job. This all was now almost eight months ago.
Eight months in which his life has changed, so much.
He's at the half of a tour through the States and later all over the fucking world, he should
be happy. Yes, he should but he can´t. His heart is torn into pieces.
It is not even a hour ago when Adam turned him down again.
Tommy went to Adam´s room, wanted tell him how, what he feels for him, that he´s serious about it
and this is ain´t a game for him – that he truly wanted to be together with Adam – with a man.
He tried it several times and who would've guessed but Adam sent him away, no matter how hot
they were making out. No matter that they were even shirtless, lips are locked together, tongues and
hands exploring bodies and teeth leaving sweet little marks everywhere they could be left,
remembering them how heated things get between them.
But again, Adam did refuse to even completely listen to Tommy. He send him away, always with
the same lame words as ever-fucking-time.
"You're not even bi, so forget about being gay".
"Fuck you!" Tommy yelled at him.
"Fuck you, Adam, really fucking fuck you. Who's talking about being gay?", he broke off mid-
sentence, running his finger through his hair, slowly going mad at Adam's stubbornness.
"Fucking hell, Lambert!" he screamed, storming out of the room, slamming the door, loud enough
for half of the hotel to hear.
Adam never seen Tommy freaking out like this before, it made him sad.
Maybe it even got him thinking!
Later in a club:
It didn't surprise Adam all too much that Sutan came to him.
"Had a little disagreement with your Kitty again?" he said teasingly, he couldn´t know how bad it
was this time.
"Sutan!" Adam glared at him "he's not MY kitty", he paused and sighed.
Sipping on his drink he added audible sadly.
"And he will never be. I'm not going to let myself become an illusional sappy idiot, just to end up
heartbroken", he had problems to get the words out.
Did Adam really think this about Tommy, that he would break his heart?
Of course,you never know what happens, but could he really hurt him like that on purpose?
"And how do I even know he wants really me and not just another kind of sexual experience? To
see how it is to have a dick up his ass and when it doesn´t feel right he dumps me, no thanks very
much. I don´t need this".
Sutan stayed calm (he tried at least) but he did explode on the inside.
"Adam, I'm saying this as your friend, but how stupid are you? Are you really this blind, Adam?".
Adam looked at him, in slightly disbelief.
"Thanks, for that nice compliment, FRIEND" he hissed at him, turned around and walked away, all
diva-like.
The same time in the hotel room:
Tommy still sat on the bed, not moving since the moment he sat down.
A bottle of Jack in the left hand and a bottle of beer in the right.
"Motherfucker!" he cursed "Does he really think I wouldn´t know what I want? That I just wanna
play with him to get a good fuck?" he mutterd looking at the Jack before he takes a large gulp.
The he turned his head, looking at the bottle of beer.
"Why does he have to do that? Is he really that fucking blind?" he´s taking another gulp.
"Gonna buy him some fucking glasses, then maybe he´ll see."
"He already does see".
Tommy was startled, almost falling off the bed, since well, alcohol done this mean thing of taking
away his ability of keeping his balance properly.
But he managed it to not fall off the bed and got up. He straightens himself and walked towards
Adam, the bottles still in his hands.
"You want something?" holding both bottles in Adam´s direction.
Adam just shook his head, no. "And you shouldn´t be drinking any more, too" he said.
"You, Mister" Tommy took a gulp again "are so not telling me when or when not to drink" he
pointed at Adam.
"Tommy, I..."
But Tommy cut him off "No, you´re not 'Tommy I'-yourself out of this" he said angrily.
"Do you have any idea of how I´m feeling? Probably not, since you´re too busy riding on your high
horse with not even letting me say what I want to say and don´t even deny it."
Adam just looked at him, did he knew Tommy wasn´t done yet...that Tommy just started his speech.
And he was right...
"You send me away, everytime. We kissed, made out, rolling around, taking our clothes off...
Adam, you fucking marked me" he sat the bottles aside on the table.
Gripping the hem of his shirt he hauled it over his head and showed Adam the visible marks his
teeth left spread over his chest and stomach.
Adam took a deep breath, but before he even could say one word Tommy continued "I am talking
and you are listening!" he growled
"Why did you do that? Is it fun for you to know that your little boytoy would see it every morning
when he took a shower and sees himself in the mirror? That he sees what you left?" Tommy´s
voice got more heated with every word he said.
"Cause I sure I don´t enjoy it. Not knowing if these marks will go away and never will be there
again, cause you one day decide to stop playing around with me"
Adam just looked at him, almost hopeless like a little kid he stood there, not daring to look at
Tommy and to see the sadness and anger in his eyes, like he was hearing in his voice. Adam knew
he fucked up majorly. But could he really be blamed?
Tommy was supposedly straight and Adam just respected it and also valued their friendship. But
could this really excuse his whole behaviour?
"Fucking look at me when I talk to you, Lambert!" he snorted, reached out and grabbed Adam´s
face, forced him to look at him.
"Did you get off on it? Knowing that I would see it everyfucking day?"
Tommy was totally out of his mind now
"I...no...Tommy"
And a hard slap across his face was Tommy´s reaction.
"Didin´t you fucking listen? I said 'I talk'!".
Now Tommy pushed Adam "Now, listen...I don´t know how often I tried to tell you this" his voice
now almost sounded broken "That I am in fucking love with you" he pushed him hard against the
wall.
"I´m not playing any..." then he just stopped, not trusting his voice anymore, just looking at Adam.
Now, all of a sudden, the anger left his eyes and they slowly filled up with tears.
"Why are you doing this to me, Adam, why?" he now really started crying.
Fisting Adam´s shirt he nearly pleadingly asked again "Why? Why do I deserve this?"
It broke Adam´s heart to see Tommy like this and it all was his fault.
Adam wrapped his arms around him, Tommy still being angry tried to get out of the embrace but
Adam didn´t let him go, he embraced him even more and stroked over his hair to calm him.
"I´m so so sorry, Tommy. I didn´t...I was afraid" Adam said.
"Afraid of what? Afraid of me loving you or me breaking your heart? Adam, I would never ever do
that. I am in so much fucking love with you, it would kill me on the inside if I ever broke your heart
or lose you. That would be the end of me".
Adam looked into Tommy´s brown eyes...
And once again he notices how pretty this man is, even now, with tear-strained eyes, he looks more
beautiful than anyone Adam´s had ever seen...
"Tommy" Adam put a finger under the blondes chin, made him look into his babyblue eyes.
"That, to hurt you, was never my intention. I was trying to save myself, I couldn´t risk to fall for
you, not knowing for sure what this whole thing is for you. How could I know if you just
wanted to try out something new and then when you decide you don´t like then you´d kick my butt."
He paused looking around shaking his head "I couldn´t do this. Maybe it was wrong to turn you
down anytime you wanted more, or to let us get that far again and again. Now I know that it was
unfair, that I shouldn´t have done that and I´m truely deeply sorry for what I´ve put you through
the past months".
And now in Adam´s eyes tears began to form as well.
"Why are you crying, Babyboy?" Tommy asked wiping the tears away with his thumb, which
surprised Adam.,
"How are you even real Tommy?" he whispered.
"What do you mean?" he asked back.
"After all what I´ve done, how bad I´ve treated you, you´re still asking for MY tears?"
"I love you, Adam, I thought you know that by now. And that includes to care for you when you
cry, why you cry."
That was the moment Adam didn´t want to pretend anymore, he opend his heart for the love, to
welcome it, to embrace it – completely!
He took Tommy´s face in his hands and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
Tommy´s eyes widened impossibly.
"I´m sorry that I lied to you all the time"
Tommy looked at him questioning.
"Because truthfully" Adam slowly continued "I am in love with you too, have ever been.
Since that moment when you walked through the door, to audition for the band. How shy you
looked at me – oh god, you were so beautiful, you are so beautiful, Tommy!"
Then Tommy got on his tiptoes pulled Adam slightly down and started to really kissing him.