* * * * * indicates flashbacks, or time changes
Forbidden Fantasies
I can still feel you, your presents haunts the room like so many fallen spirits. Everywhere I look reminds me of you, your voice echoes around my empty head...
* * * * *
Your breath is warm on the back of my neck. I turn and watch the rhythmic, almost hypnotizing, rise and fall of your chest. As if you sense my eyes watching your movement, you turn and pull my body forcefully against yours. Like a child with a safety blanket, your grip loosens, and your breath comes out as more of a purr... I love to watch you sleep, to hold you in my arms until the sun rises and flood the room with light.
I absently reach out and stroke the hair back out of your tightly closed eyes, your skin soft against my rough fingers. I twist a stand between my fingers, smiling as the first rays of the morning light hit the strands making them shine like spun gold. You look so small, so innocent, and so helpless, I just want to take my gunblade and protect you from the world. I want to save you from everyone, to protect you from yourself. In my arms, you are like a child in its mother's arms.
* * * * *
Shocked out of my dreams by the sharp banging on my door, I realize I am alone. Slowly pulling on a shirt, I wander aimlessly to the door. Hoping, praying it's you, I open the door not knowing what to expect. I look up from the ground to look into your eyes. framed by long, dark lashes. I can feel a smile come to my lips and a silently take a step back to allow you into my room.
Your long hair shines in the light, tight roughly into a ponytail. Your trademark hat is in your hand, and as you shut the door it falls to the floor. My emotions are a mess, I don't know whether to run to you, or to run away. Last night I shocked you, I shocked myself. I couldn't keep it in any longer, those three small words spilled from my mouth before I could even think to stop them. You looked so peaceful, I assumed you were sleeping. How wrong was I.
The look in your eyes is burned into my soul. how do I describe it? A cross between almost anger, shock, and disappointment. I'm so sorry, but love just happens, it's never planned. As if I were unable to move, I could only lie there and watch you leave. I wanted to stop you, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you, you are my heart, my soul, my being.
The cold look in you eye rips into my heart. Feeling weak, I stumble back to the bed, and collapse. The smell of your aftershave is soaked into the pillow, it adds to my pain. You are so close, yet so far.
* * * * *
The door closes and I am alone. One minute you are in my arms, the next I am alone in the darkness. Your gun is leaning on the foot of our bed ... my bed. I wish your weapon was smaller, I could blow my brains out right now. I can't live without you, yet I have scared you away. I pull the covers and wait for the darkness to numb my pain.
* * * * *
You reach over the bed and pull the curtains closed. Once again, we are in darkness. I move my lips, to apologize, but no noise comes out. Like an eagle descending on its pray, your lips are on mine. I am breathless, my eyes wide with shock. Your hands run through my hair and down my sides, your soft lips pressed hard against mine.
Please, if I am dreaming, never wake me. I wrap my arms tightly around you, slide my tongue into your mouth, feeling your body pressed against mine. I squeeze you into my chest, and I hear you sigh softly, yet happily.
I know I am forgiven, and in your arms, I am home
Forbidden Fantasies
I can still feel you, your presents haunts the room like so many fallen spirits. Everywhere I look reminds me of you, your voice echoes around my empty head...
* * * * *
Your breath is warm on the back of my neck. I turn and watch the rhythmic, almost hypnotizing, rise and fall of your chest. As if you sense my eyes watching your movement, you turn and pull my body forcefully against yours. Like a child with a safety blanket, your grip loosens, and your breath comes out as more of a purr... I love to watch you sleep, to hold you in my arms until the sun rises and flood the room with light.
I absently reach out and stroke the hair back out of your tightly closed eyes, your skin soft against my rough fingers. I twist a stand between my fingers, smiling as the first rays of the morning light hit the strands making them shine like spun gold. You look so small, so innocent, and so helpless, I just want to take my gunblade and protect you from the world. I want to save you from everyone, to protect you from yourself. In my arms, you are like a child in its mother's arms.
* * * * *
Shocked out of my dreams by the sharp banging on my door, I realize I am alone. Slowly pulling on a shirt, I wander aimlessly to the door. Hoping, praying it's you, I open the door not knowing what to expect. I look up from the ground to look into your eyes. framed by long, dark lashes. I can feel a smile come to my lips and a silently take a step back to allow you into my room.
Your long hair shines in the light, tight roughly into a ponytail. Your trademark hat is in your hand, and as you shut the door it falls to the floor. My emotions are a mess, I don't know whether to run to you, or to run away. Last night I shocked you, I shocked myself. I couldn't keep it in any longer, those three small words spilled from my mouth before I could even think to stop them. You looked so peaceful, I assumed you were sleeping. How wrong was I.
The look in your eyes is burned into my soul. how do I describe it? A cross between almost anger, shock, and disappointment. I'm so sorry, but love just happens, it's never planned. As if I were unable to move, I could only lie there and watch you leave. I wanted to stop you, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you, you are my heart, my soul, my being.
The cold look in you eye rips into my heart. Feeling weak, I stumble back to the bed, and collapse. The smell of your aftershave is soaked into the pillow, it adds to my pain. You are so close, yet so far.
* * * * *
The door closes and I am alone. One minute you are in my arms, the next I am alone in the darkness. Your gun is leaning on the foot of our bed ... my bed. I wish your weapon was smaller, I could blow my brains out right now. I can't live without you, yet I have scared you away. I pull the covers and wait for the darkness to numb my pain.
* * * * *
You reach over the bed and pull the curtains closed. Once again, we are in darkness. I move my lips, to apologize, but no noise comes out. Like an eagle descending on its pray, your lips are on mine. I am breathless, my eyes wide with shock. Your hands run through my hair and down my sides, your soft lips pressed hard against mine.
Please, if I am dreaming, never wake me. I wrap my arms tightly around you, slide my tongue into your mouth, feeling your body pressed against mine. I squeeze you into my chest, and I hear you sigh softly, yet happily.
I know I am forgiven, and in your arms, I am home