Akatsuki: Against the Wall
Episode one
Narrator: Hey there everyone, I'm echosdusk and I'm going to give you all the chance to ask the Akatsuki any questions you want, be them rude, general, hilarious, or simply odd ones gained through curiosity. This first episode features all members of the Akatsuki and a series of 10 questions addressed to them. The questions today have been asked by my siblings, two of which write on fan-fiction too, a friend of mine from college, and myself. Unfortunately, due to Hidan's unfortunate "terets" he will not be appearing, and he's kind of literally tied-up…..
Pein: Can we get this done already?
Narrator: Patience boss, this broom in my hands has the ability to knock you out! Anyway folks, if you want to ask a question, next time we're doing a one on one with Itachi, and you can just send me a message or question in a review, whatever you like!
Question One: Zetsu – How the heck did you come to life?
Zetsu: (Looking slightly bemused and at the same time slightly hungry though the brush of the broom jabs into his face a little) Yes, well, you understand the expression "Tree-Hugger", well take that to a whole new level and you get the idea of my creation. People, when a plant is pollinating please don't poke it! Odd things happen!
Question Two: Deidara, do you ever brush the teeth in your hands?
Deidara: Of course I do! What kind of question is that? Though I must admit getting the clay out of the gaps can be really difficult!
Question Three: Kisame do you use a particular brand of toothpaste for your shining whites?
Kisame: I use Colgate of course! (Grins and teeth sparkle)
Question Four: Sasori – Do you like Pinocchio?
Sasori: (His eyes are slightly narrowed and his facial expression rather blank) If it weren't for the other use of that bleeding song in references to me, by my fans (Winks suggestively at camera) I would probably quite enjoy the Disney film, after-all I do like "The Fox and the Hound"….
Itachi: You're a wussy! I bet you cry when Todd's mum dies at the start! (Continuous laughter)
Sasori: How would you know if you haven't seen the film yourself? (Itachi is silent now and looking dejected) Anyway, it's the same with Metallica.
Question Five: Konan, who would you date out of the other members?
Konan: Uhh… (Looks up to the sky in thought, or perhaps just allowing her imagination to wander) Maybe Pein, but then again it might seem a little too much like dating a brother.
Pein: What?
Konan: I would definitely do Itachi, in varying places if I could get the time alone with him! I don't care where or in what way, Itachi's good-looking!
Itachi: (Has nose-bleed) Really?
Konan: Yes, well I am a sex-addict aren't I? Sasori would be interesting too; especially if the puppet parts of him increase is flexibility!
Sasori: You wish….
Konan: Maybe Deidara, I've always wondered what it would be like getting with a girly-boy!
Deidara: (Has fainted and is being poked by Tobi) Not…. Girl….
Konan: And Hidan's not too bad, and Kakuzu maybe! (Kakuzu has attempted to run with narrator's wallet but has been pinned to wall with broom, he's shuddering with disgust)
Random Voice: Not unless you convert!
Question Six: I take it that Hidan is around somewhere, either that or Jashin's yelling at her. Anyway, to all of you, have you ever considered an overall Theme Tune?
Zetsu: I've always assumed that Clint Mansell's "Requiem for a Dream" was our one…
Tobi: No it's "Be Prepared"!
Pein: No Tobi, that's the Lion King, and for mentioning that I might be attacked by a mouse with a flick-knife! Anyway we….
Konan: POISON! You know, by Alice Cooper, that's a good one and it sounds slightly sexy too!
Sasori: That one's been used on me before, never knew the concept of it because I'm not female! But I don't mind as long as it's not "Master of Puppets!"
Kisame: We should have a cool one, like a Papa Roach one!
Itachi: No, something melodic and menacing, like "Deceiver of Fools" by Within Temptation, that starts off slow and becomes a rock song, like us!
Deidara: Within Temptation suck!
Kakuzu: Take that back! (Fighting begins)
Voice: Something about killing things!
Pein: Look, we don't have one mainly because we haven't had a proper sit-down over this, and our budget is tight, according to Kakuzu. Either way it would probably end up being something like "Night on Bald Mountain" or some other Classical stuff! Can we have the next question please; I don't want to argue about this!
Question Seven: Itachi, many fan-girls want to know if you are seeing anyone, currently?
Itachi: Maybe, and that's all they need to know (Wiggles eyebrows suggestively)
Question Eight: This one is written, ironically, "Dear Tobi, have you ever considered wearing a sweet sailor suit to fit with your 'good boy' image?"
Tobi: Only if Tobi's fans think it's a good idea! (Blushes sweetly and twiddles thumbs expectantly)
Question Nine: Pein, how do you put up with them all?
Pein: I have an excellent therapist, and he has a tendency not to over-charge when I send Hidan in to talk about his unfortunate childhood!
Voice: BAST….
Narrator: That's interesting, but we could have done without the beginnings of a rude word!
Pein: Indeed, but then it's his own fault!
Question Ten: Ok then, well lastly we has a special question for Deidara. The question is, do you ever, you know, with the hands mouths?
Deidara: (Blinks curiously and then starts to blush) Perhaps….
Narrator: Next time, we're going to talk to Itachi and I'm looking for some good questions to ask him!