'm shaking so hard m'teeth click together. 'm out of sight now, an' I stagger towards a tree an' lean 'gainst it. I find it hard t'breathe, it hurts in m'chest, every time I inhale wi' a wheeze. For t'moment I can' even get it together enough t'sink down onto t'leafy ground.

Aaron noticed, I know. Fifteen minutes ago he suggested we stop for t'night an' I nodded, an' dropped m'pack. But I kep' goin'. He didn' follow. He's settin' camp up right now, I guess. He seems t'get some of this, better'n mos' of'em, even tho he doesn' know half t'story.

Tha' woman on t'tree, that was just t'last straw. She didn' even look much like anyone tha's died, but she brought it'll back.

T'futility of this.

T'pain.

T'realization tha', whatever we do, or don' do, we'll still die like dis.

Naked. Scared. Alone.

Tortured by'n enemy we don' understand. Frightened by a world tha' doesn' make sense.

I get it now, what he said. We are t'walking dead. And as much as I struggle t'accept it, that we can' save them all, tha' sometimes all of this, all'r hard work isn' enough, I got t'try. Or I migh' as well sit down right here an' let the dead rip me t'pieces. Or let these people find me, the ones tha' leave a W on ya forehead.

I can feel t'nausea rise again, an' I don' even much care. What does't matter now? Do I deserve t'be well, conten', maybe even happy? I never thought so, until jus' t'other day. I though' there, for a lil while, maybe I coul' be all of them things, cos he was there, an' he wanted t'help. I know he did. But in t'end he didn' care enough to, neither. Why'm I surprised? It's like this, ev'ry time. He lef' me, too. Sure, he's not dead, but f'all it shoul' matter t'me he could be.

Thing is, tho, it does matter. And it hurts, so much, t'way we left it tis morning. Everythin' in me is fightin', screamin', t'go back now an' find him. Take'im in m'arms an' hope he'll have m'back. I shouldn' have run off like tha', it's all m'fault. Life's so hard for him, he don' need more of tha' shit from me. 'm supposed t'help him be strong.

I feel dizzy now. I know it's cos 'm fighting so hard not t'be sick. M'arm hurts again an' feels stiff as I bring it up against m'chest. There's antibiotics back in m'pack with Aaron. They make m'feel awful, but I take them cos I know I need t'heal t'be of any use. And I'll need t'take some more soon, cos m'body's losing t'battle wi' t'nausea now.

'm glad 'm leaning agains' this tree already, cos I still nearly fall down. Pukin's getting' more painful ev'ry time. My throat feels raw, and there's tears runnin' down m' face. I pray tha' nothin' in t'woods has heard me, cos right now 'm not sure I could fight off even a single walker.

I struggle t'breathe as a second wave of sickness hits. M'stomach hurts something awful now, an' I might be sobbing wit' t'pain, 'm not sure.

Finally I can stop gagging. I feel hardly any better but there's nothin' left t'bring up, an' m'body seems t'have gotten t'message at last. Even though m'legs feel shakier'n ever I decide t'head back. Truth is, 'm a bit scared, an' for once I don' much fancy being alone out here. Somethin' feels wrong, all round me.

Aaron looks up, concerned, as I join him by t'fire. I know he's gonna start talkin' again unless I head 'im off.

"'s fine, man. Jus' them fuckin' pills. 'm all right now."

I grab m'pack an' sit close by t'fire. 'm so fuckin' cold all of a sudden. I hope Aaron can' see me shiver. He looks me over skeptically.

"You sure? We can head back, y'know…"

I shake m'head.

"Nah. Jus' need t'rest. Will be ok in t'mornin'…"

I don' look at'im, but I can tell he's real uneasy about this. T'soothe his nerves, and cos I know I got to, I rummage in m'pack and find t'antibiotics. I show him t'bottle, an' he tries t'smile, and nods. Even tho it's t'last thing I wanna do right now I shake out two pills an' swallow them wi' some water.

Then I lie down with t'pack for a pillow an' hope they stay down, an' that tomorrow won' be as awful as I think it might turn out t'be.