Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Star Wars or anything else that I use in this parody.
Author's Note: Well, now…Ah, who am I kidding. Nobody reviewed You've Just Crossed the Line! III. And so to anyone who actually read it, I've decided not to start my epic with Lightning, not yet. I will instead write some more "retarded but enjoyable" caliber parodies. And if anyone out there doesn't like that, then I could always start on my epic story too. Just review, please, so I know when to stop writing these, or possibly continue them.
Lord Voldemort vs. Emperor Palpatine
Prologue: Wormtail Posthumously Destroys the Rebel Alliance
Voldemort and his loyal minions sat at the spacious table located inside Malfoy Manor, plotting. Goblets flew everywhere, and fists connected with faces as they decided who to kill next. The amount of magical energy in the sitting room was so strong that it ripped holes in the space-time continuum.
" This is madness!" A woman named Elizabeth Swann shouted.
" This is politics." Retorted a drunk, clumsy looking pirate known as Jack Sparrow.
A man from the battle of Thermopylae appeared next, screaming: "THIS IS SPARTA!!"
But unfortunately, the ancient Spartan's roar alerted Lord Voldemort, who promptly Avada Kedavra'd the three interlopers.
"Silence you fools, or I will pwn you too!" Voldemort commanded.
" Umm sir….. what does 'pwn' mean?" Wormtail asked.
" It means AVADA KEDAVRA!!"
Wormtail was blasted through the roof by Voldemort's curse, and disappeared into the night sky. The Death Eaters fell silent.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away……
A X-Wing class fighter skimmed atop of the massive Death Star's trench. Behind the space ship, three TIE fighters followed in pursuit.
Darth Vader, the infamous Sith Lord, sat in the lead ship reading his target screen.
"I have you now!" he gloated as he prepared to fire.
(-) (-) (-)
Han Solo nose dived the Millenium Falcon towards the Death Star. As he approached the trench, he saw a lone X-Wing being chased. But just as he was about to open fire on the Imperials, it happened. The body of a short, rat-like man appeared from a rip in space and crashed into the Millenium Falcon's command room, shattering the window.
"Holy SH-!" Han screamed as the cabin depressurized and flung him and Chewbacca into the vaccuum of space. The Millenium Falcon, now lacking a pilot to fly it, crashed into the Death Star creating a small fireball.
(-) (-) (-)
Darth Vader fired his fighter's lazers at his target; the X-Wing exploded, destroying both Luke and the last chance to defeat the Empire. The Death Star's lazer then destroyed Yavin's moon (and the rebel base) as he pulled out of the trench.
(-) (-) (-)
Two days after the destruction of the Rebel Alliance, the Emperor himself arrived at the Death Star. Once he departed from his shuttle, the Emperor immediately fried 10,000 stormtroopers with his Sith lightning.
"My lord, why?" a rather scared Imperial Officer asked.
The Emperor's answer was to chop off the officer's head with his lightsaber. Word quickly spread throughout the space station that the Emperor was pissed. No one dared ask why however, lest he who asked died an even more terrible death.
And so, when Vader knelt before his master in the Emperor's office, he resorted to using his mental "happy place". (Which this author will not go into detail about. Period.)
"What is thy bidding, my master?"
The Emperor looked at Darth Vader for a moment before cackling madly.
"Ha! I sense your fear! But my anger is not directed towards you; rise." The Emperor said, allowing Vader to stand up. " Rather, it is directed at a presence that I sensed only briefly a couple of days ago."
"A presence, my master?" Vader inquired.
"Yes, and one that is as cruel, evil, insane, and powerful as I! I must destroy it!" The Emperor cackled. " I have been trying to locate it, but it seems to be coming from the vacuum of space itself. Perhaps……unlikely as it seems, the presence is not of this dimension."
"What would you have me do about it, master?" Vader offered.
"Nothing for the moment." the Emperor responded. " We shall go to where it last appeared and wait. Once this entity reveals itself, we act. I shall be the most powerful and insane being in any universe! ANY!!"
The evil Sith Lord cackled madly again while he shot more Sith lightning at his Red Guards, killing them all. Meanwhile, Vader remained on his knees muttering to himself, "Think of my happy place…think of my happy place…"