harro ppls! This is my first fanfiction. I was thinking of doing a series of little funny ministories of the vamps and werewolves. This is just for a bit of a laugh since i am a humourous person :D so its not supposed to be very realistic. They do not continue on. They are just.. episodes. like the simpsons no proper plot... anyways I hope I got that clear. Plz be kind to me as its my first :D. hope you will enjoy reading. This has some swearing in it.
Episode 1
Jacob and the vampires are in Carlisle's office in the hospital discussing about the benefits of living at a hospital.
Jasper: Mmmm, free donated blood, so yummeh.
(runs off to get some)
Carlisle: (calling after him) HEY! JASPER! I SPENT FIVE YEARS COLLECTING THAT BLOOD! Whatevs, just don't drink all the O blood
Jasper: Oh, sorry daddy, too late
Bella: *sighs deeply*
Carlisle's face slowly turns tomato red from anger
Alice: (face goes blank) Snap decision... Carlisle has decided to go and beat up Jasper...
(Carlisle flies out of the room to go and beat Jasper up)
Bella: Uhh, that's nice?
Alice: WAIT! WHAT? OMG DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY BABY HUSSIE BANDIEEEEE. (runs off to save Jasper)
Emmett: LOOOOOOOL, I TAPED THAT!
Rosalie: *resisting the urge to punch Emmett's face in*
Jacob: Well, I like the hospital cause you can eat all the mutherbleeping food you can eat especially if you're sick
Edward: Ah! Language.
Jacob: Shut up, biatch. Lawl I just put that in to piss you off, Eddie-poopykins
Edward: Don't fucking call me that...
Jacob: (waggles his finger annoyingly at Edward and talks in a posh accent ) Uh, uh, uh, language!
(Edward slowly turns purple from anger and goes out to check on Alice and Carlisle)
Rosalie: I like the babies, they are so cute. Anyways, aren't you the bitch? I mean you're a dog.
Jacob: Yeah, totally, as if the hospital newborns would like a blonde perv creeping around trying to hump babies.
(Rosalie turns beetroot red from anger)
Emmett: Now, now darling, don't get too angry.
Esme: Please darlings, don't start arguing. Ah well, I'll leave you gay hobos to sort your troubles out.
Rosalie: (through clenched teeth) Yes mother, do that.
Esme: *sighs* Ok, I'm just gonna walk away now...
(Esme leaves)
Jacob: Lol, did you see how Rosey Wosey turned beetroot red instead of tomato red like Dr. Fang? It's from all the Botox and the mountain of blush she puts on everyday to make her pretty, oh whoops, I mean, to make her look ugly.
Rosalie: ARGH! The point of makeup is to make you look pretty!
Jacob: I know, you're so ugly that when you put on makeup the most prettiest you can be is ugly and that's a bonus for you
Rosalie: THIS IS WHY I FRIKKIN HATE WEREWOLVES! ARGH!
Jacob: LAWL, it's ok Barbie, Ken's here to kiss you better
Emmett: (trying to talk over Jacob's laughs and Rosalie's angry growling) Continue, pup, you were talking about being a bitch?
Jacob: Oh yea! Rosalie, please keep in mind that I'm a guy so therefore I'm a dog.
Emmett: LOOOOOOOOOL! YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE A DOG LAWL! I TAPED THAT TOO!
Rosalie: Shut the hell up Emmett! Here, how about you go flounce off to beat up Jasper for me cause I felt like asking you too?
Emmett: Sure! (goes off)
Jacob: Well, that got rid of him and his gay recordings.
Rosalie: So anyways, what were we saying?
Bella: Something about being a dog
Jacob: Oh right! Anyways, Rosalie, you're the blonde bitch with no brain.
Rosalie: At least I have my looks! Oh and my sexy dance moves.
(She takes out a mirror and starts dancing seductively)
Bella: *facepalm* Ok, I'm just gonna go and, uhh, check out Jasper and Carlisle... (she runs off)
Rosalie: See how cool I look? (continues dancing)
Jacob: Who are you trying to impress? The man in the mirror?
Rosalie: What? YOU LITTLE BITCH! ARGH! I HATE YOU!
And so we leave our favourite werewolf and posh I'm so pretty vampire to fight with each other. Until next time...
A/N: Hope you guys liked that. should i continue? I just think of ideas randomly just like that *clicks fingers* please review. i have written the next episode by the way which i will put up too :D . so yeah. leave a review and possibly some tips for writing :D