To Beg Forgiveness

"Jeez, this is worse than going back to the Organization's castle…"

Lea stood waiting at the base of Yen Sid's tower, slouched against the wall and attempting to keep his normally cool demeanor. It seemed like almost yesterday that he had been a fully-fledged member of Organization XIII, doing the bidding of one of the light's greatest enemies. It felt like almost no time had passed since he and Isa had planned to take over that same Organization, before they had lost sight of what they had ever hoped to gain. But now he had traded all of that in.

On the positive side, you've got your heart back, Lea thought. All you need to do is apologize to everyone whose life you almost ruined.

Sora, being Sora, forgave him without a second thought as he ran out the door to head to Olympus Coliseum. The King, Goofy, and Donald were also surprisingly quick to hear him out. Riku…well, Riku just chuckled and told Lea to worry about Xehanort before he spends any time thinking up an apology.

I've crossed most everybody off my list. Everyone except…

Footsteps echoed off the stone staircase that spiraled endlessly up the tower. Lea stiffened up.

Looks like its show time.

"Kairi, I-"

Kairi stopped him with a look. She was trying to control her posture as she descended the stairs, but she was clearly exhausted from a long session of training. Lea had hoped they might develop some camaraderie as they both learned to use a keyblade, but Kairi had remained polite and distant.

There's not gonna be a better time, Lea reminded himself. Better rip the bandage off quick.

"Kairi, I want to talk to you about what happened a while back. I realize I owe you an apology."

Kairi stopped at the bottom of the stairs, facing straight ahead towards the door. She sighed. A moment later, Kairi turned back to face him. "Axel, look, I know you're used to being the one who does all the talking. If you really want to do this, you're going to need to let me speak for a little while, ok?"

Lea was far beyond trying to correct anybody on his name. If the name "Axel" had to be his mark of penance, so be it.

Lea leaned back against the wall. "I'm all ears."

"Are you? No cocky attitude? No excuses?" Kairi asked. Lea got the sense that she had been preparing for this moment just as much as he had.

Any trace of his usual smirk disappeared from his face, and Lea replied with as much solemnness as he could muster: "Yes."

"So, let's talk about why we're having this conversation. If I remember correctly, we first met when you were trying to kidnap me to get to Sora so you could turn him into a heartless."

"Like I was trying to say, I'm sorry about all that!" Lea interjected, "It's just…Roxas was the only person who mattered to me anymore! I would have given anything to get him back and I thought…"

Kairi rolled her eyes, a gesture which struck Lea as much more fitting of the teenager Kairi was than the princess she was supposed to be. "Axel, you're unbelievable. Can you just be quiet for two minutes and listen?"

Lea's gaze fell quickly to the floor. A tense silence followed.

Kairi started up again, "Sora might have forgiven you, but don't think everyone has forgotten that you worked for a group who made his life miserable – even tried to kill him. Thanks to the Organization, he lost a year of his life! For a year, I couldn't even remember his name!"

Lea wanted to object, to point out that he had done his best with the circumstances he had to help Sora get out of Castle Oblivion in one piece. Lea wanted to point out that, if he hadn't intervened, Sora would be a drooling puppet of Kairi's very own Nobody. Of course, saying all that would get them absolutely nowhere.

But, he couldn't hold himself back fully. Without looking up, he asked, "Did Naminé also tell you the part where I was on his side?"

Kairi's brow furrowed. "It's not like we just chat every day. I just…know." She regained some of her normal composure, looking directly into Lea's eyes. She took a deep breath. "I could keep going about how you put me or Sora or whoever else in danger. But you've helped us, and I'm thankful for that. You even sacrificed yourself, or at least Sora said you did, so he could save me. So if you didn't do what you did to hurt us, I want to hear it from you: why?"

Lea spent a few moments attempting to gauge just how honest he should be, how much Kairi actually wanted to hear, which buttons not to push. Her face was a blank mask.

"You said no excuses," Lea replied in attempt at diplomacy.

"I'm not asking for an excuse, I'm asking for an explanation."

Here goes nothing.

"If you want me to be honest, frankly I don't think there's anything I could say that would make you understand. You have no idea what it's like to be a Nobody, to remember what friendship and happiness and all those are things are like with no way to feel them again." Lea turned his head to the side, gazing into empty space. "No way except bringing Roxas back…"

"So you were just using Roxas to fix your craving for emotions?" Kairi asked neutrally.

"What? No! I really cared for that kid!"

"That's what I thought – you weren't just doing it for yourself, or you'd have been no better than Saïx and the rest."

Lea winced at the mention of the man who had been his entire reason for joining Organization XIII. Kari paused. She didn't seem to have expected such a strong reaction from that particular point.

Story for another time, Lea thought. Maybe focus on making up to the people in front of you before you start thinking about friends you might never see again.

Kairi continued, "I think, deep down, you did have a heart, no matter what Xemnas or any of the rest tried to tell you. But that also means you don't get to play the Nobody card, Axel. If you knew enough to care about Roxas, then you also knew better than to hurt other people just because it might help your friend."

"Look, I know what I did was wrong. I guess the only thing I can say is I felt so…desperate. I made a promise that I would always be there to bring them back-"

"Them?"

"Him. I said him."

Kairi gave a brief, puzzled look, but she allowed Lea to continue.

"At first I just meant bringing him back to the organization where I thought he'd be safe…but after he disappeared, I couldn't stop thinking about how I was the only one across all of the worlds who cared enough about that kid to want him to exist again."

Silence filled the chamber at the bottom of stairs. Lea sighed mentally. For all my schemes, an honest conversation puts me at a loss…

"I know what it's like to lose people, Axel. To watch them disappear and wish so desperately that I could have them back." Kairi's voice cut through Lea's melancholy, and his head snapped back upward. Kairi added, "I'll admit, I haven't really had to cope with it. With quite that kind of loss. When Sora became a heartless, it was less than an hour before he found his way back to me."

And then a bit later, his Nobody found me, Lea thought.

Kairi told Lea, "If I had been the one to make the choice of whether or not to use Roxas to bring Sora back, I'm not sure what I would have done. But…I would have thought of what Sora would want. I can't say that he would have asked for Roxas to disappear just so he could wake up." Kairi gave Lea a look of genuine uncertainty. "Would Roxas have wanted Sora to disappear if it meant he could be with you?"

Lea was visibly shocked. For all my talk about caring for Roxas, never once did I think about what he would have wanted. Even if he did want to switch places with Sora, to come back if it meant sending Sora into the darkness…would I really have had the right to give him that wish? After that thought, he told Kairi, "I really don't know. Those last few days, when he was in the simulation, he couldn't even remember who I was, let alone talk to me about his hopes and dreams."

Kairi smiled, which in and of itself shocked Lea. "I guess only Sora knows the real answer to that. But if he was really Sora's Nobody, I don't think Roxas would have wanted you to hurt Sora any more than I would."

Never expected to be so relieved to hear that someone else thinks well of the kid. A few more quiet moments passed, with Lea once again looking at the floor. "So I guess what I've been trying to say is if there's any way I can make it up to you-"

"Hey, it's alright. You don't need to do anything else, be anybody else, to earn forgiveness."

Lea looked quizzically at Kairi. "Wait, so after all that spiel, you mean-"

"Yes, I forgive you."

"Just like that? I mean, if I was in your shoes, with all that anger about what happened…"

Kairi raised a hand to stop Lea. "You did some bad things. You understand that you hurt people, and you've done everything you can since then to make things better. Actions might speak louder than words, but now that we've said what we needed to say, there's nothing left to do but forgive."

Lea was dumbfounded. But, slowly, his characteristic grin returned. "Well! I know I've done all the others enough favors that we'd be square, but I didn't expect you to give in to my charm so easily."

"When it comes to people who've messed up, let's just say you're in good company. But just so you know, Riku did an awful lot to get back into my good graces, so you'd better be on your best behavior," Kairi said, playfully poking a finger to Lea's chest.

"What, saving your boyfriend twice wasn't good enough? Sheesh, maybe I am a lost cause."

"That hardly counts around here," Kairi giggled. "I think it's some sort of requirement that every friend of Sora has to save him from the darkness at least once."

"I guess all that leaves for me is to fight with Riku for the record." Lea stopped, putting a hand to his chin. "So, I'm one of Sora's friends now? Just like that?"

Kairi clasped her hands behind her back. "Mhm. Better be careful, or you'll catch his optimism."

Lea gave a small chuckle in response. With that, Kairi stepped across the stone floor and placed a hand on the heavy wooden door. She paused. Without turning around, she said in a low tone, "But just so you know – if you do anything, anything to put Sora in harm's way again, just remember that I've had my keyblade more than long enough to deal with the likes of you."

After a moment of surprised silence, Lea relaxed against the wall, eyes closed and hands behind his head. "Well, well, looks like I'll need to watch my steps extra carefully."

Kairi opened the door, flooding chamber with the ethereal light that surrounded Yen Sid's tower. As she stepped out, she looked back with a soft smile on her face. "I'm glad your heart showed you the way…Lea."