Author's Note: this is my first story, so be kind :) mentions of self-harm, so don't read it if you don't like it.
The first time Quinn cut, everyone knew her as Lucy. She came home in tears like she had on many occasions. She was fat and ugly and no one liked her. She was teased relentlessly and she hated every inch of herself. The ringleader of her school's popular clique, a gorgeous blonde girl who was primed to be head cheerleader had thrown food at her while she walked to her class after lunch. She heard the screeching cackles of those who hated her and made her life a living hell. Humiliation. She went home that night and carved the name "FAT" across her left wrist. It hurt like hell, but it was nothing to the emotional pain of what happened at school.
The second time was when she got pregnant. That little plus sign on the white stick had ruined her life. She knew sleeping with Puck was a mistake. She had run a bath that night, locking the door to the bathroom and jamming a chair under the handle. She cut the title "SLUT" across her right hip. The water turned red as she thought up her excuse that would fool her boyfriend, Finn. The tears ran down her cheeks and mixed into her pain. She hated herself. No matter the weight loss or nose-job, she was still a screw-up.
The third time was when Finn found out. Fuck Rachel fucking Berry. She was such a desperate, attention-seeker! Why would people tell her? She just wanted Finn to run into her arms when he ended it with Quinn. Well he could do whatever. She didn't care. Quinn brought this on herself. The ladder on her right forearm joined her scars. They bled more than the others, but she deserved each one. She was a fuck up.
The fourth time Quinn Fabray cut was when she gave up Beth. She knew she had to, Beth deserved the world. Not a mom who was so messed up. "BETH" was cut atop of the ladder on her forearm. That hurt the most. Not just the emotional pain that drove her, nor the physical pain. The pain that every day, when she covered the scars with makeup or sleeves, she saw what had both ruined and made her life perfect.
The fifth time was when Sam broke up with her. She had been fooling around with Finn, sure, but she didn't expect anything to happen. She cried while she asked her self how she managed to mess up everything in her life. Sam loved her. He spoke too much Na'vi for her liking, but that's what made him adorable. She deserved this, she said as she wrote "CHEATER" across the top of her right thigh. She was one. She cheated on Finn with Puck, and then cheated on Sam with Finn. Fuck you, Quinn Fabray she said to her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Fuck you for ruining what you so desperately wanted. Normality.
Sixth time was when Zizes exposed her. Lucy Caboosey. She had covered up that pain from years ago so well, she had almost forgotten what she used to be. That picture, with all its fat, braces, glasses and huge nose was the bane of her existence. Quinn Fabray wasn't that girl anymore. She still had the scars on her wrist which reminded her, but no one else knew. She had cried herself to sleep. While clutching her painful new cuts at the top of her left arm.
The seventh time was unexpected. Quinn had been so sure. Winning Prom Queen with Finn alongside her would have put her back on top. Back where no one could touch her again. Then he had punched out Jesse St. James while he danced with Rachel. Goddamn Rachel Berry. Finn couldn't shake her could he? No matter what, that brown haired, doe eyed bitch would get everything she wanted. The rest of the night Quinn faked it…until she couldn't anymore. She left Santana, who she had been dancing with and went to the bathroom. She dug around her purse and found her blade, hidden in her iPhone case. She had hitched up the skirts of her blue dress and slashed her right thigh. "UNLOVEABLE". She hadn't let it go too deep, so the bleeding wouldn't be so bad that she'd be missed. She had wrapped her thigh up with the handkerchief in her clutch once the worst of the bleeding stopped, fixing it with bobby pins. She returned to the dance floor and hung out with Brit and Santana for the rest of the evening. They didn't even know.
Then the eighth time had been when they were in New York. Her hair wasn't the only thing that had been cut. Her thighs had once again been slashed, the only place that would've been hidden by her Nationals costume. As she had performed, she had lost herself. The pain, choreography and singing had all merged together. Quinn knew she didn't care anymore. This damn Glee club. Rachel frickin' Berry, Finn, Puckerman and Sam. She couldn't go back in Senior year.
Over that summer she hadn't contacted anyone from Glee. Tina had texted her a few times, ditto Santana, Brit and Artie but she hadn't cared. She screwed around. She took up smoking. She dyed her hair pink, redoing it regularly to keep it shocking. She got that Ryan Seacrest tattoo and her nose ring. She raided thrift stores and sales bins and made-over her wardrobe. She liked the stares as she had walked down the halls. She knew she had finally found herself. She didn't want to be that girl that she had been. She used to be so hung up on popularity and distancing herself from Lucy Caboosey. Now she just didn't care. Sure, the Skanks annoyed the shit out of her at times, and she had one more than one occasion sung along to the Top 40 on her radio, but Rome wasn't built in a day. She would be the Untouchable Girl in McKinley.
Then Shelby and Beth turned up. She was rocked. Quinn couldn't get her baby out of her head. The fact that Shelby had her perfect thing and she didn't. That's when she started picking up the blade every night. Sometimes she carved words into her soft flesh, other times she just slashed deep cuts across herself. Then she formulated her plan. She bought blonde hair dye and dug out her old baby-doll dresses. She stood in front of the mirror that first day and almost puked. She looked awful. She looked like that obsessive freak she had been. She had covered over her scars with strategically placed bracelets or make-up. The only thing that kept her from sprinting to the bottle of pink hair dye was that picture of Beth she had seen. She was perfect and beautiful. She would get her back, she told herself. Beth would be hers again. Then Puck had ruined it. She was banned from seeing her daughter. She almost went back to Skank Quinn, but then Santana needed her help. She had been the friend she used to be and helped her.
Just when she thought she couldn't be rocked anymore, Puckerman saw through her haze. He had seen her broken soul. She herself had forgotten it was even there. She was so used to putting up her front; she forgot how shattered and small she was. He had made her better from one night, and then it was back to how it always was. Maybe the worst thing was when Sam came back. No one knew how upset he being around again made her. People thought she was over him, but no. There was a reason Quinn Fabray went up to him. She wanted to feel loved again. He had once been crazy for her, and she had let that go. Now he had too, and that tiny conversation with him hurt her. He was gone, he loved Mercedes. They were all gone now. She had fled to the bathroom and hacked "I'M SORRY" in to the already mutilated flesh of her thighs. She hated Rachel for finding her at her lowest and making her change her mind about ratting out Shelby. She now had so many fronts to put up, she had lost herself.
Lucy Caboosey.
Quinn Fabray.
Either or, she was a broken girl.