Dracolove27, you're right. No more hiding who I am. Its got to get into the open now. Step by step. Slowly and slowly...
"Would you guys ever sleep with someone who has been raped?" asked Hermione one evening in the common room.
"Why do you ask?" Ron replied sharing a look with Harry.
"Just asking…" she trailed off waiting for an answer.
"Well she has been raped. Why would she want to do it again?" answered Ron.
"It's more of what she would want. I mean if she's okay with it…" Harry started.
"She wouldn't want it Harry. Someone has already hurt her by forcing her. She would be afraid all her life" the redhead interrupted his friend.
"Speak for yourself Ronald" Hermione snapped "My question was about your willingness, not hers."
"Why are we talking about this anyway? What's your point?" Ron snapped back equally irritated.
"Just asking" she replied and considered the conversation closed. Ron went back to his essay and Harry, to his magazine. "I'm going to bed guys. Meet you in the morning."
"Night 'Mione" said Ron.
"G'night" Harry followed.
It had been a long time she had been meaning to ask this question. Especially to Ron. She had always known what Harry's answer would be. He did stand up to his expectations. He would have said yes if Ron hadn't interrupted him. But his friend, he had always been a sort of mystery. Hermione had always been very good at understanding people. Always the quiet one in class, she had spent a lot of time observing people and figuring out patterns. And mostly, she was right.
Ron though, she had hardly been able to read. The first time they met, that uncanny feeling of familiarity struck. So similar they had seemed. Their pasts, personalities, and nature. He was not like other guys she had met before. His head always in a book. Unreadable. He was the first person she initiated a conversation with. Both awkward at first, they had soon developed a good friendship. Admitted she did not know much about him. But they talked about such interesting things. Intellectual discussions Harry called them.
Hermione found him an interesting boy. Fascinating. A subject to be explored. Ron's responses always took her by surprise. Never the answers she expected. There came a time when she stopped expecting and concentrated on getting to know him better.
Today, he avoided the question she asked and she didn't know why. Maybe he did not avoid it. Maybe it was an indirect 'no'. But Ron was a person who sugar coated his reactions. He was, in fact, the bluntest guy she had ever met and she respected him for that.
Over the years, her feelings had reshaped from something more than just a platonic friendship. Into what, she didn't know. Today, after almost one and a half years of knowing each other, she asked a question she thought she knew the answer to.
But alas, it was not to be so. All she wanted to know was if a boy like Ron would ever have her. Not now, not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow. But sometime in the future. Sometime. But she had to be satisfied with a vague answer. And keep wondering all her life, whether revealing her secret to the world will be a good idea.