Title: His Brother, Merle
Author: thexxit
Rating: K – just a little bit of language
Category: TWD: Carol/Daryl – Hurt/Comfort
Spoilers: Everything up to episode 3x15 – "This Sorrowful Life"
Disclaimer: These characters are not my creation. I don't profit from them, but I do hope to share my love for them with others. Treat them good, AMC!
Archive: Okay anywhere as long as my name is attached.
Summary: Daryl returns after losing his brother.
x.x
There are a lot of questions when he returns. Where is Merle? Where were you? Did you know Michonne came back; she said Merle just let her go?
He doesn't reply to any of them. He keeps walking. He keeps walking and walking, past where they normally slept, past the mess Merle had made ripping apart mattresses, past all the questions. He walks until he hears nothing but the pounding in his head, and turns into the nearest cell, slides the bars closed, and falls into a bunk. After a very brief moment of trying to sort out his thoughts, he rolls onto his side and begins to pound the pillow he is lying on, pound it so hard the stitching comes loose and the cheap stuffing within begins to poke out.
He is alone, his mind reminds him. That was his brother, his only real kin in this ugly world. His brother - who survived being left for dead, chained to the roof of a shopping complex in downtown Atlanta, with the sun beating down on him and Walkers nearing - his only brother survived just to have this happen? His brother, whom he idolized since childhood, who once left him to fend for himself with an abusive father, and who Daryl almost left the group for. His brother. Merle. Dead.
A sob escapes his lips and he is surprised at how it echoes.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" he screams, and it echoes again, repeating the word back to him ten times.
He wants to bash his head against the concrete wall. He wants to go out with his crossbow and kill every single Walker in Georgia… in the entire US. He wants to walk right up the middle of the street in Woodbury and get the Governor right between the eyes.
He has a death wish. He wants to know what happened to Merle, and he wants revenge.
Suddenly, he slams his fist into the cinderblock next to him. He hears a bone crack, though temporarily the pain feels good. It makes him forget for just a moment. But the moment is fleeting, and the searing pain in his knuckles and his frustrations make him scream out loud.
His teeth clench as he cradles his hand. He is about to scream again when he hears the rhythmic sound of footsteps. He listens carefully and realizes it's the movement of a live person, not a Walker.
Quickly he wipes his face of the wetness and rubs his nose against the pillow. He hopes he looks presentable, and whoever it was would go away quickly. He's in an awful mood.
"Daryl?"
Fuck, he thinks. Carol.
"Daryl, are you… there you are." Her head pokes into the cell. "Why are you out here? What happened to you? Where… Daryl, your hand is bleeding!"
She slides open the bars, then slams them shut behind her. She's next to him immediately, sitting on the edge of the bed while gingerly reaching for his hand. He yanks it back.
"Ain't nothin' wrong. What're you doin' here?"
"I just… everyone thought you were acting strange. I just wanted to see for myself if everything was okay."
"Well, I'm not fuckin' strange."
"Okay. Michonne is back. She told Rick that Merle let her go and said he had things to do. She said she saw you out there."
"So?" He hides his face from her. He can't stand the sight of her concerned eyes.
"Did you find him?"
He almost doesn't answer. He almost pushes her away and throws her out of the cell. He almost yells at her that it's none of her goddamn business where Merle is because she and no one else in this fucking camp liked him anyway. No one liked his brother.
Instead, his body betrays him. Thoughts of Merle lead to thoughts of Sophia. How little attention he paid to that little girl, but how desperately he wanted her not to be one of them. He never wanted Merle to be one of them. He wonders if Carol will be next. What is there to keep fighting for?
He can't speak. His throat tightens and he fights back a sob.
"Michonne… she said he let her go. I think he went after the Governor himself. He was shot. Merle was shot."
He knows she understands what this means. They are all infected. If Merle was shot and killed, a few moments later he would have woken again, brainless and bloodthirsty. The only option would be a fatal wound to the head.
He glances at her quickly, and her face is soft and her eyes are sad.
"I'm so sorry, Daryl," she says, touching his forearm gently. "I am so sorry. I truly believe Merle let Michonne go and intended to do good. I honestly think he wanted to make things safe for you - for all of us. He loved you so much, Daryl."
He tries hard not to cry in front of her. He bites the inside of his cheek, he digs the heels of his hands into his eyes, he swallows the hard lump in his throat, but nothing works. Hot tears stream down his face in little rivers and his body forces out a whimper from his mouth. He's embarrassed to be seen like this.
She doesn't leave when his resistance is broken and sobs wrack his body. She doesn't try to hug him or smother him with overly kind words, she just sits next to him, silent, still touching his arm as he cries.
Merle would have punched him in the arm and called him a pussy. In days gone by he would have sucked it up, been tough like his brother, and used all the hurt to become angrier. Carol's gentle presence, however, lets him get the hurt out. The anger is there, but so is compassion. Safety. Family.
When he's finally finished and nothing more comes out he lays silent, not moving. He feels her hand slide up his arm and touch his hair.
"If you don't come down for dinner, I'll bring you something," she says softly. He doesn't move and he feels her getting up, and hears her opening the door and walking away.
He will get revenge for Merle, and he will keep the rest of his family safe. He takes a deep breath, wipes his eyes and stands. Time to join the rest and make plans. The Governor will pay.