Chapter 1: Lipstick For Men
"Chandler Bing, middle-aged advertising executive ready to blow his own brains out," a man in a tired-looking suit with equally tired-looking hair responded sarcastically on the 6th floor of his uptown office.
"Chandler!" an authoritative female voice answered down the other end of the phone, "I told you to stop with those jokes! What if Jack and Erica heard you talking like that?"
"Sorry dear," Chandler murmured, confirming his inferiority within the family chain of command for the umpteenth time. The fact of the matter was Chandler felt lucky just to be considered second in command above his son and daughter, let alone the decision-maker of the household. "How are you and the kids?"
"We're okay but we thought we'd just check in. We miss you." Monica Geller-Bing said warmly, with playful children's yelling and laughter heard in the background.
"Aw, I miss you too, honey. I *really* wish I didn't have to come in today but this ad campaign is becoming a *total* nightmare," Chandler replied in typical fashion, all too keen to point out this was supposed to be his day off.
"Still can't find the right actor, huh?"
"Actor, venue, camera crew... At this point, I'm tempted to just go in there myself, hold the product up in front of my phone and shout 'BUY ME, BUY ME!' Either that or have Ross promote it in one of his lectures," Chandler joked desperately - and with a prolonged roll of his eyes.
"Well, he could always try it with that British accent again," Monica attempted to keep the humour up, lightening the mood.
Chandler laughed, his wife of many years still able to bring a smile to his face in the most stressful of situations. "Speaking of Ross, are we on for dinner with him and Rachel this weekend?"
"Yep, I just got off the phone with Phoebe; she's happy to babysit Emma, Jack and Erica with Mike."
"Great - assuming we've actually made any progress at work by then."
"Relax, sweetie, something will come along soon, I'm telling you," Monica reassured him.
"I hope you're right and, to be fair, you *always* are..." Chandler said before the married couple said their goodbyes.
All jokes aside, the situation Chandler found himself in was a dire one. The advertising supremo's big-name company had imposed a deadline of two weeks for a project that usually took at least a month to complete. Financial pressures and contractual demands from important clients had taken their toll and, frustratingly, Chandler's department were making progress even slower than usual - hardly helping them keep up with the tightest of deadlines. Not since the days of the Weekly Estimated Net Usage System had Chandler felt this challenged.
The main order of business for now was to find a lead actor happy to front a campaign for a far-from-exciting brand. None of the candidates Chandler had already dealt with fit the bill, however. Some were simply well out of the company's price range, with those that were affordable simply far from good enough. In the old days, Chandler would have known exactly who to turn to. His best friend and room-mate was a soap opera actor who'd also starred in films. He'd since moved to Los Angeles, though, pursuing ambitions that, combined with Chandler's family commitments, meant the once inseparable duo could only fleetingly keep in touch over text or WhatsApp nowadays.
Either way, Joey Tribbiani had forged a successful career as a 'respectable' actor and Chandler highly doubted the Italian-American would want the role, no matter how much he'd be willing to help out an old friend.
A knock on the door interrupted Chandler's train of thought - he was relieved to be greeted as 'Mr Bing' rather than 'Toby' or 'Sha-la-laa,' as he, incredibly, once had been - and on several occasions.
"I've just been forwarded an email with a possible candidate, sir," Chandler's junior colleague declared. It was Chris; Chandler liked Chris - he was just about the only worker in the building who appreciated his humour. Or at least pretended to.
"There's a video of his ad history attached," he continued. "His agency say he is looking to find some work around the New York area. I thought you might want to check this one out for yourself, I'll pass it on to you now..."
"Thanks, Chris, I'll have a look," Chandler responded, not holding his breath.
After clicking 'play,' however, Chandler's optimism increased ten-fold. Looking to find work back in the New York area? Maybe Chandler did have the perfect candidate in mind, after all. And maybe that candidate would be far more interested in the role than he'd initially thought.
Seconds into the video, a weird and funky beat played on an electric guitar, before a man wearing black with shiny blue lips shouted: "Ichiban - lipstick for men!"