Summery:� James ... exhaled in relief it was just a dream, just a horrible, horrible dream.� Lily was still his girlfriend, and Sirius was just a friend.� Just a friend.� RemusSiriusJamesLily featured in a love square, sort of.� Complicated.� Angst, Drama, Slash.
A/N:� Slightly re-edited, but only slightly, for consistencies when I upload the final chapter.� Please read and review, it'll make my day!
An icy wind snaked its way through the brambles and branches of the forbidden forest, stirring up the leaves and rousing the creatures from their instinctive slumbers. A few stars twinkled in the night sky, but most were hidden by the blanket of cloud stretching to the ends of the earth, as far as could be seen from the towering castle in the background. The sun was descending upon the black lake, throwing shadows across the grounds, chilling the bones of a one, James Potter.
He stood with his back to the wind, shielding himself and Lily from the biting cold. She had led him out here, to this very spot, claiming she wanted to talk. He knew it wasn't a good sign, but he hadn't expected from her what she had come to say.
"Break up? What do you mean break up?"
"What do you mean what do I mean? Break up means break up- I can't get much clearer than that, now can I?"
"But, why?"
"You know perfectly well why!"
"No, I don't."
"Yes you do. Think."
"You mean Sirius? Lily I told you, there's nothing between us!"
"Yes! Yes there is! You may be too shortsighted to see it but I'm not! And I can't be with you until you sort these feelings out!"
"But I'm not… but there's… nothing… Lily!"
"James- No! I can't, I just can't be with you; not when you're so obviously in love with someone else!"
"But I love you!"
"I know, but I just, I need you to be in it all the way, and not just part of the way. I... just… I'm sorry. Goodbye."
---
James woke in a cold sweat, the hairs on his skin raised in alarm. He exhaled in relief; it was just a dream, just a horrible, horrible dream. Lily was still his girlfriend, and Sirius was just a friend. Just a friend.
He closed his eyes and raised and hand to his head, rubbing his temples. The sheets beneath him were damp with anxiety, his clothes sticking to him rather uncomfortably. The light of dawn was beginning to show through the curtains; his watch read 6 a.m. Just like always.
Groaning in annoyance at his punctually anal internal clock, James sat up and greeted the day with a stretch and yawn. The floor was icy under his bare feet as he walked down the hall into the boy's dormitory bathroom. It wasn't fair, he was Head Boy; he should be given his own bathroom, and not be made to share with every other boy in Gryffindor. Thankfully he usually woke early enough in the morning that he could have the place to himself.
He spent five minutes adjusting the water to the right temperature, and twenty minutes staring at the tile as the water splashed against his face and chest. He tried not to think about his dream; maybe if he ignored it long enough it would go away.
It wouldn't though; go away. It had been reoccurring spasmodically for a few weeks now, ever since Lily had said yes. He had considered for a brief moment telling her about it; she was smart, she might be able to help him understand it, but after careful consideration, he decided against it. What if she took it the wrong way and dumped him? It wasn't true, it most definitely wasn't true. He did not fancy Sirius, Sirius was his best friend! And male! And he, James Allen Potter, was not a pouf. He was not.
And even if he was, Sirius wasn't, that was clear from the sheer number of girls he's shagged, let alone how many he's tried to shag. He wouldn't be interested in James in any case.
James head snapped up in realization of what he was thinking. How could he be thinking such things? He was with Lily; he loved Lily, had always loved Lily, since he had first seen her on the Hogwarts Express six years ago. She'd been struggling to lift her trunk onto the train; her parents were Muggles and therefore were unable to get onto the platform to help her. He and Sirius had been off to the side, snickering at the reaction they'd received by slipping a toad into some girl's purse. Sirius saw her first, and pointed her out. They helped her get her things onto the train and than let her sit with them and a few other Ministry kids. After about an hour she walked out and found another compartment, claiming to want to read. Later she confessed to feeling left out, not knowing any magic or anything.
James turned off the water and reached for a velvety crimson red towel, and dried himself off with it, before grabbing some deodorant and a razor. He flicked the lamps with his wand, making the room a bit brighter. It was difficult to get that scruffy look he was going for; he needed concentration. And aftershave. James glanced around, looking for where he put his aftershave. He couldn't afford to lose it; Sheridan's Moldevite was rare and expensive. It was the secret to his success.
James yawned widely, and looked over to the side of him. A second year was staring at his self so close to the mirror that it appeared as though he meant to jump into it.
"Hey, does this look like hair to you?" The kid asked, pointing at his chin, looking hopeful. James leaned in, and searched the kids face, seeing nothing.
"Yup. Looks like you're becoming a man" He replied. The kid grinned widely, thrilled to be complimented by one of the coolest guys in school. James smiled at the boy, nodded, and grabbed his things.
"Well, I must be going. Hmm, you know what? Come 'ere a minute" He said, walking back over. The boy looked at him questioningly, than James sprayed something onto his hand, and slapped the boy lightly on each cheek "There, perfect. Some aftershave. You'll be needing your own soon." The boy's grin widened even further, and James nodded at him and picked his things up again, to leave.
He wondered if he'd be able to get a couple more hours sleep if he tried; it was Saturday, and he had a big Quidditch game in four hours. Gryffindor was playing Ravenclaw, and if they won this game it would tie them for the cup with Slytherin. It was his last year at Hogwarts and he just had to win the cup one last time.
James pulled his bathrobe tighter and threw his towel into the basin on his way out of the bathroom. When he was back in his dorm he rummaged through his trunk and found a pair of briefs and his school uniform. After looking around to make sure everyone was still sleeping, James let his robe fall to the floor and got dressed. He didn't bother brushing his hair; he just ran his fingers through it and shook it out. It was sexier when he let it dry on its own.
James yanked on his bed sheets, not quite making the bed, but managing to make it at least more comfortable for him to lie. The bed creaked underneath him and James silently cursed it. Sirius was a light sleeper and James didn't want him to have to wake on his account.
Placing his hands behind his head, James stared up at the ceiling, making forms out of the patterns he had imagined. He turned his head to the side, and looked at the bed beside his. The curtains were cracked open a bit, and a beam of light shown in, illuminating the features of Sirius's face. The curve of his jaw, the line of his nose, the fill of his lips, he was in ever sense of the word: beautiful.
Sirius could feel eyes upon him but he refrained from opening his eyes to find if his suspicions were founded. To open his eyes was to admit defeat to the consciousness so plaguing him, and he had been having a most wonderful dream. He and James had been flying over the Scottish countryside, heading towards the English Channel. A storm had just passed, and they sky sparkled with drops of light. A rainbow formed below them, and they smiled at the beauty of it. There was a surge of happiness that flowed between them, a surge of freedom, of exhilaration, and of life as the scenes below raced before them. It was just him, James, and their broomsticks. Perfect.
James looked at his watch again, and decided it was as good a time as any to go down to the Great Hall. He closed the door to the seventh year boys dorm quietly behind him, and with the absence of the weight of eyes upon him, Sirius quickly fell back asleep.
James slipped down the stairs, and headed towards the portrait hole, but was stopped by a shimmer of red he saw from the corner of his eye. Lily. She'd promised him she would go up to her dorm and sleep when she'd finished highlighting chapter twelve in her Charms notebook.
She was on the couch in front of the dying fire, lightly snoring, with the Potions book open in her arms. James gently tugged the book away from her, and put it on the table. It looked as though she'd almost finished highlighting all of it as well. NEWTs were still six months away; James couldn't fathom why she was bothering to study now, it just wasn't normal. He took out his wand and shrunk the books, putting them in his pocket, than turned back to Lily.
He didn't want to disturb her, but he knew that other students would begin to wake soon as well, and would move about in the common room, interrupting her peaceful slumber. James stooped in front of her, arms outstretched, trying to figure out exactly how he could lift her to move her out of the common room. He draped her over his arms, and stood up slowly, getting used to the extra weight. He looked over to the stairwell to the girl's dormitory, and remembered he wasn't able to climb them, as he was not female. He turned back towards the spiral stairs leading to his dormitory, and began to ascend them, cursing the fact that his room had to be the topmost one.
When finally he had reached his dorm and lightly kicked open the door, he staggered in, and tenderly placed Lily on his bed. Immediately she curled up and unconsciously grabbed one of his pillows to lean on, her ginger hair splayed across the crisp white sheets. She looked so lovely and peaceful; James was almost able to forget about Sirius for a moment. Almost.
James sat on the edge of the bed watching her sleep. He loved to watch her, regardless of what she was doing: eating, studying, in this case sleeping. Just being with her was usually enough for him, so what was it causing him to be drawn to Sirius?
He wouldn't go there though; he refused to think of it. Sirius was his best friend, and besides, James had a girlfriend. A beautiful, smart, kind, loving girlfriend, who would be hungry when she woke. It would probably be a nice gesture to bring up some food, so that she wouldn't have to be seen leaving the boys dormitory; she had a reputation as Head Girl to upkeep. Even if nothing had happened, as nothing had, people would talk, and James didn't want anyone talking badly about her. She didn't deserve that.
Grabbing the Marauder's Map out of his trunk, James slipped out of the room, and walked to the kitchens to get some breakfast for him and Lily. And maybe some sustenance for Sirius. And Moony and Wormtail too, of course. If he was bringing food for some, he may as well bring food for all. It was the Moony thing to do.
People were beginning to wake; the sun was up and they had a Quidditch game to look forward too. Students loitered in the halls, waiting for friends and the like before going to the Great Hall for breakfast. James looked out the windows in the corridors, to avoid talking to anyone, noticing that it was a clear day, albeit cold. A few clouds littered the sky, but the wind was still; perfect weather for flying.
James checked the map quickly, than surreptitiously turned down a hidden corridor leading to the kitchens. Watching the wall to his right carefully, James stopped at a painting of a bowl of fruit, and reached up to tickle the pear. Ingenious. The pear giggled, than became a large green door handle, which James promptly opened to the sounds of squealing house elves rushing about preparing the morning meal for the school.
A small group of the elves broke away when they saw James enter, and immediately hurried to his side, bowing and asking what 'master' did need. James grinned and asked for the basics: bacon, sausage, ham, scrambled eggs, toast, biscuits, butter, jam, an orange for Lily, tea, and pumpkin juice. That should be enough for everyone, or at least Sirius, he thought. The boy ate too much.
The house elves returned, arms full with platters and plates causing James to realize just how little he had thought this through- How was he going to get all that food up to the Gryffindor tower? He usually had Sirius to help him, or at least his invisibility cloak. What would he do if he ran into Professor McGonagall? Saunter over to her and ask if she wants a taste of his breakfast sausage? Most definitely not, the connotations from that very statement nauseated him to the point where he almost asked the house elves to put it back. Gross.
"Sir? Master James? We have your foodstuffs ready for you" a pug nosed elf said to him.
"Thank you Cary." It was probably a sign that he snuck around the school too often, if he could differentiate by face and name the hundreds of house elves the castle held. "Could you do me a favor?" Cary positively gleamed with the honor of so being asked.
"Of course! Anything for Master James! What would you like of Cary to do sir?"
"Oh, nothing really, just bring the trays up to the Gryffindor seventh year boy's dormitory. I don't think I could carry all that out by myself." James said, turning to leave the kitchens. "Oh! And maybe throw some pudding in there also? If you have any left from last night. Be quiet though, I think everyone's still sleeping." With that he crawled back out the portrait, and walked back up to his dorm, hungry for the food that would no doubt be waiting for him.
James walked down the corridor and back into vicinity of the school students were actually allowed to know about. He nodded at a couple of his teammates as they walked down the great hall and told them to fill up on porridge; they needed their energy if they wanted to beat Ravenclaw.
The trays of food were laid out upon his trunk when James returned to the dorm, everyone's sleep undisturbed. James wanted to dig in immediately, but that would be rude; he should shake everyone awake first, or maybe let off some fireworks; then they'd wake and have a dinner show. Breakfast show. Same thing.
He looked over at his trunk, but couldn't get in because of the mounds of food on top of it. He walked over to Sirius's trunk, but no amount of spells or kicking would open it, and when he tried to hex the damn thing, the curse came back at him, and would have burned half his arm off had he not jumped out of the way in time. Paranoid git. As it was there was now a scorch mark above Wormtail's bed. Put flobberworms in Sirius's socks one time (one!) and he locks up his trunk so tight it would survive an Armageddon.
There was no point in going through Moony's trunk; he wouldn't have anything in there. And Wormtail's trunk was such a disaster, it would take less time to walk to Hogsmeade, buy the fireworks, walk back, and set them off, than to search his trunk.
James could lift his mattress and get the dungbombs out from under it, but than he would have to wake Lily, and she looked so serene just lying there, he couldn't do that to her. Instead he chose a more kindly approach, and lay down next to her, and watched her sleep. He had turned into quite the voyeur these past few hours. Lovely.
She was so pretty, graceful in everything she did. Just her lying there was enough to make his heart race and blood surge south. Her skin was china doll soft, he longed to touch it. He reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers lightly brushing her face. She stirred in her sleep, than opened her eyes, blinking away the harshness of the light. She noticed him lying next to her, and let out a piercing screech, and promptly fell off the bed, waking Sirius as she hit the ground with a thunk.
Grinning devilishly, James leaned across the bed and looked down at her, extending his hand to help her stand. Her eyes were wide in confusion, and she swatted his hand away when he attempted to help her. Quickly accessing her surroundings and getting her bearings about her, she gave James a sharp look and asked him what the bloody hell she was doing in his dormitory.
"Well," he began, his hand still outstretched, "You were sleeping. Right now however, you seem to be lying on the floor."
"James! You know perfectly well what I mean. How did I get here, and when?" Lily asked, finally grasping his hand and standing up, brushing herself off.
"Yeah Prongs, what is she doing here? I thought we'd agreed to inform fellow Marauders before allowing girls up here, so the rest of us wouldn't have to listen to her moaning when you…"
"Finish that sentence Sirius and die." Lily said, grabbing James's wand and pointing it at him. It had been nearest to her, just on the bedside table. She wasn't exactly sure where her wand was, being she didn't even know how she'd gotten up here.
"Ooh, Evens has a temper. Never saw that one coming." Sirius retorted, a slight hint of jealously in his voice.
"Hey! C'mon, what's going on? Nothing happened, Sirius. Lily, I found you asleep in the Common Room. You told me you were going to go to sleep when you finished your Charms homework!"
"I know, but NEWTs are coming up…"
"Yeah, in like, four months." Sirius retorted sarcastically.
"…And I don't know, when I finished Charms, I decided to highlight my Muggle Studies book. I must have fallen asleep then."
"I found you with your Potions book open"
"Oh, um… I meant Potions?" Lily said, looking to the down and to the left, than back at James.
"How many books did you highlight in Lily?"
"Just those ones!" She defended.
"And…"
"And History of Magic. But that's it, honestly!"
"Well I'd hope so; you only have one other class." Lily sighed in defeat, and sat back on the side of James bed, crossing her arms over her chest. "What?" he asked her.
"How am I supposed to leave? Everyone is awake now. I am Head Girl; I can't be seen leaving your room. People will talk."
"Poor Evans, her perfect reputation might get tarnished" Sirius mumbled aloud.
"Sirius! Will you shut up?" James and Lily said in unison.
"Honestly Padfoot, what's up with you this morning? Why are you being such a prat?" James asked his best friend.
"Nothing, I'm fine. Tired and all that." He answered, running a hand through his lengthy dark hair, letting a few strands fall in front of his eyes.
"Well get some sleep man! Or some food, I got us some stuff to eat, and an orange for milady." James said, leaning over to his trunk to grab the orange and tossing it over to Lily.
"Why thank you, James. Is he always so grumpy in the morning?" She said, tilting her head in Sirius's direction, peeling her orange.
"Yup. It's why we don't wake him."
"You know, I'm right here." Sirius said, feeling around for the bed post to help him stand.
"Not a morning person?" Lily joked, as Sirius stumbled and crashed into the breakfast, causing Remus and Peter to finally wake, Peter with a squeak.
"Wh's going on?" Remus asked, opening the curtains from his bed and looking around.
"Nothing out of the usual, just Sirius digging in, or rather falling into his food." James said, jokingly.
Remus looked over to where Sirius now lay haphazardly across the floor, food covering and silver platters surrounding him, and asked if he was okay. Sirius groaned in answer. To that Remus sighed, and got up to help his egg encased friend.
While Remus and Peter attempted to clean the mess Sirius had made, Lily turned her attention back to James, offered him a slice of her orange, and asked him where her books were.
"I confiscated them" He replied, taking the orange slice she offered him, and began to slowly suck the juice from it.
"What do you mean you confiscated them? You can't do that! They're MY books." Lily was completely outraged. Her books! How could he take her books! NEWTs were coming up in just a few months, she needed those books. They contained her future.
"Firstly, I would like to mention that as Head Boy, I can confiscate –and I quote- any item I feel is not conducive to a healthy and productive student environment."
"They are books!"
"Yes, and you are spending WAY too much time reading them. It's not right. You need a life."
"I have a life."Lily said, completely offended.
"No you don't."
"Yes I do. I woke up in my boyfriends dorm room, that must mean I have at least some form of a life."
"Nope, you're wrong." James said, finally putting the rest of the orange slice into his mouth, now that he'd sucked it dry "It doesn't mean you have a life, it means that as part of the male gender and despite my Head Boyness, I am unable to get up to the girls dorms, and had no where else to take you but here. It is my duty to make sure that my fellow students get a good ni…"
"Oh. My. G-d." Lily cut him off.
"What?"
"I am in your dorm" Lily said, the weight of that fact finally setting in.
"Yeah," James grinned impishly.
"Do you know how many rules we're breaking just now?"
"Ehem, what we? You're the one up in my dorm. I am allowed to be here."
"You brought me here! And, oh g-d, how am I going to leave? People will see me!" Lily fretted, bringing her right hand up to her mouth to chew on her nails.
"I thought you already freaked out about this." James said, completely unconcerned.
"Yes well I'm freaking out again! I can't stay up here all day you know!"
"Why not? Sounds like a pretty good idea to me…"
"We have obligations! And duties! James!"
"What?"
"You're the one that got me into this mess! Get me out!"
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. What, it's not like we're trying to sneak into Hogsmeade to steal fire whiskey, all we need to do is get you downstairs, than into your dorm without being seen. How hard could that be?"
"When did you steal fire whiskey?" James ignored her.
"All we need to do is get my cloak on you, and since Sirius was so kind as to clear my trunk off for me that shouldn't be too hard and you can leave with out a trace."
"Cloak."
"No- a monkey, yes a cloak."
"It's invisible." Peter piped in, looking away from the mess he, Remus and Sirius were trying to spell away.
"Thank you Peter," Sirius commented.
"Yes, anyway, so the cloak. Just throw it on and slip downstairs."
"Okay, I'll wear your cloak. And- What are you guys doing?" Lily said, finally giving attention over to the war between the mess Sirius had made, and the three Marauders attempting to spell it away. It looked as though the food was winning.
"What? We're cleaning!" Remus said defensively.
"No you're not! It shouldn't take fifteen minutes to clean up some spilt food."
"You do it then, if you're so smart" retorted Sirius.
"Fine, I will" Lily countered, as she took James wand off his night table again, pointed to the mess, and flicked his wand (Scougify!). The food disappeared, the platters and plates stacked themselves neatly, and the pitchers righted themselves almost instantaneously. "Anyway, does anyone know what time it is?" Lily asked, ignoring the stares of awe and disbelief she was receiving from the boys.
"Erm, it's a little after eight." James looked at his watch. "How'd you do that?"
"Magic" Lily answered. "Cloak?"
"Yeah, one minute." James said, walking over to get her his invisibility cloak. He opened his trunk and rummaged through the various bags of g-d-knows-what, finally finding the cloak under a box of shriveled up pixie eggs, of whose purpose Lily did not want to ask. James promptly handed Lily the invisibility cloak. She let it run through her fingers, immediately enamored by its fluid-soft quality.
"I'll give it back to you later, okay?" She asked, apprehensive of being in possession of such a valuable item. James nodded. "Alright then, I have to go shower and dress. I'll see you before the game, yeah?"
"Yeah," James said, leaning down to give Lily a kiss. Neither of them saw Sirius turn away in jealousy, but Remus did, recognizing the very look Sirius gave James, and the very emotion he was now feeling.