It was the cold touch of the empty bed beside him, the sliver of light creeping under the bedroom door, that made him sit up and check the time. The clock beside his bed flashed the time in bright white numbers; 12:03 AM. He stifled a yawn, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and slowly climbed out of the warmth of his bed. His feet silent on the carpet, he pulled open the door and stepped into the light of the lounge room.
She was curled up on the couch, smothered by a multitude of blankets. Her head rested on her knees, arms wrapped around them, as the TV ran a show in silence. She didn't react as Zen stepped around the couch, as he gave her a gentle smile. He sat beside her and her expression dropped. Her eyes pulled from the subtitles to his.
"Sorry," she said. Her voice was barely a whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Zen only smiled. He cupped her face gentle, brushed a thumb across her cheek. "You didn't," he said. "Can't sleep?" His heart ached at the depth of her eyes, how hollow they appeared. Dark bags hung beneath them.
She turned from him, staring back at the TV. Her eyes glazed over, unseeing, as she nodded. "Sorry," she said again. It came as a sigh this time, a painful, exhausted sigh.
"It's alright, babe," Zen said. He leant over, pressed a kiss to her temple that coloured her cheeks. Even in this state, even when her heart felt like a thousand tons were sitting on top of it, a bead of warmth grew inside her chest.
But it faded too soon. Her smile, that fleeting, precious smile, faded.
Zen wrapped an arm around her, snuggled up against her side. "Care to share some of your warmth?" he coaxed, and she relented, letting him inside her cocoon of blankets. His feet touched her bare legs and she yelped.
"You're cold," she whined, giving him a stiff huff. He chuckled and slid his icy-cold feet down her legs teasingly.
"And you're warm," he said. She grumbled in response, so he stopped. With his frosty toes no longer stealing her heat, she leant against him, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "What are you watching?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
She shrugged, the movement slight and heavy. She sighed into it, the breath stealing from her lungs just from the effort. "I just channel surfed."
"We have Netflix, you know."
"Too much effort."
He chuckled. "How 'bout I choose something?" He stole the remote from the coffee table and opened up Netflix. He began scrolling through the shows and movies, barely glancing at their titles.
She was silent for a moment before asking, "don't you have practice tomorrow?"
"You mean today."
"Oh."
"Lost track of time again?"
She inhaled deeply, if only to sigh heavily again. "I'm not tired. I won't be able to sleep, anyway. But I don't want to keep you up."
"Then I'll only watch a few episodes before I say goodnight," he said. "And I'll drag you to bed with me."
She pursed a smile but it quickly fell. As the show Zen chose began to run, she settled into the couch. She couldn't focus on it. On the characters, on the plot. There was too much going on. Too much too fast and she just wanted it to slow down. She wanted the world to slow down.
Being around Zen made it slow down. He sat beside her as the minutes turned into hours. One episode turned into four, which turned into the whole season. He got up and brought over drinks, forced a cup of water in her hand despite her protests.
"You have to at least drink some water," he said as he tore into a chip packet, tipping its contents into a bowl. "I won't bring over any chips until you drink."
She pouted, before slowly glancing over at him. "What kind of chips?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
He was teasing her. She knew it, but she hadn't the energy to reply, to joke along. She pulled the cup to her lips and drank the cool water. It slipped down her throat easily, slowly. He nodded, giving her a gentle smile, and sat down on the couch again, plopping the chip bowl into her lap. Salt and Vinegar. Her favourite. Even though he didn't like them, even though he preferred other flavours, other brands, he'd bought this.
She'd smile if it didn't hurt so much.
He stayed with her that night. The darkness soon bled into morning and still, he stayed with her. She'd caught him dozing on more than one occasion, but did nothing to wake him. He needed what sleep he could get. She didn't want to be the reason he wasn't sleeping.
As the sun streamed through the gaps in the curtains, Zen had well and truly fallen asleep. She was still awake, though now the effects of zero sleep had taken hold. Her eyes hurt. They felt heavy, and throbbed when she blinked. She was in a sleepless daze. Which meant it was time to attempt to sleep. She'd probably crash for the entire day, maybe into the early hours of the night. Maybe into the next day.
She knew that if she went to bed now, she wouldn't want to leave it. So she did. She slid out from her blankets, from Zen's arms, and draped the blankets over him as she retreated from the room. He didn't stir, so she clicked off the lights and climbed into bed.
He woke her later that evening with the offer of food. She lay in the dark, head pressed into the pillow, and groaned a response.
He chuckled and ruffled her hair. "I'll let you sleep then, babe." He kissed her head once, twice, and then her bare shoulder that poked out from the blankets. It tickled her skin and she shivered. "Just let me know if you need anything."
The sound she made was less like a groan and more like a grunt of acceptance. He laughed, let his fingers trail in her hair, before he headed for the door.
"I love you," she croaked, barely lifted her head from the pillow. Tears glistened in her eyes, her blank, heavy eyes, and Zen knew how much effort, how much energy, and taken her to say that. She'd wanted to say it. Needed to say it. Even as everything else fell to pieces, he was solid. Her love for him was solid.
He smiled in return. "I love you too, babe."
When he left, when the tears finally came, she let them fall. Because he'd stayed with her. Because he loved her. Still loved her, despite it all.
She couldn't have asked for anything else.