Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Michael Jackson's soul.
The Day I Became a Vampire
Once upon a summer's solstice, I was playing my ante revolutionary fife when I smacked my toe on my frozen trout. It was then in my pain induced stupor that I had an epiphany!
I knew what he was… Michael Jackson WAS A….VaMpYrEz!
And the only place where vampiranzoz can roam free and majestically to create potions in their cauldrons is in Salem….I means Forks, Washington. Sooo.. ROAD TRIP :P lololoollolololololloll1111ol. I ran off into the distance and appeared in the middle of LaGuardia Airport, which is perfect because I don't have a car. (O yea by the way, I live in Texas) The problem was that I don't have any money for a ticket, nor did I pack my passport, nor am I a citizen of the United States of America. It probably didn't help that I am on the FBI's most wanted list as an Antarctican Terrorist. It doesn't matter because I came prepared with ammunition and hijacked the first tractor I saw. Driving quickly and with a purpose, I ran over stray cats, teenage witches, and any US president in my way to get to the Niagara Fal- I mean Forks, Washington.
THE EN…PART DEUX
I got to the great windy city of Chica… I mean Forks, Washington, USA, North America, Western Hemisphere, on Earth, in the solar system, in the Milky Way. And I used my super stalker x ray goggles to find my target. But all I saw was a BUNCH OF BOXERS . But luckily for me, I found Jason... I mean Jacob Black. He tried to aid me because of my bleeding retinas and blackened teeth but all he did was make my stocking clad legs shrivel into spirals. In outrage, I smacked his abs in the face but I broke all of my metacarpals, and I ran away. Bleeding and in serious no-no sauce the Cullens found me in the woods. They offered me help but I noticed that they were very uncomfortable in my presence. I smacked their dinner away from themz and snorted blood into their faces. I took one look at Cedri- I mean Edward's face and gasped. He was the pedophile that I was looking for. …..LOL.
PART THRECE AÑOS….
I screamed in joy and started having convulsions (I guess I should have taken my medication.) Edward apparently understood my body language and he smacked me with a frozen trout. He ripped off his face to reveal HARRY POTTER! He took my snozzsauge and punched it and took off laughing. 'then… the END!
PS: Take every third letter and unscramble the letters to reveal a secret message.