It's Christmas in July! Or Marth Day as it's called in Ylisse. Anyways, for presents everyone gets to have a healthy dose of insanity, courtesy of this story! Yay!

An Ylisstol Carol: Act I

"Good job men. We've managed to shave off two minutes from our previous marching record."

Frederick proudly told this to his new recruits who were currently trying to recover from their thirty mile hike through the snow-covered trail. Needless to say, none of the trainees were in any condition to reply to their captain's praise as they were busy gasping for air. Seeming not to notice his men floundering around like fish out of water, Frederick continued on with his speech.

"Now then, I think all of you have earned yourselves a good rest for today. Before I dismiss you however, I have an important announcement to make. After much deliberation, I have finally come up with a new, more efficient training regimen. In partaking with this new plan, I will be expecting all of you to show up here for additional training tomorrow as well. So be prepared to-"

Upon hearing this, all of the soldiers immediately forgot about their exhaustion and let out various sounds of protest.

"But sir!" one of the bolder recruits said aloud. "It's Marth Day tomorrow! All of us have already made plans to be with our families!"

"Yeah!" another soldier agreed. "Plus, there's the town festival to consider! I'm not going to miss out on all that fun for another bear wrestling exercise!"

"I'll have you know that those anti-bear exercises may very well save your life one day!" Frederick interrupted loudly, causing all of his men to grow silent. "Now then, anyone who doesn't appear at 0500 sharp tomorrow will be tasked with clearing the road of debris during all of our marches for the next three months! Dismissed!"

On that less-than-happy note, all of the recruits slowly began dispersing with looks of utter disdain for their captain. As the last soldier left, Chrom walked into the training field and approached the knight.

"Ah, how do you do my lord?" Frederick greeted with a smile. "I hope all of this snow isn't bothering you. If you like, I could procure a few blankets and…"

"Er… that's quite all right Frederick," Chrom quickly cut in. "I just wanted to have a word with you."

"Certainly, sir. What seems to be on your mind?"

"I managed to overhear you talking to your men when I got here," Chrom stated with a stern look. "I was wondering if you could you tell me why you're keeping those poor recruits away from their family and friends during Marth Day?"

"My lord, everyone knows that training and duty come before any silly holiday for a true soldier. I simply wished to…"

"Frederick, that's not the point. Marth Day is a time to be with your loved ones. How could you simply ignore such traditions and instead force those recruits to suffer through another day of bear wrestling?"

"Why is everyone complaining about the anti-bear exercises? I simply thought it would be a good idea to…"

"Frederick…"

"Ahem. I mean, I am simply acting out my duties as a knight captain. And no matter what you say sir, I will not change my mind on this subject. Now then, if you'll excuse me, I must go and plan out tomorrow's training schedule. Farwell, my lord."

With that, Frederick left the field leaving Chrom to sigh at his friend's lack of holiday spirit.

xxx

"So let me get this straight," Robin stated with a raised eyebrow. "You want me to somehow convince Frederick to let his men have tomorrow off despite the fact that he wouldn't change his mind even when you asked him to do so."

"Yeah, that about sums it up," Chrom replied sheepishly. "I know it's a rather daunting task but I figured you could probably come up with something. After all, you've pulled off even bigger miracles than this before."

Robin simply gave a sigh for an answer as he sat down on top of a nearby crate.

The two of them were currently inside the Shepherds' barracks as several of their other friends milled about around them. With Marth Day and the winter festival just around the corner, most of their companions had come back to Ylisstol to celebrate together. Seeing as how most of them had just arrived and had nowhere better to be, the barracks had become an unofficial gathering ground for the former army members. Off in the corner, Gregor and Lon'qu continued chatting about the different sword techniques they had learned during their time apart. Next to them, Anna was busy trying to sell Gaius a box of chocolates for ten times its original price. Further away, Owain, Cynthia, Ricken, and Nowi began laughing at a joke that Inigo had just told. All in all, the atmosphere around the place was relatively cheerful and jolly. That is, of course, with the exception of one scowling tactician.

"Look, the problem here is that Frederick doesn't seem to understand the meaning Marth Day holds," Robin explained to Chrom. "Until we get him to open up to the idea of the holiday spirit, there's just no way that we can get him to change his mind."

"Well, do you have any ideas on how to do this?"

"I wish. I mean, it's not like we can just bash him on the head with a Marth Day tree and expect him to spontaneously enjoy the holiday."

Noticing how Chrom suddenly began to eye the decorated tree off in the corner, Robin couldn't help but give another sigh.

"I was being sarcastic," Robin elaborated for his friend. "The last thing I want is to send Frederick to the infirmary on Marth Day eve."

"Oh… ummm… right," Chrom replied in a rather embarrassed tone. "Ahem. Well then, what else do you think we could do?"

Before Robin could answer, Kellam suddenly materialized in front of the two carrying a large book. Needless to say, both Chrom and Robin didn't take the surprise too well.

"Kellam! How many times do we have to tell you to stop doing that!" Chrom practically shouted out as everyone else in the barracks stared at the source of the high-pitched screams that had sounded a few seconds ago.

"Sorry," the knight apologized in his usual fashion. "I just came here to return the book I borrowed from Robin. I have to say, it was quite a good read."

"Er… thanks," Robin replied as he took the book. "Next time, just leave it in my pack or something instead of scaring us like that."

"Sure thing," Kellam answered before vanishing once again.

"How does he do that?" Chrom muttered as several of the people in the room began to snicker behind his back. "I've never been so surprised in my whole life!"

"I'll say. I thought for sure that a ghost had appeared before…"

Robin suddenly grew silent as he noticed the title of the book that Kellam had just given back.

"Umm… Robin?" Chrom asked worriedly. "What's wrong?"

"I think I've just come up with a solution to our Frederick problem," the tactician stated with a wide grin as he stood up. "Of course, we're going to need a lot of help to pull this off."

"What's the plan?"

"Let's just say we're going to perform our own version of a classic holiday special. Now then, we're going to need some background artists, a group of actors, a few rescue staves… oh and maybe a bear or two to spice things up."

"...Somehow, I don't think this is going to end well for anyone…"

xxx

With a tired yawn, Frederick entered his room and changed into his blue, Brand-embroidered pajamas as he prepared to go to bed. Just as he was putting on his nightcap, all of the candles lighting up the room suddenly went out as a strong gust of wind swept through. Before the knight could question this strange incident, an eerie moaning noise along with the sounds of chains being dragged on the ground was suddenly heard approaching the darkened room.

"Who's there?" Frederick asked loudly, seemingly unfazed by the creepy atmosphere. "In the name of the Exalt, I demand that you show yourself!"

As if on cue, the door to the room suddenly flew open as a pale figure wrapped in chains slowly walked inside.

"Frederick… Heed my words…" the ghostly stranger moaned out. "If you do not change your ways then… Ack!"

Unfortunately for the 'ghost', the room suddenly got a lot brighter as Frederick lit up a match.

"What the…? Umm… Lord Chrom?" Frederick asked in a confused voice as he recognized who the intruder was. "Why are you covered in flour and carrying those chains?"

"I'm the one who should be asking questions here!" Chrom shot back in a flustered tone. "Why do you have a match with you when you're about to go to sleep?"

"I always carry a match with me at all times, milord," Frederick casually answered as he used the match to light one of the nearby candles. "Now then, did something happen to you at the local bakery shop? Should I go and have a word with the irate baker who dared to cover my lord with flour?"

"Baker? What are you…? Er…I mean… Freedddderrriicckkkk…. I am not Chrom but the ghost of your former captain!"

"Umm… Captain Fargus is still alive sir. Last I heard, he was living as a freelance sailor somewhere in Badon."

"What? Man, I should keep better tabs on my former knights… Argh! What am I saying? Ahem. Forget everything you've just heard. I am actually the ghost of… something... you're not buying this at all, are you?"

"I'm afraid not my lord."

"I knew this wasn't going to work… Well, I might as well finish the job before leaving. You shall be visited by three ghosts tonight so keep an eye out for them. Now then… I'll be returning to the afterlife… oooooohhhh… just get me out of here…."

With that strange performance, Chrom was suddenly teleported out of the room.

"Hmm… If I didn't know better, I'd say that my lord probably had a little too much to drink tonight," Frederick said to himself as he put out the match he had been holding. "I've told him numerous times that he cannot hold his liquor but it seems my warnings have once again been ignored. Oh, well. I suppose I shall have to give him another three-hour lecture to remind him tomorrow."

Just as Frederick was about to climb into his bed however, a mysterious glowing figure suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Hey, how's it going?" the shining figure said in a tough, feminine voice. "I'm the Ghost of Marth Day Past and I'm apparently supposed to show you some crap from your childhood."

While the intense light emanating from the "ghost" made it impossible to visibly make out whom it was, the familiar voice and brash tone made it pretty obvious to Frederick who his new visitor was.

"Sully? Is that you?"

"Huh. So you already figured it out," the silhouette of the red-haired knight replied with a shrug. "Guess there's no need for the light show then. Alright give me a sec to turn off this illumination tome. That is if I can figure out how to turn off this damn thing."

Several awkward minutes passed as Sully fumbled around with the tome with her limited knowledge of magic while Frederick continued to watch with an exasperated expression.

"Ah screw this. I'm turning this thing off manually," Sully eventually said with a frustrated snarl as she tore the entire tome in half. This finally did the trick as the light around her vanished revealing her in her usual red armor.

"Damnable merchant," Sully muttered as she threw away the remnants of the tome. "Couldn't she have at least included an instructions manual with that stupid book? Ah, whatever. Anyways, I'm apparently supposed to show you stuff from your past or what not. Now let's go get this over with."

With that, the two of them were suddenly warped into what looked like a dimly lit warehouse. Before Frederick could say anything, a thick fog began to cover the area as three figures appeared in front of them. Two of these newcomers were wearing hooded cloaks that hid their identity while the third smaller figure seemed to be wearing a suit of armor that was obviously too big for him.

"I'm almost afraid to ask but… who are they?" Frederick asked as the three stopped several feet away from him.

"Those two are your parents," Sully explained as she pointed towards the hooded people. "And that small fry in the armor is you."

"If that's the case, why does the small version of 'me' bear a striking resemblance to Donnel?"

"Just shut up and watch."

As Frederick gave a sigh and crossed his arms, the young boy representing the knight suddenly began to cry.

"Aw shucks daddy, why cantcha git me that new 3DS tome for Marth Day?" young 'Frederick' wailed in a barely disguised country accent.

"Quiet young man!" the taller hooded figure answered overdramatically. "You should be grateful that I gave you my old armor as your present!"

"But I don' want yer stinkin' old armor!"

"You ungrateful little…! That's it, you're no son of mine!" the father figure declared loudly. "Why couldn't you be more like Owain from down the lane? He's the greatest hero who ever lived and also the most attractive! If only you could've been a quarter of the greatness that he was!"

"Funny, I don't remember anyone named Owain from my childhood," Frederick commented in an unimpressed tone. However, he was quickly silenced when Sully gave him a sharp kick to the shins.

"Frederick, we just can't afford that 3DS tome," the hooded mother figure said. "Besides, it's not like you're the only one who won't have one. I even heard that the princess of this realm didn't get one because her stupid older brother was too cheap to buy it for her. Honestly, can you believe that? The brave princess, who stuck by her brother's side during the entire war, isn't even worth 2000 gold to him! Not to mention that they have that special, limited-edition bundle deal right now with the new Water Emblem game and…"

The mother figure was interrupted when the mini-Frederick suddenly gave a loud cough.

"Ahem… I mean… other people have it just as bad as you dear," the mother finished.

"But...!"

"No buts!" Frederick's father replied. "Now go back to studying for the knight academy!"

"I hate Marth Day!" mini-Frederick shouted as he ran out of the room.

As Frederick watched while still nursing his injured shins, the two hooded figures were warped out of the room as the fog began to clear.

"I think it's pretty clear what's going on here," Sully commentated. "You had a sucky childhood with overbearing parents who didn't let you enjoy Marth Day. Because of that, you began hating the holiday to vent the frustration and anger you had against your parents."

"What in Naga's name are you talking about woman?" Frederick said in an extremely irked voice. "My parents got me everything I wanted on Marth Day! In fact, I used to tell them to stop spending so much money on me!"

"What…? But you always act like you have a spear up your ass! We thought for sure that was a result of your crappy childhood!"

"I only act in a way that is befitting a knight! Now then, if you and you're other cohorts are done wasting my time, I'd like to go get some sleep!"

Before Sully could figure out what to do, a large log suddenly appeared out of the darkness and smacked Frederick square in the head, knocking him out instantly. After a brief silence, the door to the barracks (for that's where they were) suddenly opened as a furious Robin stormed inside.

"What did you do that for?" Robin yelled out like an angry movie director. "We were supposed to use the Rescue staves to transition into the Ghost of Marth Day Present scene! There's nothing about knocking Frederick out with a log anywhere in the script!"

"I'm sorry," Sumia apologized as she appeared out of the darkness with the aforementioned log in hand. "But Maribelle sent a message that we used up our last staff on Owain and Lissa just now and I didn't know what else to do so I…"

"What? How could we have run out of Rescue staves already? I made sure that…" Robin paused as he suddenly realized what had happened. "ANNA!"

Upon hearing this, the red-haired merchant entered the room with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Yes, you called?"

"You sold us used Rescue staves didn't you?" Robin asked furiously.

"And what if I did? It's your fault for not checking. Besides, I think the fact that I lent you my long-range communication tomes is more than enough compensation for that."

"You charged us an arm and a leg for that as well, you swindler!"

"Oh come on. It was at a discount price."

Sumia and Sully had to hold back the tactician as he tried to lunge at Anna after hearing this.

"Well, that's my cue to leave," Anna quickly stated as she began moving towards the door. "I'll see all of you at the festival tomorrow!"

Once Anna had bolted, the two women let Robin go as he tried to get the situation back under control.

"Now what are supposed to do? Without those Rescue staves we're not going to be able to pull off the rest of the act!"

"Honestly, I don't think Freddy here was buying any of this anyways," Sully commented in a dry tone. "Seriously, I don't see why you had to drag all of us into this stupid scheme of yours. I for one would've rather spent tonight having a few drinks with my friends."

"How could you be like that?" Robin asked indignantly. "If Frederick doesn't accept the magic of Marth Day then those poor recruits are going to spend the rest of the day tomorrow fighting off bears!"

"Umm… couldn't we just ask Chrom to order Frederick to give those men the day off?" Sumia suggested. "I mean, even I'm starting to think that this whole ghostly vision idea was a bit overboard."

"Did you even read 'A Marth Day Carol'? The ghost act managed to turn one of the Annas into a charitable saint by the end of the book! Do you even understand what an impressive feat that is?"

"…"

"Dude, chill," Gaius proclaimed as he walked in with a large bag in hand. "I nabbed you a few Rescue staves so let's just get this over with already."

"How did… Where did you get these?" Robin asked.

"I snatched them from Anna's shop while she wasn't looking," Gaius stated nonchalantly as he handed over the loot before taking out and opening a box of chocolates for himself. "Considering the amount of gold she charged for these sweet goodies, I'd say my little thievery was warranted."

"You're a life-saver Gaius," Robin said, all traces of his brief mental breakdown gone. "All right, let's get this show back on the road. Sully, get these to Maribelle and Libra pronto. And umm… sorry about going off the deep end there. I think the lack of sleep is starting to catch up on me."

"Eh, no problem. I'm just glad we're almost done here," Sully replied as she headed out with the staves in hand.

"I still think all of this is a bit too much but I'll continue to help," Sumia said with a sigh. "Hopefully our last two ghost acts end up a lot better than what we've seen so far."

"There's nothing to worry about," Robin declared proudly. "This next act will be sure to turn Frederick into a changed man. I even have Stahl and a few others prepared to play a sad orchestral theme at the end. Oh and let's not forget about the amazing snow machine that we'll be using for special effects. I don't mean to brag but I actually built that entire thing by myself using nothing but an old barrel, an Elwind tome, duct tape, a pound of butter, and a collection of-"

"Umm…I think I'll just hang onto this log for a little while longer… you know, as a back-up plan..."

With that said, Sumia quickly ran out of the room with her log leaving the clearly deranged tactician as well as the unconscious Frederick behind.