Umm…this is a very big deviation from my norm of humor and well humor. So Rory angst abounds. Woo!
Amy.
Oh God, Amy.
How can one word mean so much? How can one word define a human being?
It can't, yet it does.
Amy.
Amy Pond.
Amelia Pond.
Amy Williams.
He had always hoped to be able to call her that one day. When she had agreed to marry him, it seemed like a distinct possibility. In fact it was a certainty. Especially on his stag night.
Amy, that glorious woman, was going to be his wife. His wife.
That thought had bounced around his skull for months after she said 'yes'. Yes. To him. To Rory Williams the nurse. To Rory Williams the man she had known since she was little. The man she told every secret to. The man who as a boy had spent endless hours with her. Talking, running, playing, pretending.
Pretending. That was the root of all his problems. All the pretending. Pretending to save her, pretending for her, pretending that she would notice how he was always there. Always would be as long as she let him. And probably when she didn't.
Always pretending for HER. Everything was for Amy. Even as a child he always did what he could for her. Many times it was to be the shoulder to cry on. Especially when the other children teased her about everything and anything they could.
Her hair color. "They're just jealous because no on e else is school is a ginger."
Her parents. "Your Aunt loves you doesn't she? And isn't it the fact that someone loves you more important than who?"
Being a tomboy. "Those other girls are too afraid to break a nail. Who cares what they think?"
Any time she needed him he was there. Especially during her time in therapy. When the others teased her the most. All because of one man.
The Raggedy Doctor.
He was the root of all the trouble in Rory's life. The reason it had taken Amy so long to see Rory as someone other than her friend, her palmate, her co-pretender. And sometimes he felt like the Raggedy Doctor was the reason he felt that sometimes she didn't love him as much as he wanted.
That she was just pretending to herself and to Rory and to the world. That she loved Rory he had no doubt. She loved him, he loved her.
Just at different degrees.
She pretended she loved Rory as much as he loved her.
And he pretended he didn't notice Amy didn't love him the same.
After years of pretending together it was so believable to them both. They almost couldn't tell where the real ended and the pretend started.
Then He came.
The Doctor.
The Raggedy Doctor.
They saved the world, he promised five minutes, and a wall was built to separate real and pretend.
Amy and Rory tried to go back to the way they were before. Amy succeeded in being mostly the same. She was more distracted and a bit more distant.
Rory did his best to going back to pretending he didn't notice. But in the back of his mind there was always that nagging voice. It spoke his fears. It said what he knew but didn't want to know.
'She doesn't love you like you love her. Amy will forever have more faith in that man than she will ever have in you. She can't love you with how focused she is on him. You're both living a lie and one day it will crash down on you.'
But Rory ignored that voice.
He proposed to Amy.
He pretended he didn't see the small disappointment a now constant emotion in her eyes as they shared what was to be the happiest day of their lives. Second only to their wedding and/or birth of their child.
Rory pretended to the people around him that they were the perfect couple. That nothing could go wrong.
Then came the night of his stag party. Wearing that ridiculous red jumper as his friends wheeled in a giant cake.
Then HE popped out of it.
The Doctor.
The source of Amy's obsession.
Amy who had kissed the Doctor.
Who in turn Rory punched.
Then Rory was off in a space ship that was bigger on the inside than the outside. Off to some unknown planet or back in time.
Amy gave his had a reassuring squeeze that wasn't very reassuring. Her eyes following the Doctor's every movement. Tracking him. Adoring him. Pining after him.
And Rory pretended.
Pretended he didn't notice.
Pretended he didn't care.
Pretended it was all a childish infatuation and that Amy did really love him.
Pretended when the time came she would choose him.
Pretended they would get out this alive.
Pretended that just maybe he wouldn't be hurt.
Because that's all he could do. Rory spent so much of his life pretending he hardly knew how to believe anymore. All he knew was how to pretend. To make others believe through his own pretending. And until the day that he died that was what he would do.
Pretend.