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She sat up in bed.

Well, she flung herself away from her pillow, up towards the canopy of her bed.

She was sweating, on her face, her arms, her back, even her feet, and her eyes were wide with fear.

Her long auburn hair was sticking to her pale, sweaty forehead, and subconsciously she attempted to brush it away. The feeling of her damp hair was nothing compared to her inner turmoil.

She climbed off her bed and through the curtain surrounding it, the cool night air hitting her suddenly and she was glad. It was something else to feel, something that wasn't pain or hurt or anger or frustration. Something that didn't want to make her scream and yell, then curl up into a ball and cry. Just cry, nothing more, nothing less. What more could a girl ask for?

Briefly she closed her eyes. Immediately a flash of green light blinded her. She muffled a scream as she stumbled back.

She turned and grabbed her favourite teddy off her bed. Somehow it always brought her comfort.

Slowly she made her way to the love seat in the dormitory she shared with four other 6th year Gryffindor girls at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Looking down at the snow covered grounds her eyes filled with unshed tears. But she wouldn't let herself cry, not this time. Lily Evans had had enough of the endless tears, the never ending salty tracks that slide down her cheeks every night as her dorm mates slept, no doubt dreaming of their next shag or fix or maybe what brand of mascara to buy next time.

"Shallow," Lily mumbled to herself. "Absolutely fucking shallow,"

For Lily to swear was not rare, if she was in only her own company. But to hear her speak in a crowd of people was like trying to get blood out of a stone.

Though she had not always been like this. She had been happy once. And maybe she would be again. But not now.

The moon shone brightly through the arched window. She turned her gaze from the cloudless sky to the Whomping Willow, a tree planted to hide a secret passage, but she didn't know that. As she looked a large black dog appeared, followed by a magnificent white stag. She knew if she looked hard enough she would see a rat there too. But tonight she wasn't bothered about the animals' antics. She once again turned to stare at the sky. It made her feel calm, peaceful. She smiled slightly. Now she would be able to sleep without thinking about that green light.

Sighing as her small dainty feet touched the cold floor she made her way back to her bed. She was tired, which made it all the easier to just sleep her worries away. Which is exactly what she did.

As her alarm went off the next morning she closed her eyes trying to drown out the noise. She had been awake anyway. Slowly she made herself get up and traipsed into the bathroom.

"No time like the present," she whispered to herself, repeating her Grandma's favourite phrase. She laughed as she stripped and climbed into the shower. Today was going to be a good day. Obviously not because she got the bathroom first, her dorm mates never got up on time, but because she felt like it. And that knowledge made her want to laugh, again. So laugh she did.

Humming to herself, Lily found some clean robes and dressed for the day. It was a Thursday, one of her favourite days of the week, for a reason unknown to her. She left the room as she heard the other girls stirring, and almost ran down to the common room. It was empty, as she knew it would be. The fire was big and bright though, and she stood there, mesmorised, for a few minutes. It wasn't until she heard a commotion from the boys' dorm staircase that she realised what she had been doing. Sitting down in one of the plush armchairs, she sighed as she saw who had just descended from the boys' dorms. Trying to make herself invisible she curled up in the chair. No such luck.

"Evans!"

"Black," she quietly replied. She didn't want to encourage his overfamiliarity with her.

Sirius Black bounded over to her, smiling. "How are you this fine morning Lily-flower?" he asked her, still grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat.

"Fine thanks Sirius, you?"

"HAPPY!" he practically yelled at her.

"Yeah, if you call still being just a little bit pissed happy then sure, Sirius," came the voice of Remus Lupin.

Lily smiled. "Sirius drunk? Surely not?" she said as Remus came into view.

He grinned at her. "Fine, Lily? Are you sure?"

She smiled up at him. "Yes, Remus, fine. Today is going to be a good day,"

Sirius frowned. "Errr, I do believe, Lily-flower, you were about to ask why I am sooooo happy,"

"I do believe I wasn't... But as you mentioned it, why are you soo happy?" Lily quickly changed her sentence as she saw Sirius' face.

He smiled again. "'Cause I got PISSED!" he shouted.

"Are you trying to get yourself in trouble?" Remus asked him.

"Noooooooooooooooo," Sirius replied, before claiming he needed to use the bathroom and running off.

"Remind me why you are friends with him?" Lily said to Remus rolling her eyes.

"He needs me," Remus said back, shrugging his shoulders.

Lily laughed.

"So, Miss Evans, would you like to accompany me to breakfast?"

"Why not?" And together they left the Gryffindor common room.

That night Lily sat up in her room, doing nothing. It was peaceful doing nothing. As the evening drew to a close she decided to go see what Remus was doing. Out of the four boys in her house's year, he was the one she liked the most. Sirius she could cope with, he was like a little boy that could do adult things. Which, now she thought about it, could be pretty dangerous. Even Peter was all right, though he didn't talk much. But Potter, he was just insufferable. Not only because he always pranked Severus, she tried to convince herself as she looked for Remus in the crowd of people down in the common room.

Finally she found him sitting in the corner furthest from her. She walked up and grinned. "Anyone would think you were avoiding me," she said as she sat down next to him.

"Never, Lily, it's much more fun with you around," Remus replied, without a trace of sarcasm.

"Thanks," she said rolling her eyes again. "I know you don't mean that,"

"Nah, he's only saying that to get you into bed Lily-flower," Sirius said as he came and sat with them. "Then you'd be much more fun," he went on, winking at Lily.

"Sirius, you are perverted,"

"Yep, and damn proud," he smiled back.

Both Lily and Remus rolled their eyes. "So, where are James and Peter anyways?"

"Peter had to do some homework or something in the library... I think. Well it must have been 'cause Remus didn't tell me that as he's sitting here with me and I'm definitely not in the library, and James told me he was..."

"SIRIUS!"

"WHAT?"

"You went off on one again," Remus told him.

"Oh," Sirius paused. "But, anyway, yeah, Peter's in the library, and James is... doing detention?"

"I swear it's impossible not to roll your eyes around that boy," Remus whispered to Lily.

"You know you are terrible at whispering..." Lily whispered back.

"And you know I can hear you, don't you?"

Lily and Remus just smiled innocently at Sirius.

"Yeah whatever, you don't get forgiven that easy..." Sirius said scowling at them. "...ooooh I want chocolate. Anyone got any chocolate?" When both Remus and Lily shook their heads he wandered off in search of anything chocolate.

Lily laughed after him. "I think you were right. You cannot not roll your eyes when around him,"

"But then that might be the reason we love him, so," Remus joined her laughter.

"Anyway, I better get to bed," Lily said checking her watch.

"Okay," Remus replied, smiling at her as she stood and walked up the girls' staircase. Only when she had disappeared did Remus sigh. Why could she not see that James truly liked her, and would be able to help her much better than he could? Still thinking of Lily and James, he also stood and went up to bed.

Up in the girl's dorm, Lily undressed. She was content. She had been right in thinking today would be a good day. Slipping into her pyjamas she then snuggled into her duvet. Tonight she was calm. Tonight she was happy. And it felt good. She thought of Remus, and how kind he had been to her. If only it was him she fancied...

Her mind automatically switched to James, and she wished that he wouldn't play his games with her. She wished he would be serious about her, but she knew he wouldn't. He was only after the chase. And that made her depressed. A lone tear slid down her cheek. Sighing, she turned onto her stomach and buried her head into the pillow. She had finally admitted to herself that she did indeed fancy James Potter. And with that she dropped into a dream where she and James were happy, together.