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My world crashed down around me. I close my eyes trying to hold back the tears. I just sit in the chair, my doctor sitting across from me behind his desk. What I thought was a leg ache turns out to be chondrosarcoma, an aggressive form of bone cancer.
"You have two options for first offense treatment, amputation or limb-sparing surgery as a forensic anthropologist you would have knowledge of the limb-sparing surgery. While most people consider limb-sparing ideal it could end up in amputation anyway."
"Look I need to talk to boot before I decide anything." I state with certainty, trying not to get angry at the doctor.
"Okay, well the one definite is after surgery you will need chemotherapy."
"I understand." I turn to walk out, so that I don't cry in front of the doctor.
"I'm truly sorry." He says sadly, but I just keep walking.
20 minutes later
I stare at my phone, booth's name on the screen, deciding whether or not I should press the call button. Another tear rolls down my cheek. After waiting several minutes staring at his name I push my finger down onto the button
The phone rings three times before I hear "Booth" on the other end of the phone.
"Hey it's me."
"How did your doctor's appointment go; do you know what's wrong with your leg? "
"Yah I know what's wrong with my leg." I say avoiding the real answer.
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"Bones, why aren't you telling me what's wrong? "I dread telling him the truth, "Okay, I promise whatever it is I won't freak out. Bones, you have to trust me on this one, besides how bad could a leg ache be. "all I can think is poor Booth he truly has no idea.
"Okay, chondrosarcoma."
"What the heck is that supposed to mean?"
"Bone cancer Booth, it's bone cancer."
"Gosh," He just stays silent for several seconds, "what do we tell Christine. What treatments are you going to have to go through?"
"That's what I have to talk to you about," how do I explain this to him? "I either have to get an amputation, which would basically mean cutting off my leg."
"Yah Bones, I know what an amputation is."
"Then there is a limb-sparing operation with could result in amputation anyway." I take a deep breath; it feels good to get all of that of my chest.
"Let's talk about this when you get home Bones."
"Okay."
Later that night
Booth and I are sitting on the couch turned so that we can look at each other.
"Bones, you do what you want to do," great I was hoping he would help, "it's your body and your life, so I trust you with this. "
"Logically, I should go with amputation so that I am more likely to get most of the cancer out." This is the worst part, "but, I am still going to have to go through chemotherapy."
"Oh." the sadness hits, "I just hate to see you go through that."
"I'll be fine Booth."
"How do we tell Christine?"
"I go back to the doctor on Thursday, so once we have a date for the surgery we will tell her." I don't know how I am going to explain the circumstances of my situation to Christine but I plan to do my best.
Chapter 2
1 week later
My surgery is scheduled for two weeks from now. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling fan go round and round. My leg aches as the cancer eats away at the bone. I just thought about how ironic the situation is, I work with bones every day and now my bones are being eaten away. Booth crawls into bed and I pretend to be sleeping.
Booth leans over me and kisses me on the cheek. "I love you bones no matter what." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The next day
"Mommy what is cancer?"
"It means I'm very sick and need surgery and special medicine."
"What surgery?"
I knew this was coming but I just have to face the cold hard fact, "It means that doctors are going to take off Mommy's leg."
"Aww, that's gross and scary!" I smile for the first time in two weeks. "Mommy, how will you walk without a leg?"
"The doctors are going to give mommy a metal leg."
"So you will have a robot leg."
"Yah that is one way to think of it."
1 hour later
I sit in the usual dc traffic as I wonder how I am going to tell my friends. I only have a survival chance of 15% how do I tell my friends that I might die within a couple of years. I never understood why people are so afraid of death but it's not about yourself it's about the people you are leaving behind. Angela will freak out and then break down and I just don't know if I can do that to her. Then Angela and Hodgins are married so he will find out then Cam and last but not least someone will tell Aubrey.
Gosh, what do I tell my interns? I guess I just have to see what happens, maybe Cam can tell them for me. I pull into the Jeffersonian Medico-legal lab and park in my assigned spot like this was any other day, except this wasn't any other day.
I pass through security and head to my office. I stare at my lab coat as if it has great meaning. I know in my head that it is just a piece of cloth, but it makes me a doctor, makes me a scientist. I always thought that made me invincible but I guess not. I exit my office equip with my blue lab coat and turn to Angela's office. Once I tell her that will make everything much easier.
"Angela can I tell you something?"
"Of course sweetie!"
I start to panic so I decide to just blurt it out and rip the Band-Aid off, "I have cancer."
"I would say you're kidding but I don't think you know how." Angela sits and buries her head in her hands. When she finally pulls up her eyes are not shiny and watery like I expected but just shocked. Her mouth is open and she just sits there, but blank is Angela's thinking face so she must be figuring out the situation.
We wait about five minutes before Angela finally figures out what's going on. "How bad?"
"Stage 3 with a 15% chance of survival beyond 5 years. "
"Okay, so what are we going to do about it."
"Surgery is the first option."
"What kind of surgery?" she asks suspiciously.
"Amputation above the knee of my left leg."
"Wow, so is this the best option."
"Yes but that's not all." I know what I have to tell her.
"What else could there possibly be."
"Chemotherapy"
"Lose your hair and get sick chemo?"
"Yes."
"Better you than me I could never pull of the bald look." I crack up laughing, Angela always knew how to comfort me in times of turmoil. "Did you tells booth and Christine?"
"Yah I told Booth as soon as I knew and I told Christine this morning."
"Okay that's good...you know you have to tell cam, Hodgins and all the interns."
"Yah I'm going to go find Cam now and tell her because it two weeks I will need a few days off for my surgery."
"Right." she sounds happy but a fake kind of happy the kind you use when you are trying to mask sadness.
I walk out of her office and go in search of Cam. First I check the forensic platform only to find her in her autopsy room at her desk. "Hello, Dr. Saroyan?"
"Yes, Dr. Brennan?" she puts down her pen and turns her chair so she is facing me sitting at the entrance to her autopsy room.
"I need a week off in two weeks."
"Why? It's not like you to take time off of work."
"I'm having surgery, amputation, left leg above the knee." she leans back into her chair with this kind of stunned look on her face.
"May I ask why?"
"Chondrosarcoma in my left tibia."
"Okay, thank you for giving me notice." She took that fairly well. I know no matter what happens I will always have my works to keep myself focused on and I know that my friends and family will never leave my side.
I have one more person I have to explain my situation to, Hodgins. I walk over to his lab and find him behind a table looking through a microscope.
"Hey Hodgins can I talk to you?"
"Yah Dr. B watcha need?"
"I have to tell you something, and this isn't going to be easy for me to say so I need you to bear with me."
"Okay…" he says with uncertainty like he's not sure what I could say to him that would be hard for me to say.
"I have chondrosarcoma." Hodgins wheels himself out from under the table and rolls over to me.
"Amputation?"
"Yes."
"And you want to know how to cope with the inability to walk, am I right?"
"Yeah, two weeks from now I will finally know how you feel, although I will eventually be getting a prosthetic."
"My best piece of advice is to remember that you have friends and family here, they might not understand what it's like for you but they do want to help you, so let them."
"Thanks." and I walk out.